On different ways
by Yanayamel
Summary: *Final chapter is up* As things got all weird in her life, Joey took her car and drove home - for the very first time in her life. Please check Author's notes for more information. (Inspiriered by "Auf anderen Wegen" by Andreas Bourani). A/U, P/Jo. **Please R/R** And remember - reviews are still appreciated, even if the story has been finished.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors note:_

_First: I don't own anything about Dawson's Creek, I'm just borrowing the setting and the characters :-)_

_Second: This is AU! I don't want to spoil you, so just read and review please. Just know, there might be more than a few things different to the things we got from the show._

_Thrid: This will eventually become Joey &amp; Pacey :-)_

Enjoy!

_Yours, Yana_

**On different ways**

\- Chapter one -

It was a warm and sunny day in the late of may. The trees stood in blossom and the air was filled with the songs of birds and the laughter of people. A young woman stood in front of a huge courthouse and hugged a slender, good looking man. She had discreet make-up was clad in a short black dress with elegant pumps, a light grey knee-long coat hanging loosely open from her shoulders, floating softly around her slender figure; her mocha hair was bond into an artsy updo. He had brown hair, that show's a little red shimmer in the warm spring sunshine and wore a plain but clearly expensive black suit.

'Goodbye, Benjamin.' She said with a soft voice pushing him from her embrace and smiled through the tears that uninvited began to built in her eyes. 'Thanks for everything.'

He smiled and wiped a tiny tear with the side of his thump from her cheek. 'Don't you cry.' he said determined and pointed playfully on her, his voice soft though and full of affection as he pulled her close once more. And she closed her eyes, breathes him in for what she knew would be the one last time, before lifting her head and looking at him with the same affection. On other times this look had ended in a kiss, but not today. And never again.

'I love you, you know that.' She tilted her head, a small sad smile played on her lips. He bend his head to place a light kiss on her forehead, taking both of her hands in his.

'I've always loved you too, Josephine.' they smiled sadly at each other.

'And maybe that was the whole problem all the way Benj.' she looked into his warm brown eyes and found them glassy. 'Goodbye then, I guess.' She let go of his hands and put hers into the bags of her coat, 'cause what else was she supposed to do with them.

'Yeah. Goodbye Josephine.' He turned and walked away.

She watched him leave and as she couldn't see him anymore she sunk on a bench, feeling nothing at all. Just nothing. With closed eyes, she turned her face towards the warm midday sun. Some birds sang their songs, children played at the nearby playground. All over the air was filled with voices and she took in the smell and the sounds of spring.

'Josephine!' She heard a familiar voice and opened her eyes, blinking against the bright sun, to see her friend Andie taking a seat beside her. She was slightly short of breath and had a red shimmer on her cheeks, from being in a haste as always. Her beige trouser suit fitting her well, her blonde hair, shoulderlong as she had always worn it, flew almost free around her face, just the upper bit was held together with a hair clip.

'Hu, sorry I didn't make it earlier.' Andie smiled sheepish and wiped a strand of blond hair behind her ear. 'How's the going?'

'Good I guess. It's over.' The brunette sighed. 'Thanks for coming anyway, Andie.'

The blonde woman smiled brightly. 'Come! I'll get you a Mocha?!' She stated enthusiastic. It was more a statement than a question.

'Andie, I...'

'No. No excuses Madame! You'll drink a coffee with me and than tell me, what you'll do now in your new life as single again.' Her eyes sparkling, her voice bubbling over with enthusiasm and Josephine could tell Andie wanted to clap her hands with excitement.

She sighed, she knew Andie wouldn't let her out of it and so she resigned.

'Okay, okay. I'm coming.' she put her hands in the air in surrender and linked her arm with Andie's, grabbing her handbag and let her draw her into the next caffey.

Andie was one of Josephine's best friends. Apparently there weren't a lot of good friends anyway. Sure, there were a few, but most of them were kids from business partners of her father, a successful lawyer himself. Or colleagues of her. Most of them were to handle with extreme care, for they wouldn't hesitate to sell their very soul to the devil, if they believed there was profit in it for them no matter the cost.

But Andie… Andie was different, somewhat unaffected and neutral. They first met a couple of years back in Harvard, where they Andie ended up being Josephine's room-mate, studying law along with her. Afterwards Andie moved to Boston, where they both got a job at the court. Josephine had grown up there and had taken Andie with her to met some of her friends. And Benjamin. The boy, she'd been with practically her whole life, whom she'd loved without question and who supported her through everything. Whom she married right after college. And who was now gone.

Andie grew up in a little town called Capeside and moved here after high school. Her boyfriend Dawson, with whom she had grown up there, studied at Southern California. After graduating, he moved to Boston and in with her. They married, but both of them didn't saw any room for kids in their lives. Not jet anyhow. Dawson was currently filming the final season of _The Creek_, a story of their childhood and college years. Total crap as Josephine thought, mainly about a love triangle and teenager, talking about life as they've actually lived it. Andie and Dawson had been friends forever, though their mothers met almost four times a week. There was in fact that love triangle, neither of them spoke about.

Josephine was practically born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Daughter of Martin A. McCarroll, successful lawyer and Charlotte McCarroll, senior physician in the oncology of Boston General.

She went to a private school and studied law at Harvard, like her father whom she adored. She grew up, meeting and knowing all of Boston's important persons. She had a black Corvette Anteros, long before she had even had a drivers licence and was only allowed to live on the college-ground, because she insisted. She had a great job even before she got her diploma and owned two houses and a boat, not to mention, that she was the only child of her parents and would one day inherit their whole asset. Now, she was a very successful and greatly demanded lawyer herself.

The sun shone warm through the window onto the table on which Josephine sat opposite of Andie and took the mocha along with the sparkling water and a white chocolate cookie, the waitress brought her without her even saying so.

'Thanks.' Josephine shot a small but warm smile in the waitresses direction and closed her eyes as Andie began to talk about this and that and other stuff. Hadn't she brought her here, to know, what she would do next? After the divorce?

Josephine had been married to Benjamin for 5 wonderful years. Had known him for quite as long as she could remember. They had grown up together and somehow everyone around them just insisted, that they were made for each other. In fact, none of them had ever had another significant other then themselves. It has always been Josephine and Benjamin. And as they declared, they would get married, it was, what everyone had always expected. It has been a huge and mighty expensive party, they flew around the world for six month for their honeymoon... They understood each other without words. They had worked perfect together, were the eye-catcher on every party, the successful lawyer and the brilliant businessman. They looked good on photos and on covers of magazines. They practically swam in money and hadn't anything to worry about. Sure, they loved each other once, probably still did, but….

Josephine sighed as she sipped on her coffee, watching Andie still going on about something, she didn't even hear. She just woke someday and realized, that there was nothing left. They lived this perfect life, with everything in it. They were wealthy, had this huge, perfect house, she drove this amazing car, owned a boat and two dogs which she actually not once got to walk. She chuckled at that thought. She hadn't to care about cooking or cleaning the house or watching over the garden. They went on party's, they threw party's, they had sex - lots of it -, they journeyed a lot and worked even more. They parted every morning with a kiss and the common 'I-love-you'-line, but sometimes this was the only time in the whole day they saw each other. But when they were together, they laughed, they were easy going, always interested in each others life and business. They were comfortable around one another. But the fire was gone. She had simply lost her appetite on life in general. ...and Benjamin… Somewhere along the way, they seemed to had just lost each other. And Benj understood her in an instant, as she told him one evening. Neither of them had been cheating on the other, there had been no constant argument and no doubt. There was just nothing left. Simple as that. As if someone had blown the light off the candle. Not even tears to shed. They had become their own history, without even noticing it.

And so Josephine had moved in to her parents, Benjamin stayed in the villa. He paid her a huge amount of indemnity. In fact half of everything they've had. She hadn't want to take it, but they had made a contract before marrying, both of their fathers had insisted on it. And she knew, if she hadn't taken the money, he would have always stood in her debt. And neither one of them wanted that. So they parted as friends, without any leftovers.

'I've quit my job.' Josephine stated suddenly. And Andie stopped abruptly in her ongoing talk. Staring at her in pure horror and disbelief.

'You've _what_?' Her voice almost stumbled over itself.

'I've quit my job.' Josephine stated as casually as if she had just give a statement about the sunny weather or an abandoned pair of shoes and sipped nonchalant on her coffee.

'You got to be kidding me here, Josephine!' Andie stated indignant and continues her stare.

'No, Andie. I don't. In fact, I'll be leaving Boston tomorrow.' Josephine stated quietly, her face almost emotionless.

'But why… Where are you going?' Andie asked and her voice was sad. Josephine almost feared, that the tears would spring any second to this huge puppy eyes of her friends. 'And why are you telling me this _now_?'

'Because,' She stated. 'Everytime I'd tried to talk about it with you over the last couple of weeks, you were busy talking yourself.'

Andie opened and closed her mouth like a fish on land in attempt to respond something clever, to deny, but she just realized, that maybe her friend was right.

'So, I'm leaving.' the brunette stated again. 'I'm going to Capeside.'

Andie almost choked her coffee and looked at her friend in pure disbelief. 'But Josephine.' She shook her head, her voice overturning. 'Why? What could there possibly be, that could be of any interest for you?' She was silent, but for only a heartbeat, then she wagged her head. 'Sure, it is peaceful there and beautiful. But…. Why?'

'Because...' Josephine hesitated and swallowed most of what she had wanted to share with her. That her mum had recently told her, that they adopted her as she was only four weeks old. From a couple, which lived in Capeside. The woman was just diagnosed with cancer and they had an older daughter and a family business. Charlotte gave her treatment and they talked about searching for an adoptive family for their baby. Her mother wasn't able to carry a child of her own, so she talked with her husband and he was more than happy to have Josephine. So they adopted her.

The woman died twelve years later. The man was getting imprisoned for drug dealing and procuration. Josephine's parents had money transferred to the older daughter of said coupple, to help her built a life. And Josephine just desperately wanted to meet her, wanted to know, where she may have grown up, what the people there were like. What her _sister_ was like. She had wanted to ask Andie, if she knew this Bessi by any chance, right after her mother told her, she had a sister. But Andie just cut her off and told her about this great new client and that Dawson just got nominated for some film-price... All the while, Josephine thought about the possibility to settle there. Boston had nothing left for her. She was twenty-eight, wealthy enough to not ever have to work in her life again. Maybe she would start to write a novel. Something she wanted to do her whole life. She wanted a fresh start, somewhere no one knew her. To just be herself and not the "Josephine Lynn McCarroll" she was known as and was forged by so many people. But to find _herself_. Maybe go sailing with her boat, which lay at harbour in Capeside, since she had decided to go there after the divorce. '..I need some fresh air.' She stated finally. 'And you and Dawson had told me so many great stories of your home town. Maybe I'm able to breathe there.'

'But you _are breathing_ Josephine! You've got a great job, a great husb- …. uhm.' She blushed and the brunette nod.

'Well, yeah.' Josephine stated resigned, realizing for the first time that Andie had gotten to much like all the other people around her, and the heart speaking, empathetic, warm and natrual woman was somewhere buried beneath.

Andie stood and so did she. The blonde pulled her in for a big hug. 'I wish you luck, Josephine.' She could hear the tears in Andie's voice. 'And if you met a guy, named Pacey...' Andie swallowed. 'Would you just tell him, I said hello?' Andie sniffed and pulled away. Josephine smiled at her and wiped away her friends tears.

'Sure. Will do. And Andie?' She hold the other woman's hands. 'I will not vanish. Boston is only one hour from Capeside.'

'But somehow it's a lifetime apart.' Andie whispered and Josephine hugged her once more. 'Please don't forget me, will you?'

'I couldn't, Andie. And I promise to come home soon.' She held her tightly. 'You make this sound like goodbye, Andie. I just going to take a break...' She said, although she knew, what the implication of quitting her job was. And Andie knew her well, better than anyone, except Benjamin for that matter. She was the first who knew everything. 'And don't doubt, that I care about you, deeply. You know where to find me, Andie. I leave my phone on.' She winked and Andie smiled through her tears. 'Okay. Bye then. I've got to go...' They kissed one another on each cheek and Josephine watched Andie leave, before heading to her parents house to get all packed up.

Maybe she would leave today, what was the sense in waiting one more day?

* * *

Josephine hugged her mother goodbye, her father aspirated a soft kiss on her forehead before he headed to his car and off to a client. And then she went to her car, smiling at it and tracing with a finger alongside the warm metal, as if caressing her lovers skin because she just loved everything about it. It was black and sporty and looked exactly like what it had cost. The roof was able to turn in, so it was a cabriolet and inside it looked like old fashioned fifteenth, with brown leather and all. She just loved it. And she loved the fact, that she would drive it over land to Capeside. It has been long since she had the opportunity to drive more than city traffic, which was honestly more standing than driving at all.

She wore a short, swingy summer dress with a matching orange bolero and a wide yellow hat. She sat in the car, turned the radio on and switched the button to turn the roof into the trunk. Smiling she raised a hand to wave her mother goodbye and then started the car with it's singing engine and off she drove. Feeling utterly free for the first time in a long time.

* * *

One good hour later she halted at the "Welcome to Capeside" sign, not entirely sure, whether to head for the Yacht Club or the B&amp;B her sister owns. She get out of her car and took in the beautiful sight of the landscape. The creek nearby and the early afternoon sun mirroring itself within. She was so stunned by that sight, that she heard the engine buzzing not before the two bikes stopped beside her. The two guys lifting the front of their helmets, looking at her.

'Can we help you with anything?' One guy asked with a muffled voice, though he still wore his helmet.

She was caught in the eyes of the other guy, who hadn't said nothing so far, but something about him seemed to get her.

'Ma'am?' The one who spoke before got off his bike and walked to her. 'Are you okay?'

'No… Yes... I think... I just...' She stumbled over her words, which embarrassed her, because she was usually quite good with words. She felt herself blush slightly. So she took a deep breath and cut herself off this breathtaking intense look from that stranger, this beautiful blue eyes that somehow touched her deep inside. Made her heart beat a little faster and made something in her soul swing, like it had never before in her life. She blinked several times and then forced herself to focus on the other guy.

'Is there anything wrong with your car, miss?' The speaking guy asked, lifted his helm and offered her his hand. 'Deputy Douglas Witter.' He introduced himself. She had gotten herself together and looked at him with an excusatory smile.

'Hi. My name is Josephine McCarroll.' She took his hand very firmly, her voice back to normal and quite commercial as she shook the offered hand very self-confident. 'You could indeed help me out here, Deputy.'

'To your service.' Doug answered.

'I'm looking for somewhere to stay for the night...' She let the sentence unfinished, because she wasn't sure where she wanted to stay and so she just decided, he could sent her to one place as well as to the other.

'There are two options, but I think maybe...' He looked from her, to her car and back at her. 'You head west, down the road along the creek. On it's end you'll find the CYC. I'm sure they will have a room for you.'

She smiled lopsided. 'Well thanks a lot Deputy Witter.'

'My pleasure, Miss...?.' He said and gave a subservient wave with his hand.

'McCarroll.' She gave him another smile and than looked at the other guy. 'Josephine McCarroll.' Than she got in her car, started the engine and was gone. She could see the two man still standing, where she just headed off from. The deputy squeezed the shoulder of the other man and then got on his bike as well.

* * *

She still remembered this intense eyes as she opened the door to her balkon and breathed the fresh clean air deep into her lungs. Wondering if she would ever find out, who this guy was.

For today, she would do with the pool, a good ice cold cocktail and maybe a little sauna in the end. But tomorrow… Tomorrow she wanted to go to the town and to the harbour and maybe she would accidentally stumble over the guy with this unbelievable blue eyes, so full of life and promises and jet so sad and disenchanted.

**Like it? Hate it? Want more of it? Please leave a short review or send me a PM. :-)**

**Reviews are love.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys,_

_sorry for the delay, real life is hell right now and I just hadn't had any time to get anything written. The ones followed me on _"Out of reach"_ know, that I normally update around once a week or sooner. so, the next one will be here a lot faster, I hope!_

_So, enuogh of me - here you go! This is shorter than usual, but I thuogh you would rather a short chapter than none at all._

_Enjoy (and review!),_

_Yana_

**On different ways**

_Chapter two_

The warm morning sunshine broke through the light white curtains, that covered the windows. A mild breeze let them softly swing, for Josephine had tilted the window before heading to bed the previous night.

Slowly she blinked her eyes open, stretched like a cat and took a deep breath. Her duvet tangled between her legs. Her hair spread all over her cushion. She wiped with both hands over her face and through her messy hair and let out a pleased sigh. She just loved the feel of the warm morning sunshine on her face, as if caressing it. A genuine smile spread over her face.

This felt like the first day of her life.

Entirely pleased she uncovered herself, stood and put on her white silky dressing gown. She walked through the room, pulled back the curtains and opened the glass-door which let to the balcony.

Josephine stepped onto the warm wooden floor and literally bathed in the morning sun. She felt her body soaking in the warmth and her soul relaxing, as she just stood there, doing nothing but breathing. Her head bend into her neck and her face towards the sun, her eyes closed. She breathed in the salty fresh air and felt incredibly alive.

As she opened her eyes at length, she took in the beauty of the landscape and wondered, what it would have been like to grow up in such a beautiful and peaceful place. To fall asleep with the swoosh of the creek nearby. To wake without the noise of a big city that virtually never stopped. She smiled a little lugubrious at the childhood she not get to spent here, in this place that felt so strangely familiar and made her soul calm down just so. And again her thoughts wondered towards this guy with those beautiful, deep blue eyes. Would she had gotten the chance to know him, if she'd stayed with her family and hadn't been adopted?

She sighed.

At length she turned and walked towards the big bathroom. As she opened the door, a dimmed light flipped on along with the radio, playing Phil Collins' _No way out_ and she hummed along. Slipping out of her gown and let her black silken negligée slide down her body to pool around her feet on the white warm flagging. She stepped into the shower and sighed with relieve as the warm water literally rained softly down on her body from the water nozzles that were inlay in the ceiling.

Afterwards she shaved her legs. Thinking about her day and delayed the plan to take a run before breakfast, as she had already showered, she decided that there was plenty of time in the afternoon. And if she didn't get to run today all-together, she would do it tomorrow. _What luxury_!

So she ignored the already laid-out running dress and chose a wide green top and short jeans with a broad brown leather belt instead. She matched her outfit with ballerinas and put on a discreet make-up, flowery perfume and scooped her hair into a messy bun and crested it with her big sun glasses. She smiled satisfied at her reflection in the mirror. This felt so good.

* * *

Grabbing her brown leather handbag - not before checking everything important were inside - , she virtually danced out of the apartment and locked the door. Good mooded she jumped downstairs and slowed down, before entering the dining room with a sunny smile on her face.

'Morning' She sing-songed into the room reaping a lot of confused looks, but today it didn't bother her at all.

She turned towards the fantastic breakfast buffet. There was all sorts of cereals, milk and yoghurt, nuts, fruit salad and berries to top them, along with croissants, bread-rolls, pancakes, syrups, all sorts of jelly, chocolate cream and peanut butter, butter, cheese and cold meats, boiled and scrambled eggs with bacon. Also fresh orange juice, coffee, water for tea and sparkling wine.

Josephine looked over the buffet for a long while, turning her head from one side to the other and back again. Than she took a big bowl, filled it with loads of fruit salad, topped it with Greek yoghurt and some nuts. She put the bowl on a round dinner tray and placed a hot mocha and a good glass of orange juice alongside.

She hung her handbag over her shoulder and lifted the dinner tray, than walked towards the sun terrace and took a seat on a comfy outdoor couch by a small wooden table under a yellow parasol.

Again she sighed in pure satisfaction, drank a good swallow of her mocha, than took the bowl and leaned backwards, savouring the sun that shone onto her face. Josephine ate with a pleased smile on her face, enjoying the peace and this feeling of utter freedom that filled her since she first got in her car the day before. To come here felt like the best decision in years. She was exited to see this town, to meet her sister and maybe some new friends - and of course hoping to accidentally stumble across that man with the unfathomable blue eyes.

All of the sudden a shadow fell across her face and she blinked her eyes open.

A guy with almost black hair and watery ice-blue eyes, that lacked almost every emotion, stood in front of her and he instantly disgusted her.

'Hi' He greeted her, smiling somewhat tacky and sliding on the free seat on her couch without asking. 'I assume I may?' He smiled at her and made attempts to put his arm around her.

Josephine looked at him, clearly annoyed. Not entirely sure what to make of his rude, impudent behaviour.

'As a matter of fact, no you may not.' She looked at him and placed her sunglasses onto her nose, made her point clear. 'Actually I was enjoying my peaceful breakfast quite a lot.' With that she turned her attention back to her bowl.

'I'm sure you did!' He grinned. 'My name is Drue Valentine.' He paused as if to make a point. She full well knew the Valentine-family as wealthy and important, but far less than her own family, let alone Benj. So she continued to ignore and he shifted somewhat irritated, but continued to smile at her. 'And you are the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time.'

'I'm sure of that.' She stated, her face almost unreadable closed up. 'If you'll excuse me now. _Mister_ Valentine. I'd like to finish my breakfast as I started it - in peace.'

* * *

Later on she walked down to the dock, to look where her boat was laid. She immediately found her _Horizon_. She was a beautiful ship, bigger than most, with plenty of space under deck and above, with white sails and calm motors. Josephine just loved her.

She stood there for a while, just looking at her ship, wondering if she should change her plans and take a sailing-trip instead of a town tour.

'She is a _beauty_!' She heard a dark, warm voice behind her. As she turned, her eyes met his and it almost made her breathless. There he stood, the guy with this unbelievably blue eyes. His muscular chest was barely covered by a wifebeater, his dark hair short and tanned from the sun, he wore short worn jeans, his body glistered in the sun with sweat. An impish grin played around his mouth, as if he was full aware of the effect he had on her, as he wiped his dirty hands unsuccessful into an equally dirty towel, which once was white but apparently hadn't since a long time.

Josephine let out the breath she apparently had held. Unable to speak she just nodded.

The gin on his face grew into a smile as he recognized her. 'Oh, I remember you from the street yesterday.' She nodded again. 'Joey, was this it?'

Actually it wasn't. But he saying it, made her all warm inside. Nobody ever called her by any other than her full name, but she liked the way he said it, it was soft and strangely intimate. She smiled at him, full aware of the blush that crept over her face.

'Joey is nice, you can go by it.' She was surprised of her shaky, almost girly voice, her knees turned weak and her stomach seemed to take somersaults. This hadn't happen to her ever. With Benj, there had never been butterflies or crazy heartbeat or blood rushing in her ears, just comfort, security and devotion. This guy just made her literally crazy, without her even knowing his name. She hadn't planed to fall for anybody - not so shortly after the divorce, for that matter, but… She was somehow certain, that this man would have had her head spin and her heart beat even if she were still be married.

She cleared her throat. 'And you would be…?'

The guy's smile still on his face, though it had turned a little sultry. It made him extraordinarily handsome. 'Pacey… Pacey Witter.' He said with a chuckle. 'And I promise, I won't bite.'

'What a pity!' She smirked and blushed again. Joey offered him her hand and he raised an eyebrow but she tilted her head and so he wiped his hand on his short jeans and took hers. Electrical jolts spread through her body from where he touched her and she unintentionally gasped.

'Nice to meet you, Pacey.' She said at length, a little breathless to her own embarrassment.

He nodded with a grin. 'Likewise.' He chuckled.

'Do you work here?' She asked and instantly felt like a fool, because it was clearly obvious that he wasn't here for vacation.

'Apparently so, Miss.' He stated and bowed playfully. 'Pacey Witter, at you service.' His voice had changed to slightly flirtatious.

'So, I will at least have the pleasure to see you around here sometimes?' She smiled lopsided. 'But please, don't "Miss" me. I liked you a lot better, when you called me Joey.'

'This I can do.' He chuckled deep and it send shivers down her spine, she almost could feel goose pimples built on her arms. He would be the end of her and she knew it. She caught her eyes flickering onto his hands for any sign of a ring, as they found none she almost let out a breath of relieve but eventually didn't.

'This your boat?' He motioned his head towards the _Horizon_ and as she nodded Pacey raised an approving eyebrow. 'Wow.' He stated.

'Yeah...' She suddenly felt shy and wondered, what he made of her. The mid-twenty city-girl with the big car and the showy boat and he apparently a roustabout. Than she suddenly remembered Andie. 'Mind if I ask you something?'

'Nope.' Pacey said, popping the 'p'.

'Do you know a girl named Andie McPhee?' She watched shocked as his expression fall in a microsecond and drift from playful-flirtatious to totally close-up, hard and his eyes lost it's shine in an instant.

'And if I did?' He asked, his voice had lost all it's warmth and was croaky, but not in a good way.

'Well, I guess… I should say hello for her.' Joey stated uncertain whether this was such a good idea.

'Yeah, I guess.' He nodded and let out a derisive breath. 'Look, I have to get back to work...' With this he turned, but she grabbed his arm and he turned towards her again, the deep hurt clearly written in his eyes.

'I'm sorry, I...' She stuttered and bit her lower lip, something she hadn't done since she was a girl, because Benj found it flashy. 'I-I didn't meant to upset you, I...' She knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn't get the words out.

'I get it.' His expression softened somewhat. 'I guess you haven't the slightest clue.' He wagged his head and she shrugged helplessly. 'Maybe I could make it up and buy you a drink after you've finished work?'

He nodded. 'Yeah, but today I'm not free.'

'Oh… Okay.' She said, hoping her disappointment wasn't audible. 'I will be around for a while longer. The offer stands, just come and get it.' She smiled shyly.

He nodded. 'Will do.' And than he gave her a smile back. 'Well than, see you Joey.'

'Yeah, see you, Pacey.' She said quietly and watched him leave. Wondering what Andie had done, that had caused so much pain.

She looked at her watch and noted, that it was lunch time for Andie and so she flipped her mobile open, headed towards the deck of the _Horizon _and quick-dialed her number.

**So, that's it for today. I hope, the next chapter will be out here sooner. Sorry again for the delay!**

**Please please please review. Just tell me if you liked it, and if you've got any suggestions.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys!_

_Thanks for all the reviews, follows and fav's. This is for you!_

_This really is more than a bonus-chapter. It's basiclly a phone-call. Hope you don't mind!_

_So, let me know what you made of it and if you liked it._

_Yours,_

_Yana_

**On different ways**

\- Chapter 3 -

She looked at her watch and noted, that it was lunch time for Andie and so she flipped her mobile open, headed towards the deck of the _Horizon _and quick-dialed her number.

'Oh hey Josephine! I hadn't expected to hear from you so soon. Are you in Capeside yet?' Andie almost squeaked into the phone and the brunette almost flinched as her friend called her with her full name, feeling so much more comfortable with Joey, so much more like herself.

'Yeah, I left yesterday for the matter of fact.' She paused for a second. 'Look Andie. I met this Pacey-guy of yours and I gave him your hello...'

'Oh...' Andie not so much as breathed the statement. 'And... what did he say?' She asked shyly, much more like the Andie back in college.

'Well...' Joey frowned, as though Andie couldn't see it and took a seat in one of the sun-loungers on board her ship. 'As a matter of fact he didn't say much. Just left me, standing there like the cat that lost the cream in the very spot I said hello to him for you.' Her voice was pointed. 'So Andie...' She paused and could almost see the other woman flinch. 'would you have the good grace and tell me, what the hell had happened between you two?'

'Look Joey, I have to get back to w...'

'Oh no no no Missy.' Joey's voice got serious, almost business like and she was full well aware of it. She stood and paced up and down the sun-deck. 'You don't have to go back to word, because your break just started. You will give me an answer and I mean right now!' She didn't know, what had her so protective and angry and in the absolute need of information, but she just knew that – whatever had happened between the two of them - had Pacey for a victim. There was no doubt about it. This was what made her the brilliant lawyer she was. She just happened to know. And Andie knew, if she wouldn't answer, Joey wouldn't hesitate and drive home to confront her in person.

'Okay, Josephine, look. I was fifteen...'

'This isn't what I've asked, Andie and you know it! So, would you please just answer my question?' She cornered Andie and she knew it, but she didn't care the slightest.

'What the heck is it with you, Josephine? Why do you even bother? You don't know him anyway, what does it matter to you?'

Joey sighed. 'It just does, Andie, okay?' Her voice was softer now. 'Please tell me, would you.'

'Okay, I will try... Look, Josephine, this is really really hard.' Joey could hear Andie's voice crack and knew, that she just swallowed her tears and would be begging her, not to bring it onto her to tell, but she had no intention to let her off the hook.

'I get it, it's hard, Andie.' She said instead, thinking about the hurt in Pacey's eyes and his change of mood in the blink of an eye. It was without doubt hard to speak about it. And the fact alone, that Andie hadn't shared it, proved it pretty well. She retook the seat she'd abandon earlier, aware, that this conversation would last somewhat longer. 'But please, Andie, would you just tell me? I promise not to give it away.'

'Oh... Okay, Josephine... I'll try.' Joey could hear Andie took a shivering breath. 'Okay, so you know I grew up with Dawson, we were friends even before we were born or so they tell us. We spent almost every waking hour together. Our mothers used to meet whenever possible and as we grew older, we met without them. I used to sleep over often a time and so did Dawson. There was even a ladder outside each our houses for us to sneak in.' She chuckled but Joey got the feeling, this story was about to take a turn. 'Someday Dawson brought Pacey along. The youngest of the Witter-kids and somewhat of a goof-off, black sheep, loser – outcast if you will. Whatever you can think of. He was not in the grace of neither his dad nor his mother, let alone his siblings. And so Dawson took pity on him and we became a trio. At this time Dawson and I had unsuccessfully tried to turn our friendship into something more and I was just glad, that he was somewhat distracted from me. I didn't like Pacey much and so the guys had alone-time whenever they wanted to, but we eventually grew closer really fast. Pacey made me laugh and charmed me and somewhere along the way, I fell for him. I didn't tell him eventually, because Dawson wanted me back an we were told our whole life, that we were supposed to be. You know...' Andie drifted away and Joey knew far to good what she was saying.

'I hear you, Andie, but would you please get to the point?' Joey tried to be patient, but really she wasn't. She knew all to well, that Andie was able to tell you the story of her life without answering your question in the slightest little bit.

'Well, at the beginning of sophomore year Jen moved to Capeside, you know, my friend who died two years ago?'

'I know, with the little girl...'

'Yes, this is the one. We became good friends really quick. Dawson kind of fell for her and I was forgotten. But not by Pacey. He continued meeting with me, we studied and we got along real nice. So we kissed and one thing lead to the other. Oh it was glorious, Josephine. I loved him with all of me and he loved me back the same way. He even began to study and he got really good grades.' Joey could her her smile. 'He said he owed it to me, but really he didn't. He worked harder than I've ever seen anyone work and by the end of sophomore year he got from last of the class to sixth. God, I was proud of him and he was proud of himself. We went to prom together and I was the happiest I have been in all my life. Jen and Dawson had broken up by than, but we came along quite well as a quartet. Although Dawson always tried to tell me out of Pacey, and shot us a glare, everytime we kissed. But I just couldn't see, why something that felt just so right could be wrong just because we were told it had to be. You know, the screw-up and the high-achiever.' She paused a moment and Joey let her sort her thoughts. 'Around the middle of junior year my brother Tim died in this horrible accident and my mother got sick over it. My father was there for us, naturally, but I fell apart and only Pacey seemed to notice it, because everyone else was busy looking after themselves. But not Pacey, he'd cared about others more then about himself. I got therapy and… oh my god, Josephine...' Andie broke down and it took several minutes and plenty of soft words and reassurance from Joey until she was calm enough to continue. 'Dawson supported me through this time, along with Jen and Pacey. Pacey cared for me the most and totally unselfish. He fulfilled my every wish. He was there through the worst part of it, never pushed anything and so we sometimes didn't even kiss. He promised me a three month sailing trip throughout the whole summer holiday if I was up to it.' Her voice got dreamy. 'You know, he claimed to be the rationalist, but really he was the biggest dreamer I've ever met. Mostly because his dreams weren't supposed to become real, you know. Unlike Dawson and me and even you. We have dreams and we can effort to make them real, but not Pacey... But he had restored a storm wrecked ship and we made plans and took the trip down the west coast in our heads several times. Pacey used to tell me about this romantic sabbath of ours, when I couldn't sleep and we dreamed up almost every detail. But someday.' She sobbed. 'Someday Dawson came and I slept with him.'

Joey gasped, she didn't quite believe, that Andie had cheated on her boyfriend. 'You didn't...'

'Yes I did, Josephine. More than once. I just felt so secure and content in his arms. In fact, after that first time, I slept with him every time he was around and Pacey wasn't. I begged Dawson to be quiet about it, because clearly I loved Pacey and the last thing I wanted was to loose him.' There was a long time of silence and Andie took an audible deep breath. 'Dawson didn't tell anybody, apparently he didn't need to. Because as the doctor gave me green light for the trip Pacey and I had planed I saw Dawson one last time to say goodbye, though he refused to bid us farewell on the docks. He claimed we were crazy and it was unreasonable and totally insane to let me go on that trip so soon after treatment.' She sighed. 'But I just knew it would do me good, it would enable me to come back to myself, you know? And having the time of my life with the one guy that really mattered to me. Dawson begged me for goodbye-sex and I agreed, but told him it all had to end the day Pacey and I land back at Capeside at the end of our trip. Useless to say, that it was lapsed, because Pacey caught us red headed. Oh my, Josephine, what can I say? He was broken. I tried to explain but he literally fell apart before my very eyes. He didn't yell, he just said _"You slept with him Andie!?"_ with tears in his eyes and total disbelieve, total hurt and so much heartbreak written so obviously all over his face, it almost torn me apart, always did and still does. Sometimes I wake and see him standing in that door frame, looking at me with this beautiful eyes of him, full of hurt and disgust.'

Joey didn't know what to say, but she could imagine what look Andie meant.

'I tried to stop him from leaving. I begged him to take me to this promised trip. We were supposed to have our first time on his _T__rue __L__ove_ sad enough. But he just said nothing, just looking at Dawson who sat on the bad and tried not to look like the cat that got the cream and Dawson said _"I told you so, Pace. You are just not able to keep anything good in your life. Did you really think, I would let her go with you on that ridiculous cruise?"_ Pacey just blinked at him in pure disbelieve, I wasn't able to say anything and so he left.'

'This is unfathomable, Andie. Why hadn't you stopped Dawson from saying such things?'

'I just…. I just couldn't, okay?' Andie sniffed. 'And worst of all, as Pacey came back he flunked out of high school and I could have prevented it, if only he had let me in, but he refused to talk to neither me nor Dawson. Just Jen remained and Jack of course.' Her voice was silent and Joey dug in her memory but couldn't remember Andie or Dawson ever mentioned this Jack-guy. 'You see, we graduated and moved on. Pacey locked us out. I tried several times to convince him, but he just couldn't look me in the eyes. I was with Dawson since this summer and we married later-on, as you know. We didn't invite him and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have come even if we had him invited anyway. You see, Pacey is the main reason, I not so much as ever set foot to Capeside.' Andie took another deep breath and Joey just stared on the water.

'And you just so told me to say hello for you?' She was speechless and her voice was higher than normal. This was _so_ not right. 'Andie, are you insane? What did you expect? That he smiled at me and say his thanks? That he even wanted to say hello to you in return?' And as she had the words out, it occurred to her, that that was maybe the main reason. 'You did, didn't you? Andie?'  
'Yeah I guess...' Andie's voice was merely above a whisper. 'I guess I just hoped… You know, I miss him! Even Dawson misses him, had always done, 'cause he was his best friend and he just locked us out of everything, Josephine. Even after all this years….'

'I guess, you broke his heart into a great pile of shards.' Joey stated.

'Yeah, maybe you're right! Oh my - Josephine, I really got to get back to work, I'm already late.' Her voice was a rush and Joey nodded as though Andie couldn't see it.

'Alright Andie. Bye!'

'Yeah, bye honey.' She threw three kisses through the phone and was gone.

Joey sat on her boat for a long while this evening. She spent a lot of time, thinking about Andie and Dawson. About how they never so much as mentioned Pacey. About Andie's intention, to commemorate herself to Pacey and Joey still didn't get it. She thought about the dejection, that hung around Dawson and Andie like a bad smell. And she thought about Pacey and questioning herself, if maybe she'd unknowingly opened a wound, that needed a far too long time to heal.

Needless to say, she didn't got to that town-tour and neither to the B&amp;B.

**Please review :-) It keeps me writing!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi guy's,_

_so the journey continues..._

_Please, please, please keep up reviewing. I get all uncertain about this story without your feedback._

_Let me know, what you think, what you liked/disliked. Just let me know, that you've read it :-)_

_Yours, Yana_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 4 -_

It was an equally warm and beautiful day. The early morning sun woke Joey with a tickle on the nose. She smiled, took a deep breath and felt totally at ease with everything. She stood and decided to run first thing and it was a good decision. It was just amazing, how her new found freedom throbbed through her with every step she took, as she ran bar footed through the warm sand of the beach, the morning-sun caressing her body and the wind playing with her messy bun.

As Joey was back at the CYC she showered and dressed in a light, ruby-colored summer-dress, with white dots and a swingy skirt. She'd scooped her hair into a messy updo. Oh, but it felt awesome to not being bound to high heels and black and white business dresses, let alone tight schedules and stressed out colleagues, short nights and long day's. She hadn't been aware, that she was in such a bad need for vacation.

After a short but peaceful breakfast, she went fleet-footed down to the docks and there she saw him and it almost took her breath away.

She just couldn't help, but stop right where she stood and stare at him. Literally stare. This was no interested watching or curious observation or at least some kind of rubbernecking. No, she stared at him. And she could barely breathe, because her heart beat at such a crazy rate, that it felt as if it was about to jump off her chest. He was so unbelievable sexy. Last night, it took her a rather long time to get to sleep, because every time she closed her eyes, she saw him and her heart went crazy all over again.

At length he turned, as if he was getting aware of her staring at him and she felt a blush on her cheeks.

'Hey there.' She smiled and lifted a hand for a wave, only to feel insanely childish about it, while she did so.

'Hi!' He replied and returned her smile, but she sensed it wasn't sincere.

'I came over to apologize for... You know.' She felt suddenly shy and more like the fifteen year old college-girl than the twenty-eight successful lawyer she was. She crossed her hands on her back and looked on the ground.

He shrugged. 'As I said, don't think you have had any clue.'

'No..' She shook her head and turned to look him in the eyes again, although it sent electrical jolts throughout her body. 'No I didn't.' Her voice was shaky. 'But now I do and I'm really, really sorry. Hostly. I didn't meant to..'

He lifted his hand and stopped her talking, his voice was a rush and very determined and with the slightest bit of anger. 'So, let's just not talk about it, okay? Not ever again.'

She nodded. 'Yeah sure. I just wanted to apologize and let you know, my offer still stands.'

Pacey nodded and turned to continue his work and she left the docks with a weird feeling in the her stomach. As if it was twisted.

* * *

She got in her car and started the engine. Why the hell couldn't she get it right with him? Why was she a total lost for words? It felt, like she put her foot in it and just as she thought she got it out, she just stepped in again. It was enough to drive her crazy already. And the worst of it was, that she just seemed to be unable to _think straight_ around him. Why did he make her feel so small and young and vulnerable and uncertain – and jet more like a woman than she ever felt in her whole life. Her whole body throbbing with desire and butterflies, her heart beating and her head swimming...

Oh, it was ridiculous!

* * *

At length she parked in front of the B&amp;B. A beautiful white house, surrounded by a big garden. The fence were equally white and there were lots of colorful flowers on the window sides and a wide stairway that leads to the porch from which one could obviously get to the main-door.

The front garden was in fact split in two. At one side stood a comfy outside sofa, with a a wooden table under a large shadowy tree. At the other side there was a swing and a slide, a sandbox and a wonderful tree-house. Joey stood on the fence and watched four kids playing there and their laughter filled the air with so much life, it brought tears to Joey's eyes.

After a while the front door opened and a tall boy, with a deeply cappuccino-colored skin, around the age of thirteen appeared in the doorway, his arm casually around the shoulders of a somewhat younger girl with blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, that reminded her of Dawson. Hadn't he occasionally talked about his little sister? She wasn't sure. In fact, she often a time could not tell what was about the "real" Dawson Leery and what was about his equivalent in his show.

'Mom!' The boy yelled over his shoulder as he saw Joey. 'could you just come out 'ere, please? I got to go.' He turned back and walked towards her. Her brown, sparkling eyes observing her.

'Hi, I'm Alex, my mother will be here in a minute. Excuse me, Miss, we've got to go. We're already late for school.' He grabbed the hand of the girl. 'Come on now, Lilly.' He hushed her and they jogged off, grabbed each a bike and were out of sight by the time a tall, brown haired woman appeared in the door frame. She wiped her apparently wet hands in a white towel and smiled brightly at Joey.

'Good morning.' She greeted. 'I'm Bessie Potter. Can I help you with something?'

Joey found herself staring at the woman. Aware that she stares an awful lot lately but couldn't help it. It was just, that she couldn't help but wonder about so many things at once. Slowly she closed the drivers door, locked her car with a button on the key and blinked her irritation away.

'Actually, I kinda hoped you may...' Joey walked towards the brown-haired woman and smiled, her insides went crazy with nervousness. And suddenly she didn't know what to say. As she stood right in front of her, she became aware of the tears in the older womans eyes.

'This is just not possible...' Bessie whispered and Joey swallowed at the lump in her own throat.

'Actually I think it is. I'm Josephine, your sister apparently.'

Bessie tilted her head slightly. 'You look just like her...' Bessie stated and wrapped her arms around Joey, who returned the embrace just as tightly.

After a few moments Bessie loosened the embrace and looked at her face. Seemingly taking it all in. 'Come in. Can I get you something? Did you have had breakfast already? I'm sorry, Alex was so short bound, but he and Lilly are getting late for school. The kids' She motioned outside. 'mess with my schedule more often than not and since Bodie is away for the week and I'm in charge of everything and all...'

Joey smiled at her sister who was clearly more nervous than she was, rushing her words and was slightly out of breath by now, swirling around the kitchen in means to tidy up and prepare a brunch at the same time.

'Just relax.' Joey went over to her and laid a hand onto her sisters arm. 'I could have called through. I arrived the day before yesterday and I wanted to meet you so bad...'

'Oh, I'm glad you came!' Bessie turned and wiped a tear away, holding onto Joey's hand tightly. 'I spent my whole life wondering who you've had become. This tiny little baby Mom took to Boston but returned without.' She smiled sadly. 'And now, look at you - you look just like her.' Bessie grabbed an old frame, which stood at a cupboard and handed it to Joey. There were two photographs in one frame. One of her parents' wedding day and it stunned Joey how much this photo was like that of her own wedding. Only the dresses were obviously light-years apart in the matter of fabric and style, not only because it was surly thirty-fife years between them, but Joey have had much more money to spent for a dress, and as a wedding is supposed to be a one-time-life-experience...

The second picture was clearly taken somewhere outside, maybe in the front garden. Her mother and sister with a baby, apparently herself. And her mother looked like a slightly elder version of her.

'This was taken the day they drove to Boston and mother got her diagnose.' Bessie sighed and than smiled sadly again. 'Would you like a Mocha? Or do you prefer tea? Or orange juice? And maybe a croissant with chocolate filling? Scrambled eggs? We could drink it outside and maybe get to know each other a little better?'

'I would love that, Bessie. Really!' She smiled at her sister and grew warmer with her with every passing minute. 'A mocha and a croissant would be lovely.'

She helped her sister carry their second breakfast outside. As though Joey never had a second breakfast, she savored the opportunity to sit in the half-shadow, watching the kids play and drink coffee with Bessie.

They brought a jug of apple juice with sparkling water and four cups, one for each child, and a bowl with cookies.

As they had taken a seat Joey looked at the children and than at Bessie. 'Are they all yours?'

Bessie laughed out loud and than shook her head. 'Oh no. Rebecca and Eliah are. They're my second born and are about to turn six in the summer and Alex who's now fourteen, you met him earlier with his friend, Lilly, the youngest daughter of Mitch and Gail Leery. She is to turn thirteen.' Bessie smiled at the children and pointed to a curly-haired, blond girl. 'The little girl is Amy, she turned four yesterday. She it the daughter of a dear friend who died two years ago and is now raised by Jack and Douglas Witter. Daniel is the son of a friend who help me a lot at the house at times Bodie isn't around. As payback I look after his son when he works. It's a give and take, really. I couldn't do without him and he just desperately needs, that his son is cared for.'

'Sound's like one big family.' Joey summarized with a smile and Bessie laughed again.

'Yeah, I think it is.' She nodded and watched the children play. 'So, Joey...' Bessie hesitated. 'You mind me calling you this? It's what Mom used to call you and I think, I just never thought of you as _Josephine_...'

Joey laughed and shook her head. 'No, I don't mind, really. In fact, I've been called that yesterday for the first time in my life and it instantly felt more comfortable and suitable as _Josephine_ ever had.'

'Yeah I guess...' Bessie smiled at her little sister, wondering. 'Mom named you after a the Character Jo – Josephine – in Little Woman. So it seemed natural to just call you Jo, or Joey as Mom did.'

Joey smiled at that. She liked, how the loose stings, that had eventually hung around her her whole life, seemed to get put in place, the further she got to know her sister and the life she'd been torn from.

'So tell me, Joey. How did you grow up? Who raised you and most important – how come, you are finally here?'

Joey sipped on her mocha and sighed. 'Oh dear... I grew up literally with a silver spoon in my mouth, single-child to my parents, the McCarroll's. Very successful doctor and even more successful lawyer. I didn't get much parental-time, but was nursed and being taken care off, with more Nanny's than I can count. Though I loved the gardener.' She smiled at the thought of old Jim and the way he used to show her the small and the big wonders of nature and even watched the stars with her, at times she couldn't sleep. 'I went to charity party's more than on children's birthday party's. I've owned horses long before I could even walk, a boat before I could swim, a car before I could drive, houses before I even got to go to school alone, I had a great job before I graduated and a husband before I knew myself. I've had a divorce lately. I moved back in with my parents and Mother told me about my adoption. And here I am, looking for my roots and maybe taking the chance to get out of the city.' Joey sighed. 'So really. I don't think my life is this interesting at all...' Bessie looked at her with wide eyes and a somewhat confused look on her face. Joey saw the offense in her eyes and was instantly aware of the suggestions of her words.

'Oh, I didn't mean it that way, really. Please don't be offended. I just...' She looked around, her eyes stuck with the playing children and than wondered towards the glistering water of the creek. 'I just try to imagine, what life could have been for me here. I was never really happy. Sure, I didn't had to care about anything, but really – owning horses you don't get to ride, owning dogs you don't get to walk, having parents you don't get to see... This is no happy life.'

'Don't know what you'll eat, how to fed your child, watching you mother die and wonder with what money you're to bury her. Showing your father to prison for dealing and whoring and insurance fraud, not knowing whether you'll have a roof over your head the next month _isn't a happy life_...' Bessie tzsked, but tried to appear less offended than she felt. 'I'm sorry, Joey, but really – life here hasn't had much for you. You would haven been raised by me, if you'd been lucky or you would have been taken to a children's home.' She sighed. 'I struggled for bare survival most times. People say, it had made me hard, but how was I supposed to not grow defensive? Unmarried, pregnant by my black boyfriend, my father in prison, my mother dead?' She looked Joey in the eyes and she could see the pain of those hard years clearly written in those blue depth.

'At least your adoptive-mother made a real good treatment possibly for Mom, so she had a much better prognosis than she would normally have had and in the end she got real good and real strong painkillers, so she didn't suffer more than she had to.' Joey looked defeated and didn't know what to say. She was speechless an awful lot these day's and just hoped, that it was a passing experience.

Bessie took Joey's hand in her own two. 'Really, I owe your family most of my luck, Joey. I don't know where I would be without them.' She sighed again. 'Look, our father left me a falling down restaurant at the beach. The Ice House, which he burnt almost first thing as he got out of prison, for the insurance money. I've had spent almost all my money in that damn thing. Bodie helped me whenever he could. I had Andie, who spent really most of her time at the Ice House and waited. I've got Alex, he was barley one year old by than and there was really nothing more than leftovers for us to eat, sometimes less. I wasn't able to nurse him properly, because I didn't have had enough to eat. Our mother had a dear friend, Gaile, who watched for him sometimes, much like I looked after Lilly. So the two kids grew very fond of one another. After father burnt the Ice House and went back to prison, I've had nothing, literally nothing, left. I wasn't even sure, if I could afford to live in our house anymore. But than,' She clicked her tongue. ' Just so... well, there was this huge amount of money on my bank account, from you – or your family apparently. I wasn't sure, I could take it but at length I did and I built this.' She gestured all around her, at the dock, at the beautiful house and the garden. 'I rebuilt our parents-house in attempts to make Mom's dream of an own B&amp;B come true. I've got much help from friends, Dawson, the oldest Leery-son but mostly Jack and his friend Pacey from school, whose son Daniel I take care of.' She pointed at the four year old, black-haired boy, who was busy emptying his sand molds over the head of the little twin-girl Rebecca. And she felt a slight jealous sting in her heart. She could do nothing but stare at this little boy, hearing her blood rushing in her ears and the voice of her sister got more like a background-muffle 'The _Potter B&amp;B_ brought me nothing but luck. With this money you gave me, I was finally able to...' Bessie frowned, as she got aware of Joey's lack of interest and her staring at Daniel. 'Everything alright?', she asked, placing a slender hand on Joey's arm.

'Yeah, yeah...' Joey slowly came out of her stare. 'It's just... nothing really.' She smiled a small smile, wanted desperately to ask her sister about this Pacey, whom she apparently knew well, but was sure it was inappropriate to ask such questions, when really it was about to get to know her sister better. 'It's funny, I know Andie. In fact we studied together, I was her maiden of honor. You wasn't at the wedding, now were you?'

'No, in fact I wasn't I...' Bessie frowned and bit her lower lip and Joey smiled at that, it was just so like herself. 'It was a matter of making a point for a friend.'

Joey nodded, and knew just what point Bessie had made and whom she had shown loyalty.

They sat the whole day and talked. At length Daniel came over and sat on Joey's lap, rested his head on her chest and she stroked his hair thoughtlessly. She wondered if Pacey's brown hair felt like his son's, but tried to brush those thought off her mind. She just wasn't supposed to think about a man, who was clearly not free. But it made her wonder, if yesterday's flirt was really a flirt or had it just been him, playing her for a fool. And a fool she must have been, thinking somebody like him was actually a free-hunt.

She sighed and Bessie looked at her smiling.

'He fell asleep.', she smiled, pointing at the boy.

'Oh?' Joey looked around and became aware of the little boy's head had fallen down on his chest and she shuffled herself so he could lay his head a little more comfortable. 'Here you go, buddy.', she whispered. She smiled and looked at Bessie, never ceasing to stroke the boy's hair.

'It's surprising. Daniel isn't one who trust's easily. He had seen to much, suffered to much and endured to much pain and partings for one so little.'

Before Joey got the chance to ask any more questions a tall woman came around the fence. Her hair a mess of golden curls and her brown eyes had a warm sparkle. She wore a brown knee-long, tight skirt with brown pumps and a beige blouse.

'Hi Bessie.' She rushed, clearly in a stress. 'You got a new car or something?'

'No, not mine.' Bessie smiled at the interrupting woman. Clearly knowing her for a long time. 'In fact it's Joey's...'

'Joey?' The other woman asked. 'Who's... Ooh – Joey!' She suddenly turned her attention to Joey, who still sat with the sleeping boy in her lap. 'The lost sister! It's nice to meet you, I'm...' Her eyes quickly taking her in, before her gaze drifted to Daniel. Her whole face relaxed and a genuine smile build onto it. 'Oh my goodness, look at him.' She knelt in front of Joey and placed a gentle kiss on the boy's forehead, whispering some soothing things into his ear as she gently stroke his hair. 'Would you mind to carry him to my car? I'm sure he'll wake if I'll scoop him up.'

'Well, sure. No problem.' Joey said, but struggled hugely to get up with the kid in her arms, without waking him.

The other woman, apparently Daniels mother turned to Bessie. 'Oh, Bessie, I will take Amy along. Pacey and I are about to meet Jack and Doug for supper anyway.'

'Alright...' Bessie calling for Amy and she practically jumped the curly-haired woman. 'We're going to do barbecue at your dad's, okay? Uncle Pacey will come too.' Amy smiled and wrapped her tiny arms around the womans neck, who than carried her towards the car.

Finally Bessie became aware of Joey's struggle and helped her get up with the boy in her arms. She laid the boy on the backseat of the woman's car.

'Say hello to Pacey. I come and get him the morning as always.', Bessie kissed the woman's cheek and waved her goodbye.

'Will do. Bye Bessie, bye Joey.' With that she was gone, leaving Joey with more questions than before. Bessie smiled at her.

'Please stay for supper, would you?'

'Yeah sure. I'd love to meet Alex and Bodie.' She smiled and rid her thoughts from Pacey. 'This just feels like I'm finally being complete.' She said and shaking her head, because she normally wasn't one for mawkishness.

'Me too, sis.' Bessie spontaneously hugged her and than smiled brightly. 'Come on than, lets do a barbecue of our own.'

**You want more? Want to see Pacey's POV or stick with Joey (this is what I've had planned, but you know - I'm flexible ^^)**


	5. Chapter 5

_So guy's,_

_here is the next one. This is from Paceys POV, thuogh it will probably be the only one in this story. We'll see._

_Please let me know, ehat you think. It is really important for me, for I know exactly where this is supposed to go, but I struggle a bit with the way..._

_Yours,_

_Yana_

_(Next update will not be before monday, sorry)_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 5 -_

Pacey drew the torn curtains open and let the morning sunshine in. He stifled a yawn and stretched. He had barley slept at all. His head was going all crazy about so many things. It wasn't an easy life and he didn't know how to pay the bills. He worried much lately, about everything.

And now _she_ crossed his way. The last thing he needed right now, was someone that turned his head. But, god she was beautiful. Heart-stoppingly beautiful and her smile just stuck in his head. But than again, she knew Andie and that wasn't a good thing. Especially now, that she seemed to know the exact reason he flipped as she mentioned her the first time.

And she was rich. Obviously way out his class and he decided to try and get her out of his head, before any damage could be done. If for nothing else, than for Daniels sake.

Pacey looked around the tiny room he stood in. His big bed, where Daniel was still fast asleep, cocooned under his fathers covers. One one wall stood a worn wardrobe. That was it. Not that there had been any more space.

As quiet as possible Pacey left the room and cursed the squeaky door. He stood in the living room, which had an old and worn out sofa and a coffee-table in it, along with a high table and four unfitting chairs. The wallpaper hang loose on some spaces and it just didn't look very inviting. Nothing seemed to fit and he didn't like it very much. It was surely not, what he had wanted, but it was, what he got. At least it was a roof above their heads, that he could afford. The living and dining area merged into the kitchen.

On one side was a tiny, old wooden kitchen, with a cupboard, a stove with an oven and a old and far too noisy fridge. Nonetheless Pacey loved it. It was, where he could relax while cooking, even if he cursed without end, about the far to little working space.

He set on a kettle for hot water and placed two plates, butter and bread on the table along with two unfitting, scared cups and a knife. Than he went trough the only remaining door on the opposite side of the bedroom door into the bathroom. It hasn't a window and the light bulb hang loosely from the ceiling.

It really wasn't much. In fact it was only little above nothing, but the rent affordable. The house itself was a low-building, very old, but it had a great garden. Pacey and Daniel would often times throw a fire and do barbecue or simply bread-on-a-stick. Especially because the house, if it even deserved to be called a house, just don't got warm. Even in the hottest summer, it was not warm inside, so they spent a whole lot of time outside, in fact almost all time.

Pacey stepped into the scarred shower cabine and turned the water on. The water was cold, but Pacey was used to it by now. Nonetheless he let out quick breathes as the cold hit him so he showered quickly, than got out of it and rubbed himself dry with a scratchy old towel. He put on a black wife beater, pants and a short jeans. All the while his head spinning around with all the things he just couldn't pay for, the things that had to be done, like some renovating, fixing a few things on the house, especially the roof. But with what money? And in what time?

After a look in the mirror he decided to shave and maybe he would take the offer of that insanely beautiful woman. If only to distract him for a while. He wondered what it was, that drew her to him, but she seemed kind of stunned and anxious every time she was around him.

Yesterday he had sat long left, with Doug and Jack, his kid sleeping on their couch. They drank a beer and Pacey had told them about Joey. They both had laughed at him. She was clearly a high-achiever and Pacey...?

'Crap!' He cursed and wiped away the blood, where he'd cut into his cheek.

'Dad?' he heard Daniel calling sleepily and his little barefooted steps pitter-pattered through the cold kitchen. 'Daddy?'

'In here, sunshine.' Pacey answered his son and scooped him up as he came into the bath.

'You cut yourself, Dad.' The boy stated and touched his cut, panic in his beautiful eyes.

'Yeah I did, Dan. 'tis nothing to worry about, little man. I just wasn't very attentive, that's all. Now', he got out of the bath with his son in his arms. 'do you want some tea or would you prefer a cocoa?'

'We've got milk?' Daniel asked with wide eyes.

'This we do!' Pacey grinned victorious as he fetched the milk from the fridge.

'Could you warm it up for me?' Daniels eyes were sparkling and Pacey got all warmed up inside.

'Sure buddy.' He grinned as he warmed a bit milk in a pot. Pacey knew, he couldn't offer him much more about nothing, but sometimes he got milk or even some sweets. Pacey was so grateful, that Bessie cared for Daniel, so that he could work and at least give him a roof above his head and prevent him from being taken away from him.

'Dady?' Daniel asked, as Pacey took a seat on the table, pouring the warm milk and the cocoa in Daniels cup and pouring himself some hot water and instant coffee. The boy had greased his bread with painfully little peanut butter and looked at him with wide eyes.

'Yeah, Daniel?'

'Do you think, Joey will be at Bessie's today? I think she's really nice...' He grinned conspiratorial. '...and pretty...'

Pacey laughed out loud at the expression on his son's face. He was the greatest gift he got in his life. He was just so grateful, the he had him, even if it had meant so many changes and great privations and many lost dreams. Pacey nodded and chuckling leaned over to tousle his son's hair.

'Yeah, she's pretty, you're right sunshine.' He took a bite of dry bread and than nodded again. 'Maybe you will be lucky and she will be over again. Just ask Bessie, when she gets here.'

* * *

After breakfast he quickly got Daniel freshened up, dressed and teeth brushed. Than they stepped outside in the warm sunshine just as Bessie's car came to a halt. She got out of the car and Daniel 'Bessie!', ran towards her.

She scooped him up and whirled him around. 'Will Joey be at yours today, Bessie? Will she?' He asked and Bessie smiled brightly.

'Do you like her?'

'Yeah, much Bessie. She's pretty.' He got an all serious look in his handsome little face. 'Maybe I'll marry her some day.'

Bessie laughed out loud, kissed him and hugged him tightly. 'I bet you would, Danny.', she said smilingly placing a kiss on his cheek and came over to Pacey. She hugged him.

'Hey Pacey. You don't look so good.' Bessie rubbed his back and looked concerned.

'Well, thanks.' Pacey responded. 'Couldn't sleep, you know...'

'Yeah, I know.' She hugged him again, her eyes serious as she looked back at him. 'Don't worry, okay? You're not alone. If anything, I'm here.'

'I know. Thanks Bess.' He said, his voice croaky.

Daniel leaned over in Bessie's arms and hugged his father tight. 'Good day, Dad.' He placed a kiss on Pacey's cheek and he tousled his son's hair, returning the kiss.

'You too, little man. Oh, and Bessie?'

'Yeah?'

'Maybe Jack will pick him up after his shift.'

'Why's that?' Bessie asked with an arched brow.

'Maybe... well maybe I got to get a drink with this Joey-girl my son is so fond of.' He grinned and Bessie smiled but than the smile died on her face.

'Pacey, I hate to say this but... Don't you get your hopes up.' The sparkle in Pacey's eyes vanished and he sighed.

'Try to.'

'How did you met her anyway?'

'Long story, Bess. I gotta go.' He waved at Bessie and his son and got to his bike, heading for the CYC.

* * *

Pacey locked his bike and took a deep breath. He went down the docks and greeted everyone, patted them on the shoulder or lifting his hand for a greet.

Than he saw her on the beach. Clearly she had been jogging. Some loose strands hung loose and wet in her face, her short trunk ended straight under her butt and her top only covered her breast's. His heart skipped a beat as he watched her, drying her face with the white, seemingly fluffy towel that hung around her neck. She climbed the stairs that led from the beach to the CYC-terrace.

'Jim, I'll be right back.' He called to his colleague and dropped his work, jumping down the dock and running towards her.

'Hey, Joey.' He called out and she stopped in her movement. Looking utterly surprised to see him.

'Hi, I wasn't...' she was slightly out of breath but he smiled at her lack of words around him. 'I wasn't quite expecting to see you again, after...'

He gave a dismissive motion. 'Don't bother. I kind of over reacted there, really.' He gave her a warm smile. 'So, I just thought... Do your offer by any chance still stand?'

She looked at his face irritated and he could sense, she was about to ask him something, but the words didn't left her mouth.

'See, if you don' want to, that's fine by me, but don't let me stand here and feel like some stupid school boy, now would you!' Pacey said at length, somewhat impatient and beginning to feel pissed.

'That wasn't my intention, I...' She began quickly and again she seemed to struggle for words, but than a beautiful smile built around her mouth and reached her eyes as she nodded. 'I would be very glad to have you accompany me, Pacey.' The way she said his name made him all warm inside and he tried not to look like the cat that got the cream.

'Well, great. My shift ends around six. What about I'll take a shower afterwards and we meet at the diner?'

'Great. But now I've got to shower, I'm freezing.'

'Yeah, sure.' Pacey couldn't get rid of the shit eating grin that had spread across his face and he cursed himself for it. This wasn't supposed to be a date, it sure as hell wasn't supposed to _feel_ like a date, because obviously it _wasn't_ a date. Pacey cleared his throat: 'See you later.'

'Yeah, later.' She responded and as he ran back to his work, he could feel her eyes on his back, like a beam.

* * *

After an awful long day, Pacey got home to take a shower, get dressed and on his bike towards the town diner. A little place with untasteful food, but the drinks were okay, and this was the reason he was here. For a drink. And so he kept reminding him. This was about a drink and not about the women, with whom he was here. He had often dreamt, that one day he would rebuilt the Ice House, but since the day _she_ showed up and told him about the pregnancy, his whole life just got on the loop and the last thing he could manage, was a restaurant.

He was clad in short, worn out jeans and a black t-shirt, with sneakers and while his thoughts went over themselves, he saw her. She sat on a sunny table, her hair in a messy bun, with a big sun hat, and she wore one of her sweet summer dresses, this one was white on the chest and went all red-flowery on the skirt, she wore fitting red ballerinas and her bun was held by a red band.

She turned and her whole face lit up with the most astonishing smile as she saw him. It was breathtaking. But again, Pacey reminded himself that this was just about a drink. And this he only got because of Andie, ironically.

'Hi.' She greeted him, as he got to her table.

'Hi yourself.' Pacey grinned and couldn't deny the warm feeling that seemed to spread from his centre to his toes, to his fingertips and right into his head. 'May I?' He was all calm by now, his brain had taken over and he was grateful for that. He couldn't afford falling for anybody right now, the least one girl who was way off his class and would only break his heard.

'So. How was your day?' Pacey asked and looked at her curious.

'It was a vacation-day, really.' She smiled dreamingly. 'After I ran, I went to the sauna. Than I spenat the late moning sitting on the beach and writing a bit on my novel, as inspiration finally hit me. I went over to Bessie's for a coffee and now I'm here.' She looked at him, a dreamy smile on her face and his knees would have gone weak, but his brain prevented them from doing so. 'You have a wonderful son, though. He is really nice and I think he was trying to charm me today.' She grinned. 'He got me some roses off Bessie's garden.'

He chuckled. That sounds like Daniel – and honestly it sounds like something he could have done himself, as he was a boy of Daniels age.

'Hello, can I get you some-' The waitress started and than stared at Pacey. 'Wow Pacey. Long time no see – and who it _she_?' The woman asked bluntly and Pacey got uncomfortable. He cursed himself, that he hadn't thought about Anna's shift.

'Yeah, sure. She's...'

'I'm Josephine McCarroll, not that it was anything to do with you.' Joey stated a little annoyed and Pacey grinned at his sister, whose stare intensified.

'The lawyer-lady? The one with this huge deal involving this business guy?' Joey raised a brow and shook her head in disbelieve. Pacey could tell, she wondered, weather Anna was as dump as she appeared.

'Again, no that it is any of your concern. Yes, it's her exactly. Would you please...?'

'And what do you have to do with my brother?' Joey's eyes widened and she shot Pacey a look of utter disbelieve. Her eyes narrowed and her voice became scathingly low. Oh, but it sent shivers down Pacey's spine.

'Would you stop your stupid asking and just take our orders or should I go in there and look for your superior?'

Anna looked stunned, than turned her head to Pacey for help, but he just sat there, pretend to read the menu, although he knew exactly what he wanted.

'Sure, Miss.' Anna whispered, seemingly intimidated

'Fine!'

As they got their drinks, conversation began to flow almost naturally.

'So, you're a lawyer?' Pacey asked, gazing at her from over his Long Island Ice Tea. And flipped some of the peanuts in his mouth, Joey had ordered along with the cocktails.

'Yeah, but _was_ is more like it, really.' She sighed and sipped on her Gin Tonic. 'I quit my job.'

'You quit? As simple as that?' Pacey asked stunned. He couldn't believe someone would actually throw their job, because really, he wouldn't know what to eat without the money he earned. But than again, that woman didn't look like she needed to have a job in the first place.

'Yup.' She stated simply. 'And than I got in my car and drove down here to, well... To meet my sister, actually.' She laughed as Pacey almost choked his drink and began to cough pretty bad.

'Your... your sister?' He got finally out, but struggled still with the scratch in his throat.

'Yes, Bessie.' Joey stated casually, sipping on her straw and Pacey couldn't deny it was unbelievably sexy, as his eyes seemed to stick on her lips, but than again his brain took over control.

'Bessie?' Pacey stared at her and she laughed again.

'Yeah Bessie.' She grinned satisfied and plugged a strand of hair behind her ear. The gesture made her seem much younger. 'Nice to see, I'm not the only one staring and lost for words here.'

'But... How come?' he felt totally foolish here, he didn't even know, the Potters did have another child. He'd always assumed, that with Lilian's disease, there was just no other child.

'Well I think, our parents had just one more time sex than anyone thought.' She stated with a serious look on her face and Pacey laughed at that. He found himself laughing a lot this evening, feeling carefree for the first time in a long time.

'So, what do you think? Want something for diner?' Joey asked smiling, obviously wanted to change the subject of conversation. Pacey's heart fell, knowing there were only ten bucks in his wallet and really he could not afford eating outside. And surly he would not waste his money on such bad food as they served here. 'I would like to pay for yours too. You're my guest today, if it's okay with you.' She hesitated and Pacey sensed that unsaid-something, that lingered between them before, again, but dared not ask her. Instead he nodded.

'Yeah, sure. But I think it's fair to warn you, foot here isn't exactly what you would call _diner._..'

'Well, I assume eating a burger with fries would never quite fit the meaning of _diner_.' She smiled. 'But I would really like to have one and so I'd like you to join me in that one-time-experience, should these burgers be as bad as you said.'

He grinned and nodded, the nagging feeling of hunger in his stomach would clearly appreciate some food.

They ordered and as they waited for their burgers, they laughed quite a lot and Pacey felt self-content for the first time in a long time. He had almost forgotten how it felt to not be in total responsibility and total alarmed all the time. He relaxed and though. she didn't gave him butterflies, she surly smoothed herself into his life in a way he didn't know was even possible.

* * *

After they finished their burgers, Joey leant back.

'Okay, I'll give you that: This was the most awful burger I've ever had in my life.'

'I know.' He grinned. 'You know, I grew up here.' He smirked and winked at her. 'And as a return of the favour, I would cook for you some time.' He stated and she looked at him with obvious irritation and surprise. 'Yeah, I'll cook pretty good, actually.' he started to explain. 'I used to have this vision, that I some time would reopen the Ice House, but I guess...' He shook his head. 'Well, life had another plan for me.' He stated, surprised, that he opened up so easily to this woman he just barley knew. But as he looked at her again, he saw that her expression hadn't changed much so he reached over and touched her arm. She blinked, as if he'd just woken her.

'Oh...' She just said and he wondered, what of those things he'd said had actually gotten through whatever thought she'd been distracted with.

'Did you just invite me to diner at yours?' She finally managed to say. Her voice kind of shaky and uncertain. He ached a brow an nodded.

'Yeah, I think I did.' He stated, unsure of what to made of her sudden attitude. 'This is, if you'd like too, of course.'

She still looked confused and Pacey didn't know what he'd said to made her this irritated.

'And your wife?' She said at length and he furrowed his brow.

'My... wife?' He almost choked the word. 'I didn't...' He wagged his head and than it occurred to him and it made him inwardly laugh. This just wasn't possible. 'Oh, I get it...' He stated and grinned, she looked more confused than before. 'Tall, good-looking, curly-haired?'

Joey nodded and asked herself for the umpteenth time.

'Yes.' She said at length.

'Well, I don't think she won't mind.' He smirked sheepishly.

'But why wouldn't she?' Joey asked him, clearly impatient by now. 'Look, just don't fool around with me, please.'

'She wether my wife and for sure not Daniel's mother.' He let out a wry chuckel, feeling thruoghuotly amused. 'She'd my eldest sister - Gretchen, she's a doctor in Boston and was only on a short vacation. She's back in Boston since this morning.'

'Oh my...' Joey blushed. 'Now I'm feeling really foolish...'

_So, if you've read this, please leave me a note :-)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey everybody,_

_so, here comes part 6. This is Joey's POV again, but if you liked the change of view's, maybe I'll do another on from Pacey's. Althuogh - you need to tell me to ^^._

_Next chapter will hopefully be here soon and wil be Joey POV as well._

_Please review this stuff! It is really my biggest motivation. You can sent me PM's as well, I promise, I won't bite :-)_

_Yours,_

_Yana_

**On different ways**

-Chapter 6-

Joey sat in her car. It was still parked in the slot in front of the diner. Pacey had left a good half hour earlier, but she just sat there, the radio tootled along. She tried to focus, but just couldn't get a straight thought into her head. Everything was blurred into one and all that came out of it was him. His laughter. His hands. His handsome face. His absolute addicitible eyes. Everything about him,. He seemed to be burnt in the inside of her eyelids. And the pure thuoght of him, made her bursting with desire, filled her stomach with butterflies and her head spinning.

But that she just felt like she didn't had the slightest idea of who he really was. What was facade, what was reality. Did he spent time to think about her, like she thought about him? Was there even room for someone new? Did he have a significant other? And if not, like he claimed, why? Would he allow her entrance into his life?

All she knew was, he made her body crazy, her thoughts unfocused, her heart beating...

'Oh my...' She sighed and pulled her head from the headrest, where it had lain. Slowly she opened her eyes, turned her key and reversed out of her parking lot.

* * *

After driving down the road, she found herself in front of her sisters house instead the CYC. Wondering how she got there, she smiled as she heard voices in the backyard. She hesitated. Wondering if she was allowed to interrupt so late in the evening, but at length she decided to just give it a try. After all, Bessie and she came along pretty well and Joey was quite sure, that her sister wouldn't mind.

She got out of the car, closed the door as quietly as possible in order to not disturb the sleeping guests and – more importantly – the twins. After locking her precious car, she slowly made her way to the backyard.

There was a bonfire in a fireplace, her sister and a black man sitting arm in arm, with a blanket over their laps on a porch swing, Alex sat on a pad on the ground, playing a guitar, beside him sat a red-haired woman, singing with a low voice, while holding a stick with a marshmelow on it into the flames, checking regularity that it didn't burn. There were two guy's sitting there as well, one sat on an outside chair and the other at his feet, apparently also on a pad, as the ground was a little moist y from the late evening chill. He althuogh held a stick with a marshmellow, feeding it to the man sitting behind him. The man, beside Bessie – assumingly Bodie – told something and everybody laughed at it.

Joey just stood there and watched for a moment. She found herself wondering, why Pacey wasn't here, but assumed that he picked up Daniel earlier and was at home. She felt the peace that lay above this group of friends and family and was just overwhelmed with the sudden wish of being part of it all. Of always have had belonged to them by nature. She felt like an intruder and was about to turn, as the sitting guy became aware of someone watching.

'Who's there?' He asked into the darkness and Joey recognized his voice. It was Deputy Witter, Pacey's brother.

'Hi, I... uhm...' She stepped into the light, smiling loop-sided and felt absolute out of place and like she shouldn't be here. 'I didn't mean to interrupt something, so I... guess I better leave.' Her voice was shaky, for she longed to be part of this but clearly she wasn't. She stood there in front of everybody, knitting her hands and felt just so anxious.

'Joey!' Bessie shoved the blanket away and practically jumped towards her. 'Don't you leave!' Her sisters face seemed to glow at her sight and Joey felt all warm and welcome all of a sudden. Bessie hugged her. 'Oh, I'm so glad you're here.' She said into the hug and Joey couldn't help but smile. 'I'm glad, I came.'

'Attention everybody!' Bessie said and turned, her arm across Joey's shoulders, everybody staring at them. 'Please meet my sister Joey.'

There were audible gasps and than there was a short silence. The guy on the Deputy's feet, let his stick with a hot marshmellow on it sink onto the ground and the red-haired girl put a hand over her mouth.

'She's your sister?' Doug gaped, the first to got his speech back and apparently remembering their first encounter a few day's earlier.

'In fact, yes, she is.' Bessie turned towards Joey. 'So, what's bringing you here? Had you had anything for supper?' Joey nodded.

'Yeah, I was in the diner with... uhm.' She wasn't sure if Pacey wanted to know anybody, he went out with her, so she quickly turned the sentence. 'Well, I had a burger.' She crinkled her nose. 'A _real_ _bad_ burger in fact. But I think, it had stuffed me quite honestly.' Holding a hand on her belly and made a face. Everybody laughed and she felt, as if she was somehow invited into the group.

'Hi aunt Joey.' Alex waved, leaned his guitar against the porch swing and went inside.

'Hi. I'm Tara!' The red-haired woman stated with an unmissable irish accent. Alex returned with another outside chair and a seemingly comfortable pillow, than grabbing his guitar and continued to play.

Doug stood, offering her his hand. 'I'm Doug, I suppose we've met recently.'

'Yes, we did.' She smiled at him, found that he had not much in common with Pacey, but his eyes were as gentle as his brother, if thuogh they were more green-brownish than sparkling blue.

The guy on the ground stood also and took her hand, shaking it firmly. 'Hi, I didn't even know, Bessie had a sister.' He stated, shooting Bessie a look and she shrugged. 'Wow! I'm Jack Witter. Doctor at the Capeside hospital, working at the emergency section. Was McPhee once. I suppose you've probably heard about me.' Joey looked at him surprised and at her puzzled expression Jack blinked in surprise. 'Oh I... I just thought you were the girl Pacey had talked about, knowing Andie?' He asked in a low voice and seemed a little taken aback.

'Well yeah, I know her, but...' Joey felt a clinch in her gut and frowned. 'She never mentioned having siblings other than Tim.' She dared not look him in the eyes. 'I'm sorry.'

'Oh, well... I think I could have imagined _that_.' Joey was glad to see Doug placing a hand on his husbands shoulder, squeezing it gently.

'Though I really don't see, why she would've hide you away.' She smiled at the two guy's in front of her. She really _was_ wondering. Because he seemed nice and handsome, yet she didn't remembering Andie ever so much as mentioning him. He hadn't been at Andie's wedding, neither, and wasn't mentioned in any wedding speech, because if he hadn't been, she surly had picked it up and asked Andie about it later-on.

'Apparently I didn't fit into her picture of the world. And in Dawson's neither. 'tis probably the reason there's no character for me in _The Creek_.' He let out a wry chuckle. 'But 'tis nothing to do with you. I'm glad to meet you.' He smiled at her and she smiled back.

'The pleasure is mine.'

Than Bessie led her to the swing, where Bodie stood. 'I'm Bodie, your brother-in-law, I guess. I'm so glad to finally get the chance to meet you. Bessie had been going on about you, ever since I got back a few hours ago.' He said, grinning at his wife who shot him a look. He wrapped his muscular arms tight around Joey, squeezing her and than kind of mustering her, as he pushed her a little away. 'You look just like your mother...'

Joey smiled. 'Or so I've been told.' She grinned, shooting her sister a quick look.

'But tell me this: What in seven hells hit you, that you ate a _burger_ at the _diner_?' Bodie seemed truly surprised. 'Is the food at the CYC _that_ bad?'

Tara laughed at that. 'This is just not possible, Bodie.', she stated laughing in that quite sweet accent of her's.

Joey felt a slight blush on her cheeks and was just grateful, that the flickering flames and the surrounding darkness hid it. Truth be told, she was just far to anxious to eat anything before meeting Pacey. She hadn't eaten since breakfast and was just hungry as hell.

'I... uhm... I kind of had a drink to... to make up for... and...' She sighed and tried again. 'I was late for an appointment and just hadn't the time to eat beforehand.' She finally managed to say, full aware of the somewhat knowing look at the Deputy's face.

'So, what brought you here?' Bessie asked still smiling.

Joey shrugged and took a seat on the chair Alex brought out for her, drawing the blanket Bodie offered her around her shoulders.

'I guess, I just wanted to come by and see you. I didn't mean to interrupt something.' She looked around. 'I hope, I didn't!'

Everybody shook their heads.

'Nope, you don't.' Doug stated at length. 'But here you are and we are here as well. So, tell us more about you.'

Found all faced turned towards her with expecting looks upon, Joey took a deep breath, stripping her shoes off with her feet. Than she tugged her legs onto her chest and the blanket tighter around her body. With an uncertain feeling in her stomach she began to tell her tale. Feeling more and more as if she'd finally came home.

* * *

The hours passed away, without anyone noticing it. They laughed a lot, later on they sang some songs and than they sat in silence for a long while. It was peaceful and simple and Joey felt a wave of contentment wash over her. For the first time in her life, she was just Joey. And somehow she felt, as if she had belonged to this group of friends for much longer than two or three or four hours.

At length Jack looked at his watch. 'Oh, crap! We've got to go, Doug. It's way beyond two and I'm due at eight.'

'What?' Tara stated, literally jumping up on her feet. 'This late already? Oh man, time surly flies. I'll take my leave than, too. Got to work with Dr. Jackers here in the morning, not te mention, that if they drive without me, I've got to walk all the way home.' She laughed and Joey found herself liking this woman already.

Doug stood and nodded. 'Okay, come along than Tara. I'll go, get the kiddos.'

'Oh, come on.' Bessie gave a dismissive wave. 'Just let Amy and Danny sleep. They can have breakfast and just be here 'til after your shift. Pacey will be here around six and so will you. Just go home, get some sleep and don't worry. The kids are taken care off.'

Doug smiled at her and so did Jack.

'You're the best, Bessie.' They hugged her and kissed her each on one cheek. Bessie gave a laugh and smiled at them.

'You're very, very, very welcome!'

'Okay, than, bye Joey. Was nice, getting to know you!' Jack stated, hugged her smiling.

Tara came around and hugged her too. 'So Joey, nice to finally have another woman back in the crowd. It was deeply missed since...' She sighed heavily. 'I would like to see you around some more.'

'Can do that.' Joey stated.

'Well.' Doug patted her on the shoulder. 'Nice to have you around for sure. And if you'll need anything, whatsoever, don't hesitate and just come knocking on our door. You're part of this now.' He said and Joey felt joy and happiness jolt through her, bubbling straight from her stomach through her whole body and she hugged him.

'Thanks, Deputy.' She grinned, obviously teasing and he took it like that. 'This means a whole lot!'

'Well, good night everybody.'

'Night!' They sing-sanged after the two guys leaving with entwined hands. Tara gave a wave and ran after them.

Bessie gave a chuckle. 'She's always like this. It's quite refreshing morst times and rather exasting at others.'

Joey ginned. 'I can imagine that.'

Alex had taken his leave earlier and Bodie stood too. 'I'll go get some sleep. You two just take your time. Sit here and I'll take care of the breakfast and the kids tomorrow morning, okay?'

'You sure?' Bessie looked up to her husband with awe and Joey just wished that some time she would have something like they apparently had.

'Yeah, I'm more than sure.' He bowed and kissed Bessie on the lips gently. 'I'll made the upstairs room ready for Joey.' He looked at her. 'In case you'll prefer sleeping here instead of driving to the CYC in the pitch black night... or more likely in the early morning.' He ginned and she smiled at him.

'Well, thank you. I would like to sleep over.'

'Great. Night than, I guess.'

They bid him good night and Bessie patted on the now empty place beside her.

* * *

'Come, sis, sit with me.'

Joey smiled and took the place beside her sister. She wrapped her blanked around her's and Bessie's shoulders and Bessie put the one she shared with Bodie over their laps. So they sat in silence for a long time. Just watching the dance of the flames and enjoying the familiarity that had built between them so naturally.

'So tell me, Jo.' Bessie said at length.

'Hm?' Joey asked sleepily, a little taken away by the warmth and the crackling of the fire and the slight swinging that had lulled her. 'Tell you what?'

'Why you came over...'

'Oh, I...' She sighed and gazed at the slowly fading stars. 'At first I didn't meant to, but I found myself on the road to you.'

Bessie smiled at her but said nothing.

At length Joey took a deep breath. 'I was out for a drink with the Deputy's brother.'

Bessie nodded and her expression was serious. 'And?'

'And? And... Nothing _and_. Oh crap, I don't know, Bessie. I guess I... I find him interesting and all. It was such an easy going evening. I just... I... I got divorced recently. He has a child and I don't even know, if he sees any potential at all. If there would be room in his life for someone new... I don't want to rush things and I guess, I... I just wanted to ask you about him.' She sighed and looked at her sisters face, which was unreasonably closed-up all of a sudden. 'At first I wanted to drive to the CYC and call Andie or Dawson for that matter. They've grown up with him, after all, b-'

'They don't know him. Didn't know him for a long time and they better don't dare step into his life again.' Bessie all but spat.

Joey felt defeated and gave a careful nod.

'Yeah. He reacted quite like you as I mentioned Andie for the first time. Well Bessie, I better go. Seems I'm out of the game, because I happen to be friends with people, that made big and unforgivable mistakes.' She said in a low but decided voice and made an attempt to rise, but Bessie grabbed her hand.

'Joey, wait. Please sit with me and let me tell you about him.'

Joey looked at her sisters face and saw such seriousness and warm kindness, that she nodded. She turned her eyes towards her sister and was all ears.

Bessie took a deep breath. 'Whatever happens, please don't rush anything and far more important: Try not to play him for a fool. He deserves better and so does Daniel. You must understand, he wasn't out with anyone since Sarah, Danny's mother, came here and told him about the pregnancy. Not even Tara got through to him.' She pursed her lips. 'I won't lie, Joey. As he told me, he was about to go get a drink with you, I was concerned. Yeah, I was happy, he would finally go got to know some new people, going out with my little sister was supposed to made me proud, because I hold him very dear. But he is way out of your class, and he knows it, Joey.'

Joey was about to protest, but Bessie cut her off. 'Pacey is a precious soul. He is kind and caring, selfless really. And his heart has been broken all over. It had cost him his graduation. He worked hard and got back on his feet. Than he was about to went to a cooking school. He got the chance to educate there without fees, because he'd spent half a year on a ship and the cook there was willing to pay for him, if he would, in return, work with him for at least two more years. Pacey was more than willing to do this, because it was his chance out of here. Away from all of this.' Bessie had her hands in her lap and a sad look in her eyes. 'He came back here to pack some stuff and sort some things out, mostly with his parents. His father is the Sheriff and had never held Pacey high, but Pacey was finally able to show him, that he has the chance to become _someone_... And than Sarah came, he knew her from said ship. It has been a one night stand. Don't get the wrong idea here, Jo. I won't tell you more about Sarah, than this. Because, it's absolutely not my place to tell, just know. Whatever happened, in the end Pacey ended up here with Daniel but without Sarah, without an education, without the support of his parents, without everything – but with a dream in his heart, he know will never come true, because he chose his son over it, whom he loves with all he has. He's got almost nothing but tries to built a life here for his son. More often than not, he struggle to pay his rent. Bodie usually brings him leftovers on weekends, or one of us does a barbecue and invite the two of them over, so they have something to eat. Daniel is all he lives for, Joey. He's long time ago given up on his hope of true love and a good life, with a family and maybe a little house. He thinks very low of himself. This is the truth, Joey. And if you, by any chance, are interested in him... Please keep in mind, that he's been broken more than once and he could not stand another hit.'

Joey sat there, staring past her sister's head into the slowly fading light. Her head spinning with all the dramatic twists and changes in Pacey's life, wondering if he'd be able to open up to her, without feeling like she wanted to give him benefaction.

She sighed. 'I don't know how to say this, Bessie, but he somehow got me. I know, it sounds childish and strange and maybe a little old-fashioned, but he _really_ got me. Right away. He blew my head of with one look. I can whether think nor talk around him, and I like to believe, I'm usually quite excellent with both these things.' Joey looked Bessie in the eyes and Bessie stared.

'What are you saying here, Joey? Have you fallen for him?'

Joey hesitated and than she slowly nodded. 'I believe so.' They sat silent for a long while.

'I hadn't meant to. Not so short after the divorce after all, but... It just happened, Bessie. It did.' She bit her lower lip, trying to found words for the things she felt, but failing. There was so much she wanted to say. To somehow made her understand, to convince her in some strange way. 'You know, Bessie, I came here to get away. From everything. I quit my job, I left my friends. I just wanted a fresh start. Somewhere no one knew me. Where no one would judge me, for whose daughter I am, which people I had spent my free time with or on which court I stood last, or shooting looks onto my belly, if maybe finally there would a secret hidden in it, and the star-couple McCarroll and Fuchsin would finally become a family.' She sighed again. 'I don't know. I'd like to get to know him somewhat better, to get a feeling of who he is and not who he was made. I just... I like him very, very much and I like his son.' She smiled and Bessie smiled back.

'So maybe, you'll do best, if you let him come to you. You have a warm and wide heart, little sister. And that he went for a drink with you and let you invite him for a burger – even if it was the worst burger in the whole world – it tells everything, really.'

'Yeah maybe. Thanks for you time and advise, Bessie. I didn't know where else to go. I hope, I really didn't disturb you earlier. I just, I...' She blushed slightly. 'I think, I feel comfortable with you. Like I have a home here.'

'And you have, Joey.' Bessie said, and Joey could see tears glistening in her eyes, as the light of the day awakening lightens up her sisters face. 'I'm just so glad, you seem to stick around and we finally get to have the chance to be the sisters we could have been for all our lives.'

Joey nodded in perfect understanding.

* * *

Shortly after, Joey laid in a homely bed. Her head spinning with so many questions. Could he really be able to love her back? Was she supposed to watch her every step to avoid stepping in again? Could she help him without him thinking, he was only her charity-project? But she got money and it sure as hell wouldn't cost her anything. And why hadn't he been here tonight? Apparently his son slept over, but he had left in attempt to collect him, hadn't he?

She needed a very long time to got some sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Pacey's laughing face. He seemed so carefree and good-humored earlier. Sure, she's guessed, that it was a low-level-life he lived... Oh, but she so hoped, that she could somehow made his life a little easier and maybe some day he would be able to lave her back.

_So if you've read this, please review._


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi everyone,_

so, here we go again. This is longer than usual.

Please tell me if you'd enjoyed it and review, please, to let me know that you're actually reading this.

So, on with the story,

Yours, Yana

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 7 -_

Joey woke after a far too short night. Sleepily she blinked her eyes open. Outside she heard kids laughing and voices, rattle of dishes and doors clicking. Slowly she stretched and yawned, rubbed her face and let out an unwillingly sound. This was far too early! Or rather, the night has been much to short.

She stayed in the homely bed a while longer, pulled her duvet up to her chin and let her eyes wander across the room. The bed stood beneath a roof pitch. There was a bedside table with an old-fashioned lamp on it, clearly it was out of the sixtieth or fiftieth, beige with a shade and a little white press switch on the stand.

Opposite stood an equally old wooden wardrobe with a huge mirror beside it on the wall. A window on the wall behind Joey's bed let the morning sunshine in and Joey smiled, as she became aware of the posters, that hung across the walls. Mostly bands out of the ninetieths. It was a nice room, surly her sisters old bedroom, she guessed.

After a while she stood and felt a bit dizzy, because of the lack of sleep. She grabbed yesterdays clothes and realized, that she hadn't had any fresh underwear, but decided that she could change in the CYC later-on and would for now just go with the old ones. Because – what option did she have, really?

She opened the door and flited into the bathroom she knew was opposite to the room she had slept in. A smile flew over her face, as she found Bessie had laid towels, a set of fresh underwear and a toothbrush out for her along with a little notice _'You can leave the __toothbrush__ in the cub beside the sink, just in case you'll stay over again. Hope the panty fits. __Bess.__'_

Joey sighed with relieve and stepped into the shower and found herself thinking about Pacey just again. Maybe she'd stay here, until he would come to get Daniel.

* * *

As she had finished her wash and clothing, she looked in the mirror and found what she saw very pleasing. She got some red on her cheeks, but not from make-up, her eyes were sparkling and her hair was glossy. She felt good. And instantly found herself thinking about Pacey once again. His eyes, his voice, the way he talked about things and the way he listened, how he looked at her and how he made her feel unintentionally. It was just unbelievable. And in that very moment there was no doubt left. She had fallen for him. Hard. Harder than she thought possible. And it felt divine, even if she didn't knew if Pacey would ever love her back.

So she got downstairs and found everyone in the front yard. The four kids were playing much like the day she first came here, sitting in the sandbox an baked some sand-cakes. Bessie sat on the bench and Bodie did some gardening.

'Hey! Good morning Joey!' Bessie said obviously surprised to see her up yet and Joey grinned.

'Morning.' She glanced towards the cup in her sisters hand. 'Is there a chance, I could get some coffee too? And, by the way, thanks for the lay out's, they were quite helpful.'

'Yeah, I guess...' Bessie smirked and linked her arm with Joey's. 'Come on, we'll get you some coffee and breakfast. Bodie made scrambled eggs with bacon and fresh baguette. But you can have a sandwich or jelly too.'

Joey shook her head. 'Please, Bessie. Don't always treat me like I'm used to always having everything. At home, I oftentimes didn't had have any breakfast at all. I ate an apple and drank a coffee and that was it 'til lunch. So a coffee, scrambled eggs and a slice of bread sound wonderful. Maybe an apple, if you have one and a glass of water. That's it. I'm pretty well taken care of.' She smiled and Bessie nodded.

Just as they were about head for the house, they heard Daniel.

'Joey!' he yelled and literally flew from the spot he had recently been sitting on right into Joey's arms.

'Whoa, Danny.' Joey smiled and lifted him up. 'Good morning, little man.' She smiled at him and her heart began to melt as she looked into his fathers eyes on his face. 'Did you sleep alright?'

'Yeah. Wanna built a sandcastle with me?' He asked grinning and offered Joey a red shovel, he held in his hand.

'Daniel!' It was Bessie's authoritative voice. 'Let Joey have a coffee first, okay?'

He pouted and Joey kissed him on the cheek, before she sat and placing the boy on her lap and tousled gently through his hair, smiling as sand began to rain down from it. 'Well, the way I see it here, Dan, you have exactly two choices. _One_, you sit here, listen to really boring grown-up-talking and watching me have some real late breakfast.' The boy listened with wide eyes and such a serious look on his face, it almost made Joey laugh out loud. Instead she smirked and said: 'Or, _two_, you take this yellow bucket over there,' She pointed at it. 'And start collecting some beautiful stones, maybe some sticks, leaves and some flowers if you like. But plenty of those. If you're lucky, maybe you'll even find one or two shells.'

'And why should I collect this stuff?' Daniel he scratched his head and ached a brow.

'Because', Joey poked her forefinger in his belly. '_You_ want to built a sandcastle with me and _I_ demand, that I get to decorate it when it's done.'

The boy seemed to think about it. 'Okay!' He said at length, jumped off her lap and went to get the bucket, took Amy's hand and off they went collecting things.

'Well, _that_ was kind of impressing.' Bessie chuckled.

'Well, yeah.' Joey shrugged and blushed a little. 'I'm happen to be good with kids.'

Bessie nodded. 'Apparently so! How come, you haven't one or two yourself?'

Joey swallowed and than looked defeated. 'I was pregnant, twice.' She took a deep, shivering breath. 'The first one was a real early miscarriage. The second, Heather, she was stillborn at 26 weeks. Afterwards we hadn't had the courage to try again.'

Bessie's face clouded over and she took her sister's hand. 'Joey, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to...'

'No, it's okay, really.' Joey shrugged and blinked away the sadness. 'It had been a few years since than and I'm really okay again. Even though you'll never get fully rid of the sadness and the hole left behind in your very soul. But I cope.'

'I guess!' Bessie nodded again and squeezed Joey's arm. 'So now, what about that hot coffee and some scrambled eggs?'

'Yes, please!' Joey smiled, thankful that Bessie hadn't asked more questions.

* * *

After the breakfast, Joey got inside to pour herself and her sister the third coffee in a row, they both found, they were in need of pretty much caffeine this morning.

'So, Bessie.' Joey stated, as she sat beside her sister on a blanket they'd lain out. The kid's were on another game and Daniel had agreed, they'd begin to build the castle after lunch. 'Mind if I'd ask you something?'

'Nope.' Bessie replied, while sipping on her coffee and caressing her daughters hair, who'd lain her head into Bessie's lap.

'I was thinking... Maybe I could rent a room here at the B&amp;B? I like being around and maybe I could give you a hand sometimes or two?' She hesitated as Bessie didn't said anything at once. '0Only if it isn't a big deal, I can stay at the CYC as well...'

'Oh, no no. Joey, I just... Really?' She asked and Joey nodded. 'I would very much like that, Jo. But you won't pay anything. You're my guest. As for the hand – I could sure use this.'

Joey smiled brightly. 'Well than, we have a deal. I go get my stuff when you guys do lunch.'

* * *

And she did.

As she stood in the apartment, she almost couldn't believe, that this had been her life. Such luxury, when she really had been supposed to be raised by her sister in poverty. But she couldn't deny, that she liked it. It was her life and she liked not having to switch every coin twice, before buying something, not having to wonder, whether there's be food on the table or warm water in the shower.

She flipped her phone open and quick dialed a number.

'Hey Joey!' She smiled over her whole face, oh her voice was like soothing to her soul. And she took a deep breath.

'Hey Aud. Oh god, I missed your voice!'

'Yeah, I bet. So, what's on your mind. You sound like you need some good advice...' Joey smiled. Yeah, Audrey just happened to knew her inside out. She was the one friend Joey had known all her life and who never once had betrayed her. Whenever they saw each other or phoned, she happened to know instantly what was on Joey's mind.

Joey's parents hadn't supported the friendship, but Joey sticked with Audrey and was rewarded with true friendship. Now Audrey jetted trough the world, ever on the go. Recently she acted for Dawson's The Creek, but one could never know, where she would be the next day. And so they hadn't met in a long time.

'There is this guy, Pacey...' Joey began and Audrey laughed.

By the time they hung up, they had talked for almost two hours.

Joey checked out and couldn't help but look at the docks for Pacey. The sun was burning unyielding and she was grateful for the swingy skirt and the wide sun-hat. Than she saw him. His back was red from the sun and he was totally soaked in sweat. But, oh, it sends shivers through her whole body and her heart began it's crazy beating once again. If she'd ever thought she knew what yearning implied, she had been far off. _This_ was yearning. Her whole being, soul, body and heart seemed to pine for him. At length she turned and walked towards her car.

* * *

Joey spent the whole day at the B&amp;B and instantly found herself build the biggest sandcastle anyone had ever seen. She was just grateful, that the sandbox was placed under a huge tree, so they had shelter from the sun. Later she was braiding Amy's hair in an artful hairdo an brushing Rebecca's, though it was to short for doing anything with it. At length she found herself playing princess with Amy and Daniel was the knight. The two little ones were supposed to be the mighty dragons, but they fell asleep in the middle of the game and so they considered it a victory and held a feast with ice-tea and some blueberry-muffins Bodie had made.

Daniel wore an old pot on his head for a helmet, Amy had one of Joey's pearl necklace as a crown in her hair and they'd made a really beautiful daisy chain for Joey. Amy wore one of Joey's summer dresses and they'd made a sash for Daniel, matched it with a wide black belt and found him a long stick for a sword. This was how Jack and Pacey found them after they'd finished work.

'Oh, hey guy's. Look's like fun!' Amy jumped to her feet and onto Jacks arm. 'Hey princess.' He said with a gentle voice and kissed her on the cheek, but she wriggled free. 'Nice dress.' He smiled.'

'It's Joey's. As is the necklace, but it isn't really a necklace, because it's my crown.' She said, somewhat dismissive. 'Far more important: I'm married. To Daniel. He's killed the dragons and freed me.' She said and her whole face seemed to be one big smile. 'Actually he wanted to marry Joey, but she said, he was supposed to marry me, 'cause I am the princess, and knights are supposed to marry a princess, right?' She asked, but clearly didn't expect an answer, because she just went on talking. 'And now we have a feast. Wanna join us? Please, please, pretty please!' She begged with large puppy eyes and Joey could see Jack melt quite literally.

'Sure, sweety. But at first I gotta say hello to Bessie and Bodie, okay?' Amy nodded and Jack placed her on the ground.

Joey found herself ridiculously captivated by Pacey's eyes, they looked at each other insanely intensive and she thanked god, she sat on the ground, because if she hadn't, her knees had gone weak for sure.

'Hi, Joey.' He said at length, his voice steady, but she was sure she saw something in his eyes that had given him away. Or at least she hoped she saw something.

'Hey Pacey.' She smiled as he knelt beside his son and rubbed his back.

'Hey Dan! Had a good day?'

'Yes, Daddy.' He grinned and Joey could surely tell, that he was his fathers son. His eyes were quite the same and she just knew, he could twist her around his little finger with one deep look out of those beautiful children's eyes. Not to mention, his father had this effect on her, without even trying.

'So.' Bessie appeared and gave a cough as she found Joey staring at Pacey.

'Hm?' Joey turned her head towards Bessie and blushed as she heard a deep chuckle from Pacey, obviously amused at the effect he had on her.

'Jack and I had been thinking about a barbecue. Are you in?'

'Yeah sure, great!' Joey nodded but saw Pacey flinch and lowering his eyes. Acting like he inspected the sandcastle, but really he wasn't.

'Great, than. I'm off getting some steaks, sausages and Doug.' Jack waved and off he was. 'Though he isn't for eating...'

Bessie knelt beside Pacey, one hand on his back. They spoke in low voices and Joey could see Pacey's eyes cloud over and he shook his head. Bessie just kept on talking to him and finally he let out a deep breath and gave a nod. Bessie smiled and patted him on the back.

Daniel had his eyes on his father the whole time and Joey's heart ached for the maturity she saw in his face, that wasn't supposed to be on a face of a four year old child, as he caught his fathers eyes. 'Are we leaving, Daddy?'

'No, Daniel. We stay and do some barbecue. I'm free tomorrow and the day after, so we don't have a rush.' His voice was hoarse.

'Oh, great!' Daniel jumped his father, causing him to hit the ground, because he had knelt on the balls of his feet. Daniel landed on his fathers belly. And Joey could tell the nearness between them. He looked at his fathers face from where he now lay and kissed him. 'Thank you, Daddy.' Another kiss. 'Thank you so so much!'

Pacey wrapped his arms around Daniel and held him tight for a long time. Whispering something into his hair above his ear. They stayed like this for a long moment and Joey just couldn't get her eyes off of them. It was a picture of such deep love and intimacy, really, that it touches something deep, deep down her soul and made her sad and happy all at one time. At length they sat and Pacey seemed more in control.

'So, what's the game?' He asked Joey and she caught his eyes flicked towards the plate with the muffins.

'In fact, as Amy said, we had a feast, because this mighty knight here,' she pointed at Daniel. 'Has slain these dangerous, bloodthirsty dragons over there.' She pointed at the twins, who were fast asleep. 'And as a gift, he was to marry this very beautiful and kind-hearted princess.'

Amy bowed and Pacey nodded while he grinned.

'Did you enjoy the game?' He asked with a chuckle and Joey crinkled her nose.

'It was nice to be careless for a while. And I guess the kids like me and the feeling is mutual. I've got a huge amount of time, so I played along, but enjoyed...' She smiled loop-sided and rolled her eyes. 'I need a shower, because I have sand _everywhere_...' and she instantly blushed as she became aware of the implication and Pacey's laughing proved he had the exact same thought.

'Yeah, I bet...' He smirked.

'Okay, so... Care to join our feast?' Joey asked him playfully in an attempt to change the subject, offering him the plate and a glass of ice tea, full well aware, that he wouldn't ask anyway.

'Yeah sure.' He grinned and grabbed a muffin and took the glass. 'To the bride and groom.' He stated and emptied the glass with one swallow.

They sat a while, Pacey ate two more muffins and they joked over this and that. Finally they heard a car arriving and Joey stood. 'I'll ask Bessie, if I could be of any help inside. You have a look on these two?'

Pacey nodded and stretched out on the blanket in the half-shadow. 'Will do.' He said, but Joey was pretty sure, he would be asleep the moment his eyes fell shut. He seemed totally exhausted and she wondered for the umpteenth time, what heavy burden he was doomed to carry.

'Hey Bess.' Joey poked into the kitchen to found Bessie chopping some vegetables for the barbecue and Bodie was outside, firing the barbecue. 'May I help you with anything?'

'Care to do the salad?'

'Sure'

The two of them chopped and chatted and at length Joey laid her knife down.

'Bessie – why is it, that Pacey wasn't here yesterday?'

Bessie sighed and wiped with the back of her hand over her forehead.

'He was here, Joey, he...' Bessie sighed and looked at Joey with sad eyes. 'Please don't make me tell you things, I'm not supposed to share. Let's just say, he wasn't well. It's been tough this last year and things aren't going to get better anytime soon. He just needed a night off.'

Joey nodded and her gaze swifted to the window and out in the garden, where Pacey lay as she'd left him. Fast asleep, as she had assumed. She wondered if she might be able to lift his burden from his shoulders. _If_ he would let her help him. Because she was more than willing to.

* * *

After the barbecue Daniel sat on Joey's lap and played sleepily with one loose strand of her brown hair.

'So, buddy, what'd do you say? We'll take a leave?' Pacey looked at his son, but the sleepy kid got a stubborn look all over his little face.

'Only if Joey comes a well.' Joey could see many emotions wash over Pacey's face.

'No.' He shook his head. 'No, Daniel. I'll carry you.'

'No! I want Joey to carry me.' He said unrelenting and clenched onto Joey's jacket.

'Daniel, please...' Pacey begged and Joey could tell, he was uncomfortable with this.

'Okay, Danny. What about this,' Joey offered in a gentle voice. 'I got you to your Daddy's bike and the two of you drove home, get a good nights sleep and maybe we can meet at the park in the morrow?' She looked at Pacey now and could clearly see his face easing, but sensed Daniels resistance.

'Hey, Danny. This is a good deal, I'd say.' Joey tried to affirm her offer.

'Yeah Daniel, I wouldn't pass it, for sure.' Pacey insisted and Joey shot him a surprised look, but he shrugged casually. 'It's not every time, that some beautiful woman invites you for a picnic in the park.' He said it casually, but Joey's heart skipped a beat. His eyes were fixated on his son and it leave her wondering, if he meant it as a compliment. If her inviting him to a picnic implied Daniel or himself and referring to her as beautiful was meant from his point of view or from his son's. Oh, it confused her and it left her a little frustrated.

'Okay, so we do it.' Daniel gave in.

'Great.' She smiled and whispered in his hear. 'I'll bring a big picnic to remember, I promise.'

She stood and carried the child to Pacey's bike, where she placed him on the ground and Pacey handed him his helm.

'Thanks, I guess.' Pacey said with a warm voice, that made her shiver despite the warm night.

'You're very welcome, Pacey.' She said in a low voice. 'Good night, I guess.' She looked down.

He placed his helm onto his head an got on his bike. Oh, he was sexy on this thing and she could feel the longing spread through her whole body. She wished, he had at least so much as touched her, but he kept his distance pretty carefully.

'Night.' He nodded, closed the front of his helm and drove off with a big cloud of sand behind him. Joey couldn't help but stand there, even as they were long gone. Wondering if some day she might get a kiss before goodbye.

* * *

The next day, Joey packed a big basket with everything imaginable for a !br0ken! Sandwiches, sliced apples, muffins, some meatballs Bodie made, pasta salad (also made by Bodie), some cookies, water with apple-juice and a thermos jug with hot coffee and other stuff Bessie put in the basket. Than Joey added plates, cutlery and three cups – and of course a big blanket. She also packed a ball and a Frisbee.

As she was done, her cheeks were burning with excitement and Bessie gave her a look.

'Am I done? Have I forgotten something?' Joey looked at her sister a little breathless.

'No...' Bessie shook her head. 'I was just wondering, if you'd go for a picnic or for a vacation...' She laughed and Joey ginned a little embarrassed.

'Do you think, I am overdoing here?'

Bessie shrugged casually. 'A little maybe. But I don't think any of them will mind.'

Joey took a deep breath and than she hesitated.

'Bessie? Mind if I ask you something?'

'Just spill it, Jo!'

Joey remind silent. She wasn't sure if she wanted to ask, but than again, not to ask wasn't an option either. She felt her heart beat fast and she bit her lower lip. She felt all uncertain, but she had to ask, she just had to. She took a shivering breath, found herself biting her lower lip again and kited her hands.

'Do you... Do you think I would... I mean, possibly... hypothetically... stand a chance... with Pacey?'

Bessie looked at her, her jaw fell open. 'Are you serious here, Joey? After all I told you yesterday?' Joey just nodded.

'You see, Bess. Like I said - I just can't think straight when he's around, my heart beats like crazy and I feel, like I'm a total goner for him. See, Benj – he was sweet and caring and real kind but he never gave me butterflies or made my heart skip a beat, just by looking at me or made me want him with all of me, just by being in the same room as I was...'

'So, you really _have_ fallen for him.' It was more like a declaration than a question and Joey sighed. She knew it to be stupid, but she couldn't change it. And so she nodded. 'Afraid so...' Her voice was low and so was her look, fixated on the ground. 'I don't know how to explain, but he just wrecked me, Bess. In the very moment I first looked into his eyes I wasn't able to think about any other thing.'

'So, Joey. I don't know if there is a chance for you here to be honest. Like I said, Pacey hadn't allowed _anyone_ to come to close to him. After Andie he needed an awful lot of time and Sarah didn't help to make it any better. So my advise, like I said yesterday, just don't rush things, Joey. Let him come to you.' She laid a hand on her sister's arm. 'Stick around. If you like somebody, proximity is a good thing, Jo. Be there. Be around if he needs somebody. And if he doesn't, be there although. Be a friend to him and maybe he'll find something for you in his heart, too.'

'Yeah, maybe...' Joey couldn't help but sound sad. Than her eyes switched at the clock on the wall and she gasped.

'Oh my, this late already and I've not even changed...' She looked down at herself, in short jeans and black a belly top, with a mustard-yellow blouse casually over her shoulders, her hair in a messy bun and barefoot in sandals. She hadn't even done make-up. It was undeniably comfortable, but she couldn't possible go outside like this.

'It's perfect, Joey!' Bessie nodded and just as Joey was about to protest Bessie smiled softly at her. 'Hey, do you want to win him over or not?' Joey gave a faltering nod. 'So, you better take my advise, stay like you are, take my bike and get you sweet little behind to the park. Now!'

Joey looked at her sister somewhat funny and than burst into loud laughter, before playfully saluting. 'Yes, Ma'am! Of course Ma'am! At once!' She winked, grabbed her sunglasses, the blanket and that ridiculously full basket placed a kiss on Bessie's cheek. 'See you later, sis.'

'Yeah, later Joey. And take care.' But Joey didn't hear it, because the door clicked shot behind her.

_Review's are motivation ;-)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey all!_

_Sorry for the delay._

_Thank you so much for all the support, the reviews and the motivation. Specially my regualrs. Thank you so, so much! You keep me going. _

_So, here comes Chapter 8, I hope you like it. It's from Pacey's POV again and it's quite longer than usual. Real life has been a b**** these last weeks, I hope it gets better._

_Please let me know, what you think. I need your reviews._

_Yours,_

_Yana_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 8 -_

The previous night

Pacey had put his son to bed and the kid was so fast asleep, he slept through Pacey peeling his jacket, shoes and trousers off. He placed the duvet over Daniel, placed a kiss on his forehead, caressed his cheek with his hand and pulled the curtains close.

Quietly he left the room, grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water from the faucet. His eyes flinched to the envelope on the table and his stomach tightened. The sender read _"Youth welfare office"_ and Pacey was scared to death with it's content. With the implication of it. He reached for it, but than pulled his hand back, as if the envelope had burned him. He passed the letter and walked towards the window. Ever since he first got it out of the mailbox the previous morning, he felt sick. And now, every time his eyes found it, it felt as if it would burn right through his body and soul. His thoughts rushed through his head like a whirlwind. He wasn't able to catch only one straight thought. He knew, he had to open it eventually, but he just wasn't able to.

He grabbed the window sill so hard, his knuckles turned white and stared into the pitch black night. But all he saw was his reflection in the glass. His face showed some worry lines, his eyes had long lost their shine. Where the light-hearted, happy-go-lucky, laughing and joking young man, that somehow managed to get back on his feet every damn time someone bashed him down, once was, only a worn out, disaffected and somehow aged man looked back at him. He knew god damned well what the content of the letter was. And he felt the tears sting his eyes again. His mouth hardened, as did his heart.

They would take him away if he didn't manage to do better.

They would just come and rip Pacey's heart out, by taking Daniel away.

He felt the tears fall and he didn't try to stop them. He was crying far too much these days, but he just hadn't the strength to stop the river.

He turned and sunk down the wall. He crouched down, his head on his knees and his arms over his head. He just couldn't see, how to prevent this wave to collapse right above his head and take everything he held dear with it.

He had imagined to just get Daniel on his bike and run away. To get out of here. Somewhere nobody knew him.

He knew, he just couldn't afford what they wanted. It wasn't possible.

He cried in helpless sobs, the tears ran down his cheeks unstoppable and he felt as helpless and alone as he had never ever felt in his life.

No matter how much he wanted it to be alright. To believe Bessie, when she said he could count on her. To rely on Doug and Jack, who could although be helpful. And they all would help in the best of their possibilities. But he just wanted to do it on his own. To finally hadn't to ask for help. To be able to manage his life and to keep his son out of his own efforts.

And than there was she. Joey. She had planted herself into his head and heart and soul, but he refused to look at it. She would just made everything more complicated than it already was. And even if he would be interested, and he definitely wasn't - or at least he refused to be - it could not be. Couldn't. Mustn't. Not now. And honestly not ever.

She was far off his class. She would only want him for a few nights and he wasn't willing to risk his heart. Not when it meant, risking Daniel's too. And this would be the case, because even some blind man could see the affection Daniel held for Joey.

And Pacey?

Well, Joey was pretty – beautiful even – she was funny and witty, good with his kid and she seemed kind-hearted. And sexy. Boy she had his whole body go crazy with the bare thought of her name. But she made him want to be able to give more than he was willing to give.

She made him _want_ somebody again. _Need_ somebody again. Like desperately. And not only for pleasure, but for anytime. For every time. He believed, she would be able to just steal his heart and make him want to be with her for real. That he would fall for her. Hard and remorseless. Irrevocable. And it scared the holy crap out of him. He had sworn to not let anyone near his heart ever again. But she just seemed to tear all those long built walls down, to melt his iced heart with one laugh that spread from her kissable lips over her whole face and right into her eyes – and jumped from there straight into his carefully guarded soul.

He stood and wiped with the back of his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked around his house and decided there and than, that he wouldn't let her get him. She wasn't allowed into his heart, because he couldn't afford to get it broken again. To _be_ broken again. He locked all emotions out of his heart and thought about how he would get Daniel to not wanting that promised picnic in the park. But he stuck with the simple hope, that Daniel had forgotten about it in the morning.

As the sky slowly switched from night-blue to morning-rose, he went to bed. His face an unreadable mask.

* * *

Pacey had tried to distract Daniel for almost the whole morning. In truth he had hoped, that the boy had been too sleepy the night before to remember Joey's promise. But, really, his hopes had been shattered the moment Daniel woke.

'Morning dad. Can we go straight to the park when I'm done in the bath and clothed? Pleeeeeease?' He had given him his puppy eyes and no matter how much Pacey had tried, there had been no chance, Daniel would give in. So at length Pacey gave up on his attempts and finally nodded his agreement after a breakfast Daniel had refused to have, until Pacey promised they would really, truly went to the park.

* * *

Now, here they were. Much to early, but the boy had been very persuasive. Kicking a ball around in the already warm morning sunshine. Pacey felt sick. All his thoughts circled around her. And his attempts to keep his distance. And of course, that damn letter, he'd hidden before they'd left earlier. Just so he wasn't hunted by it's presence all the time he was at home. He just couldn't stand to look at it. It made all his insides twist and knotted his stomach.

Nonetheless he couldn't help but smile, as he saw the looks Daniel shot around and could see the hope and fear in the boy's eyes. It warmed him all up inside and he swore for the umpteenth time, he would do anything in his power to keep the boy. He just really hoped, that Joey would in fact come, because if she didn't the child would be heartbroken. For some reason Daniel just trusted Joey and had given her access to his little heart and soul unconditionally. Something he rarely did, much like his father. Without question Daniel just trusted her and Pacey could only hope and pray to whatever might there was, that this trust would not be abused. He had been careful, not to let anyone into their lives, who had the potential of leaving them behind.

And all of a sudden, Daniel's face lightened up and was beaming with joy.

'There she comes, Daddy, look.' He pointed on some woman on a bike, with a ridiculously huge basket. Pacey chuckled at that sight. 'Would you just _look_!' Daniel was jumping from one foot to the other and plucked on Pacey's short.

'Yeah, Daniel. I see. Would you just calm down a little?' Pacey insisted quietly, but with a bubbling joy at the sight of his utterly engrossed son. He bowed down an whispered in his ear: 'Unless you wanna scare her away...'

Daniel looked at Pacey with wide eyes but than he burst into laughter at the serious look on his fathers face. 'You can't scare her away, Daddy.' He placed one of his little hands on Paceys cheek, causes him to blink in surprise. Daniel looked deep into his fathers eyes. 'She won't leave us, I promise.' His voice was much like Pacey's in times he smoothed night-horrors away from his son. But the utter conviction in Daniel's voice made his heart ache for the child, who knew nothing of the world and of being left behind by people who promised the world to one another. And it made him wonder, why the boy tried to convince him, that she won't leave _them_, because as far as Pacey was involved, there was no _us_... And certainly not going to be any time soon.

He watched Daniel literally fly towards Joey, who struggled with the bike and the basket. She couldn't manage to get the basket down in time Daniel reached her and Pacey couldn't help but smile and warm up, as he saw her letting the bike including the basket hit the ground and instead opening her arms to scoop up the kid, that flew into her arms. She swirled him around and hugged him, he rested his head on the nape of Joey's shoulder and closed his eyes dreamingly.

Joey laughed as she kissed his head and than obviously saying something about the basket and it's contents, that more or less got spilled all over the meadow. Her eyes all sparkling as her eyes met Pacey's, a new something in her gaze and it sent shivers down his spine. The picture of her holding his son like that, kind of burnt itself into his very soul.

Pacey found himself staring. He just couldn't believe what he saw and he couldn't deny, that it made him all warm. At length he got his feet to walk towards this astonishing beautiful woman. She wore a short jeans and a top, a yellow blouse around her waist, her hair wrapped up in a messy bun and her bare feet in sandals instead of a summer-dress and some artsy hairstyle. But it made her even more desirable. Breathtakingly desirable. And he realized, that he could as well forget all his good intentions, because this woman would be his perdition.

'Hi.' He said, as he reached them and she smiled at him. And he forced himself not to stare.

'Hi yourself. Sorry for the delay...' She bit his lower lip and Pacey gasped at the view, because it made him want to kiss her. Real deep.

'Never mind.' Pacey ginned and tried to calm the storm that set inside of him. 'We've just arrived..' He looked from his son to his watch and than back at her. '...let's say, about two and a half hours ago.'

'Well, than...' She said smiling and than her face fell. 'Wait – did you just say two and a half _hours_?'

'Afraid so.' Pacey nodded and pointed at Daniel, who seemed to be just where he wanted to be. His face all pleased and his expression nothing but blissful.

Joey laughed once more and Pacey couldn't help but chuckle.

'So, Danny.' He stepped closer to Joey, who was still holding his son. He smelled her, she smelled of raspberry and vanilla. He cleared his throat and patted his sons back. 'I believe we should help Joey collect all the stuff that spilled all over the meadow for your sake. What'd you think?'

Daniel tilted his head and smiled, from where his head still rested. 'I think we could as well lay out the blanket here and stay under that tree for the picnic instead of putting all back inside just to get it out under another tree.' He lifted his head and looked at Joey. 'You got a blanket, don't you?'

'Yeah, little man. I got a blanket. A real big one.' Joey smiled loopsided and rolled her eyes. Pacey found himself gasping at that and Joey caught his eyes. A flickering fire in the brown depth as she refused to let his eyes go. He blushed and being aware of that he blushed some more, what caused her to smile even more. She still held his eyes with hers and he felt tingly, but than he tore his gaze from her and forced himself to step back. He wouldn't fall for her!

So he began to lay out the blanket and Joey put Daniel on the ground.

'Come on, little man, let's see what we have for the promised picnic, okay?' She smiled at the kid and offered him her slender hand.

'Yeah!' Daniel beamed at her and took her hand naturally, let her lead him to the blanket and as she started to unpack everything inside the basket and collect the stuff that lay across the meadow. Daniel's eyes grew wider and wider with every thing Joey placed on the blanket. Pacey couldn't help but grin.

'So, tell me, Joey. Did you mean to have picnic with just Daniel and I? Because this...' he pointed around. 'this would be enough to have at least Jack and Doug with Amy along and have some leftovers nonetheless.'

'Well, I...' She blushed and Pacey wasn't sure, what she had wanted to say and it made him narrow his eyes. A nagging feeling in his chest made him look at her suspiciously. He couldn't help but get the feeling, she wanted to feed them properly. But she shrugged shyly and said. 'You know, I've never packed a picnic myself before. I just grabbed the packed basket. In fact, the last picnic I was at, was the fifth birthday of my friend. And her mother had organized it, so...' She blushed deeper and Pacey grinned and for some reason he pitied her.

'Never mind.' He smiled at his son, who began the feast. 'I believe Daniel feels like heaven.'

Joey looked at the boy, who looked around with a mouthful of cake and a meatball in one hand, a piece of bread in the other, for the next thing to eat and she began to laugh.

'Yeah. I think you're right.' She smiled and offered him some hot coffee, which he took and reached for a muffin to go along with the coffee. He relaxed, feeling light-hearted and comfortable. He watched his son eat and laugh and Joey sipping her coffee and nibbling at a muffin herself, while joking with Daniel. At length she shifted and stretched down on the blanket. The sun painted light-and-shadow-patterns on her face and she closed her eyes. It almost took his breath away, as she opened them at length and met his openly and full of sympathy.

'I like being around you.' She said and he grinned, saying nothing.

* * *

The hours passed by, without anyone of them noticing it.

They played hide-and-seek. Pacey watched Joey hide behind a tree and looking around it, just to meet his eyes and her whole face shone with joy. And even though he smiled back and enjoyed watching them play, enjoyed the way she looked at him with unhidden affection but without haste, without any expectations, he couldn't quench the bittersweet sadness that stole into his heart. Couldn't help but wonder, what Bessie had told her about him.

And all of a sudden, Joey's face seemed to change and he saw Andie instead of her. Remembered the deep wound she had left and the inability to trust someone like he did then. That inhabited him since she betrayed him the way she did. And Sarah, who just had left him. With an infant of three weeks. Just so. As he woke with the crying of his son, he found she was gone and she just didn't return. She left a note _'I'm sorry. I don't want this life and you knew it. Love him for me. Bye, Sarah.'_ and two hundred bucks.

He took a deep breath and knew, he couldn't give in. He wasn't allowed to love her, because she would left him. Nothing good ever stayed with him.

And then he remembered the letter in his wardrobe and the pain in his chest was almost unbearable. He wouldn't survive, if they really were to take Daniel away. And for a moment he thought about asking her for help, but his pride wouldn't let him. He had always cared for them himself and he surely wouldn't start to ask for help now.

Joey, who had been kicking the ball around with Daniel, suddenly knelt beside him, her warm hand on his shoulder.

'Hey there, Pacey.' She moved her head, so she was able to look into his eyes, which he knew were glassy. The concern and sincere affection in them flattered him undeniably. 'Are you alright?' Her voice was soft and quiet and he could hear her honest concern.

'Yeah...' His voice was croaky and he cleared his throat. 'Yeah, I'm good.'

'You sure?' She arched a brow and he was _this close_ to just open up to her. To let her help him carry the burden that threatened to bring him down. But he swallowed.

'Yes. Absolutely.' He stood, just to escape her asking eyes. 'I bet, none of you will catch me.' He stated, put on his best happy-go-lucky face and began to run. Finding, that it made him feel alive, just to run in the sun, his son's happy laughter behind him, as he escaped him again and yet again. And suddenly Joey got him frontal, as he just was about to dart sideways to escape Daniel. She wrapped her arms around him laughing in the exact same moment Daniel got him from behind, caused all three of them to fall over. Daniel landed on his fathers back, Joey lay backwards in the grass and Pacey was caught in the middle. Luckily he was aware of the fall and stopped the collision with Joey by catching his weight with his arms, which left him hovering over her like he whether was about to made a push-up or to kiss her. She looked at him, from where she lay, her cheeks burning from the game, her hair spread messily around her head, her tongue sneaking out to moisten her kissable lips. He found his eyes switching from her eyes to this adorable lips and back to her eyes again. His breath came quick as did her's. He could feel his heart beat hard and her's to, 'cause of the ridiculous close position they ended up in. Her eyes were half closed but she forced them open to met his and his whole body responded. He knew she must be aware of it, because if he could feel her heartbeat, she sure as hell could feel his arousal.

'Daddy? Are you two alright? Have you hurt yourselves?' Daniel's face appeared behind Joey's, as he bowed in attempt to look as his father.

Pacey chuckled and cleared his throat as he sat up. 'Everything's alright, Dan.' He looked at Joey, who shifted into a sitting position as well, her chest giving her heavy breathing away, as she bound her hair back into a bun.

'What about some more muffins?' Pacey asked to quench the tension and Daniel nodded.

Pacey stood and offered Joey a hand to help her stand up which she took. What he hadn't expected was the firework that spread from where she touched his hand throughout his whole body. She stood and they looked into each others eyes for just a moment to long. Than she lowered her head and plucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, let go of his hand. 'I think Daniel waits for us.' She smiled uncertain and he nodded.

'Better go.'

'Yeah.' He turned and she followed him a moment later. He wondered what she was thinking. What she felt. But than again, whatever this was, it wasn't meant to be.

* * *

They spent the whole day in the park. At some point Daniel yawned and Pacey smiled at his son.

'I think we gotta go. This young men's bed screams his name. I can hear it even here.'

'I don't wanna go home, Daddy. I don't.' Daniel crossed his arms and his face got all sullen.

'Daniel. We really got to go.' Pacey insisted and was aware of Joey's grin.

'I won't go without her!' Daniel stated and Pacey's heart fell. He didn't want her in his house. And sure as hell not tonight. This whole day felt like a whirlwind and he just desperately wanted a cold shower, his bed and time to sort his thoughts and get his feelings under control.

'No, Daniel.' Pacey said decisively and shook his head.

'Okay. So I'll stay here with Joey. You can go home, Daddy.' Daniel pursed his lips and crawled onto Joey's lap.

Joey leaned against a tree and smiled at the boy, who now claimed her lap and rested his head onto her chest. She stroke his hair and his back and looked at Pacey with so much warm sympathy it just got him. He knew, Daniel needed a mother figure and he'd always thought Bessie to be the right person, but as he watched Daniel slowly drift to sleep in Joey's arms, he wasn't so sure anymore. And the bare fact, that he allowed himself to think about her in this way, scared him to death. But he knew also, that he would not be able to deny his son his wish, if Joey would agree to come along.

And as he asked her, she looked surprised, but agreed much as he had suspected she would.

* * *

With a twisted feeling in his gut he opened the door to his house a while later. He was painfully aware of the brittle facade and the loose wallpapers, the torn curtains and the meager, unfitting furniture, the squeaking doors and the cold that creped through each and every crack.

'Home sweet home.' He said as they stepped into his house and quite instantly stood halfway in the kitchen and halfway in the living room.

Joey's expression was unreadable but she didn't seem to be deterred.

'Where can I lay him down?' She asked and than he realized, that she carried his son in her arms.

'There' He opened the door to their bedroom, lighted a small bedside lamp and leaving them.

He grabbed his guitar and two worn out blankets and left the house. In the backyard was a fireplace, where he lit up a little bonfire. He loved to be out here. If he didn't like anything about his house, he surly loved the backyard. It looked right at the creek. It had a dock and a in the hot summer day's Daniel and he would oftentimes swim in the cold water. It was beautiful. Some trees stood here too. It was peaceful and quiet.

He began to play some melody and got lost in it. At length he became aware of Joey, who sat beside him on a stone, one blanket around her shoulders. She hummed along his melody and he felt a strange twist in his stomach. This woman really could get him and in that exact moment he knew it. He knew, if he wasn't cautious she would be able to got through all the carefully built walls straight into his vulnerable, scarred heart. He knew, if he allowed himself to be inattentive even for one tiny moment, she would have him and he wouldn't be able to untangle himself from her. Not undamaged anyway.

They sat a long while, Pacey playing guitar and Joey hummed or just watching him play in the flickering light of the flames. At length she sighed and lifted her face towards the sky. ''tis unbelievable how many stars one can see out here. In the city you could barley see one at all. Sometimes you can't even see the moon. The sky is always foggy. And it is never really quiet. Not like out here.' He had stopped playing. He watched her as she spoke, the orange shadows of the flames seem to carress her face, to lick down her cheek and kiss her lips. He couldn't really pay attention to what she was saying, just got lost in her appearance and her warm voice. He felt a shiver floating over him as she turned his eyes towards him, locking her eyes with his like she'd done before.

'It is beautiful out here. And you have such a nice and blithesome son.' She smiled shyly and he chuckled. It felt as if she had fallen for him, like a fifteen year old girl rather than a woman of nearly thirty. The adoration in her voice, the slight shyness in her eyes, the uncertainty that spoke through every movement. And it did him good. It kind of smoothed his heart and he felt his whole body relax. Because whatever she felt or wanted or needed, she didn't seem to expect anything but friendship in return and this he could give her. Freely. 'You must be very lucky, Pacey.'

He burst into bitter laughter. 'Not exactly lucky, I guess. Life is hard with a child but without a mother, without education and with a rather bad-paid job.' He couldn't believe she thought his life to be a happy one, just because his son was nice and the creek happened to float by his backyard.

'I... I didn't meant any offense.'

'Yeah, I'm sure you didn't.' Pacey couldn't help but being offended. This life was anything but good. It was a mess. A deep, sticky mess and there was no way out. But he knew, she hadn't intended to hurt him and so he took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry, I just... It's a heavy burden most of the time rather than a lucky life. Day's like this are rare and precious but mostly unaffordable.'

'Mind me asking what happened?' She asked and he surprised himself by shaking his head.

'No, there is nothing to hide anyway. After Andie there had been no sense in anything for me. I got to that trip we'd planned alone. I had lots of casual sex on my journey. And originally I didn't plan to come back at all. But a storm hit me and I lost my boat. Just lucky, I got away with my life.' He frowned as he thought about the True Love. 'I got back here to find Andie and Dawson entangled on the beach. I knew I lost them both. I just couldn't stand to be near any of them. This was two week into senior year. I flunked, because I just screwed everything. I didn't went to school, I drank too much, I locked myself out of everything. Andie and Dawson tried to convince me, to take their help but I'm not a man for alms. At length I got myself a job on a ship. I was to help in the kitchen and soon I was kind of the chefs trainee. He wanted me to stay on board and got my apprenticeship with him.' He sighed deeply as he thought about those days. 'I had to go home for some stuff, not the least I needed my fathers approval, which I really didn't hope to get. But surprisingly he gave it, thanks to the convincing ability's of Doug and Gretchen. I was only a week here as Sarah showed up. I knew her from the ship, we've slept together just one time. But there she stood, looking at me with this huge blue eyes, telling me she was pregnant. With my child. And she wanted my approval for an abortion. I couldn't give it.' He looked at her, his voice had become croaky and shaky, his heart tightened and he knew, had he given his approval then, he would now lead another life. A much better, more secure and maybe even a carefree life, but he hadn't been able to say yes. And honestly, he didn't regret it. Not all the time anyway. 'I just... I couldn't, Joey.' He found his voice small and almost apologetic.

She nodded and he felt like she really understood.

'We rented this house and she lived here through her pregnancy. My parents abandoned me. My father was angry and indignant, because I just screwed once again. At length I got the job at the CYC. 'tis not much...' He gestured towrads the house. 'Sarah wanted to get a job once Daniel was born and than we could have managed. We really could have.' He swallowed, as he tried to get his emotions back under control. At length he took a deep breath. 'Well, what should I say? She left. Daniel was only three weeks old as one day she just disappeared, not to ever return. I asked Bessie for help and Jen, who was still around than, pregnant herself by the time. They helped me a lot. And Doug and Jackers too. Without them, I didn't know if I had managed the first month. And now I'm here, living from hand to mouth and just hoping there'll be enough to feed him and pay the bills in the end.' He looked at her, desperately wanting to know what she thought and surprised to find tears shining in her eyes. 'Why are you crying?' He asked softly.

'Because... It's just so unfair, you know?' She blinked and wiped with the back of her hand over her eyes. 'I, for my part, I have money to paperhanging your whole house and still have enough to dig a real big whole, put money in it to swim in and still living from all the rest without worrying. I don't need it. I not even earned all of it myself. And all I ever wanted was a family. And you...' She looked at him and he couldn't deny the sting of jealousy and envy. 'You are such a nice and wonderful person, you got such a handsome son and you deserve so much better.'

'Well, I believe life had other plans...'

'Yeah, I guess.'

'Just know, Pacey. If you need anything, you just need to say one word.' She looked at him and he felt so many things at the same time, he couldn't seperate one from the other. It would be so simple and all his worry's would be gone in the blink of an eye. But he shook his head.

'Thanks, but no. Really.'

She nodded sadly. 'My offer stand.' She stated and than they fell silent. Watching the night sky and suddenly he felt as content as he never had in his whole life. He could just sit here. Beside her. Watching the stars. And forgetting the world. Just so. And he was surprised by the longing to lay his arm around her shoulder and just hold her. Eventually he didn't and just watched her watching the sky, watching her breath and smile at him, when their eyes met.

At length she sighed. 'I think I should leave. Thanks for the wonderful day, Pacey.'

'It is my place to thank you, Joey. It was really a great day and we didn't get them often, though... May I invite you over for dinner tomorrow?' He grinned wide as he saw the surprise flash over her face and she blushed and lowered her gaze.

'Well, I'd love to come over tomorrow.' She beamed and her eyes sparkled in the light of the full moon and the fading fire as if someone had placed the stars from the night sky right into the brown depths. 'May I bring anything?'

'No.' Pacey said. 'Just that smile, please.' He loved, how the blush on her cheeks deepened and the way she lowered her gaze shyly.

'I think I can manage _that_.' She nodded at length and then looked deep into his eyes and the yearning to kiss her lips was almost overwhelming. And he wondered if the invitation had been such a good idea.

'Well, good night, I guess.'

''Yeah, good night, Joey.' She smiled at him one more time and so did he. Than she tuned and a moment later she was gone.

Slowly he took several deep breathes. Not really sure what to think. Or to feel for the matter of fact. But he knew, he'd let her in in some crazy way, he had given her access to his life and he wasn't sure what to do with it. Now she was gone.

He stared into the starry sky. For the first time in forever he asked himself, if maybe he could love again. And be loved. If he was ready to take the risk. To cherish the feeling of joy and the joy of feeling again. Of touching and be touched. To own and being owned. To finally love again. And be loved in return.

**Thanks for reading! Please take a moment and review.**


	9. Chapter 9

Hi everyone,

sorry it took me so long again. I promise it will get better. This one was really, really tough for me and I think you'll understand why by the end of the chapter. Just stick with me and give me feedback on this one. I'm just in desperate need for your opinions, so please leave me a review.

Oh, this chapter is for my proofreader joeypotter85 - she said "write" and I wrote... So, this is what you get (imagnie my mean grin).

Thanks for all the reviews and follows (ten follows, **hurray!**). I crave them as much as any writer does ^^

Enjoy, Yana

**On different way's**

_Chapter 9_

_Joey was curled up into a warm blanket she'd took from indoors. She sat on the outside bench in front of the B&amp;B. Her eyes were fixed on the sky, as she watched the dawn break, the light mirroring itself in the everfloating creek. The morning sky all painted in light blue and rose, as if the day was hunting the night away._

Funny_, she thought, _that inside it feels all the opposite.

_She sighed deeply, as she felt the tears rise again and this time she let them fall. What sense was there in holding them back? Her thoughts tumbled back and over these last few weeks that changed her life in so many ways. That made her all alive and built her as a new person. She finally felt like she belonged somewhere, like really belonged and at home. But it had to end eventually and so it ended._

* * *

Retrospect

A few weeks earlier as Joey came back from Pacey's after the picnic she was all dreamy. Bessie had laughed at her, as she found her outside, much as she sat right now. Smilingly she'd asked her, if she hadn't slept at all and Joey just shook her head.

'No... I just can't.' Joey had smiled mysterious and wrapped the blanket somewhat closer. 'I may just wake and found this whole day a dream.'

'So, I guess your little picnic was a success?' Bessie smirked and handed her the coffeepot she held in her hands, taking the seat beside Joey and watched the morningsun rise with her.

Joey took the pot gratefully and cupped it with both hands. Her eyes stuck on the glistening creek and at the memory of earlier swept through her she felt warm and tingly and absolutely excited. 'Yeah, Bessie, it was...' Her voice was soft and low and dreamy. '...kind of wonderful. It was all easy going and light hearted. We laughed much and I put Danny to bed...'

Bessie ached a brow. 'Pacey let you come over?'

Joey nodded at length. 'Yeah...kind of.' She smiled loopsided and looked at her sister with a roll of her eyes. 'Daniel threatened him that he would rather sleep in the park with me, than go home without me.'

Bessie laughed and Joey joined her. 'Sound like him for sure. You know, Daniel reminds me much of the Pacey I once knew.'

'What was he like? The Pacey before?' Joey just desperately wanted to know each and every little bit that there was to know about this man who'd stolen her heart right out of her chest. And she missed him already.

'He was witty, light-hearted, happy-go-lucky-Pacey. He would always know exactly what to say to lighten the mood or to comfort someone or how to lend a hand without needed to be asked for it. He was sweet. And a screw-up in so many ways.' Bessie fell silent for a while and Joey just let her think. 'You know, he hadn't had it easy. Quite like never. And than someday he came here and told me, he'd fallen for Andie and my heart ached for him, because as much as I wanted him to be happy, I knew, that the biggest part of her heart had always belonged to Dawson and that Pacey just wouldn't be able to stand up against him. And after she'd dropped him, well everything just fell apart. His life went downhill faster then he could count to ten.' Another silence. 'And after Daniel. Well, his parents just abandoned him.'

'Yeah... This is the Pacey I knew. He is haevy-hearted, and his eyes have some thick sadness in them even when he laughs. I just wish I could do anything about it...' Joey sighed heavily, bacuse she really, really wished he would give her entrance to his heart, to let her ease his pain and to help him with his sorrows.

'Maybe he will, in time. Just give him space and time, Joey.' Bessie looked her in the eyes.

'He invited me over for dinner tonight.' Joey said and couldn't help but smile at the promise of seeing him again in a few hours.

'He did?' Bessie gaped and her face was a literal expression of pure disbelieve.

Joey grinned. Not a girlish smile, but a shit-eating grin. She felt her heart beating fast and her head spinning, at the bare thought of seeing him tonight. God it was so pathetic, but she couldn't deny it any longer. She'd fallen for him. Really, really hard. But, when friendship was what she got, than she'd rather go with it than nothing at all. And maybe he would someday find it in his heart to love her back.

* * *

She was early at Pacey's and stood a moment in front of his house. She'd chosen to ride with Bessie's old bike rather than taking the car. Mainly because it felt completely out of line to park her black Corvette in front of this house. Well, if one could really name it a house. It was more likely a flat with noone nearby. And it looked like it would fall apart, when the next storm hit it. She just stood there, mustering the house and wondering how she could manage to help Pacey on his feet without making him feel worthless. She didn't want to intervene, if he didn't choose to ask, but she was pretty sure, that – if by any chance – anybody would become aware of the deprive environment under which Daniel grew up, they would just take him away from Pacey. And she didn't want that to happen, for sure.

She tugged her loose hair behind her ear and knocked on the front door, opened it and stepped into the house. A delicious smell wafted up her nose. She couldn't help but beaming at the sight of him and she gasped quietly. God, he was just so handsome. Beautiful even. Her whole body responded to him. She literally craved to just step in and wrap her arms around him from behind, buring her head in his neck and breathing in his astonishing smell. Feeling his muscualr chest under her fingertips and kissing this unbelievably irresistible lips. Eventually she didn't do anything of the sort. Just stood there and taking in the scene and some deep breathes. Adoring him from afar, for just a moment longer. He stood barefooted in the kitchen with a real tight short jeans and a bare muscular chest. His brown hair was wet, from a shower she guessed. His eyes were fixated on the vegetables he was chopping and he hummed along. In a pan seared some kind of meat, chicken by the smell. And in a pot boiled rice.

'Hi Pacey.' She greeted him at length, stepping beside him and stealing one of the carefully chopped carrots. Nibbling on it's top as his eyes met her's. She noticed his look flickering to her mouth, where she nibbled the carrot, lingering there for just a moment to long and than back to her eyes again.

'Hi yourself.' His voice was a little throaty and so he harrumphed.

'So,' she looked into the pan and to the chopped vegetables on the painfully small working space. 'What are you cooking? It smells just delicious.' She took a deep breath and then rolled her eyes as she opened them again. Her eyes met his and she could feel the spark between them.

'Oh... Just one of many thing that come to my head when I think about cooking.' He tried a casual smile, but his dilated pupils gave him away. 'Like I said, I always wanted to be a chef and so, when I actually get to cook, I just let my fantasy go an cook whatever comes to mind. Today we'll have some kind of wok, with chicken and veg of the season and rice of course.' He smiled at her with the tiniest bit of a sparkle in his eyes, as she took just another carrot and as she was about to nibble it he said: 'That is, if you left any...'

She bit her lower lip in a playfully manner. 'You can have it back, if you like.' She looked at him from under her eyelid, offering him the carrot she had recently nibbled on and could see him swallow.

'Well, no...' his voice was croaky and he waved dismissively, tried to tear his eyes from her lips. He cleared his throat and got to turn the meat in the pan. 'You can have it.'

They'd spent the whole evening flirting and laughing and just having a good time. Eventually Daniel crawled onto Joey's lap, as they sat outside by the fire. She covered him with the warm blanket she'd had around her shoulder and the boy sighed in relieve as he rested his head on her warm chest, felt her heart thump and her steady breathing. She laughed about something Pacey had said and the boy held tight onto her. She placed a hand on his head an stroke his hair, like she'd never not done it, with the other hand she caressed his back and as she began to slowly rocking the kid, she felt Pacey's eyes on her.

She looked at him and he chuckled slightly embarrassed, that she'd caught him looking. She ached a brow inquiring and he chuckled some more.

'What?' She asked him, laughing. 'What is it Pacey? Spill it!' She said, ever so gently holding the boy and careful not to let him slip off of her lap.

'Nothing...' He said smiling and she felt a blush creep over her cheeks.

'Nothing?' She asked sceptically.

'No. Just... I never realized...' He stopped, clearly aware, that he was giving something away, that he didn't want to let her know. 'What I was saying: You are amazing with him.' He grinned. 'You're like his sleeping pill. Everytime he come to sit on your lap, he falls asleep. Just so.'

'Well, thank you.' She grinned. 'But he sat on my lap quite the whole time today it's just until now that he fell asleep. I think, the sleeping-pill-me only works on a deadly-tiered-babyboy.'

'Yeah.' Pacey chuckled yet again. 'Come on, I'll help you put him to bed.'

So Pacey helped Joey get up and as his hands touched her body, they sat it on fire. Every atom, every nerve everything seemed to just focus on where his hands had lain a few seconds before and she let out a silent sigh. His hands on her just felt so good, she wanted to just lay the boy down on the moist meadow and kiss his father to unconsciousness. But eventually she didn't. She forced her breath to a steady rhythm, her heartbeat to calm down and cursed the wetness between her legs. Instead she smiled at Pacey, who opened the backdoor and the door to the bedroom for her. As she'd laid him down, Pacey came over and covering his son and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. As he came up again he looked at Joey and Joey looked right back at him. She saw his breath come as quickly as hers, his eyes almost fully black. The electric spark between them was no longer deniable and she felt it was almost touchable and without her thinking anything anymore, her lips were on his. It took him a moment but than he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back with a soft gasp. And god, it felt so good. She felt like melting and as she tugged her arms around his neck, his mouth opened and before long her tongue tangled with his in a needy and more beautiful kiss, than she'd ever had. Warm and passionate, but soft and lovely all at the same time. She felt butterflies in her whole body and could feel his arousal. But just as a soft little moan escaped her, he pushed her away.

'What was this?' He asked breathy and stepped a step backwards.

'A kiss?' She offered as breathy as he, aware of her burning cheeks and messed up hair.

'You _kissed_ me?' He asked the obvious and she nodded, because really, what else was she supposed to do? He dragged her out of the bedroom where Daniel slept and looked at her very serious.

'Okay, let's get something straight here. We can be friends. You can even chaperone my son. But kissing and all the stuff that naturally follows a kiss like _that one.__' _He drove his hands thruogh his hair, beause – god, had this been a kiss! 'This is _absolutely_ out of question. Am I perfectly clear here?'

Joey nodded again, unsure of what to do or say, for the matter of fact and so she lowered her eyes.

'I'm sorry, Pacey, I didn't want to upset you or something... It was more like,' She searched for the right word. 'an impulse?' She offered uncertain, more like a question.

'Yeah, I guess so.' He chuckled and than did something, Joey hadn't expected him to. He placed his hand gently under her chin and lifted her head up, until she was forced to look him in the eyes. He intensified the look they shared and it felt like her heart melted again, right there and than. She wasn't able to think and barely managed to breathe. She couldn't help it, but to look on this kissable lips of his. Her whole body craved for their touch again and so she forced her eyes to met his again instead of sticking by his quite irresistible lips.

'Don't you ever apologize for it again.' His voice was sexy and low and croaky and oh, but it sent shivers all through her body. She knew, he could finish her with this voice of his. He gazed over her face as if caressing it and she felt her knees go weak under his look. 'God, Joey... I just...' His eyes were almost black, his thump slid along her jawbone and she couldn't help but close her eyes. It just felt so good, so close and affectionate. She refused to believe, that he didn't want her back, in fact she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. He wanted her. Real bad. But he said: 'Please understand me, Jo. I just can't be that for you.' His thump caressing her cheek spoke a whole different language and his hand around her waist did also. 'But I want to be your friend. If you will.'

She nodded and he let out a breath of relieve, before he quickly removed his hands from her and grinned this astonishing insecure smile of his. 'Wanna sit by the fire some more?'

'I'd love to.'

And they sat by the fire most of the night, talking and laughing and it felt strangely familiar. As if they'd known each other for more than a few day's.

* * *

After that they spent many evenings and most of Pacey's free day's together. Daniel grew very fond of Joey and enjoyed that he saw her more often than his dad, because Joey was at Bessie's and Pacey at work. Pacey also stayed more often than not at Bessie's after work, when he came to pick up Daniel.

And even though they had a friendship-only-agreement of some sort, they couldn't help but touch one another whenever they had the chance to do so. A random brush of shoulders, an amicabley clap on the butt or a touch of hands at everyday-things. They smiled at each other and get lost in one another's eyes, they bantered and laughed a whole lot.

Doug and Jack shot them suspicious looks, as they seemed so very close to one another, but as much as Joey wished it to be true, after that first kiss, there had been nothing. Even though they would touch each other occationally, look into one another eyes longer than seemed adequate and spent so much time together, everybody just asked them, why they didn't admit that they were a couple. The answer was quite simple: Because they weren't.

* * *

And then, one day Joey asked Bessie if Daniel could stay over. Bessie shot her a suspicious look and Joey grinned. 'Well, not what you think... They have accepted my manuscript, Bess.'  
'Wow, Joey.' Bessie hugged her. 'Congratulations!'

'Yeah. Thanks.' Joey blushed. 'I just wanted to tell Pacey first, because, well... He was sort of my muse.' She smiled. 'And I wanted to take him out for dinner. So – could Daniel stay over?'

'Yeah, sure thing sis. Just have a good time.' She held her at arms length and mustered her over. 'God, Joey. I'm so glad you're here. And I'm even more glad, that you've somehow managed to give Pacey his life back. His smile. I've missed him joking and laughing and light-hearted. So, I guess it's a thank you.'

'Don't be silly, Bess. There is nothing you have to thank me for.' Joey blushed some more. 'I'll better get going.'

'Yes, you should. Bye Joey and have lot's of fun.'

Joey waved and was out of the door in a second.

She picked Pacey up after work, he was pale and seemed tired. Joey looked at him suspiciously.

'Everything alright?' Her voice was heavy with concern and she got a sick feeling in her stomach. 'Pacey?' She laid a hand on his arm, as he slumped in the seat beside her. He looked all fevery, with glassy eyes and bruised lips and a total exhausted look on his face.

He had his head pressed into the headrest and the heel of his hands onto his temples. 'Yeah. Just a holy hell of a headache.' He groaned and forced his eyes open. 'Never mind. I'll take a pill at home and than we can go celebrate whatever you wanted to celebrate.'

Joey looked him over and couldn't help but getting cold with concern. 'My manuscript got accepted, Pace.' She said and he responded with some approving noise he made. 'But you don't look like going out at all. It doesn't matter, Pacey. You get to bed and I'll pick us something to eat and make you some hot tea.'

'Don't be childish here, Joey.' he muttered, but as they arrived a few minutes later on his front door, he was asleep. Joey had a hard time waking him and he just so much as stumbled out of her car and into his bed. On the way there he stopped and looked at her horrified.

'God, I'll be sick, Jo.' Somehow she managed to grab the empty garbage bin and avoid him vomiting on the floor. As he was done, he sat on the floor, his back on the wall and again with both hands on his temples.

She knelt beside him, stroking his back. 'Some water?' He nodded exhausetd and she brought him a glass of water. By then he was almost asleep again.

'Pacey?' She touched his shoulder and by now she was convinced, that he had a fever. 'Pacey, you need to get up. I just can't carry you to your room.' She whispered. 'Please, Pace.'

He opened his eyes heavily and began to slowly stand up. As he stood, she had to hold him, to prevent him from falling. Slowly, step by step, they got him into his room. With a grateful sigh, Pacey plumed onto his bed.

'God, my head is killing me here, Jo.' He whimpered and pressed his head backwards into the pillow. 'Will you please make it stop?' He asked like a boy of five rather than a man.

Joey sat beside him and stroking a hand softly over his forehead. 'I would if I could, Pacey. But I fear any pill you swallow now, will come right back up.'

'Yeah, I guess you're right.' He murmured, almost asleep again.

'Pacey, since when are you like this?'

'Midday, I guess... Tired...'

Joey took his shoes off and get to put a kettle for hot water on the cooker. As the water boiled she made some peppermint tea and walked into Pacey's dim bedroom.

She heard him breathe in unsteady breathes. She put the bowl on the table and as she stepped beside him and placed her hand on his forehead she turned pale. He was literally burning up and wan as death, and he pressed his head into the pillow even in his sleep.

She thought quickly about the right thing to do and than stormed out of the door, searched in her handbag for her mobile and called Bessie.

'Bessie, thank god you picked up. Please get me Jack. And quickly.'

Thankfully her sister didn't ask twice. Joey got back to Pacey, who was sweat soaken by then and she placed a hand-warm towel on his forehead. Gently she caressed his face, the whole time whispering softly to him. Telling him, that help was on it's way and Daniel was safe with Bessie. Thank god, Daniel was to stay over that night.

He whispered a few words too. Saying something like: 'Dan'el' and 'letter' and 'wa'd'be' and 'stop...'

'Ssssh, Pace. Don't you worry. I'll take care of everything. You just focus on getting well again, okay?' She said it and felt a deep sitting fear. 'Just please get well again.' Her voice a mere whisper, as she begged him to stay with her. She realized she was really afraid and not just because she loved him, but because this seemed to be more than just being ill.

Than suddenly she heard a car stop in front of the house. 'Help has just arrived.' She whispered and placed a small kiss on his forehead, before opening the door for a flying Jack. He looked at her and was clearly out of breath.

'Bessie said it sounded serious, what's the matter?'

Joey told him in few words and than Jack was at Pacey's bedside.

'Since when is he like that?' Lack asked, while checking Pacey's vitals.

'He said, the headache started by midday. I guess the fever began around the time I picked him up. As we arrived here he vomitted and than he fell asleep in bed almost instantly. Constantly begging me for something for the headache...' She felt her body shaking.

'He said it was just a bad headache, and I thought...' She get on with talking, because she was so damn nervous. 'It's serious, isn't it?' Her voice merely audible at all.

Jack checked Pacey's vitals over again, than took some blood samples and turned back to Joey, his face all serious. 'We have to get him an ambulance and quickly.' He took Joey's hands in his and talked to her like he would do to a child. 'You call the ambulance, tell them were we are and that we've got a fair chance, that this might be a case of meningitis here and we need an isolated intensive care room.' He spoke very slowly and looked at her. She nodded and was on her heels as he stopped her. 'And tell them, he is in an unsteady coma. His condition is deadly serious.'

She just starred at Jack whose attention was all back at Pacey. The words rang in her ears. Jack turned and starred at her. 'Better be quick about it.'

* * *

_Joey wrapped the blanket tighter around herself as she remembered him being brought into ER all wan and with an unsteady pulse. She saw Bessie there and Daniel in his pyjamas, who flew into her arms, too scared to look at the sick man on the bed, that was his father. _

_'Will you stay with me, if he dies?' He asked in a shaky voice and Joey just nodded. 'I promise.' She'd said repeatedly and held him dear. Not daring to promise him, Pacey would survive._

_And as she sat outside the B&amp;B, watching the sun rise, the tears ran freely over her cheeks._

Reviews are motivation!


	10. Chapter 10

UPDATE! Surprise :-)

Hey there,

you guy's are amazing! I got a literal boost on my motivation with all your reviews. Please keep it up! I just need it.

spfan09: The mess will go on for a little longer. Just needs time to fix up, eventually. But I promise, there will be a happy ending. Because, let's face it, this it tagged as J/P and there wasn't much more than a kiss by now ^^

I'm so glad you guy's like this story. Keep up the amazing reviews and I'll keep on writing!

Yours, Yana

**On different way's**

Chapter 10

_Retrospect_

_'Why have you done this?' Pacey yelled at her in front of Jack, Doug and Daniel, turning like a stranger in his own four walls. Gesturing around helplessly and his face showed no mercy. 'I told you, I don't want your alms. Keep your charity elsewhere. I don't need it, you understand me?' His face an impenetrable mask of anger and rage. He had grabbed her arm and looked her straight in the eyes. Daniel had holed up in Jacks arms. Shooting fearful looks towards his father, who stood in all his bigness in front of Joey. Holding both of her hands in his big ones and cornering her. Almost killing her with his dangerously glistening eyes. Jack held Daniel tight, covering his head and than carefully lifted him up and carried him outside._

_Joey looked at him with some kind of fear and the sick feeling in her gut, that she'd lost him. That she had, in all her goodwill, somehow overseen him. She felt sadness bubbling up into her, but she forced it down. She wanted to say something, but the words seem to stuck in her throat._

_Doug stepped towards Pacey and tried to calm him down. 'Pacey, that is enough. You hurt her. Let her go. Pacey!' Doug had his hand on his brothers shoulder by now. Pacey tried to get rid of it. Like it was a annoying fly. He still held Joey's eyes and all she saw was anger and some sort of hatred. She knew, she'd done it wrong. She knew she hadn't been allowed to do, what she'd done, but it had been the right thing to do. Doug and Jack, her sister and brother-in-law, even Tara – all had warned her, but she just knew, what would have been the consequence of faineance._

_'You. Get. Out. Of. Here. Now!' He was shaking now, but let go of her hands and so Doug dragged him a few steps away from Joey. His voice lower but dangerous. His whole body seemed to be one huge ball of anger. 'And you better don't ever come back.' His breath was raged and she could see his blood pulse on his temples._

_Joey felt the tears sting her eyes and her eyes flickered to Doug for just long enough to see him shake his head in regret. _

_She swallowed at the lump in her throat and than she nodded. 'Yeah. I'll go then.' He nodded and Pacey must clearly be able to see the sadness in her eyes. And the love. 'Goodbye Pacey.' She merely whispered and than she was off and out of the door faster than she knew she could. The door fell shut behind her and she lend against it. Tears running over her cheeks and she covered her mouth with one hand to muffle the sobbing sounds she was making. She had expected many things, and yes, one of it was an upset, maybe even a mad Pacey, but she hadn't expected such a strong reaction to what she'd done._

_As her heart rate had slowed down a bit, she reached into her handbag and pulled a key out of it, with a blue badge on it, that read 'Ice House'. She smiled sadly and put the key into the mailbox, that sat in front of the house, before she headed to her car and was gone. _

* * *

As Bessie stepped out of the door in the early morning, she found Joey sitting on the outside bench. Curled up into a warm blanket and looking toward the creek. She seemed to be tiered.

Joey looked up, as she became aware of Bessie taking the seat beside her, mustering her from where she sat. She smiled sadly at her sister and wiped away her tears.

'Didn't go down so well, hu?' She offered her the coffeepot she was holding and Joey took it and sipped some of the hot coffee.

'Not really, no.' She shook her head and was in tears again. Sobbing helplessly and shaking.

'Hey... Joey, hey...' Bessie took the cup and placed it on the table, before wrapping her arms around her sister. 'Come here, little one.' Joey let Bessie hold her and felt relieved as her sisters arms wrapped around her. It suddenly all felt more bearable, as Bessie's hand stroke through her hair and her voice shushed her.

At length Joey lifted her head up and looked at Bessie. 'I'll leave, Bess. As much as I want to stay, but I can't. I really can't.'

'What happened?' Bessie asked and Joey could hear the sadness in her voice.

'All was well. We joked and filled him in in our barbecue plans. He looked at me, like he used to and even had one hand on my leg as I drove him home. Doug, Jack and Daniel waited at the house, but as soo as we entered, he kind of flipped. Than he threatened me and quite literally chucked me.' Joey smiled a sad smile. 'But I guess, I somehow earned it.'

'Don't be silly here, Joey. This is ridiculous.' Bessie was clearly upset. 'I'll call him right away and tell him what you've really done. Not what meets the eyes.'

'No Bess.' Joey grabbed her sisters hand. 'No, please.' She begged. 'He'll find out sooner or later, but please don't put his nose into it.' Joey wiped at her tears and grabbed the coffee, suddenly feeling quite childish. 'I left him the key nontheless.'

'But why, Joey? Why are you doing this for him?' Bessie looked at her sister, who'd done nothing wrong and who had such a big, good heard.

Joey shrugged and hated, that the tears began to rise yet again. 'Because I love him, Bessie. It's that simple, really.' She wiped over her eyes and sipped on her coffee again.

'You quite literally saved him, you know?' Bessie looked at Joey with amazement in her eyes. She seemed to be incredible tired, her hair all messy, but she looked utmost beautiful, with the blanket around her shoulders and the soft morning sunshine caressing her face.

'Yeah, I do.' She smiled sadly and just wished to stay and be part of it all. 'If you decide to reopen the Ice House, you'll give him the opportunity to work. He can't go back working on the docks. His doctor said, he wasn't allowed.'

Bessie nodded. 'But with what money, Joey? We'll have to renovate, I'll have to pay him and sooner or later we'll need other staff. And what is with the kids?'

'Don't worry about the money, Bess, like I repeat saying.' Joey tilted her head. 'I'll take care of it. And after the dust has settled, I plan to come back here eventually.' She smiled. 'You know, in the whole process I've decided to settle here by chance. I bought this beautiful little house on the creekside. I'd hate it, if I'll never get the chance to actually live there.' She looked back to the glistening creek and sighed heavily.

Bessie shook her head and after a while she said: 'You know, I just want to put this guy's head right where it belongs.'

'I know, Bess. But you won't do any such thing. And please promise me, you'll look after Pacey and Daniel. I'll take care of this other unpleasant issue.'

'Oh my, Joey. I'm going to miss you so badly.'

'I'll miss you too, Bessie. And everyone else.' She fell silent. The thought of going back to Boston did nothing to enchant her. She just wanted to stay here so badly, but there was this unresolved matter, she had to look after. And surely she didn't want to live here, if Pacey was _this mad_ at her.

They had a quick breakfast, before Jack brought over Amy and Daniel. Giving Joey an apologetic look.

'Sorry, we've dropped the barbecue, Bess.' He said and Bessie nodded.

'I was just worried like hell, as Joey didn't show up here after you've called.'

'You didn't?' Jack looked at Joey.

'No, I … Kind of couldn't, really. I needed some alone-time.'

'Yeah. I'm sorry, hon.' He hugged her and letting her know what she already knew. There was nothing to do about Pacey's bad mood. He didn't wanna listen to anything there was to say and had everybody leave the house soon after he'd chuck Joey.

He gave her a bear hug. 'Just know, sweetheart, You've done everything right. And not the least, you've saved his damned life and that is a matter of fact even he has to accept sooner rather than later.' Jack looked at her with serious but somehow puppylike eyes.

'Yeah. Thanks Jack. For everything.' Joey tried a smile but failed and Jack kissed her on the forehead, holding her just long enough for her to bring her emotions under control.

'Bon voyage.' Jack whispered and pattered on her shoulder.

'Good bye, Jack. Kiss Douggy for me.'

'Will do.' He waved and off he drove.

Joey bend down and picked up a crying Daniel. 'Hey there, sweety. Why are you crying?'

'I don't want you to leave, Jo. I just don't.' She felt her heart break for this little person she held, but she knew she had no comfort for him.

'I have to, you know. I want to visit my dad and mom. And you know... your daddy is pretty mad at me right now. It wouldn't be the same, even if I'd stayed.'

Daniel nodded, but sobbed. 'But if you're done visiting your parents and my dad isn't mad anymore, you'll come back?'

'Yeah. I'd love to come back.' She kissed the boy and held him for a long time.

'Joey?'

'Yeah?'  
'I just wish, you were my mom.' Joey became all warm inside and kissed him once more, before hugging him as tight as she dared to.

'Oh, sweet Danny. I kind of wish I were too.'

She smiled at him sadly. They'd spent almost all the time Pacey was at the hospital together.

* * *

Daniel wanted to sleep at home, Joey guessed he felt closer to his father here, than he could at Bessie's. Joey had spent all the rest of the time whether at Pacey's hospital bed, sometimes until Jack had chased her out, because she was just exhausted like hell. She had looked like she never slept at all and honestly, she rarely did. When Daniel finally fell asleep this first night after Pacey had been brought to hospital, she had opened the wardrobe, because she figured he wanted her to know something important and what she'd found just made her worst fears come true.

She found a whole bunch of letters, all still unopened. With a wildly beating heart she'd opened them and just couldn't believe it. John Witter had obviously written to the Youth Welfare Office in Boston and made a report against his son, because of the poor environment his grandson lives in. They'd made an announcement for a visit and Joey noticed in horror that it was due in two days. They could have made a attempt for a revision or made an report themselves, but clearly the revise was up like about four weeks ago.

Without thinking, she grabbed her mobile and dialled Andie's number. It beeped a few times, until finally she'd picked up her phone.

'Josephine?' Andie's voice was clearly sleepy and it was only than Joey realized it was around 3:30 in the morning.

'Oh, hi Andie. Sorry to interrupt your sleep. See, I need a favour. A real, real big one...' She hestitated.

'At 3:30 in the morning?' Andie'S voice was soacked with sleepy sarcasm.

'It's for Pacey, actually.' Joey stated.

There was a long period of silence. Joey could almost picture Andie getting up and out of the room, to not interrupt Dawson's sleep as well.

'Why? What's up?'

'Okay, I can't get in the utmost profoundness of this, Andie. Just that I need you to convince your friend Olivia, that she has to postpone her appointment on Thursday. At least a few weeks.'

'Olivia is coming down? But why?' Joey could hear Andie brew herself some coffee and taking a seat, wide awake now and in lawyer-mode, as the both of them call it, when they'd counsel each other in the middle of the night, with this or that case, mostly job-related eventually.

'Because... because of Pacey's son, Andie.' Joey tried to explain, without giving too much away, but she knew, that Andie knew what that meant, without her telling her so.

Andie almost chocked her coffee. 'His... son?'

'Yeah, Daniel. He's around Amy's age.' Joey was tiered of explaining everything to Andie, and totally exhausted, but she figured she had to, if she wanted her help.

'But why hasn't he told us? We didn't know he even had a son... So is he married?'

'No Andie. No, he isn't married. And it is quite obvious, why he hadn't told you. Because you are the main reason he lives the life he does.' She breathed. 'You know, he still have a picture of you. And one of the four of you – he, you, Dawson and Jen – clearly taken on the beach at a time you two were still a couple. But why am I telling you this?' She smiled silently, because she knew full well why she told her friend. What she wasn't telling her, was that she found those pictures way under those damned letters, deep down in the wardrobe.

'Oh...' Andie responded, clearly deep in a pleasant memory. And at length she asked: 'And why is it, Olivia wants to postpone her appointment?'

Joey grinned, knowing she had been victorious. And suddenly realizing, why she loved Andie so much, despite what she'd done to Pacey. She could rely on her, no matter what. Call her in the middle of the night and just knowing, that she wouldn't deny her her help. So Joey told her, there were some little things, that has been to put in place, before anyone could come over.

'...and you know, with Pacey in the hospital right now, it's up to me, and I'm not that good with the whole refurbish stuff.'

'Yeah, I can imagine that.' She paused. 'And why is he in the hospital? Was there an accident while refurbishing?'

'No Andie...' Joey's voice was quite low and she was surprised by the sudden sting of tears in her eyes as she could almost picture him sitting in the entrance, wan as death. Seeing him before her inner eye, lying in this damned hospital room, with all the monitors and needels, and infusions and everything. With this machine helping him breath and the unsteady beeping of his heart. Caught somewhere between dying and dead rather than life. She took a deep shaking breath. 'No, he's seriously sick. And to be honest, at the moment nobody dares to make any prognosis.' She swallowed hard, as Andie began to babble away. 'Look, Andie. Thanks for helping me out, but I have to go. I really need some rest.'

'Sure, sweetheart. Don't worry about Olivia, I'll take care of her.'

'Thanks Andie. Bye.' Than she flipped her phone close and leant back onto the couch, closing her eyes for just a moment.

* * *

That was, where Daniel found her only three hours later. Sitting in an awkward position, with a hell of a pain in the neck, because her head must have been backwards as she had fallen asleep.

'Hey there, gorgeous.' She smiled at him as he cuddled up beside her.

'Morning, Joey.' He looked at her and his shiny blue eyes, his fathers eyes, swam in tears. 'He will die, won't he? And then I'm all alone...'

'Oh, Danny...' She held him and tried to soothe his little heart. 'You know what? We'll go over to Bessie, have a nice breakfast in her garden and then I'll drive to the hospital and look after him. I promise you, Jack does all he can, that you daddy won't die. All _we both_ can do is hope and pray and be there for him, okay?'

Daniel nodded.

'And if nothing else, I'll be still here, even if he shouldn't be.' Joey kissed the boy's head and hold him close. Remembering how Pacey used to look at her, when she did this. 'And we have something very important to do, to shorten the time until he is well again.' She looked him in the eyes.

'And what?' Daniel raised his head and the pain in his eyes made Joey's heart ache.

'We'll have to refurbish.' she shot him an conspiratorial look and the boy ginned that amazing grin his father did, when he was intrigued. 'You know, there will be a woman that comes and have a good look, if you've have an extra room and everything. So we have a whole lot of work to do.'

'But why? I have no extra room and I like to share a bed with daddy.'

'I know. But she will be here nonetheless and if she found, that it's cold in here and you two share a room and all this stuff,' She gestured around the room. 'She will take you to Boston.'

'But I don't want to go to Boston, Joey. I want to stay here, with daddy and Bessie and you and all.'

'Exactly.' She smiled warmly and pointed at the boy's nose and looked him in the eyes. 'And this is why we have to get to work right after I come back from the hospital, ok?'

Daniel had nodded and so the days were filled with breakfast at Bessie's, Joey visiting Pacey, sometimes with Daniel, but mostly without him, with refurbishing, redecorating and a visit at IKEA for some new pieces of furniture, not to forget new chimney's to finally get the house warm, with calls and mails and Joey getting a report against Pacey's father ready.

* * *

They got all walls white, the formerly bedroom was now Daniel's room with a bed, a wardrobe (for Pacey's and Daniel's clothes), a bookcase and a playing carpet, simple white curtains on the window and a nice warm lamp on the ceiling. They placed a shoe cabinet in the entrance, along with a mirror and a hall-stand. They left the kitchen as it was. In the living-room they placed a plain wooden table with four matching chairs and a sofa bed for Pacey, with an equally wooden couch table and two small armchairs. They hung white curtains here as well. In each room they installed lamps to cover up the loose lightning bulbs. Joey had thought about a picture on the wall, but Tara had successfully talked her out of it. The main chimney now stood in the living-room (to sit by on chilly winter's nights, quite romantic as Jack pointed out), a smaller one in Daniel's room and they managed to warm the bath with a tubing on the ceiling from the chimney in the main area. Joey had someone come for the house front and for isolating the windows porperly. The outside they'd left as it was.

Everybody just had raised their brows on Joey. Had warned her, that she wasn't allowed to intervene in this way with Pacey's life, but she just couldn't help it. But eventually everybody was helping her getting everything done. After all, he had asked for her help, well, at least she thought he had. Doug was an amazing craftsman, Jack and Tara did all the redecorating and Joey just managed everything, went for all the stuff they needed.

They had lots of fun renovating together and spent many nights around a bonfire in Pacey's backyard. Bessie and Bodie came over with the kids and something to eat every evening and they all grew very close.

On one of those evenings, they came up with the idea of buying this place, though it was obvious, that Pacey would never be able to work at the docks anymore. But Joey shook her head. 'I don't think, he would accept it, even if it meant a whole bunch less worries. They all agreed, after all, the owner had shortened the anyway low rent by half, because they'd refurbished on their own costs.

'I'd came up with a better ideas.' Said Bodie and downed at his beer. 'I would like to reopen the Ice House. We could have a credit at the bank. And I would like Pacey as a chef. If he wants to.'

All agreed, that this was a great idea and Joey had offered to pay half of the price in one, so the credit was a lot lower. Her only request was, that they would have Pacey announced as a co-parnter.

They celebrated and Daniel had finally believed, that his father would actually come home after all.

They were all so excited, as Pacey finally was released, with amazingly little damage left. But as he entered the house and saw what they'd done he just freaked out. Yelling at her and chucking her out of his house and quite literally his life.

* * *

And so she just hugged the little boy in her arms for the last time. 'I'll go home now, Danny. And you take care of your father for me, okay? And if he'll have it, tell him I'll love the both of you more than I've ever loved anybody in my whole life.' Tenderly she caressed his back and brushed with her thump over his cheeks, wiping away his tears. 'I promise, I'll come back.'

He nodded and took a brave deep breath. 'I love you too, Jo. And don'T take too long, won't you?'

'I won't, I promise.' She kissed him and than she stood, hugging Bessie.

'See you soon, little sis. Here's always a room for you.' Bessie said seemingly shaken.

'I know. Thank you for everything, Bess. And please promise me, you won't tell him.'

'I promise.' They hugged for a long few moments.

'Good bye, Bessie.' With that Joey almost flew into her car, leaving the roof up. Just hoping, nobody had seen her tears. She lowered a window and waved, until she couldn't see them anymore. As she drove off, down the road that leaded her back to a town, that wasn't her home anymore and away from those who'd become more dear to her than she'd thought possible, she felt as alone and low as she never had felt ever in her life.

**Review's are motivation.**


	11. Chapter 11

_hey there,_

_sorry it took me so long. I will be able to post at least one more chapter this week, maybe two, but don't get your hopes too high. Real life is a b**** these day's and I'm really, really, really sorry I made you wait._

_Thanks for all the support and the friendly bump (*wink*). I need the motivation, I really do. And I love every single review (or pm for the matter of fact), please keep them coming._

_Okay, so this is a little different to my last chapters, it has a switch of places somewhere in the middle, please let me know if you liked it. I would write the next chapters like this one, but only if it suits you. _

_Yours Yana_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 11 -_

Joey cried as she passed the "Thanks for visiting Capeside"-sign. Bittersweet memory's flooded her with such an enormous impact, that she parked her car on the sideway and let her head fall on her steering wheel. She missed him already and she wasn't so sure at all, that going back was such a good idea after all. But she had to move eventually, staying would somehow mean to wait for him and living with the possibility of seeing him around frequently, without being able to be near him. And this would surely break her heart.

After a while she took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. She looked at her mobile, but withstood the urge to text him a good-bye and got back on the street. On her way back to Boston she felt less like Joey with each mile she drove further away from Capeside and closer to Boston. By the time she reached her street she was almost entirely Josephine again. Somewhat cold and bitchy, she closed up her heart and prepared for all the people she'd surely have to meet once she had unpacked.

The moment she got out of her car, she knew it would be easier to go back into her old life, than she'd thought it should be. But the heavy air almost literally hit her in the face as she stood in the drive in front of her parent's house. She already missed the fresh air, the birds and the constant bubbling of the creek nearby. Her two dogs came running barking and fawning towards her as they caught her scent and she felt bittersweet about it. 'Hey you boy's.' She knelt and patted them, but found herself thinking about, how excited Daniel would be with the two of them. As she'd told him story's of the two to get him to sleep as Pacey was in the hospital, he always wanted to see them one day and she promised him, that he would get to visit them. She just hoped, that she could keep that promise.

'Could this be my daughter's return?' Joey heard her father say form the stairs that led to the front door. She saw him standing there, her beloved dad, who always made the pain a little less stinging and the worries a little lighter to carry with only his arms around her shoulder. As she was a girl her favorite place has been his lap whenever he was around. And even at times he had been covered in work, he had always found the time to hold her, talk to her and most important, listen to her very carefully. Almost every time he'd came up with some wise word or at least with the comfort of having someone who knew. And as she grew up, he never ceased to found time for her whenever she needed him. He was the first to know about Benjamin asking her to be his wife and the first to know, she'd decided to get a divorce. He was always the first to know, because she just knew, he would never judge her. She looked at this tall man, clad in a house dress, he looked amazingly good. He met her eyes with his own and she felt her heart went out to him. Her father, with this huge beating heart of bis, with those kind eyes looking at her as if he already knew everything that was going on in her heart and soul. As he smiled at her, his arms wide open, she found herself literally falling into them.

She let out a breath of relieve as his strong arms wrapped around her and she took in his familiar scent and it smoothed her aching heart. 'Hello Josephine!' He said after a long while and she looked up at him.

'Hey dad.'

'It is good to have you back here again.' He told her, holding her close in a way only he could, making all the pain and worries suddenly seem smaller as they have had only a heartbeat earlier. Making her want to lay all before him in the childlike certainty, that he'd be able to fix it up for her.

She didn't say anything, just let him hold her. She felt like could stay in his arms forever.

'You seem awfully tiered, Josephine.' he said at length. 'Why don't you take a seat in the backyard and I'll join you as soon as I ordered us a tea and some bisquites?'

Joey nodded, suddenly aware that she must have been crying, she wiped her tears away a little embarrassed. 'Sounds great, dad. Thanks.' She kissed him on the cheeks as he held her by the shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes.

'You're very welcome, child.'

She walked around the house, to avoid meeting any of the employees. She didn't want to meet her mother either. Not that she had any differences with her, but all she really wanted was her father. And she was so unbelievingly happy, that he had been at home. Somehow he always seemed to be exactly where she needed him to be.

She sat under the arbor in her mothers rose garden, taking in the intense odor of dozens of different roses.

After a little while her father showed up, followed by a young employee. Joey smiled at her.

'Good afternoon, Alice.' Joey looked at the young woman, which smiled back at her.

'Good afternoon, Miss McCarroll.' She dropped a curtsy and then placed the tea along with the bisquites on the white table, before she headed back towards the house.

'So, tell me, Josephine.' Her father looked at her, while taking his cup in one hand and a bisquit in the other, looking utmost soigné.

Joey sighed, placing her hands in her lap and sighing sadly.

'I fell in love, father.' She found her voice uncharacteristicly shaky and full of emotion. 'Really, really hard. Total unexpected and hopelessly deep.' She let her eyes wonder and her father remained still. Just watching her, as she sorted her thoughts. 'And I met my sister. She's amazing, you would love her, dad. She has a beautiful business and a wonderful little family. I bought a house there, as well. Thinking about moving down.'

'Tell me about him.' Her fathers voice interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to the main reason she left Capeside.

'His name is Pacey. He is...well, he's everything I could wish for, dad.' She felt her eyes sparkle at the mere thought of him and her heart ache, because she missed him so badly already. 'He's kind and handsome, responsibly and funny, but profound and caring. He's strong and I can spent hours just talking to him, or not talking for the matter of fact. We laugh together, go on picnics with his son. He's romantic and caring and he has such a big beautiful heart. He reminds me of you in the way he sees things, in the way he treads his son. And his eyes dad... I could drown in those beautiful blue 're as deep as eyes can possibly be. And the way he used to look at me, make my knees weak and my heart beating like crazy.'

Her father looked at her and nodded.

'And yet you are here and not with him. What happened?'

Joey sighed heavily and than she began to tell her father Pacey's whole story, as far as she knew it. 'And now I'm back here father, because...' She swallowed hard and closed her eyes in an attempt to force back the tears, that once more bubbled up in her. 'Because whatever chance I might have had with him, I just destroyed it.' She opened her eyes and looked at her father, aware of the tear, that stole it's way down her cheek. 'I just wanted to help him keep his son, but he...' She bit her lower lip and her father let her, without objurgating this time. 'He felt as if he had been my little charity-project.'

Her father nodded. 'And?'

Joey looked at him confused.

'…was he right?'

'No, of course not, I...' Joey fell quite under her fathers eyes. Taking a moment to over think everything. 'I mean... I don't know. Maybe I should have waited until he could give his permission, or as he finally was awoke, I should have asked him, but he would have never said yes father and...'

He father's eyes looked at her soft-gloved and so was his voice. 'At least it would have been his choice, Josephine.' Her father raised a brow and Joey looked at him, feeling abashed.

'Yeah, but...'

'I know, Josephine. But you degraded him. At least he feels that way obviously. Given his position and the possibility's you have just because you were lucky to be raised as only child in one of the most wealthiest families.'

'Yeah, I believe you're right.' Joey nodded at length. 'But, what choice did I have, dad? Honestly?'

'You could have let him fall, let him down, make his own mistakes. But that isn't you. You love this man more than I ever saw you love someone. And you love his child. You knew, it would break him to loose his child and so, frankly, you didn't had another choice.' He cupped one of her slender hands in his strong ones. Forced her to look him in the eyes. 'You were raised in the spirit of generosity without expecting anything in return, Josephine. And I'm very proud of you. You've done nothing wrong and still.' He looked deeper in his daughters eyes. 'All you could have done – and this is out of the question – is at least ask him. Tell him, by the time he was well enough to listen. Made him understand the urgency. Embedding him. Showing him pictures. Let him tell you, what changes he wanted to be made and which not. If he even liked the idea of a sofa bed or a chimney in the main room. Let him decide, what color the walls should be paint in. Make it clear to him, that if he wouldn't let you help him, he looses his son. And believe me,' he kissed Joey's hands. '...the moment _that fact_ had have time to sink in, he would have let you do anything willingly. But as things are, I fear, you will just have to wait for him to realize it in the aftermath.'

Joey nodded and they sat in silence for a long time.

At length her father rose, but hesitated a moment.

'Josephine?'

'Yes, father?' She looked up. She still felt hurt and alone but comforted and so she managed a small smile.

'Don't make a report against his father.' He stated in a quiet voice and she looked at him with eyes full of disbelieve.

'But why in seven hells should I let him get away with it?'

'Because you won't do it without asking Pacey. You won't make the same mistake all over again.' He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and cupped her head in his hands. She sighed an then nodded. She watched as he left the garden and sunk back into the seat with a heavy sigh.

Joey sat in the rose garden, even long after her father left. And at length she flipped her mobile open and wrote.

_**JMcC:**_ I'm sorry. Joey.

And in the long silence that followed, she decided to just wait.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Capeside_

'Hey Bess.' Pacey had his hands deep in his trouser pockets. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and had a sad look on his face.

'Hey Pacey.' Bessie came up to him, laying her hand on his arm. 'Are you all right?'

Pacey laughed an uncertain, quite bitter laugh. 'No...' He looked on the ground and shifting on his feet uncomfortable. 'No, Bess, I'm not all right. Not at all.'

Bessie looked at him knowingly, saying nothing. Just led him towards the outside suite, filling a glass with lemonade and offering it to him.

'Thanks.' He nodded and took the glass. His eyes searching the garden for his son and as his eyes met Daniels, the boy just turned his back on his father quite literally. Pacey sighed heavily and took a deep gulp off his lemonade.

'So' Said Bessie after a long moment of silence. 'Wanna talk about it?'

'No, actually.' He shook his head and chuckled. 'Not really.'

'Okay so – why did you come over? I didn't expected you, at least not alone. I heard you aren't allowed to drive yet.'

'No, I walked.' Pacey lowered his eyes and met Bessie's. 'She left me this and I'm not quite sure what it means.' He reached into his pocket and laid the key on the table.

Bessie smiled and reached over to pick it up. She lifted the key quite enough that it dangled in the air. 'This means you get the opportunity to work as a chef along with Bodie in the Ice House.'

'I... what?' Pacey's jaw dropped open. He stared at the dangling key as if it was some kind of a real bad joke.

'You can work as chef, if you want to.' She beamed at him. 'Sure, we have to do some rebuilt, refurnish, refurbish yada yada. But _than_...' She took one of Pacey's hands and placed the key into it. 'We have our own business. Like we always dreamed we would.'

He looked at her, his expression almost blank, but some dangerous fire began to blaze deep down in his eyes. His gaze forcing Bessie to explain.

'You're copartner at the Ice House, Pacey. In fact half of it belongs to you already.' She said, her eyes glistening with exitement.

'But... why... with what money?' Pacey didn't get it and looked at Bessie as if she had to be mad.

'Well, Joey...' Bessie began and Pacey got on his feet in a second.

'Yeah. Joey. I could have figured.' He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry or to just yell at Bessie. Joey just so made him copartner and bought him _half the Ice House_. Had she at least thought about _asking_ him? When did she get the right to just take control over his life? First his house and now _this_? He shook his head in pure frustration. 'Tell you what, Bessie. As much as I wanted that job. As much as I appreciate the effort. No, thanks.' He placed the key on the table, forced himself to be calm, because Bessie couldn't be blamed and if he would allow his emotions to boil over, they wouldn't get out of it uninjured. With wide steps he walked across the meadow, back where he'd come from. Bessie followed him with her eyes, wondering if she should say something, if she should hold him back but she decided to just let him go. She was sure, he would take the offer in his time.

Pacey walked home. A long way. He couldn't deny, that it bothered him. Everything. Oh hell, he would just _love_ to take this job. He would love to have _any_ job for that matter, but he just didn't want to get it on a silver platter. And he sure as hell didn't want _half the Ice House_ just so. He wanted to _earn_ it. To work hard for it and earn it for gods sake. And he was just so angry. He could feel the anger bubbling up inside him with such impact, that he was barely able to look straight. Oh, he could just punch someone in the face or crash something. Anything.

'God damn it!' He yelled while kicking some old can lying on the street hard against a wall.

He drove his hands through his hair in pure frustration. Man, he wanted her. Like real bad. Even though he kept his distance after that kiss, his mind spun around her day and night. If she just wasn't who she was. If she just was anybody, he had slept with her lightyears ago. He began to ran. Just wanted to get rid of her face in his head. Everything had seem so much easier to bear as she was around. They could so easily laugh together, they have had so much fun. They talked all through the night and Pacey had felt like finally being understood and unjudged and … well, and as if he really could come home in her arms. Hell, he missed her. Missed everything about her. Her laugh, her voice, the way she saw things, the way she treated his son. How she made both of them feel, like they had finally found the missing piece. But he was afraid. He couldn't let her near him, although she knew almost everything about him, he held back. Sure he wanted her, more than he had ever wanted anyone in his life, but than again, he didn't want her to want him. She loved him and honestly? It freaked him out. It scared him bone deep. If she just wanted him, physically, he wouldn't have a problem to obey, but he knew she wanted him to be her other half. And he was almost sure, it would work, because they just fitted together. But he just couldn't. Because he was sure, they would never be able to get equal in a relationship and he didn't want to be the handsome appendage of Miss Josephine McWhatsoever. He wanted to be seen as who he was, respected for what he had accomplished and not for things she served him on a silver platter.

Yeah, he was thankful for what she'd done for him. She was at the hospital almost all the time. Jack had told him, she was with him the day his heart stopped and without her, he sure as hell would be dead by now. She's taken care of his son. She'd taken care of his house and she had managed to create him the job of his dreams... No doubt, she would cover all the costs. And that was the point exactly.

He unlocked the door to his house and still felt like a stranger here. Yeah, it was nice. He even got hot water in the shower and it was recreative to lay his son to sleep in his own bed. Everything was nice and he could feel save here and comfortable, it was homely and warm. But hell! He crashed the door shut and while hanging his jacket on the new hall stand and putting his shoes on the new shoe board he felt nothing but distance and reluctance and he almost got a sick feeling in his stomach that took over his whole body.

She managed to made this a home someone could actually be proud of but really, he didn't want it. He didn't want any of it. Not her. Not her charity. And for sure he didn't want anyone's pity. He didn't want her to mother his son. Who, by the way, ignored him ever since he chucked Joey.

Pacey filled a glass with water and sat on the new, and without doubt comfortable, sofa. He looked at his mobile, that lay abandoned on the table since he got up that morning. He saw the massage light blinking and opened the chat.

_**JMcC:**_ I'm sorry. Joey.

'Yeah, me too.' He whispered sadly and placed the mobile back where it had been lain before, without responding. Than he opened the back door and stepped outside, letting the mild breeze caressing his face and wiping his thoughts away.

**Reviews are motivation :-)**


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay guys,_

_I didn't have much of reviews on my last chapter, kind of make me wonder... But I promised you one more, so - here you go._

_Please let me know what you think about this chapter. I really appreciate every kind of review. __Please, don't let me hang in there!_

_I know, it's a little messy right now, but I promise there will be a solution._

_Yours,_

_Yana_

_PS: I'll be on a trip for the next few day's. Be back at monday._

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 12 -_

Joey fitted into her old life pretty easily. Or at least that was, what met the eye.

She went to events, met friends and business associates of her father. Her old colleagues quickly got wind of her being back and tried to hook her up to business again, telling her how they'd missed her never failing sense for right and wrong. She just nodded politely and made some conversation, just to let all attempts rebuff. She just couldn't find it in her to go back behind dusty desks and files as high as any mountain could be. She wanted to write, to life in this cute summerhouse she bought and to breathe fresh air. She wanted to be back in Capeside and had absolutely no intention, that if there was the opportunity to go back, to be held back by any case, any client. She wanted to be free to go as soon as she could.

She met the girls, hang out with them at night, went dancing, drank lots of champagne and everyone just bought her happy-go-lucky face. Noone saw her looking at her mobile for the tiniest life sign form Capeside. Not that there were none. Bessie sent pictures of the kids, of the creek of almost everything and messages on a daily basis and even Jack and Doug mailed every now and then. Tara and she talked on the telephone at least every second day and so she was up to the hottest news. They'd become good friends over the time she'd spent in Capeside and they just missed each others company. But the only one she'd really longed to hear from, just made himself untouchable.

Her parents were thrilled to have her daughter back home, though Joey decided to live in her beautiful maisonette. It had a big kitchen with a bar and a huge studio in the base. A guest bathroom and a spare room for guests (which actually was half the size of Pacey's whole house). A sliding door led from the studio onto a imense deck from where one had a breathtaking look over Boston.

A spiral stair led upstairs. There was a great bathroom with high mirrors and a whirlpool. But the main space was occupied by a king sized bed. A glassdoor led outside onto a real beautiful roofgarden, all green and with the feel of total privacy. It lay high above the roofs of Boston and Joey just felt free there.

And this was, where she now sat, a glass of champagne in her hand talking with Andie.

'So, tell me all about good old Capeside.' Her whole face glowing as she looked at Joey, whose eyes wondered over the rooftops and the multicolored lights of the city at night. Her thoughts went out to this peaceful place. Where she had somehow managed to finally calm down, to come home, to still her souls storm and lay her heart at peace. Where she'd found roots she hand't even known she missed. But where she lost her heart too and was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to rescue it any time soon.

'Josephine?' Andie asked, touching her hand slightly, causing Joey to startle and looking at Andie as if she'd seen a ghost.

'Sorry, I... I got lost.' She picked a strawberry and used the break to breathe. 'Well, it is beautiful, the people are really nice.' She smiled.

'So tell me, whom did you meet?' Andie smiled at her broadly.

'Well, my sister Bessie and her family, Amy and Lilly, Jack and Doug, Tara.' She paused. 'And Pacey, of course and his son.' She felt a lump in her throat, so she took a deep gulp out of her glass.

Andie tilted her head, sensed Joey tensing. 'How is he?' She asked in a soft voice and Joey was so grateful for her. Andie sure knew how to talk, but she could listen as well. And right now, Andie just sat there without touching her, without rushing her, just looking at her with gentle eyes.

Joey smiled uncertain. 'Well. He is better, I guess. At least he could leave the hospital about two weeks ago.' She swallowed hard and blinked away the stinging tears. Hating, that she was so waek when it came to Pacey, but she couldn't do anything about it. She found herself checking her mobile almost in such frequency, it felt absurd even to her. But truth to be told she missed him badly and he hadn't get in touch with her by now. She felt like loosing him all over again. Before her inner eye, she saw him lay there in this hospital bad and the horror she felt as the machine beeped and his heart-line flattened and then, suddenly, the room was flooded with people and all she could do was whispering to him._ 'Please don't leave me alone, Pacey. Please don't make me face the rest of my life regretting I didn't tell you, that I loved you right from the first time I laid eyes on you.'_

She buried her face in her hands and tried to regain her composure.

'Josephine?' Andie laid her cold hand on Joey's arm and she wiped over her eyes.

'Oh god Andie, it was...' She swallowed and sniveled helplessly. 'It was the hardest time in all my life. I thought I would loose him there. It almost tore me apart, Andie.'

'Wanna talk about it?' Andie asked, smiling at her sympathetically.

Joey found herself nodding and than her mouth began to telling the story without her meaning to, but with every word she said, the burden seemed to be a little easier to carry. 'He just broke down, Andie. From one second to the next. Yeah he hadn't been well and I was worrying, but suddenly he sat on his floor and I literally could feel him faint. He was wan as death, barley able to get on his feet, so I helped him more crawl than walk into his room and laid him on the bed. By than he was burning up. He had this mysterious headache and I just freaked out. I called Jack, because really, what else was I supposed to do?' She took a deep breath. 'By the time Jack arrived, Pacey had fallen asleep. The moment Jack told me to call the ambulance and that Pacey was in a coma I felt as if I lost my footing.' She looked at Andie and saw her cry. 'I don't know, Andie. I just... I called the ambulance mechanically, without everything left to feel. I was totally numb. I got into the ambulance with him and Jack. They brought him in ER for immediate treatment. I saw Bessie with Daniel in the corridor and just wrapped them in the tightest embrace ever. Daniel was afraid for his dad but wasn't allowed into his room. So he made me promise I would stay with Pacey over night. Bessie brought him home and after what seemed like eternity, I was allowed to his bedside. We had called his parents but they weren't interested in coming over, so I sat with Doug a long while until he left in attempt to convince his parents to come over, because Jack had made it very clear, that the next 48 hours were crucial. If Pacey wasn't to come out of the coma by than, he would most likely don't come out ever, at least not without severe damage.' She bit her lower lip and took a deep breath. 'Doug brought me a really awful coffee and I stayed all through the night. I held his hand and talked to him. I told him about the evening we were up to originally. I lied to him about the absence of parents. I told him Daniel was safe. The next day Bessie came in and Doug joined us. As they left I stayed. Jack came by, urging me to leave him, but I... I just couldn't, Andie.' She felt the tears fall again. 'I was so scared. I had the feeling, that if I would leave the room, he would just die.' She swallowed. 'Oh god.' Again she felt the sobs bubbling up in side of her chest and she let them free for what felt like the first time. Andie held her close but she felt utterly alone. 'And than, around midnight, I must have dozed off. I was so exhausted. And all of a sudden I was wide awake. Some machine was beeping in an unfamiliar rhythm and with one look I saw it was his heart line. It dropped lower and lower and finally it fell flat. Oh my, it was pure horror that got me. I thought I might die right there. My heart beat so hard and I got that sick feeling all inside but I was utterly incapable to move. Even though the room was suddenly flooded with people. Shouting demands, moving me in the corner and out of the way. All I could do was whispering to him, pleading him not to die.' She sniveled as she lived through it yet again. 'They somehow managed to reanimate him and I just broke down beside his bed. I laid my head on his chest, crying like there was no tomorrow. Weeping and pleading and utterly helpless. Jack insisted I should go, but I refused. So he gave me some injection for the anxiety and left me with Pacey. I just...' She looked at Andie. 'I just couldn't leave him. It just hadn't been possible to get out of this room, you know?' Joey ran her hands through her hair and taking a deep breath before she continued. 'Well, I must have been fallen asleep eventually, because as I woke in the first daylight someone had laid a blanket over my back and Pacey ran a finger over my cheek, what must have been what's woken me.' She remembered the utter relieve as she realized that he really was awake.

* * *

_/'Pacey?' Joey looked at him in disbelieve, her head still laying on his beating heart. She felt a wave of utter relieve washing over her and she couldn't help the tear that escaped her eyes. In silence they entangled their fingers and Pacey had smiled at her warm but extraordinarily weak._

_'You'd spend the night?', his voice weak and a whisper on his breath._

_Joey chuckled, lifting her head from his chest. 'Yeah, two that is.' She smiled and felt another tear escape her eyes._

_'Two?'_

_'Yeah. I don't mind. I would have waited for you as long as it would have taken.' She had swallowed hard, blinked her burning eyes open and close again, knowing they must be glassy. 'You scared the burning hell out of me there, Pacey.' She whispered, her voice all croaky and shaking._

_'Sorry.' He placed his hand in her hair and closed his eyes again, obviously tiered. 'Didn't want to screw our evening.' He said sleepy._

_'Don't you ever apologize for that again. Just promise me, to get well again.' Her voice was soft and she ran her fingers over his cheek, grateful that the color had returned to his skin. 'Please.'_

_'I'll try.' His voice a mere whisper and she smiled watching him drifting back to sleep and remained with her head on his chest, his beating heart reassuring her, that she hadn't dreamt. As the nurse and Jack came later on, she sat and told them that he had spoken with her. They checked his vitals and seemed relieved. Joey sat upwards but as Pacey's hand fell off her head he searched for her hand in his sleep and entangled his fingers with hers. Jack brought her a breakfast and smiled at the hand holding. Joey could feel the blush creeping over her cheeks but she didn't mind. She just sat there and watched him for hours and felt the love for him bone deep./_

* * *

'I never felt as relieved as I had than. Even though we didn't know if there was any remaining damage and he wasn't out of the woods by then. He got better with each day and as he was released from ER he had to spent at least three more weeks in the hospital. By that time we took care of his house, so he was able to keep Daniel. I hadn't much time to reanalyze it all. I was whether with Daniel or at Bessies, in the hospital or getting stuff for refurbishing... I barely had a minute rest, but it was worth it.'

Andie took a deep breath. 'So let's clink glasses to Pacey.'

Joey took her glass and clinked her glass with Andie's. 'Yeah, to Pacey.'

'And why is it, you're here now and not with him?'

'Frankly?'

'Yeah, sure!'

She bit her lower lip again in uncertainty. 'I think I screwed it, Andie...'

* * *

Meanwhile in Capeside

Pacey was torn between everything. He was malcontent, rude, grumpy and upset with almost everything.

One morning the two of them were at Doug's for breakfast. Doug had a free weekend and Jack had to work 48 hours straight, so Doug invited his brother and nephew over. Pacey gratefully took the opportunity and everything went okay, right up until Daniel was careless and knocked over his cup accidentally, causing the cocoa to spill all over the table and over his trousers.

Pacey round upon him pretty bad, yelling at him for his carelessness, throwing a towel at him for cleaning up the mess and forcing him into apologizing to Doug.

Finally Doug grabbed his brothers arm. 'Would you please calm down here, Pace? Nothing has happen, really.' Pacey was about to punch him in the face so much anger boiling over he could barely see straight. 'Would you please look at your son?' Doug beseeched him and as Pacey looked it broke his heart. Daniel stood there, wiping the table clean, tears running over his face, his trousers and shirt soaked with cocoa.

'God, I'm sorry!' He stated, obviously frightened about his behavior and what it had caused. He turned on his heels and fled through the back door.

It all boiled down to a conversation Pacey and Daniel had have the evening after Joey left.

* * *

_/Pacey had tucked Daniel in his fresh duvet, his eyes wondering through the room. It felt strange to lay his boy to sleep in this room and go to sleep in the other._

_'Dad?' Daniel held his fathers hand and his eyes questioning._

_'Yes, Danny?' Pacey ran his hand gently over Daniels cheek and through his short black hair._

_'I saw Joey this morning at Bessie's. She said to tell you, she loved us both more than she had anybody before.' He bit his lower lip and Pacey almost smiled at this gesture, that so obviously mimicked Joey. 'Dad? Do you love her, too? Could she maybe be my mom someday?'_

_The boy's eyes pleading with him in a way, that made his heart ache. He felt it deep inside, this longing to be complete, to finally be a family, with this woman that so easily had captured his heart. And maybe he would have given in this night he got sick. But now?_

_He looked in his sons serious eyes and shook his head in regret. 'I don't know, Danny.' He kissed his forehead. 'Now go to sleep.'_

_Daniel wanted to say something more, but Pacey wouldn't have it. So they said good-night and Pacey left the room./_

* * *

Now Pacey ran down the street, through the town and alongside the beach. At length he slumped in the sand, his breathing erratic but his head a little more sorted than before. He took out his mobile and wrote Doug a massage:

**Pacey:** Could Danny stay over? I need a day off.'

It took his brother not a minute to answer.

**Doug:** Don't you dare do something like that again. Running off like that!

**Doug:** Danny can stay. Please be safe.

Pacey chuckled.

**Pacey:** Will do, man. Thanks!

* * *

Slowly he walked back home and spent almost the whole day there. In the evening he left and got into town once again.

He entered a bar where he had been a lot with Andie, Jen and Dawson. Once upon a time, when things were still in order and the only thing to worry about had been the grades in school. After he broke up with Andie, he spent lots of time with Jen and Jack here, but avoided the bar ever since she'd died. God, he missed those day's. He wondered what Jen would have to say. She would have kicked him in the bum, for sure and asked him why he was still here and not on his way to get her back. And Dawson? Oh, sometimes he just wished he could pick up the phone and talk to him. Just have someone to listen. He looked around in the strangely familiar place and could almost see them all sitting at their table, Jen turning around waving at him with this sunny smile spread all over her face.

He ordered a drink at the bar and played some rounds of pool all for himself.

'Hey there, handsome. Mind if I join you?'

Pacey lifted his eyes from the pool table, only to look straight into a generously exposed plunging neckline. He gulped and looked higher to see red, kissable lips and finally meet blue eyes shining under long blond hair.

'I you think you stand a chance...' He shrugged and throw her a cue. 'Try your luck.'

He grinned and she smiled back. He looked her over, she wore knee-length black boots, a short red, very close-fitting dress with this very thrilling neckline, her blond hair framed her slender face. He felt his whole body response to her and had absolutely no intention to deny himself this adventure if she would offer something.

They spent some time with banter, but swiftly it changed into the most serious flirting. And as the night passed by, they found themselves having the hottest sex in a corner of the bar.

Pacey left the bar quickly after and strayed through his hometown streets. Asking himself what had become of him. Casual sex was one of the things he hadn't done since Daniel. But round his son up like he had this morning wasn't like him at all, too.

* * *

As the morning sun rose, Pacey entered his brothers house regretful. Placing a bag with croissants and breakfast breads on the table and switching the coffee machine on.

He took a seat on the table, cupping his coffeecup with both hands and his head hanging down. This was how Doug found him. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat beside Pacey.

'Hey little brother.' Doug pattered his brothers back.

'Hey yourself.' Pacey muttered.

'Are you serious here, Pace? Alcohol and casual sex as compensation for you denying yourself to love again?'

'You have no idea.' Pacey let his head fall backwards. Don't need to ask how Doug knew what he'd been doing.

'No.' Doug shook his head. 'No, I don't, Pacey. All I know is, that you were happy as she was around. And now you're nothing but grumpy and on the edge almost all the time.'

'And what shall I do about it, oh my wise brother?' Pacey asked, feeling the wave of anger and guilt washing over him once again.

'Tell her. Kiss her. _Be_ with her, Pacey.' Doug looked him deep in the eyes. 'Be happy for once.'

'I can't, Doug, I just... I can't.' Pacey looked at him, hating the unexpected sting of tears in his eyes.

'But why?' Doug insisted, his voice soft but unrelenting.

'Because I'm so scared, Doug. I'm so scared, that once she has access to my heart, I won't be able to have her as a friend. To loose her, like I lost everyone. I miss her so much it hurts to even think her name. But I just can't be vulnerable in this way.'

'Oh, my sweet little brother.' Doug smiled and hugged him in the most tender brotherly way. 'You already are.'

**Please review.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Thanks for more than 50 reviews! You guy's rock! Please keep them coming._

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter __13__ -_

In the morning Tara dropped by to pick up Daniel for a long promised visit at the zoo. Pacey was thankful, that she came.

'Hey there Pacey. How are you doing?' She smiled at him, her red hair shining in the morning sun. 'I'm good so far. You?' He lied, just hoping his eyes won't betray him to her, but than again he wasn't the guy he used to be and she wasn't Jen, who could almost read him like an open book.

'Yeah, okay I guess.' She laughed. 'Wanna join us in the zoo?' He shook his head. He knew she had a thing for him and he just didn't want her to get her hopes up.

'No thanks. I'm really jaded. So go on, have fun you two.' It was true. He really was jaded and all the more grateful, that his friends helped him with Daniel. He needed an awful lot of rest and Jack dropped by almost on a daily basis. He just wasn't his old self again. Maybe never would be. Now he smiled at Daniel and kissed him on the forehead and tousled his hair. 'Be good, Danny. Promise.'

'Sure dad.' He kissed his fathers cheek. 'Bye.' The boy waved and took Tara's hand.

Pacey watched them leave and after they were gone he took a deep breath and picked up the phone and pushed a quick-dial-button.

'Potter B&amp;B, what can I help you with?' Bessie's voice asked politely.

'If the offer still stand, I would like to take the job.' Pacey rushed the words. He could almost see Bessie smile loopsided, much like Joey did.

'Well than, Pacey.' Her voice was warm and welcoming. 'We would love nothing more than to renew a still standing offer. Why don't you come over and we make some plans? You can bring Daniel, of course. Rebecca, Elias and Amy asking about him every day.'

Pacey chuckled. 'He is in the zoo with Tara. I'll come over in a bit. And... Thank you Bessie, really.'

'Don't thank me, Pace, you're really more than welcome. See you.'

'Yeah, see you later.' Pacey hang up and starred through the window for a long moment.

Finally he grabbed his mobile and began to write an E-Mail. As he finished he sighed. Not sure if he should write more. But he decided to just sent it and see if there would be a response.

He got up and out of the house.

* * *

**In Boston**

Joey's heart skipped one beat or maybe two as she looked at her mobile to see, that Pacey had sent an E-Mail without a subject line. Her hands were shaking and she wasn't so sure after all, if she wanted to read it now or if she wanted to wait. Because if she opened it, it would be read in a heartbeat and as long as it stayed closed it could contain everything. Even an invitation back into his life. But she had to keep her hopes down. It sure wouldn't contain any such thing. More likely it would say something like _'You forgot your hairbrush, I'll leave it at Bessie's.'_, but as long as it stayed close, there was hope, that it would in fact say something nice.

She paced around her mobile most of the day. After getting ready for the party of an acquaintance she were expected to attend, she stood in the studio, her mobile in her hand once more. Hesitating. Than she placed the mobile back where it laid all day. She was all done, wore a glamorous ruby colored knee long dress and black pumps, her hair in an updo and makeup on her face. The reflection in the mirror showed the old Josephine and nothing remembered her of the Joey that had left Capeside. She sighed, took her handbag and found herself staring at his unopened mail for the umpteenth time. With a deep sigh she finally opened it.

_Hey__ Jo__ey__,_

_I have to admit, that you've done a great job. I actually really like what you've done with this place. And Daniel loves his own room._

_I wanted to let you know, that I'm better with each passing day but far from good._

_I guess... Oh man! I guess this is a thank you, Joey._

_Thanks for everything and mostly for looking after Daniel for me while I was sick. And for sticking with me through this first nights, I guess. Don't know if I would have made it without you._

_Pacey_

_PS: I got a new job. Apparently this is another thank you..._

Joey couldn't help but feeling torn. She was so excited, that he'd actually wrote her. She wanted to read the short mail over and over and over again. But she felt sad, that he was so superficial with everything. And she was angry at herself, that she'd managed that he felt in depth, even though this hadn't been her intention. The least of all she wanted that he felt abased or humiliated or reduced. She wanted him proud and happy and self-confident.

* * *

Joey stood on the deck of her acquaintance's house. Looking over the immense garden, it was more like a park already. She wondered what Pacey would make of her life, if he would ever attend some of those party's she had grown up with and she was expected at a lot. Inside there was loud music and dancing and everything. Everyone was clad in clothes expensive as hell, they drank champagne like water and the buffet held foot for twice as much people as present. She sure knew what Pacey had to say about all of this.

Many people sat in the backyard, some in a pool drinking and laughing, some at the bar that has been placed there only for this party. Joey sat on the deck looking over all of that, feeling strangely out of place in her old life. Somehow not fitting in there anymore. She checked her mobile, while attempting to make conversation to some stranger, who reminded her of Drue Valentine. Sighing quietly as she found no massage. Of course not, she hadn't answered him yet, so why should he write again? And why would he write at all, after she waited almost three weeks for one mail at least. And than, suddenly, she felt an arm around her shoulders.

'You seem in the desperate need of a friend, Josephine.' She looked up at the deep voice and felt a sudden wave of relieve as she looked in this warm and familiar eyes and just let her head drop down in his shoulder as she used to do.

'Well. I am, actually.' She stated, knowing there was no sense in attempting to be fine and she she didn't even try. He knew her better than anyone ever could.

'So, here I am.' he placed a warm kiss in her hair and she felt as if he just lifted a heavy burden from her shoulders.

'I missed you, Josephine.' He smiled at her as she lifted her head to meet his eyes.

'And I you!' She said honestly and with one gaze she knew, why she had once loved him so very wholehearted, but not as passionately and bone deep as she now loved another.

'So, what about a walk, a coffee in this nice hidden café and you telling me all about that dark cloud hovering over your head?"

Joey just nodded. 'Yeah, that would be exactly what I need right now. Just take me somewhere far, far away from here, please.' He grinned knowingly and they made their excuses, full aware that they were clearly been watching with high interest as they left together, he helping her into her coat politely and she smiling warm at him. But she didn't care, she was just so relieved he had found her and just let him lead her out of this crazy house, with it's crazy people. Thankful that she needn't have to explain anything.

They walked in familiar silence through the night for a long while. She had her hands in the bags of her coat and he mirrored her appearance.

At length they entered a small café. Joey smiled, they had been here often as they were much younger. It was homely and far away from the loud crowd of the city.

They ordered mocha and after they got it, Benjamin looked at her for the longest while.

'So, tell me about that dark cloud now, will you?' He said, his voice soft as he laid his warm hand on hers. 'It's me after all, Josephine.'

'Yeah, it's you...' She nodded and withstand the urge to bite her lower lip. 'Long story made short, I fell in love with someone.' Her eyes glistening as she told him about Pacey. About his wittyness, his kindness, the way he made her laugh, his special view on things, the way he talks and smiled at her as if they shared some unkown secret and how he made her feel all alive inside and out for the first time. 'And I kissed him, Benj and it was... Wow. I don't know. It was earth-shaking, breath-taking, it gave me millions of butterflies and I forgot everything in this moment.'

Benj raised an amused brow at her. 'That's great, Josephine. Tell me all about this guy, that managed to finally make your eyes shine like that again.' He smiled at her broadly and she knew that he was truly happy for her.

'Yeah.' She said nodding, but her eyes clouded over and looking past him to nowhere.

'So, what's the matter?'

'It would be much easier if you'd asked me, what wasn't the matter. It's so much, Benjamin.' She stirred her mocha, searching for words. 'He has a son with someone who dropped him as the child was about three weeks old. Daniel. He's about...' She swallowed. 'her age.' She said and as she looked in his eyes she saw the pain clearly. The pain of loosing a child never really seemed to faint. And whatever they wanted to believe, after the second time, their relationship wasn't the same as before. They loved each other still, but the knowledge and the pain and the loss hovering over them like a bad omen. She smiled at him and wiped the dark memory's away like she used to once upon a time.

'So I guess I have to start at the beginning.' She sighed and tried to put it all together. 'He was in high school with Dawson and Andie, who were together back than. But than Dawson dropped Andie and she started this thing with Pacey...' She began to tell Pacey's tale and Benjamin just listened very attentively. She told him about Andie's betrayal, about Pacey flunking out of high school, about his affair with Sarah and the outcome, about Pacey dropping his chance for a better life for his child's sake. How he struggles to pay all the bills and how hard he works to offer his son a better life than he ever had. How he tried to be a good father to Daniel, even though he didn't have one to rely on. And finally she told him about her refurbish without asking while Pacey was at the hospital. That she managed to find him this opportunity at the Ice House and how he chucked her. 'So, this is why I'm back here. But I tell you, Benj, I haven't met anyone like him in all my life.'

Benjamin had followed everything she'd said and now he grinned wildly. 'You so love him, Josephine. Head over heels, in love with that guy.' He chuckled deeply and Joey smiled shyly.

'Yeah, I know... but I just told you, Benj, he rejected me. He doesn't want me. So all there is to say is: I really truly lost my heart to someone who doesn't want it.'

He laid his hand on her's. 'Oh Babe, but I'm sure he wants you quite as much as you want him. If you were about to ask me, I'd say, he needs to sort out things with Andie and Dawson, maybe even with this Sarah-bitch to be really free to love again. What they did to him was nasty to say the least.'

'Yeah sure, Benjamin, but how can I convince them to speak with him?'

'You can't, Josephine. This is one thing you can't do for him, and I beg you, don't try! He have to do it on his own. He has to find a way to close all the open doors without you holding his hand. You don't want to degrade him more than you already have, believe me. He's grown up, he managed heavy storms in his life, he sure can handle this. Given that he realizes that he has to.' He said and at length she nodded. She knew he was right, but she just wanted to be with Pacey so badly, it was hard to wait for him to realize something so huge and life altering like that. And to have the guts to act on it.

'Yeah, you're right, as always.' She smiled at him loopsided and he looked at her empathetically.

'And now, we'll order a new mocha for you, so you get to drink it hot and than we'll stride through Boston at night like we used to do. Deal?'

'Yes. Deal.' She smiled at him gratefully and was glad she had him.

* * *

As she entered her flat around 3am, she felt a lot better. They had walked the streets for hours, talking and silent, laughing and wondering where they lost the spark. As he said his goodbye she was tempted to ask him to stay over, but she knew they would only regret it in the morning and so she kissed him on the cheek, hugged him and turned to walk the rest of the way alone.

Now she throw her pumps in one corner, relieved to finally be able to set her feet free, hung her coat on the hall stand. She turned her laptop on and read Pacey's E-Mail again. With a deep sigh she clicked response and sat in front of the white page for what felt like eternity.

At length she wrote:

_Dear Pacey,_

_Thanks for your Mail. I'm glad you took the job and I'm hoping that everything works out like you hope it does._

_I think I have to apologize for many things. I didn't had the chance to explain anything the other day and I honestly don't think I can. I just wanted to help you so bad, I think it just got away with me. And I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know, you have to thank me for nothing. You hadn't asked for anything and neither did I ask you if you would have it. But more so I just did what I thought was right, full well knowing that it wasn't what you wanted._

_So let me just say it again: I am really, really sorry. For everything._

_I'm relieved to hear, that you're better now than you were. I hope you will be totally recovered soon. I'm just so glad you've made it this far._

_Kiss Daniel for me, will you?_

_Take care of yourself and remember me every once in a while._

_Yours,_

_Joey_

She read the mail all over again and than once more. Deleting a sentence here and putting one there. And finally she just sent it, before she went in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of champagne and getting upstairs and on the roof deck, watching the city come to life in the early morning darkness.

* * *

Capeside

It had been two busy weeks since Pacey took the job and he felt better now than he had in a long time. Not the least because he finally got a job that fulfilled him. He put his whole heart into the planning and while Daniel played with Rebecca, Amy and Elias, he went shopping with Bodie, planned with Bessie and Bodie in the backyard, how the Ice House should look like in the end, if they wanted a pool table or a dartboard, what food they wanted to serve and so on. He felt so alive and burden free, as he hadn't felt since the day he was on that yacht.

Today this woman from the Youth Welfare Office was to visit and Pacey wasn't nervous at all. As it finally knocked on the door Pacey opened with a broad smile on his face. The woman that stood outside seemed pretty strict and Pacey was sure she has to sweat in her formal black-and-white dress in the hot summer sun. He wore a loose shirt an short jeans.

He had drawn the curtains, so the house didn't get all heated up.

'Good morning, Ma'am.' He greeted her and she nodded at him formally.

'Good morning.' Her voice was a bit squeaky and she curled her lips.

'Please, come in and have a close look.' He took her coat and hung it ab the hall stand, he poured her some water and after they went through the whole house and she had met Daniel, they sat on the comfy couch.

'And your sleeping arrangements?' She asked.

'Daniel sleeps in his room and I sleep here.'

She nodded and made a notice.

'I heard you fell sick recently and are not able to work anymore?' She curled up her nose.

'Incorrect. I can't work at the docks anymore, but I got a job as chef at a new opening restaurant. I'm paid very well, in fact.'

She nodded again and made a notice.

'And your son is alone here, while you're working?' She raised a brow at him.

'No, he is taken care of.' Pacey smiled at her and took Daniel on his lap, who stood beside him, eying the woman somewhat timidly.

She nodded and made a notice.

'And you two argue a lot, Daniel?' She looked at the clearly frightened boy.

'No, Ma'am.' Daniel's voice was a little shaky and he looked at his father questioning. Pacey runs his hand through his sons hair.

She nodded and made a notice.

'And your father has lots of women come and go here?'

Daniels eyes widened and Pacey narrowed his eyes on her. 'Would you please be so kind and ask _me_ the questions? My son is underage and in no position to answer any of your questions. And by the way, I don't have women come and go.'

'Yeah, I know...' She said, nodded and made a notice. 'I think we're done here. Your father has to pay my visit, as it was obviously unnecessary to call me in the first place. Everything is in perfect order.'

'Wait...please.' Pacey looked at her in disbelieve, his heart beating loud in his ears. 'Did you just say my father?'

'Yes.' She nodded. 'He's the one that made the report against you. Said you hadn't warm water in the bathroom, sharing a room with your son and living in deprive circumstances. But as I see it, everything is in perfect order. You got a good income, the house is small small but clean, your son has an extra room. It's perfectly fine.' She smiled at him and pattered Daniels hair.

'So I can stay here?' Daniel asked, clearly hesitating to be relieved just yet.

'Yes, my dear. You stay with your father, where you belong.' She smiled the first sincere smile of the day and Pacey laid a hand on his sons shoulder.

Pacey stood, still somewhat stunned that his father, his own father, hat reported him instead of offering him his help. He led the woman to the door and helped her in her summercoat. They said their good bye's and as she was almost at her car she turned.

'Oh, I almost forgot. I was supposed to leave best wished for quick recovery from Andrea Leery. Somehow she was informed, that you have been sick and delayed the appointment for you.' She nodded. 'Good bye.'

'Yeah, good bye.' He said, watching her car leave the drive and disappearing on the dusty road. As finally the realization crushed in, about what Joey really had done for him.

'Dad?' Daniel plucked on Pacey's shirt. 'Dad, are you all right?'

'Yeah, Daniel... I think I am.' Pacey said, his voice scratchy.

'You won't get sick again, will you?' Daniels eyes widened in horror.

'No Daniel. I won't. But I have to sort a few things out I guess. I just don't know where to begin yet.'

After a long while starring out of the window, he picked up his mobile and opened a chat.

**Pacey:** _Olivia __Warren__ just left. I guess..._ He smiled as he remembered, that she told him in her Mail not to say thank you again, and so he wrote, _I owe you one, Joey._

Her answer came instantly and he couldn't help but chuckle at this.

**JMcC: **_Don't mention it again. It was my pleasure._

He smiled. 'Yeah, I guess it really was.' He murmured, wondering if she was aware, that she had goddamn saved him.

**Reviews are love!**


	14. Chapter 14

So, here's chapter 14.

Please review. This is mainly Pacey's POV and I'm very unsure about this chapter in particular. Plaese let me ḱnow what you think. Please hang in there with me and review. I need them right now more than ever!

Yours,

Yana

**On different ways**

**_\- Chapter __1__4__ -_**

'Damn it!' Joey threw her pencil against the wall. She was supposed to write a sequel to her book, which had been a breathtaking success. Now she struggled with the words that had used to come to her almost naturally. That seemed to just flow out of her fingers, sometimes surprising her as she read them. She didn't even always know where the text's she wrote had come from. They just seemed to write themselves effortlessly. Now, she didn't seem to get one sentence right. Nothing made any sense, the characters didn't act like there were supposed to. And the written conversations just didn't flow and if they did, they were just hollow and flat, almost stupid at times. Nothing worked.

Frustrated she ran her hand through her now shoulder-long hair. Nothing made any sense anymore. She felt like she lost her muse, her very soul was empty. Nothing seemed easy anymore. She was surrounded by a deep sadness, that seemed to linger around her like a bad smell. Defeated she stood, grabbed her coat, slipped into her shoes and closed the door of her maisonette behind her back. Outside she took a deep breath, waited for the elevator and finally she was out in the streets. Let herself be taken by the stream of people, heading hectically from one appointment to another, shopping or simply striding through the city like her.

She felt lost.

It was almost autumn by now. She could feel it in the wind and see it in the eyes of each passerby. This heavy feeling of just another year flowing by with nothing they could do to stop the time from running through their hands like sand. She sighed deeply as she sat down on a bench. A hot coffee to go in her hands, she grabbed somewhere as she passed by. She looked at the stream of people, wondering where they might head and whom their thoughts were with. She looked at her mobile, writing something and putting it back as she saw nothing new there. She used to mail every now and than with Pacey. She saw Tara almost regularly and called Bessie at least once a week. But all that late-spring-experience seemed so far away now, like a memory from another lifetime.

* * *

In Capeside

'So, are you telling me about that heavy cloud hovering over your head?' Bodie asked Pacey, leaning with his back against the new work space of their new set kitchen, he held a glass of water in his hands.

Pacey turned to look at him. 'It's nothing, really.' He grinned sheepishly.

'Yeah, sure.' Bodie raised a brow, as Pacey stood, poured himself a glass of water too and looked at his mobile, grinning as he wrote a response.

'So, if this _nothing_ of yours would have a name by any chance, it wouldn't be Joey, now would it?'

Pacey chuckled and placed his glass on the work space.

'I really rather not talk about her right now.'

'Come on, man. You have to talk about it eventually. She isn't going to wait for you forever. There is a long, long line in front of her door, Pacey. She could have almost any guy and the only one she is interested in, the only one she has eyes for, rejects her.' He looked at him investigating. 'Wanna talk about it?'

'Man, you got me there.' Pacey's voice was croaky and he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was actually holding. Slowly he runs his hand through his hair in surrender as his mobile vibrated again he looked at it, smiled sadly and wrote back.

'Come on, sit with me.' Bodie laid his hand on Pacey's shoulder, leading him towards one of the tables that were already set. They planned to open the Ice House first of December, but they were almost ready to open a lot earlier.

They had a large pooltable and a two dartboards, room for 100 people, a deck with space for at least 50 more, a spare room for weddings or things like that in the attic and a bar with a stereo and a lightning installation in the basement, they had placed sofas and thick seat cushions there and low tables there. All in all it was perfect and Pacey couldn't wait until it would finally be crowded. He and Bodie had attended a 4 week cookery crashcourse for chef's just to be sure. They had yet to finish the kitchen and set a menu, than they would be all done.

Bodie poured them each a beer and sat beside Pacey. 'So, tell me about it.'

Pacey sighed and took a deep gulp of his cold beer. 'Man, I think I fell for her, Bodie.' He said at length, his voice a bit croaky and shaking, unsure as he finally said the words, he hadn't dared thinking. And with them out, he felt a cold hand grabbing his heart and he shook his head. 'But I just can't have it, Bodie. I just can't.'

Bodie nodded, he knew damn well why Pacey was afraid, but he pushed it nonetheless. 'And why is that, exactly?'

Pacey felt anger bubbling up inside him, a long forgotten and deeply buried rage, that made his whole body shake. 'You god damn well know that, Bodie.' He stated.

'Yeah, I know, but I want you to say it, to look deep into the eye of your enemy and think about it. Aks yourself in all hoesty, if this old feud is worth risking a future with a girl that loves you deeply.'

'You think she loves me?' The words were out before Pacey could stop them. His thoughts suddenly flew back to the moment she kissed him all those weeks ago. The way it made him feel alive for what seemed the first time in forever. How he felt her touch slowly liquefy the ice around his heart and soul. How she touched something deep inside him in that particular moment. He felt a shiver running down his spine and the arousal rush through his veins only thinking about it. Imagine what it would be like to actually get to hold her, to kiss her, to have her kiss him, hold him... Made love to her would be almost unbearable amazing. Divine, really. She took his breath away even in her absence, leaving him in helpless desire.

'Yeah, man.' Bodie offered softly, looking at the younger man, clearly aware of his sudden tenseness. 'She loves you and I don't only think she does. Every time she calls over, her first question is about you and the last thing she say is to give you her regards and a kiss for Danny. She's sad Pacey, and she misses you. Maybe she misses you more than you miss her.'

Pacey looked down into his glass, watching the bubbles in the golden liquid, wondering why he wasn't able to not screw it this time. 'I know, but I'm just so... I don't know, Bodie.' He lend back. 'I guess I'm afraid.'

'About?'

'Getting hurt again.' He said the words quietly, almost whispering them.

'We all get hur eventually. This is part of putting your heart at risk. Of putting yourself out there. No one is safe from being hurt at some point. A realationship is about pleasure and hurt, about laughing and crying, about arguing and forgiveness. Any realationship is, Pacey.' He watched the younger man looking at the bottom of his glass, as if to find an answer there. 'But there is no Dawson, Pacey.'

'No, there isn't. Just his ghost lingering all around. And hers.' He downed his beer and placed the glass back on the table. 'And I'm afraid nonetheless. This runs bone deep, Bodie. It's destroying even. It was the most life altering moment of my life seeing those two...' he hesitated. 'Entangled in such an intimate way. This two people I would have trusted in the pitch black night. I trusted them and they cheated on me. And not accidentally, not only once, but all those weeks. Full aware of the damage they did. Full aware, that my heart would break the moment I knew about their betrayal. . And with the intention to just don't tell me about it. Keep it secret. It makes me sick only thinking about it.' Pacey looked at Bodie with such deep hurt in his eyes and such a disgusted look on his face it hit Bodie literally in the face.

'Wanna know what I think?' Bodie offered.

'Sure.' Pacey shrugged blasé.

'I think you should go to Boston and talk to the man. If you feel like punching him, just punch him. But you have to let it go one way or the other. If you just close it up deep inside of you, it will stand in your way not only now, but any time someone tries to come near you. And at length it will have an impact on Daniel too.'

Pacey remained still. The last thing he wanted was to talk to Dawson. He didn't want to come near him in 10 miles. But Bodie was right eventually. He had to do it, if only for Daniels sake.

He got lost in his thoughts and they finished the work in the kitchen together in absolute silence.

As they locked the door in the late evening, they were both exhausted. 'Wanna come over for dinner?'  
'Well yeah.' Pacey nodded, both hands deep in the bags of his coat as he hesitated. 'Hey, Bodie?'

'Yep?' Bodie turned on the steps down the deck and looked at Pacey who stood in the half light of a lantern hanging over the entrance. Looking totally forlorn.

'Mind if Daniel stays over for maybe one or to days? I think I've got to settle a few things in Boston.'

Bodie beamed and got the steps up again, walking towards Pacey and patted him on the shoulder. 'Well man, I would do nothing rather than that. It's long overdone.'

'Yeah, you're right, man. So lets have that dinner you promised.' Pacey grinned but feeling awfully insecure and shaky inside, he didn't know what to say or how to act, he was just absolutely convinced that, whatever happened between him and Joey, it was inevitable that he had this talk with Dawson.

* * *

In the early morning he walked to the docks and found her boat in an instant. Smiling he got on board, remembering a warm day in the middle of June. Joey had invited the both of them for a cruise a little down the coast. They'd spent the whole weekend here and Pacey felt how much he craved to be back out in the open with a boat. It could be any boat. He remembered sitting outside in the dark, looking up in the starry sky and she sat beside him, a blanchet over her shoulders, smiling at him. He told her about his trip to west key and she had smiled dreamingly. And told him, she would like to see the west coast some day. And he had looked at her, imagined what it would be like to have her join him on such a trip and a warm feeling had spread thruogh him. That was maybe the first time he had realized that she could in fact be able to steal her way into his heart. Now he stood there and looked over the water, to the sun that rose on the horizon. He took a deep breath and turned to leave the boat as he saw a shadow standing on the dock. He took a closer look before leaving the boat.  
'Tara?' He raised a brow at her. 'What are you doing here?'  
She smiled at him, a little sad but sincere. 'Bessie told me you were off to Boston.'  
'Yeah, well, she is right.'  
'Well good, Pace. Just don't fool with her, okay?' She smiled a half smile. 'She loves you and if you don't love her back, please just tell her so. Don't make her stand in line and hoping like...' She made a little noise with her tongue. 'Well, never mind. I'm just here to wish you luck.'  
'Thanks Tara.' He hugged her tight and could feel her breathe him in. 'I'm sorry I made you hope for something I'm just not able to give.' He kissed her hair.  
'Don't be. Your friendship is enough for me. Good luck and be safe.' She smiled at him and he could feel her watch him leave.

He got on his bike and drove towards Boston. Loving the feel of his machine between his legs, the roaring and pure power. It made him feel like nothing could get him down. He had managed to suss out the shooting area where Dawson worked right now. He drove there and wasn't surprised by all the security that surrounded the area.

He put of his helm and locked his bike. Than he walked towards the nearest security woman and put on his most winning smile.

'Good morning, mister, what can I help you with? This is blocked compound. Only staff is allowed here.' She said in a sharp tone. Not unfriendly but clearly not an easy one to convince.

'I'm an old friend of Dawson Leery.' He stated and the woman narrowed her eyes.

'Sure. You clearly sat beside him during kindergarten as well.' She stated obviously unfazed.

'In fact, yes, I did.' Pacey couldn't help but grin.

'And now you want me to let you pass by out of, what, utter amiability?'

'Something like that, yeah.' He tried his most convincing face but she just looked at him amused.

'You know how many people had claimed exactly this? And if I would let everyone just pass, than he wouldn't have to employee security at all.' She fell quite, mustering him as he smiled convincingly at her and at length she said. 'But I can give him your name and he can come see you if he knows you.'

'No, please.' Pacey rushed maybe a little to impulsive and she narrowed her eyes on him. 'We haven't seen each other in a long while and I... well I kind of wanted to surprise him.' Pacey tried to talk her into it, feeling utterly insecure inside and knowing that he could convince anybody as he had been young didn't help at all, but he had to try.

She looked at him for a long while, than turned to talk to another security man. At length they frisked him and both convoyed him through a very crowded area until they stood right behind the directors chair, where Dawson leaned and watched two people play. Pacey felt all nervous and his whole self-confidence seemed to crumble in the sight of this man, who had been his best friend, his safe haven and had turned into his incarnate nightmare.

The man who convoyed him stepped beneath Dawson and leaned in, talking with him in a low voice, until Dawson suddenly turned an expression of absolute and total surprise in his face.

'Pacey?' Pacey nodded in his direction and Dawson came towards him, looking at him for a long while, clearly a total lost for words. Pacey stared at him, all the words stuck in his throat. He felt thoroughly stupid, standing in front of all this people, starring at the director, when only moments before he convinced the security, he was his oldest friend.

'Sir? Everything alright Mister Leery?' The security man asked and Dawson seemed to wake of some kind of trance.

'Well yeah, I just... I didn't expected him.' He turned to face his staff. 'Okay, everybody. Take the rest of the day off, I got a visitor I've been waiting for longer than you can imagine. Have a nice day everybody.' Pacey blinked in disbelieve at Dawson's words. He'd been waiting for him?

As Dawson turned around again he smiled at Pacey and patted him on the shoulder. 'Pacey! I'm so glad to see you! What took you so long, man?'

Pacey looked at him and couldn't help but chuckle. What took him so long? 'Life I guess.' He answered at length.

'Yeah, I bet. Come on.' He laid an arm around Paceys shoulders as if they had parted in peace. Pacey couldn't help but feeling out of place. He was tense. As they'd left the set he get rid of Dawsons arm and turned to look him straight in the face.

'What is this?' He asked, clearly upset by now.

'What is what, Pacey?' Dawson looked at him with a blank expression on his face and as oblivious as he had always been.

'You know full well what I mean. You buddying me, as if nothing had happened.' Pacey felt all the old anger take over. He was about to punch his once-friend right in his self-complacent face.

'You came here, so I thought...'

'That I've forgiven you?' Pacey spat the words, surprised by the old hurt that seemed so new, quite as if everything just happened yesterday. He could see Dawson entangled with Andie on that bed and it made him sick to the bone.

'Kind of?' Dawson offered unsure.

'No Dawson! I came here to close a door I should have closed a long, long time ago. So I can finally begin to live again.' He looked at him, all hurt and felt as defeated as he had then. 'Why, Dawson? I mean, really! Why did you do it? Why sleeping with her, while she was mine? Why, when you were full aware, that I loved her?' He hated his burning eyes, but he didn't care right now, he wouldn't cry, he had shed enough tears over her and over Dawson as well and all boiled down now to this anger and the feeling that he just wasn't worth to be loved. That he, in fact, wasn't even worth to have a honest friendship. That he wasn't worth anything, just like his father used to tell him since he was only three years old.

'Because I loved her too, Pacey. And for what's worth, I'm sorry that I just took her, but...'

'Oh yeah, there has always to be a but, now isn't it so? ''But'' - you were not worthy of her, ''but'' - stupid little Pacey would just take her and put her in danger with this trip of his, ''but''- golden Dawson was supposed to be with her and it hurt his pride, that Pacey got her and his ego just couldn't take it.' He looked him straight in the eyes, all his anxiousness gone. 'But you _destroyed_ me, Dawson. You just crashed me. My whole life has been a mess ever since. And you didn't even once try to apologize. Oh yeah, sure, you came as your father informed you, that I would flunk out of high school. You put on your golden armor and came to my rescue. You offered me your help back than, but an apology? Never happened! An explanation? Negative report! No one of you came and asked how I was feeling, after my boat sunk. No one of you came and offering me friendship. You know, I wasn't able to trust anybody since your betrayal.' He looked at him, aware of the fire in his eyes. 'Why Dawson? Why didn't you just come and tell me you still loved her? Why? Why did you have to hurt me in such a cruel, destroyable way? Why did you do it? Why?' Pacey's voice had become lower with each word he said. He stood face to face with Dawson, who clearly didn't know what to response and he just felt so utterly destroyed. 'Why, Dawson?'

'Because I hated, that she loved you.' Dawson said at length. His voice only a whisper on his breath, but his eyes never left Pacey's and he could hear the utter sincerity in Dawson's words. 'I hated that she wanted to leave with you. I hated that it was your name on her lips, when I made love to her the first time in her room.' Pacey's eyes widened at his words.

'What?' He whispered in disbelieve.

'It's true Pacey.' Dawson looked past Pacey down a crowded road. 'She loved you, but I convinced her to stay with me, because I wanted her. And she was weak these day's and easily convinced.'

Pacey couldn't believe what Dawson said. 'And you have the guts to just stay here, telling me this?'

'I have no chance, than to be honest, Pacey. I hadn't been and it cost me the most precious friend I ever had. I am really truly sorry I hurt you so deeply. I am sorry your life had been the way it was because of me. And I know, there is merely a chance that I get you back in my life after all those years, but if I have a chance at all, that one day you'll forgive me, than I have to be honest. And the honest truth is, I missed you. I made a terrible mistake, not that I regret she's my wife now, but I regret that it costs me your friendship and I regret that it was only possible by destroying you.' Dawson made eye-contact again and Pacey was surprised to see them glassy. 'I am sorry, Pacey. But there is no way I can make it undone.'

'No there isn't.' Pacey smiled sadly at his former friend. He felt nothing, nothing at all. 'Just tell me this: Did she love me, Dawson? Before you layed her and convinced her to drop me. Did she love me?'

'Yes she did. And she didn't wanted to drop you, Pace. She wanted to leave with you the next day. She never really forgave me, that I lured you there this evening. I think, part of her probably still loves you.'

'But she slept with you, nonetheless.' Pacey lowered his eyes to the ground.

'Yeah.' Dawson laid his hand on the other guys shoulder. 'Look, Pacey, I am sorry.'

'I know. Me too Dawson.'

'I miss you, Pacey. Sometimes I miss you real bad.'

'Yeah, I know exactly what you mean by than.' He almost laughed and than he spontaneously hugged him and Dawson returned the embrace. And Pacey felt a heavy burden fall from his heart. He pattered Dawson on the back and took a deep breath.

'Wow. So I guess we could have a beer somewhere?' Pacey offered, surprised by his slightly wet eyes. He didn't realize how important solving this matter has been for him.

'Yeah sure.' Dawson seemed as relieved as Pacey felt. 'So tell me about your life.'

'I'm a father actually.' Pacey grinned.

'Well, really? So tell me all about your kid.'

And Pacey began to tell him about Daniel, not how it came that he got him and not the circumstances of being a single father, but about him in general and as he went on talking about how gorgeous Daniel was a feeling of peace settled in his heart that has been missing half his life.

They sat in a nice little sidewalk café, eating lunch and talking about life in general. Dawson talking about his new film. It was in fact mainly Dawson how was talking. Pacey was careful not to give away to much, but he felt like he found a missing piece in the puzzle that was his life. And he was just glad, sitting here with his childhood friend, talking and finally be free of the vengeance that had occupied his soul and overshadowed his every step so many years.

'...and I fell for someone, D. And I think...' He placed his fork on the side of his plate, wiping his mouth with a napkin. 'Well, honestly this is the reason I came here. I just had to solve things with you to finally be able to go on without sticking in the past with all the angst and anxiety and insecurity's that were caused by... You know.'

'Yeah, I do.' Dawson leaned back. 'So tell me about her.'

'Well, she is amazing.' He paused, thinking about what he want to give away, knowing that Dawson knew her but Dawson not knowing that he did. 'And pretty...' Pacey smiles. 'In fact she is very, very pretty. Actually she is the kind of pretty, that gives you butterflies, man. She is witty and sassy and intelligent, she's fun and she's great with Daniel and man... She's breath-taking.'

'So why don't you just go for her, Pacey?' Asked Dawson.

'Because. Well actually, because I fear, that she will just drop me, like... Well, like I've been dropped before, I guess.' Pacey shrugged, looking at Dawson who looked back defeated.

'I'm sorry, Pacey.'

'I know.' He grabbed his fork and continued to eat. Both of them fell silent for a long while.

Please review


	15. Chapter 15

Hi guys,

so here's chapter 15. I hope you enjoy it and please review. I really need them! They motivate me and it just feels good to know you guys read this.

So here we go,

Enjoy! Yana

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 15 -_

Joey heard the phone rang and just remained upstairs, looking over Boton's roofs. Wondering who would want something. Assuming it would be her puplisher, trying to rush her into writing. Or some acquaintance, inviting her to just another great party ind just another soulleaking house with crazy people and some charity project to donor to. She sighed heavily as the answering machine clicked on.

'Hello, you've reached Josephine McCarroll. I'm not able to get your call right now. Please leave me your name, your number and a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.'

'Hey bunny! I'm in Boston and, you know, our director just gave us the day off, so I've wondered if you'd like to hang out a bit. Vent you head, have some fun and, well, hang out with me basically. But I get it, you're busy, so... See you soon, bunny.'

Joey jumped down the stairs the moment she heard the voice of her most precious friend and picked up the phone. 'Wait...wait, Audrey?' She was breathless. 'Aud? Are you still there, Audrey?'

'Yeah bunny, I'm here. Just breathe, okay?' She chuckled and Joey let out a breath of relieve.

'Oh thank god for you Audrey! You rescue me. Please let's hang out, do anything. I just can't stand to sit here and... basically wallow.'

'Yeah, I assumed as much. I stand outside your building, so... What do you think? Come down here, bring your swimsuit and we'll go do some wellness?'

'Sounds great. Be down in ten.' Joey took a deep breath and smiled. 'Thanks for saving me, Aud. You're just the best!' She blew a kiss down the line and Audrey laughed out loud.

'I know honey bunny. Now get your sweet behind down here.'

'Will do. Just don't disappear, okay?' Joey hang up, collected her stuff swiftly and left the narrowness of her flat. Infinitely grateful for the opportunity to spent her day with Audrey. They saw each other far to seldom and even if she was in Boston, they barely had a chance to spent time together. And calling just couldn't cope with actually seeing one another. She was so grateful, that she got to spent time with Audrey, she always seemed to lighten her mood, she always knew exaclty what to say and when to just be silent. She knew her inside out and even if there were weeks and month they didn't get in touch with one another, the moment the talked or saw each other, they just were as they always had been.

Joey smiled as she saw her standing in front of the building, simling and waiting for her with open arms. She breathed a deep breath of relieve her friends arms wrapped around her and they held tight onto each other.

'Missed me much, bunny?' Audrey smiled into the embrace and Joey nodded.

'You have no idea.' She was surprised at the sudden sting of tears in her eyes and the urge to just stay in her friends warm embrace for so much longer.

'Hey... hey hon...' Audrey just held her tight. 'Wanna talk about it?'

'Let me just stay here for a moment longer, will you?' Joey begged, her voice thick with sadness.

'You can stay here as long as you want to.' She held her tight and placed a kiss onto her hair. 'I have all my day and all the night for you and you alone.' She stroked Joey's hair, holding her tight for a long long time. 'Miss him that much?'

Joey just nodded and hold tight onto her friend, as if she was her safety buoy. 'Thanks so much for bestowing your day to me.'

'Oh bunny. You're welcome. I've missed you too.'

* * *

After Dawson left, Pacey took a deep breath, looking around unfamiliar streets and houses, turning around and around, trying to imagine Joey in this place and it just didn't work. She somehow didn't fit into this city, she fit to Capeside, with it's wide landscape, with the creek, with clean air and her family. He let his feet carry him and finally found himself in the docks, trying to catch a glimpse of the great wide open sea, but all the sailboats and yachts and people just made it far more complicated than he had expected.

The ringing of his phone almost caused him to jump. He looked at the display and couldn't recognize the number. So he picked up the phone.

'Pacey Witter...?'

There was a long silence.

'Hello? Anybody there?' Pacey asked, his heart beating fast and he was almost certain it would be Joey, somehow catching his downfall in the great city, guiding him out of the craziness of his heart. He suddenly felt such a deep longing for her his head began to spin and he sat down on the next best bench. All the while holding the silent mobile on his ear, desperate to hear her voice. Just as he was about to speak her name, a familiar voice reached his ear.

'Pacey?'

This time it was his turn to remain silent. Off all the people in the world, she was maybe one of the last ones he'd expected.

'...Dawson told me you are in town and I... Well, would you meet me?' She sounded nervous and anxious. Pacey felt a whole bunch of emotions wash over him. _Andie._ She still managed to make something deep inside his soul swing. His first fall. The first girl he'd loved. He wasn't sure he really wanted to meet her, but he decided now that he was here nonetheless, he could as well just get it over with.

'Pace?' He gasped, it was a long time since she said his name this way and it was far to intimate for his taste.

'Yeah sure, I'll meet you.' He said, his voice croaky and deep. 'Where?'

She exhaled audible and Pacey couldn't help but smile sadly. 'Well, where are you now?'

'At the docks.'

'Well, I could have guessed...' She stated and his heart quenched. She just knew him to well, even after all that time. 'You wanna eat something or prefer to take a walk?'

He thought a short moment and than said: 'A walk sounds great.'

'Okay, so just let us meet in the park. Let's say in half an hour?'

'Well, yeah. See you Andie.'

'See you Pacey.' She said and was gone. He stared at his mobile, not entirely sure what to make of this.

* * *

Pacey got to the park and locked his bike there. Than he took a deep breath and waited for her to show up. A while later he saw a woman with shiny bond hair hasting through the crowd and as she saw him her steps slowed down. She looked good in her black suit and the beige kneelong coat. Her hair bound back into an strict updo, but her eyes looking at him with so much nervousness he almost found it in his heart to pity her. But she took his breath away even after all this years. He felt a deep sitting hurt but also he had to resist the urge to just pull her into a warm embrace. He was so torn. He knew he needed to just get this door closed or he would never ever be able to go on with his life.

She walked towards him and stopped a few steps away. They stared at each other, looking into each others eyes.

'Pacey...' She said and her blue eyes seemed to beg him for something he was not ready to give. She wanted absolution he realized, but he wouldn't give it to her for free.

'Andie.' He nodded his voice deep and croaky, so he cleared his throat.

'Long time no see, I guess.' She said, looking at her feet, shuffled nervously with her right foot in the sand beneath.

'Yeah, it surly has been a while.' He said, looking at her and suddenly he felt his heart calm down. Maybe he just needed to hear it from her. Maybe she would set him free, by saying she was sorry, even if it would not change one thing. His life would still have been a mess, he would still be uncertain and insecure, but maybe he would be free to love somebody again and to let her love him.

'Well, so here we are. What is it you wanted to talk to me about, McPh... Leery?' He asked, realizing for the first time, that she was a married woman now. Not the he hadn't known it, it was just... in his heart she was still Andie McPhee, the girl he had loved and the girl that dumped him.

'Let's walk a bit, shall we?'

'Sure.' Pacey said. His hands deep in the pockets of his jacket as he walked beside her through the park in pregnant silence.

After a long while she took a deep breath and stopped, turned to look at him and he saw her eyes glassy.

'I just... I just want to say I'm sorry Pacey.' She took a deep breath and and her beautiful blue eyes swam in tears. He felt all the hurt and betrayal wash over him once again. A pain so real he was barley able to look at her and he felt his eyes burn with tears. But he wouldn't let them fall.

'I didn't mean for it to happen.' She said. 'I wanted to go on that cruise with you. I wanted you to be first. I wanted... I just so desperately wanted to feel as secure in your arms as I did in his.' Her voice died at the end of the sentence, her tears fell down her cheeks and he felt as if she had stabbed him.

'You what?' He looked at her in pure disbelieve. Couldn't quite get what she had said. He hadn't made her feel safe?

'I loved you with all my heart, Pace, I really did, but...'

'But?...' He spat the word in her face. 'But what? You just wanted to try him first?' His voice pitched. 'And don't you dare _'Pace'_ me again.'

'No, Pacey, I didn't want to _try_ him first, I mean, can't you understand?' She sobbed and his face hardened. He felt so tight and hurt and he was just so mad.

'No Andie. In fact I can't. So please enlighten me here.' He wiped his thump and forefinger over his eyes to not let the tears fall that still burned them.

'I was just so... weak. And one day it just happened. He held me and than his lips were on mine. I just, I...' She looked him in the eyes. 'I was so afraid, that whatever it was that was broken inside of me wouldn't be fixable and I kind of... I don't know, maybe I just wanted to know, that I could give you... That I would be able to...'

'To sleep with me?' He raised a brow at her.

'Basically.' She nodded and lowered her eyes, wiping over her eyes and sniffling. Tilted his head.

'And so you slept with him? Instead of trying it with me? Did you really think it was that important to me, we could get phisical? Man, we barley kissed those days, Andie. I wanted you. I wanted you and not your body. I would have loved you no matter what.' He said and felt so sad about it all. 'Do you think so low of me?'

'No Pacey, not at all...' She shook her head pointedly.

'But you selpt with him nontheless... Why?'

'I... As I just said, it just happened Pacey.' She struggled to explain the unexplainable. 'I got my eyes closed and all I could think about was you. You holding me. You kissing me. You inside me. And it was your name on my lips this first time.'

'Except, that it wasn't me, it was him.' He resisted the urge to touch her. He barley couldn't stand to see her right now. 'Did you trust me this little?'

'No... No, Pacey.' She looked at him again, her eyes swimming. 'I trusted you. I... I guess I was just weak and he took advantage of it and you... you never did. And it wouldn't have occurred to you for one second. You just accepted, that I was not ready. You kept saying you would wait for me as long as it took and the moment …. Well the moment Dawson and I...' She laid her hand on his arm and he let her. He needed to know even if it broke his heart all over again. 'I knew immediately it had been wrong, I told him it mustn't happen again and he seemed to understand. But the next time he was there and you wasn't, well...' She took a deep shivering breath. 'What point is there denying something you already know?' She gulped and could not stand the hurt in his eyes. 'Well, after that first time we did it almost every time you were not around. It became some sort of habit. As though, once we watched a movie and now... we... well, we would have sex. And all I could think about was you and what would happen if you found out some day and wouldn't be able to forgive me. What if you won't let me come to that promised cruise of ours, what if you would come across it accidentally?' He looked into her eyes as she said it. 'Please Pacey, can you forgive me? Please?'

'Did you love me Andie?' He was barley able to speak. His throat was tight and he felt just as hurt as he had been than. He needed to know if she'd played with him all along. 'Did you love me at all or was it just some sick game you played to come back together with Dawson?'

'Do you really have to ask that, Pacey?' She looked him straight in the eyes. 'I wanted to go for the summer with you, I wanted to give you my virginity. I wanted _you_! And I loved you as deep as I never loved someone before or after. Maybe I still do love you.' She smiled at him sadly. 'But all I came here to ask for is forgiveness, Pacey. I am really, really sorry I screwed things back than. And I oftentimes wonder where life would have led us if things had been different.'

'Yeah me too.' Pacey let out a long held breath. 'You really really crushed me back than, Andie. My whole life is on a downfall since I saw the two of you. And you never came to apologize. None of you did. Oh yeah, you came and offered me help with my grades but you didn't had the guts to say sorry that summer. It may have changed something. Maybe I would have been able to move on, but I am stuck in yesterday ever since. I met women, I even have a son by now, but I was never able to love again, to trust again, to not be afraid. You destroyed me in that very moment. You smashed my heart and I lost my footing.' He spoke in a quiet voice but his insides were upside down. 'And it happened that I met someone. And I really, really want to give it a go, but I just... I am so afraid that someday I just walk in on her as I walked in on you.' He looked down and could feel the pity and guilt in her eyes as she watched him.

'Well, all I can say Pacey is that I am sorry. I can't take it back and I fear it wouldn't change that much even if I could.' She tilted her head so she met his eyes again. 'But if it's Josephine you're speaking of. I can promise you she is the most true and faithful soul you can find. She has a wide and tender heart and she loves you.' Andie smiled at him as he looked at her puzzled and and somewhat stunned at the change of subject. But than he remembered her being friends with Joey. 'You are in every tale she tells these days. You are all she thinks about. And she misses you badly. And I would just be so, so happy for you to have her. And for her to have someone like you.' She smiled at him with sparkling eyes.

'Well, thanks Andie. Thanks for being upright and honest. And for what it's worth. I forgive you. I _need_ to forgive you, not just for your sake but for mine, really.'

'You do?' Andie smiled at him like she had done once, as she was so much younger.

'Yeah, I do.' He smiled back and opened his arms. 'So, come 'ere Andie. Let's get it over with.'

She let him wrap his arms around her and he took a deep breath as he held her in is arms. Breathing her in and feeling freed. After a short moment he broke the embrace.

'So, goodbye than, Andie. Maybe I'll see you around some time.'

'Yeah. Goodbye Pacey.'

She smiled and he nodded in her direction, than put his hands back in his pockets and walked back to his bike, sensing her watching him form where he'd left her. And he breathed, the first real breath since this hot summerday his heart broke and he felt as if he could finally heal.

* * *

Nonetheless he decided to drive back home. He wanted to see his son and talk to Doug. To sort his thoughts before meeting Joey. His head spun and he felt exited. Maybe he had fallen for her harder than he'd recognized. Harder than he wanted to be true. She was all he could think about as he drove down the road. He smile, her laugh, the way she used to look at him with such deep affection it made his body and soul go crazy with longing. He remembered how she made him feel that night she kissed him. How his whole being seemed to melt into that kiss, how his heart swelled, the way it made him feel alive. And he remembered how it had made him feel, seeing her head lying on his chest the moment he woke in the hospital. How it made him feel to stroke her hair and saying her name, watching her wake and seeing the look in her eyes as she realized that he was awake. The deep certainty that she cared about him more than he would have her to.

Suddenly he turned his bike and drove back to Boston. What sense was there in waiting any longer when he maybe could get her tonight?

**Please leave a comment! Let me know if you liked it or even if you didn't.**


	16. Chapter 16

**REUNION! ****REUNION! ****REUNION!**

_Hi everyone,_

_thanks for reviewing and reading and PM me and everything. This one is a little explicit, but not to much. I hope you like it._

_Enjoy!_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 1__6__ -_

It was early evening as Pacey stopped his bike in front of a huge house. A villa actually. With a white wall around it, a huge garden, a drive so big his house would have fit on it. The house itself was at least 3 levels high and breathtakingly impressive. He could almost imagine a pool and a rose garden in the back. Uncertain he stood there. Not quite sure if he really wanted to go in there, because he felt as unfitting as a red dot on a black-and-white picture. And he began to wonder if she was who she seemed to be. If she really wanted him when she was raised here. When _this_ was, what she was used to. He just didn't see, how he could ever fit into the picture. How he could possibly compare with _this_. What could he offer her, really? A broken heart and a kid that wasn't hers, a life a in small town. Nothing that could possibly compare with this life. And he began to wonder, if he hadn't been her little charity-project after all. If all the attraction and the laughing and maybe even the butterflies had been a lie. If she was done with him, now she had solved his worry's. After all, he was a fool to believe a woman like her would actually be interested in someone like him. He was just not good for her. And even if she believed she could have been fallen for him, the longer she stayed away the fainter would the memories grew and some day she would just woke beside some successful man and have forgotten about him. And maybe she would be better off though. And he and Daniel too. Without her at least there wouldn't be the possibility of heartbreak. He took a deep breath and the moment he was about to place his helmet back onto his head and drive off, he heard a car arriving. He stepped aside as the limousine unexpectedly came to a halt beside him. The black backside window opened and Pacey looked in the face of an elderly man. His face serious but warm and his grey eyes looked at him sympathetically.

'Can I help you with something?' He asked. Pacey was taken by surprise and so he just starred at the man. After a heartbeat he decided, that he hadn't had anything left to loose and so he nodded.

'In fact I was searching for Miss Josephine McCarroll.'

The mans face lit up in a smile and he closed the window, leaving Pacey wondering for just a second, before he got out of the car, offering him his hand, while the driver drove the car into the drive.

'Martin McCarroll. My pleasure to meet you. I assume you are Pacey?' The eyes of the man, apparently Joey's father seemed to absorb him and his smile didn't falter. Pacey nodded in surprise. How did he know his name? 'Well, well – I like you already.' Martin said and pattered Pacey's shoulder. 'Josephine isn't here, she preferred a space for herself, I assume. But if you have a moment, I would very much like to invite you for a Scotch and maybe something to eat, if you happen to have some time.'

Pacey was totally stunned by this man. Obviously the man was Joey's father, or at least the man who raised her. He didn't know what to say but he was certain, that if he rejected the offer it wouldn't look this good and so he smiled an insecure smile.

'Pleasure to meeting you, sir. I would like to have a Scotch with you. As for the snack, I don't want to cause any inconveniences.'

'You causing nothing of the sort.' The man gave a dismissively wave with his hand and pattered Pacey on the shoulder yet again. 'Just get your bike in the drive.' Than he turned to the young man standing at the car. 'Please get Anna to set the table in the rose garden for Mister Witter and I, Marc. We'll have a scotch on ice and some snacks to go with it.'

'Yes, sir.' The young man nodded and Pacey got a strange feeling in his stomach. As he was to sit with the householder and actually getting to be served up in the rose garden. It felt strange and somehow it went against him, as he followed the young driver with his eyes. He was handsome and obviously up to five years younger then himself. And it felt totally out of place, that he – the screw up was to be some sort of guest of honor with a man he didn't even know. But he followed Martin around the house nonetheless and was sat beside him in the little arbor Joey sat a few weeks earlier with her father as well.

As Anna, a very sweet young, clearly pregnant, woman served the Scotch and placed some snacks on the table, Pacey felt really out of place.

'So, tell me Pacey, I may call you Pacey, don't I? Or do you prefer Mister Witter?' Martin asked over his glass of Scotch.

'Yeah, sure. Pacey is fine with me, Mister McCarroll.' Pacey said, desperately wishing he hadn't met her father alone.

'Fine, you can go by Martin as well.' He smiled at him sympathetically. And Pacey almost chocked at that. Had he just asked him to call him by his first name?

They clinked glasses and Pacey grinned. This was just not happening to him. And he wondered what his own father would have to say at the sight of his son, having salmon with wasabi and caviar sandwiches, cheese and grapes along with a Scotch in the garden of one of the wealthiest men of the country. And not only having it in his garden, but _with_ him. He couldn't help but chuckle.

Martin raised a brow. 'So tell me, what was it you wanted from Josephine?' He asked and Pacey felt a wave of hot nervousness rushing over him.

'Well I... basically I wanted to apologize.' He decided to say. It wasn't the whole truth but it wasn't a lie either.

And Martin seemed to be satisfied.

'Yeah, I guess you would. But it is her turn really.' He raised a brow, eating a caviar sandwich. This took Pacey by surprise and he lowered the glass he was holding.

'I don't understand?'

'You know, Josephine has a big, warm heart and she just can't stand see anyone suffering. Especially not if she cares about him. You mustn't misunderstand her interfering. She wanted to help you, but... She is just as stubborn as her mother. She wanted to help you so much, she didn't bother to care about what you wanted.' He said and looked at Pacey, who felt understood and strangely content sitting there and having this talk with Joey's father. 'And I tell you another thing as well, young man, she came here right after she left lovely little Capeside and she was torn. Everytime I see her since that day an unvanishing sadness clings to her, that hadn't been there since Heather.' He fell silent and Pacey frowned. Who was Heather? He was pretty sure Joey hadn't mentioned her around him. And what was it with her? But he dared not asking and Martin went on talking. 'She misses you, I guess. And if you ask me, I'd say, she only now knows haw it feels like to love someone for real.' The old man smirked and Pacey found himself thinking about Grams for the first time since she died shortly after Jen's death.

'You think she loves me?' Pacey asked, placing his glass on the table and watching the elder mans expression very closely. He couldn't help but wonder what made him say such a thing.

'I know she does, Pacey. She has this look in her eyes. This one only true love put there...'

'But she was married...' Pacey began but Martin just gave a dismissively wave with his hand.

'Pah!' He made and almost causes Pacey to laugh at his obvious disapproval. 'So boy, you gotta know, I don't get this whole soul-mate thing. How can two people be supposed to be together, when all they share is a deep and functioning friendship? Just because their mothers happen to match make them in the sandbox? Only because they happen to be raised under equal circumstances? Because they happened to go to prom together? Only because they just seem to fit like the perfect picture? Because they look good together?' He wagged his head and Pacey felt a deep sympathy towards this man he only shortly knew. And he sure knew how taught her heart to be as gentle as it was. 'Don't get me wrong here Pacey. Benjamin is a good guy. He treated her only good and they loved each other sincere. But deep and passionate? Not if you ask me. They were very close and after all they went through a lot, but you surely know.' In fact Pacey didn't know, but he didn't dare asking. 'Benjamin and Josephine, they were not wrong for one another. They could as well have lasted. But the perfect match? Not if you asking me. But with all that occurred, it was only a matter of time, before they would realize this and I am just so grateful that it hadn't been a dirty ending but a friendly one. You know, Josephine had spent a lot time of her childhood alone. My wife and I happened to be away an awful lot and she looked at the gardener as some sort of grandfather I guess. His granddaughter was her best friend, but we tried to drive the girl away from Josephine. So My wife and the Nanny's she had, tried to bind her up to... Let's say more fitting kids. And so she spent more time at Benjamins house than here. Not that it had any impact on that friendship with the gardeners granddaughter, Audrey. Sweet little thing, but obstreperous as hell...'

They talked for a while longer and at length Pacey got on his feet.

'Thanks for everything. But I got to go if I want to have a chance to get to talk to Joey...' He closed his eyes and smiled sheepishly. 'Josephine tonight.'

'Well, you can stay over and get to her in the morrow.' Martin offered with a smile but Pacey just shook his head.

'Thanks Martin. Really. But this is important.' Pacey shifted uncertain on his feet but Martin laid a hand on his shoulder as he had done several times over the course of the evening.

'Well than, one should not stop the man on his journey. And, for what it's worth, I think you are the best choice she could have made.'

Pacey's eyes widened in surprise, knowing how little his own father thought of him, her's giving him such a credit after one evening was mind blowing to say the least. 'What's making you say such a thing?'

'Well, young man, you have a good heart. And with you she has the opportunity to live her life as she wanted to live it all along. Free. And I have the gut feeling, that you love her back just the same way she loves you, even if you can't see it right now.' He smiled. 'You are a good guy, Pacey. I'm glad she found you.'

'Thank you, Martin.'

'You're very welcome, Pacey. I hope to see you around here some time.'

'Will do. And thanks again.' Pacey said, before putting his helmet over his head and driving off towards Joey's flat.

* * *

With a wildly beating heart, Pacey stood in front of the big house in which Joey's flat was. He was all nervous, his hands were wet and he didn't even know what he wanted to say to her. He had quickly thought about calling her to make sure she was at home but than decided to just come over. And now here he stood. Looking up the house and wondering if the girl he met in Capeside would really be able to live in a house as this one. In the base was a reception and the building was at least ten levels high. And he wondered if the woman sitting on the reception would actually letting him in, with his worn out jeans and the shirt he was wearing. But he had to take his chance.

Taking one last deep breath he entered and the woman behind the desk looked him up and down.

'Good evening, Mister...' The woman mustered him up.

'Witter.' He said and put on his most charming smile, taking a close look on her name stag. 'Good evening Miss Jackson. I'm here to meet Miss McCarroll.'

The woman raised a suspicious brow at him and curled her lips. 'She has a visitor already.' She stated.

'I know.' Pacey lied, without so much as missing a beat and than he looked at her more serious. 'Her father send me.'

'You?' She smiled. 'I can hardly see...'

'You needn't to. You can either call him or just let me pass.' He said wondering where this came from but remembering the guy he used to be.

The woman thought a moment, her hand itching towards the phone, but than she nodded. 'Ok, 16th floor, but I guess you know this already.'

'Thanks.' He grinned as he turned his back on her. That had been easier than he'd thought. With another deep breath he entered the lift and the bellboy pressed button 16 and up they drove. With every level the passed, Pacey got more and more nervous. And as the doors opened he was about to just drove down again and get on his bike and home as fast as possible. But the young boy looked at him expectantly. 'It's your floor, mister.'

'Yeah, well. Thanks.' Pacey said with a shaking voice and got out of the elevator, just to find, this whole level must belong to Joey, because there was only one door.

* * *

He just stood in front of her door, wondering if he really wanted to go through with this but than again, there was no other time than now. He knew, he wouldn't have the guts to just come back one other time. He knew, he just couldn't text her from Capeside. It was now or never and he wanted her just so badly. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to be surrounded by her laughter, to drown in those beautiful brown eyes, to kiss her kissable lips and to finally hold her.

And while he stood there, wondering if he could find the guts to actually ring as he suddenly heard laughter and than the door flew open and he stood face to face with Joey. The beaming smile on her face just died as she saw him. She blinked her eyes several times, as if to assure herself that he wasn't an imagination. He smiled inside at this, but wondered whether it was a good or bad thing.

'Pacey?' She said in a low voice, never cease to look at him.

'Hi Jo...' He barely managed to say, his voice all shaky. Drinking her in, as she stood there with her hair in a messy bun, a bikini top and a swingy wrap around skirt around her waist and bare feet. Looking at him as if she didn't believe her eyes. He just desperately wanted to just wrap his arms around her and kiss her, to get rid of the tension and strain., as he suddenly became aware of the other woman standing next to Joey, he was blond and tall and definitely good looking, but she didn't stand the slightest chance against Joey.

'I'm Audrey...' She introduced herself, looking from Joey to him and back to Joey. '...and...' She paused, looking from Joey to Pacey and back to Joey again. 'Oh I get it, I guess I'm off than.' She kissed Joey's cheek, without her even noticing it. 'Bye bunny.' And then she passed him by, holding up a hand in a greeting manner. 'Hi gorgeous. Bye gorgeous.' She patted him on the shoulder and waited for the lift in the hall. 'Have a go, gorgeous.' She whispered as she passed him and he grinned at this, his eyes fixated on Joey. And as the pinging of the elevator made it clear Audrey had finally left he took a deep breath.

'Well... Wow... I mean.' Joey wagged her head and bit her lower lip and then covered her mouth with one slender hand, taking a deep breath and he thought he saw a tear glistening in her eyes. She needed a few moments to get herself under control and Pacey just stood there, watching her and feeling this stomach turn flip-flop at her sight. 'Come in.' She smiled uncertrain, while making an inviting gesture with her right hand.

He stepped in behind her and it almost took his breath away. This was the hugest flat he'd ever had been in. It felt as if stepping into some strange film set.

'You can hang your jacket here.' She told him. 'May I get you something to drink?' She asked but then she stopped and just starred at him once again. Much like she did the first time they'd met on the docks back in Capeside and it made him wonder what it was she found this appealing on him. She clearly could have anyone. What was it, that drove her to him of all people?

He tilted his head, watching her closely. 'Everything alright?' He asked in a low voice at length and she shrugged.

'I'm not so sure actually...' She smiled shyly and bit her lower lip again. 'Are you really here?'

'Yep, apparently so.' He said, his voice deep and he took a step closer towards her, barely able to resist the urge to touch her, to draw her close and just hold her, cup her face with his hands, let his fingers slide through her shiny hair...

'So I... I am forgiven, ain't I?' She asked with a voice, merely above a whisper. 'Please say I am.' And she looked at him with such deep pleading in her eyes, that it got right into his very heart.

He chuckled. 'Yeah, you are, Joey.' He stepped closer. 'You have been a long time ago.' He whispered and ran a finger over her bare arm, causing her to gasp an closing her eyes for a brief moment. He felt electricity jolt through his whole body and caught his eyes flickering to her lips and back to her eyes again.

'Please Pacey...' She opened her eyes and looked straight into his and what he saw just left him even more breathless than he already was. Her voice shaking as she said: 'Please don't mock me. Don't do this, unless...'

'Unless?' His voice was deep and gruff and he wanted her more than anything. In this exact moment he knew he would fall if he allowed himself to. His heart just effervescence with love and desire.

'Unless you really want this. Want me. And not just for tonight, Pace... I couldn't stand having you just to loose you again in the morrow. Don't play with me here. Please don't...' She looked him in the eyes with such deep love and longing and begging, it made his heart skip a beat. Oh man how much he wanted her. How he wanted to promise her that they had a chance to last, but than again – why wouldn't they?

'I can't promise you anything.' He said with a deep, desire ridden voice that sent a shiver through her whole body. 'I'm afraid of falling into you, Jo. I'm afraid I already have.'

'Don't be.' She laid a hand on his cheek and it felt divine. 'I'll catch you.' She smiled shyly and it warmed him all up inside.

'Promise?' He asked but instead of an answer she leaned in and their lips were only a breath away from each others. He heard his blood rush in his ears and his hand gently found it's way into her hair.

He could hear her breath came in quick breathes, see her cheeks get rose from her arousal and it made him all crazy inside. 'I'll count to ten...' She whispered and her breath came as quick as his, he looked into her eyes, not quite sure what she was up to. 'And than I will kiss you, Pace.' She whispered and it took his breath away. '...and if you don't want me to...' His head spun and he felt like falling into a swirl of uncountable emotions, he felt all in one go. '...than I guess you just gonna have to stop me...' She said, looking deep into his eyes and he felt as if she looked straight into his heart. Finally she breathed: 'Ten.' And her lips met his in an ever so gentle kiss, they touched his and he was surprised by the sudden wave of desire that swept throughout his whole body, taking everything with it. He pulled her closer, loving the whimpering noise she made as he parted her lips with his and entangled their tongues. He gasped as she sneaked one hand up and under his shirt and the sensation of her gentle touch on his skin caused his knees to go all waggly. A soft groan escaped him as she gently began to stroke her hand up his spine in an attempt to take it off. At this point his head had shut itself out of the whole thing and he just let her do it, let the whirl just take him with it and in no time their clothes were scattered over the floor and the two of them were lying on the huge couch in Joey's lounge, breathing heavily as their hands flew over one another's skin, desperate to leave no spot untouched. He wanted nothing as much as being here. Right now.

'God, Joey.' Pacey groaned as she slid her hand from her top position between their legs and onto his achingly hard cock. His head fell backwards and he was pretty sure she could finish him up just by doing what she just did only a few times more often. And so he got rid of her hand and flipped them over causing her to moan his name as he slid between her legs, pressing his hard on onto her wet middle. His name on her lips, fuel to his desire. The most delicious sound he had ever heard and he longed for her to say his name that way again. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as he looked into her face. Oh but she was beautiful, as she lay there her lids half closed, her lips parted in a soft moan as he rocked against her, her cheeks just the right touch for red from arousal and her middle wet for him.

'Do you want me, Jo?' He asked breathless, his voice deep and husky and he almost could feel she shivered.

'Yes Pace.' She opened her eyes. 'I crave for you quite literally.' She smiled and it took his breath away. The love he saw in her almost completely dilated eyes just made him want to burst with desire and joy. This was just not possible, this beautiful, rich girl lying in his arms. Wanting him. Him!

He thrust against her again and she gasped, never letting her eyes break contact with his.

'God, I want you, Joey. I want you really, really bad.' He breathed, barely able to speak at all, as the desire clouded his sight.

'Please say it again, Pace.' She begged with a moan and it made him want her even more.

'I want you.' He said with a smirk and groaned as her lids fell shut and her lips parted as she slid her tongue out to moisten them. He took advantage of this small gesture, his thinking a long time ago abandoned, pressing his lips against hers and driving them both into a head spinning kiss. One of her hands in his hair, the other took hold of his butt and pressed him closer to her, causing him to moan yet again. God, but he wanted her. His hands stroke down her body, as he began to learn her curves, while never ceasing the kiss.

And all of a sudden she held a condom in her hand, looking at him with huge asking eyes and he wanted her so much, but not only for now. Not only for one night. He looked at her, caressing her cheek with his hands. The way she just lay there, her hair spread all messy around her face, the dim light of the room made the moment feeling out of time. She smiled at him and it took his breath away. She was so beautiful. Perfect even. And in this very moment, he realized that he wanted her to be his. He wanted to know if she would be, when he slept with her or if she would just leave him. Like everything good always had left him. He didn't dare believing that this could be real, that finally destiny was on his side. That he would actually get the girl. He was afraid to ask though, but as he looked at her the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

'And will you be mine?' He asked, his voice gruff and deep and shaking. As the words were out in the open, Pacey instantly wished he hadn't let them slip out. Afraid that this moment would be over in an instant would she become aware of his insecurity's. But than again, she already knew almost everything about his insecurity's and so he just looked at her. Cupped her face with his hands. Watching her closely as he waited for an answer. His heart beating fast as she touched his face with her fingertips. He knew he could easily get lost in those gentle, loving brown eyes of hers.

Missing only a beat she said: 'I already am yours, Pace.' Her voice a mere whisper on her breath but so unshakingly spoken, as if it was the most natural thing to say. 'I pretty much was since I've first met you.' She smiled and bit her lower lip. Oh this thing would one day be his death. But instead of kissing her he let out a breath of relieve he wasn't aware he had held. Her eyes were twinkling at him and the look in them so sincere and gentle, that it brought tears to his eyes. She reached up a hand and gently wiped over his eyes.

'You alright?' She tilted her head. 'Did I say anything wrong?'

'I am just...' He sniffed embarresed and tried to get his composure back but failed. 'God Joey, you are so beautiful...' She smiled and lifted her head to kiss him again, drawing him near and holding him as tight as she could.

'I love you, Pacey.' She whispered in his ear and it sent shivers down his whole body, it made him shake with desire.

'Please don't...' He thrusts against her, his voice pleading. ' Don't say things you aren't able to take back. Don't play me for a fool, Joey' He caressed her body and kissed her. 'I could not stand it.'

'But I don't want to take them back, Pace.' She placed a gentle kiss into his hair. 'I want to say them all over again.' And thous said, she took his head into her hands again and turned it so he had to look her right in the eyes. 'I love you, Pacey.' His eyes wondered over her face. 'I love you.' She said yet again and it made his souls respond in a deep longing way and he wasn't quite sure what to respond to her confession. He knew, he wasn't ready to return thus words to her.

'God, Joey...' He said instead, burying his face in her neck. 'Please let me melt into you. I want to be in you so bad.' He said instead. Hoping he could make his body tell her, what his mouth couldn't.

She smirked and snatched the condom open with her teeth, than reaching between their body's and placing it upon him. Only moments later his lips sealed hers and he trusted into her, ever so gently and just knew he wouldn't last long. He wouldn't be able to love her like he wanted to. It was just overwhelming, having her beneath him. His name on her lips. Moaning his name over and over again, like a lament. Her hands in his hair, on his body and her lips on his. Her legs around him, urging him to be closer and finding a steady rhythm with his. It felt like heaven.

**Please please please review!**

**I think it could end here, but I have stuff for at least two more chapters. What do you guys think? Want more?**


	17. Chapter 17

_Hey everybody,_

_thanks to all my reviewers for being great. A special thank you goes out to Eva - you know why :-) This is for you._

_Enjoy everybody and leave me a short review, please._

_Yours, Yana_

_PS: This is longer than usual, I hope you don't mind_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 17 -_

They had fallen asleep bodies entangled on her huge bed. Now he sat on the couch. He had sneaked out of her embrace in the attempt to make some breakfast, but as he got downstairs a photo in the bookshelf caught his eye. It was one of Joey, obviously in a hospital bed holding a baby in her arms. There was another frame beside it with a photo which showed the babies face. Fragile and far too little. He grabbed the photo and stared at it. Slowly he sunk onto the couch where they had made love only hours before. Holding the picture of Joey with the child in his hands. Wondering how little he actually knew about her. Did she have a child? And if she did, why hadn't she mentioned it? Why would she keep her silence?

'Good morning.' Her voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked at her, as she stood on the stairs in her black velvet negligee, a white blanket around her body. She looked adorable, and frankly, he wanted to just lay that girl again. His heart just bubbled over with love for her and he just couldn't deny it any more. He had fallen head over heels for her. And it freaked the living hell out of him. But seeing her standing there, looking at him with this sparkle in her eyes and this secretive smile that played around her lips, it made his head spin and his knees go weak.

His voice hoarse as he spoke: 'Morning beautiful.' He placed the picture upside down on the table and came towards her. Kissing her softly on the lips and she immediately returned the kiss. She was like butter in his hands and it made him want her all the more. She adored him and he didn't even know why.

'God I missed you, Pacey.' She said as she broke the kiss, pressing her forehead against his, running her fingertips through the short hair on the nape of his neck and it made him shiver. 'I missed being around you, but I hadn't thought you would just come here and... Well, suddenly being mine. Just so.' She frowned and smiled at one time. 'You are, aren't you? You're not about to leave?' She tilted her head, looking at him closely. 'You look serious. Please say you haven't made up your mind...' She whispered and he saw the same fear in her eyes that clung to his heart and so he just smiled at her and kissed her close mouthed.

'No, Joey. I haven't. At least not the way you think I have.' He kissed her nose and she sighed relieved, closing her eyes and pulled him into a warm embrace. The blanket that she had around her shoulders now covering both of them and it made him smile. He wrapped his arms around her and as she laid her head on his shoulder he felt as content as he ever could. He held her, running his fingers down her spine and she sighed languorous. And he did too, as he placed a kiss in her hair. He just knew that would he put his heart at risk with her, she would reward him with hers. In fact he assumed he already owned her heart, because she'd given it to him for free. Totally unexpected and certainly unearned. Just so, because she loved him for who he was. And this realization was just so overwhelming, that he had to close his eyes and hold her even tighter. This was just the place he wanted to be all day. In her arms. Lock the world out and never going back there. Never leaving this room, because it had become his save heaven in the blink of an eye.

'So why did you?' She murmured and took him by total surprise.

'Huh?' He asked and blinked his eyes several times.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, her hands still behind his neck holding the blanket. She looked utterly adorable as she looked at him with a little pout on her lips.

'Why did you just leave me alone up there? I...' She blushed an amazingly red. '...kind of hoped we could have a more of yesterdays experiences.'

He chuckled and kissed her smiling, running a hand over her face. Got she was beautiful. 'Actually', his voice was gruff and so he harrumphed. 'Actually, I came downstairs to prepare us some breakfast, but first there was nothing in the fridge and as I wanted to grab my jacket to go get some stuff, well I... I kind of stumbled across something and it made me wonder.'

She grinned. 'Yeah, first I don't normally have breakfast at all.' She placed a peck on his mouth and it made him smile. 'This is why there isn't anything to find to preparing it. I don't cook either, so there was probably nothing more than the opened bottle champagne and maybe some cheese. But I would love to invite you over to Tiffany's for breakfast.' She said and he nodded.

'Yeah, sounds great.' He said, clearly not paying this much attention to what she was saying. His thoughts all back to the picture he found and what it implied.

'So Pacey, what is it with you this morning? Do you want to slow things down?' She asked and looked gently into his eyes. 'Tis fine by me.' She said while kissing his forehead but he pushed her away a bit. His eyes wondering towards the little white table by the couch on which the picture laid.

'Well actually... I feel like I don't know you quite as good as I thought I would...' His voice was low.

'What make you say this?' She asked with a frown on her face.

'This.' He stepped away from her, hating that he had to do it, but he just needed to know. If he was to trust her. She had to give him access to her life pretty much as he had done with his. He grabbed the frame and came back to her, handed her the picture and watched her watching it. He saw the smile die on her face and a sick feeling sneaked into his stomach. After a long moment of silence she sat down on the stair she still stood on, a bittersweet smile on her face. He sat on the stair below her, waiting for her to say something. Sensing, whatever it was that she would say, it clearly took time to find words for. He watched her and saw many emotions wash over her and somehow he wished he hadn't urged her into this. But than again, he really didn't know that much about her, aside of her divorce and the things her father had told her. She, on the other hand, knew almost everything about him, with the exception of his family-drama.

As she finally looked back at him, he could see the tears that filled her eyes and it broke his heart. 'This is...' Her voice shaky and dying as she went on speaking. '...was Heather.' She bit her lower lip and grabbed her upper nose with her thump and forefinger to prevent her tears from falling. He hunkered down in front of her, laying his warm hand on her leg.

'Don't be ashamed of crying, Jo. It's me after all.' He looked at her with what he hoped was an engaging look. His heart broke for her but he sensed that they had to have this conversation at some point eventually and so he wanted to have it now. Even if it meant tears in her beautiful brown eyes. His voice was gentle as he continued speaking: 'Please trust me here. You saw me on my lowest and you just so picked me up, though I hadn't wanted anything less. You were just there. You say you love me so please Jo... Please let me in.' He begged with a low voice, feeling the need to know about her past as clearly as the desire to built something new with her. He tried to look into her eyes but she had her eyes still closed. 'Please Joey, look at me.'

'I can't...' She whimpered.

'Please, Jo...' He cupped her cheek with his right hand. 'I won't let you fall. Trust me here ok?'

'But it's so stupid. It's been such a long time and I... I really thought it was okay by now.'

'It's not stupid at all, Joey.' He said and was afraid he knew where this was going. 'Tell me about Heather.' He asked and then he sat down beside her and looked at the photograph. Gently he laid his arm around her shoulder. 'It's a beautiful name for a baby girl.'

'Thanks' She whispered and took a deep breath before she looked at him and the tears leaked out of her eyes and falling down her cheeks. 'She was my daughter, Pacey.' She said in a low voice and Pacey closed his eyes. Deep inside he knew Joey was about to say that but his heart broke for her nonetheless.

'I'm sorry, Joey.' He said and she nodded curtly. 'I... I've lost her really, really early.' She sniffed and he felt a cold shiver went trough his body. 'She was born at barley 26 weeks into pregnancy. I was very busy at that time. There had been cases to close and clients to get to, I was in Europe even for a few weeks, because a case forced me there. I had headaches and a volatile, stinging pain in my upper stomach, but I thought it was due to the high level of stress. As I came back I got worse but I kept on working, often through the nights, because – hell – there was just so much work left to be finished before she was due.' She looked at the picture and drove with her thump gently over the babies face.

'And your husband?' He barely managed to ask, because it must have been obvious, that she hadn't been well. He was sure, he had noticed it and he cursed him that he hadn't cared enough for his pregnant wife.

'Benj was as busy as I was. Even busier. We barely saw each other these days. You know, we lost a child before Heather a year earlier, as I was around 8 weeks pregnant. And we just wanted everything done by the time she would be born so we would have time to spent together.' She sniffed again and looked at him and he was furious about her husband, they had lost one child and he just let her work until she just broke down. 'You really don't wanna know.' She whispered.

Pacey was astounded by this. He wanted to know. It made her seem more touchable, more like an actual human being. And in some strange way he was surprised that Joey had suffered such pain. He always saw her as the carefree girl with enough money to buy the word but suddenly she seemed to be just as fragile as he was and maybe her heart was as afraid of breaking as his. And so he wanted to know about Heather without a doubt. As much as he wanted Joey carefree, joking and laughing, he wanted to be part of her life. And the pain was part of it. 'On the contrary, Joey. I want to know everything about you.'

'Really?' She asked uncertain and he chuckled at this. Pacey placed a gentle kiss in her hair and held her tight and she leaned into him naturally and it warmed him up inside.

'Yeah really, Jo. If this...' He gestured between them. 'If this is something we want to last, than you need to open up to me.' And it lay on the tip of his tongue to tell her he was in love with her, but he feared she would take it as an opportunity to escape this talk she clearly didn't want to have. And so he placed another loving kiss into her hair and held her close, deciding to just tell her later. 'Please?'

'Well...' She took a deep breath. 'Let me prepare a coffee at least and than lets sit on the deck and I'll tell you, okay?'

'Well, I can life with that.' He smiled and accompanied her in the kitchen, watching as she brewed the coffee and realizing he just wanted to be around her every morning and how much he had missed her. And so Pacey stepped behind Joey and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, cuddled his face into her hair and breathed her in.

'You smell divine.' He said, well aware that she must be feeling his arousal and she turned her head, smiling brightly at him.

'Would you like some breakfast or do you want to lay me down first?'

He chuckled again and just knew she would make him happy.

'Yeah, actually I would like to do both of these things. And as much as I want you - we have a talk to finish and secondly: there is nothing I could see to go with the coffee.' He simrked before he kissed her, which caused her to moan softly into his mouth, causing him to want her even more. But than she broke the kiss unexpectedly.

'You're right about the breakfast, so... Just give me a sec.' She smirked, placed a peck on his cheek and left him standing in the kitchen, breathless and needy as hell.

As she came back only moments later, she wore a yellow, swingy summer dress, her hair in a messy bun. 'I ordered some.'

'You what?' He raised a brow on her.

'Greg will be here in five.' She shrugged casually.

'And who is Greg?' He asked and a sick feeling of jealousy took hold of his heart and felt dump for it.

'Well the attendant. He will bring us breakfast.'

He let out a relieved breath and smiled sheepishly while shaking his head and slumped against the working space of the kitchen, watching her amused.

'What?' She paused pouring the coffee into a can, frowning at him. 'What did I do?'

'Nothing actually.' He smirked. 'I think I just need to get used to such things.'

'What things?' She asked while she put the lid on the can. Looking utterly adorable.

'Attendants, receptionists... that kind of stuff.' He shrugged.

'No.' She said and smiled that beaming smile of hers that made his heart melt into a mush.

'And why is that?' He asked and felt his arousal get him again as she stepped in on him, placing her body between his legs and wrapping her hands behind his neck. He placed his hands on her hip and drawing her closer, burying his nose in her hair and breathing her in. Man, he just couldn't believe this was actually happening. He placed his hands on her hips pulling her closer. He longed to be near her and so he just couldn't see, why he should deny himself to feel her body close to his.

'Because it's part of who you are. An important part of your life.' He said, surprised by the gruff touch in his voice.

She let her head fall backwards so she looked kind of up to him, smiling with her eyes and crinkling her nose.

'But you don't.'

'And whys that, babe?' He asked and just wanted to burst with emotions as he saw her eyes dilating at his use of a pet name. God he loved her. And he was falling deeper into her with every second they spent together.

She ran her finger over his cheekbone smiling. 'Because I have no intention of staying here any longer than I have to.' And now it was his turn to stare and she beamed at him.

'What are you saying here Joey?' He asked and resisted the urge to kiss her senseless. 'Well, I have a meeting with my publisher on Friday, but after that... Well...' She bit her lower lip. 'Honestly?'

He nodded, not able to say anything because she was so god damned breathtaking.

'I've spent most of my time waiting for you to allow me back into your life.' She lowered her gaze and he just loved the slight sting of red that creped over her cheeks.

'You did, hew?' He asked, his voice deep and he couldn't deny it flattered him.

'Yeah I did. So...' She looked at him with wide brown eyes. 'If you let me, I would very much like to come down on Friday afternoon. And maybe... Maybe you would let me stay.'

He smiled and just couldn't deny that he wanted nothing more than for her to stay. And it would be an awful long five day's until Friday.

'You would like that?' He asked in a playful tone, aware that this was what he wanted and so he loved, that she wanted it too.

'Staying?' She met his eyes with hers and a low gasp escaped him, as he saw the sincerity and love shone through her warm eyes.

'Yeah... Staying with me.' Pacey specified. He wanted her to stay with him, to be around him in the morning and in the evening and pretty much every hour in between. And he was pretty sure Daniel wouldn't mind the slightest bit.

'I can't think of anything I'd rather do, Pacey.' She smiled at him. 'As I continue saying, I love you. So, so much it actually hurts not to be around you. These past few weeks had been pure torture and everyone just rolls their eyes the moment I mention your name because they knew I wallow an awful lot these day's. I've missed you Pace.' She looked into his eyes. 'And so, yes I would love to stay, because I love you.'

She smiled and he was breathless. He cupped her face with his hands, his heart beat so fast he thought it must jump out of his chest in that very moment. He had to say it, else he would explode and so he took a deep breath. 'God, Joey I... I think I've fallen for you.' He managed to say.

'You think or you know?' She asked him, her eyes wide with surprise and her voice breathless.

'I...' In that moment the doorbell rang and so did Pacey's cellphone. 'I have to get this.' he looked at her apologetic and pushed away walked towards his trouser that lay abandoned on the floor much as he'd left it the previous night. He could sense Joey staring after him but he got the call.

'Pacey Witter?' He grinned. 'Hi Doug. Yeah I'm still in Boston.' He turned to look at Joey who still stood there looking at him and he knew his eyes must be sparkling. 'In fact I'm in the sixteenth level of an unbelievingly expensive house...' He grinned even wider and Joey laughed quietly at this. Oh this guy just held all of her heart. 'More specifically, I'm at Joey's and... Well Doug, I would very much like to stay for another night.' He spoke into the phone but his eyes were fixated on Joey, whose jaw dropped slightly and she beamed at him. His insides were on a flip-flop and his head spun. 'So maybe Danny could stay for one more night? Yeah sure, I'll collect him at Bessie's tomorrow evening. Yeah, will do... Thanks, Doug. Bye.' He hang up and walked through the room towards her.

'This is, if you like me to.' He smiled insecure, running his fingers over the bare skin of her shoulders, loving that she wore a summer dress.

'Yeah, I'd do, actually.' She sighed. 'But would you answer me first? Because it's pretty obvious how I feel towards you.'

'And so you want to know what I feel?'

She shrugged with a little nod, a frown on her lips. 'Yeah... If you'd like to share? But please don't feel pushed into saying something you don't want to. It's just... This feels so right. It just feels so right to be here with you, to be in your arms. So natural to fall asleep beside you and wake knowing you can't be far away. And I just... I think I...' She let out her breath and seemed so young and innocent and nervous that it made him smile. 'I guess I just want to know I'm not imagining things. It's not just me, is it?' He just loved to see the same insecurity's in her eyes that filled his heart. This sweet, gorgeous girl, which seemed so self-confident, looking at him nervous, afraid that he would reject her and it gave him the strength to shake his head, to run a finger over her cheekbone and look deep into her eyes. Cherishing the warm feeling in his heart, the butterflies in his tummy and the spinning of his head, his fast heartbeat and the shaking of his hands. Loving that she made him feel like this again. And her sweet obvious insecurities suddenly making him feel so content, that he wasn't as afraid as he had been.

'No, Joey. No, it's not.' His voice was soft and low, as he said it and just loved the surprise washing over her face.

'It's not?' She asked, looking at him with wide, hopeful eyes. Her eyes wondering over his face as if to find an answer there and he smiled at her warmly.

'No it's not, Joey. I...' He shook his head and chuckled. 'Man this is so hard. You know, the last time I said those words my heart got shattered into a million pieces.'

She looked at him and simply smiled. 'Than let me fix it for you.'

'You already did, Joey.' He said and that pulled her closer, leaning his forehead against hers. He looked into her eyes for a long while, just looked into her eyes and at length he took a deep shivering breath. 'I've fallen for you, Joey. Really, really hard.' He stated breathless. 'And so I think it's just fair to say...' He could sense her shivering and the sparkle in her eyes was enough to ensure him that she meant this for real. 'I love you, Joey. I really, really do.' And just as the words had left his mouth she kissed him deep and loving and mind blowing. Than she leaned her forehead against his, smiling at him her special smile, that made him all warm inside and whispered:

'And I love you, Pacey.' Thus said she kissed him again, deep and passionate and that kiss let them end up on the couch much as they ended up there the night before. And as they came together, she on top of him, her dress pooling around her lap, he holding her hips tight above him, Pacey looked up at her and couldn't believe it.

'Is this really happening, Jo?' He asked breathless, cupping her face with his hands and she smiled at him.

'I think it is, Pace. Unless we're both having the same dream.' She sighed and rested her head on his chest. He stroked her hair, breathing her in.

'Than please, just let never wake again.' He said and she chuckled.

'Yeah, let's dream on.' She lifted her head just enough to be able so look at him, his arms wrapped tight around her. 'I hadn't dare to hope you would ever say those words to me.' Her insides bubbling over with love and the purest sort of joy.

'That I want to stay dreaming?' He asked with a smirk, full well knowing it wasn't what she'd meant.

'That you love me.' She smiled.

'And yet I did.'

'Yeah you did.' She ran a finger over his face and he smiled back at her. 'And it was the best thing anyone ever said to me.'

'Maybe, but...' He shrugged. 'I'm afraid it cost me my breakfast.'

'And whys that?' She frowned.

'Because Greg ranged as I was on the phone and that was about... an hour or so ago.' He said and chuckled at her casual shrug.

'And so?'

'And so?... He sure as hell is gone by now.'

'Yeah, I'm pretty sure he left a long time ago...' She laughed and he could feel himself falling even deeper for her. She kissed him on the nose and rose, her dress still on, she opened the door, hunkered down and came back, kicking the door close with her foot. She held a platter in her hands, smiling triumphantly. 'But he left our breakfast.'

He looked at her. She looked utterly adorable with her sexed up, messy hair, reddened cheeks and the cutest smile on her face, her eyes sparkling and he felt the love for her in every fiber of his being. 'You grab the coffee, milk and two cups and come upstairs?'

'Sure thing.' He smiled, put his panties back on and and got the coffee, milk and cups.

By the time he joined her, she was sat on the roof deck and the beauty of that place just took his breath away. It fitted her far more than this whole flat.

They began their breakfast in silence and at length she leaned back.

'And you...really wanna know about Heather?' Pacey swallowed, he hadn't expected, that she would pick up their former conversation at all. After all she had seemed eager to escape it, but he was glad she shared with him and so he nodded.

'Well, one day I began bleeding – a lot.' She frowned. 'So Benj called an ambulance. By the time we arrived, my condition was crucial. I lost lots of blood. My placenta was detached and... well.' She took a shivering breath and paused, clearly fighting for composure and Pacey stared at her, refused to believe what he heard. 'She was already dead by than, due to the under supply of... well, everything really. They saved my life, but it had been on knifes edge.' She wiped over her eyes. 'The worst part is, had I gone into hospital earlier, they might have been able to save her life. I could have stayed there and they had been able to made a c-section. And maybe she would be alive today. We could have prevented it, but we just... We cared so much about the time after the birth, that we forget to care during the pregnancy. And so we lost her.' She took a shivering breath and Pacey just laid a hand on her arm, a helpless but caring gesture and Joey managed a sad smile.

'I am so sorry Jo... But I am glad they saved you.' He said and he was.

She nodded. 'Yeah, me too. But at times I just wished I could change places with her, so she got to life the live she was made to have.'

Pacey nodded. 'Was it... The reason for your divorce?' He asked carefully but Joey laughed and surprised him with it.

'No, not at all. Maybe the lack of children in general was a burden, but not Heather's death in particular. Sure we suffered. And we thought about another child but really?' She shrugged. 'You know, theoretically I am able to carry a child after all, but I just.. I guess I hadn't the guts to go through yet another pregnancy. We didn't even try. But the divorce...' She took his hand and squeezed it. 'I just woke some morning and felt nothing. I tried hard to fix it up. We were still good with one another, we could talk and laugh and all that, but I just didn't feel anything anymore. And as I told him he understood in a heartbeat and so we decided to set one another free, to be able to find someone with whom we'd be able to feel again. But we parted in good terms.' She smiled at his doubtful look. 'He knows about you. And he is more than happy for me. He met somebody too. And it's just great to see someone you cared deeply for your whole life, someone who shared this much with you, finally be happy again. Like really, really happy. It's amazing!' She looked at him with such deep affection that it made his heart ache. 'Shall I tell you a secret?'

'Yeah, sure.' He said, while running his fingertips over the back of her hand.

'If he's half as happy as I am right now, he's the happiest man alive.' She beamed at him but he shook his head and looked at her seriously.

'Can't be.'

She frowned. 'And whys that?'

And now it was his turn to smile and he lifted her hand to kiss it. 'Because I am.'

She laughed at that and leaned over. 'I love you, Pacey. And I love to be loved by you.'

'Yeah...' He smiled and couldn't quite believe this was reality. That he really sat here, with this unbelievable girl. And she loved him. She wanted him. And he swore that he wouldn't let her go again. That she would never wake and find herself not feeling anything anymore. 'Me too. I love you, Joey!' And he leaned in and kissed her like he would die if he stopped.

_Liked it? Please take a second, press the review button and leave me a short note._


	18. Chapter 18

_Hello everybody,_

_as always, thanks for the constant reviews! They really do make a difference, besides - they make my day, every single one of them, so please don't stop reviewing and I won't stop writing._

_I got an announcement to make: I'm sorry, but I got a little carried away! so there will be more chapters than I thought there would be. This one is originally the first half of a *far* to long chapter, so I decided to split it and if you're lucky the other half will follow tonight. I just had the feeling there need to be more closure, so_ _read on and please, please let me know if you liked it._

_Enjoy! Yana_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 18 -_

Pacey watched Joey slowly awakening. The warm morning sunlight shone through the window and made her face seem even softer than it was. He lay on his side, his head rested on his bend up arm. He watched her since at least a full hour. He had woken with the strong desire to just love her in the soft morning sunlight but than he had decided to just look at her. He longed to be near her all the time. She was jst perfact as she lay there, slowly drifting from sleep to wakeness. And it was like an unearned precious gift that she loved him. Him of all the guy's standing in line. Why she did was a riddle for him but he treasured it. He just hoped, that he would be able to hold her, to make her stay and just don't ever leave him again.

A soft smile played around the corners of Pacey's mouth. She was so breathtakingly beautiful and he just couldn't believe that he was really here. That this wasn't some kind of a dream. That she wouldn't wake up and dump him, because she suddenly realized that she'd made a terrible mistake. His heart was sure of her and this feeling was utterly new for him. But it felt so good to know someone loved him regardless. Just for who he was.

His body yearned for her, despite the fact, they had been entwined most of the previous day. And despite his body's longing, he just watched her. Let her mere presence take his breath away and enjoyed the butterflies, even the longing felt divine. He was quite sure, he could lay here all day just looking at her and he would not mind a single moment. It was his perfect place. He finally felt like coming home.

Joey slowly blinked her eyes open and as she finally looked back at him her whole face lit up with the most beaming smile.

'Morning handsome.' She breathed and reached a hand out to touch his face. Pacey leaned into her hand, kissing it, while running a hand over her arm. This just felt so right, he just wanted to embrace the whole world and it felt like falling for the first time. 'You're still here.' She smiled and he leaned down. 'I'm not going anywhere.' He smiled and touched her lips with hers. A soft moan escaped him as she placed a hand onto his head to hold him close. As she deepened the kiss it made him all dizzy and his desire grew even more. He felt as if he would burst with all she made him feel.

'Morning sleepyhead.' He smiled into the kiss and she pouted at this playfully, but broke the kiss nonetheless making him gruff in frustration and bend over him.

'Wait.. It's like... 7:30.' She said after she took a look at her bedside watch. 'It's not that late.'

'Depends...' He grinned, while peppering her lips with kisses, making her laugh.

'On what?'

'On what you're used to.' He stated, still smiling at her and she smiled back.

'Yeah, I guess.' She kissed him and than she sat up, covering her nakedness with her blanket. 'So, what about that promised breakfast at Tiffany's? You in?'

He grinned sultry and pulled her a little closer, causing Joey to giggle. 'If I get to be in _you_ first, I'll go whereever you want me to go.'

'But I don't want you to go anywhere, Pace.' She whispered and as she looked up at Pacey she seemed shy and young. Joey laid a hand on his cheek. 'I want you to stay, Pace.' And the look in her eyes made his stomach go on flip-flop and he wanted her even more than he already did, if this was even possible.

'God Jo...' He kissed her featherlight, ran a hand through her hair and looked into her eyes, his heart aching from the love he felt. 'You really mean that, aren't you?'

'Yeah.' She nodded and the serious sincerity in her beautiful brown eyes allowed not the slightest doubt. 'I've never meant anything as truthful as this. I want you to stay with me or rather let me stay with you. I fell as if I just wasn't complete without you.' Her brown eyes begged with him and he didn't even know for what exactly. 'Please Pacey, don't let this be over the moment you leave for Capeside.'

He looked at her and frowned at the sadness that stole itself into her beautiful eyes. 'You serious here Jo?' And as she just continued looking at him, the realization hit him. 'Are you afraid of me dumping you?'

As she nodded it made him almost chuckle, but he just pulled her onto his lap and hold her very tight. And than he turned her head so she had to look into his eyes.

'Don't think that for only a second, babe. I'll stay here as long as you want me to. And me leaving for home won't change the fact that you make me happy. And I haven't been for a really, really long time, Jo. I wasn't this happy since Andie dumped me and even than. It was a happiness steeped in fear and angst. But this is... This is beautiful, carefree and regardless happiness.' He kissed her hair and she leaned into him. 'I love you Jo and I am going to miss you so bad.' Pacey knew it was true, because the bare thought of being without her made him long for her, despite the fact she was still in his arms. Pacey bend his head to place yet another kiss into her hair, but she leaned back and so their lips met. And the sensation running through him from where their lips touched just blow his mind. And her soft moan almost was enough to send him over the edge. He parted her lips and deepened the kiss, a moan of his own was stiffened by her lips, that fitted so naturally with his it felt like sin not to kiss her all the time.

Suddenly she placed each of her legs beside each of his. The blanket slowly slid down her shoulders and he drank in the sight of her in the soft morning sunlight on top of him and he was sure, this was where he wanted to be forever. It was his perfect place. This woman would be the last one he loved, because nobody would ever make him feel again, what he felt when he was with her.

'I already miss you.' She whispered, locking her eyes with his and he felt like melting. And as she oh so slowly slid down his hard-on it made him moan her name out loud. 'Please love me, beloved. Make me yours so I know you're mine.'

'God, I love you so much, Joey.' He breathed, before kissing her deep and gently, despite his body's urge to do otherwise. Pacey broke the kiss and the desire in her eyes made him breathless. He closed his eyes and pure desire spread through him, he wanted nothing more than to just take her hard, but she begged him to be loved and so he placed a hand around her hip, turning them over so he was on top of her. One hand in her hair and the other around the side of her face he looked her in the eyes as he began to slowly love her, never breaking eye contact and it was as intense as it could possibly be.

* * *

About two hours later they entered Tiffany's. A seemingly mighty expensive breakfast bar. And Pacey felt slightly out of place in his dress, that didn't really match this place. Joey wore a classy black and white dress, matched with a gray bolero and gray high heels, her hair in an straight updo and a little make up on her face. She was beautiful but he felt strangley out of place. At the entrance a young woman took Joey's coat.

'Good morning, Miss McCarroll. A table on the window as always?' She smiled at her.

'Yes please. For two.' Joey smiled back, while taking a hold of Pacey's hand and Pacey chuckled nervous. He could feel the young woman mustering him.

He leaned over. 'It this the right place for me to be?' He asked in a low voice, but she just kissed him.

'Yes, absolutely.' She looked at the waitress. 'Shall we?'

'Yes, of course.' The girl startled as Joey spoke up to her, she had been looking at Pacey with an unsure expression on her face. 'If you please follow me.'

She led them through the light-flooded room towards a nice table in a corner. They sat down and Joey looked at him as he watched her.

'Everything alright?' she smiled up at him.

'Yeah...' He chuckled. 'Actually I just wondered how I fit into this life. It's like seeing you for the first time, walking through restaurants like that. I wonder how you've grown up. Well, I met your father, but...'

She leaned back and a strange sadness clouded over her eyes. 'So, it's like seeing a fish in its natural environment?'

'No, not at all, it's just...' He was unsure if he had said anything to upset her and so he took her hand. 'It's just...' He was unsure of how to say what he wanted to say without saying it wrond, but he decided to just be straightforward. 'You know, the girl I met in Capeside seemed to be a whole other person. Well, not in general obviously. You drove this unbelievable car and owned that breathtaking yacht. And I had often wondered, what this rich girl wanted in a place like Capeside and more so what she wanted with a guy like me. You blew my mind that first time I saw you at the side of the road, Joey. But the woman standing there at the Welcome to Capeside sign, is more the woman sitting here with me, than the girl I fell in love with.' He smiled and put her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. 'The girl I see in you is the one wearing messy buns and cute summer dresses, running barefooted on the beach, taking my breath away every damn time you looked at me. Making my head spin and my knees go weak with you smile and your laugh. Making me feel warm inside with you presence, with you humor, the way you treat my son. Even banter felt right with you, spending nights with talking and battle with you in my messed up kitchen. You made me feel, like I was something special. I look at you and what I see is not the dressed up woman, but I see you building sandcastles and slaying sleeping dragons with my son. The girl I mean is the one carrying this ridiculous basked on her bike to a picnic and the woman I can laugh with and be serious. She, who sat through the darkest nights with some random roundabout, afraid for his life, giving him the strength to cheat on death. She, who refurbished a house because she fell for a boy who was so afraid of heartbreak and being loved, that he refused to confess that he loved her back all the time. And it's quite hard to see her here, you know?'

Joey nodded and sighed. The sadness was still there.

'Yeah, I know.' She tugged on the needle that held her hair and let it fall open, so it framed her face, making him smile. 'I felt like I could breathe there for the first time. For the first time being myself. You know, I don't want you to fit into this life, because I just don't want it anymore. But it's quite hard to let go of old habits. I could tell you the stories of most of the people sitting here with us.' She nodded in the direction of a couple a few tables away. 'He is cheating on his wife with this girl for years. She...' Joey nodded at the side. 'has an affair with the best friend of his best friend and his wife. Her daughter is deep into drugs and her son fucks his way through the country. The man in the gray suit just screwed at the stock market and is about to loose everything... I could go on and on.' She shrugged. ' I can tell you what the yellow press says about them and I can tell what really happened. I know them all. I was at most of their houses, at deathly boring party's, charity events, birthday parties, everything. I went to school with most of their children. So, please Pacey...' She looked into his eyes and he was quite literally stunned. 'Please don't fit in here. I would hate that!' He grinned and she pulled her hand back and rested her head on it. 'But you want to know about me as well as I know about you. So shoot.'

'uhm...'

At this moment the waitress came and they gave her their orders.

'Josephine!' A young, handsome man about her age passed their table, obviously on his way out, as he saw her. Joey's whole face lit up as she stood and hugged the man in the most familiar way.

'Man, it's good to see you!' He said and held her tight. Pacey felt all sick as he watched them embracing each other. 'Wow!' He looked at her and kissed her on the forehead as Joey smiled her most genuie smile at him. Than the guy looked at Pacey and nodded. 'So this must be Pacey then, right?' The man let her go and Joey blushed an amazingly red.

'Yes, as he lives and breathes.' She beamed and Pacey smiled nervously but couldn't deny he warmed up again. 'Pacey, this is Benjamin.' She pointed at the man beside her and Pacey let out a relieved breath. But he could see, why they seemed to fit so perfectly together. As they stood there side by side, she smiling and he shooting an approving look at Pacey.

'Well...' He stood and offered Benj his hand, whom took it and shook it firmly. 'Pleasure to meet you, Benjamin.'

'The pleasure is mine.' He stated and Pacey smiled sheepishly. 'Didn't see her this happy for a long, long time. I'm glad you give her a chance.' He nodded at Pacey and he grinned back. He decided he liked that guy for what it's worth.

'So, Josephine. I got to go. You know, work's calling. Was nice meeting you. See you around.' He pattered her on the shoulder and nodded at Pacey. '...the two of you I hope.'

He turned, while button up his jacket and pulling out his ringing phone. '...yeah I'm on my way...' And than he was gone.

Joey stood there a heartbeat longer, watching the empty space where he had left the restaurant. Before she retook her seat and tugged a strand of her hair behind her ear. 'Well, this was Benj. And a pretty good inside of what my life has been.'

She smiled at the waitress who brought the breakfast and as she had left, Joey looked at Pacey.

'So, what was it you wanted to ask?'

'Nothing in particular, really. I just wondered about what made you who you are.' He looked at her softly. Hoping she would give him access. 'Your father seems to be a reasonable man...'

Joey laughed a little to bitter for his taste. 'Well yeah. I loved him and my mother. Unfortunately, both of them spent more time out than actually at home. I had, well let me think...' She paused and he looked at her. '...about seven Nanny's during my childhood. My dearest person was the gardener. He was always there and he would show me the stars at night at times I couldn't get to sleep, because my parents weren't at home. He was such a gentle person and he knew almost everything about me. You met his granddaughter, Audrey.' She said and stirred sugar in her coffee, something she didn't normally do and it made him wonder. 'My father didn't approve this friendship and so he forbid me to see her, I did nonetheless.' She sighed. 'Well, not everything was gray and black. My father used to make time whenever he was around. He had always good counsel for me. I had just needed him more often, you know? I had needed the father he is now back than. Someone to rely on...' Pacey nodded and understood all to well, his own father had rejected him his whole life. Even as he came with his infant boy in his arms to ask for help, he had just shown him to the door.

'Well, my mother was at home more often than he was, but most of these times she slept because she had worked 36 hours straight or she was at the hospital and there I wasn't allowed to call her. At times my mother didn't had to work, we spent time together and these are the precious memory's I carry. The times my parents were both at home or we sailed the open sea together. You know, times when it felt like we were just a family. Any family. I had not one birthday with both of my parents. Therefore I got clowns and cakes, cream gateaus and toy's to swim in. I got my car before I could drive, my boat before I could swim. I got two horses for my tenth birthday, because my parents couldn't made time for me and my only wish had been to go have an ice cream on the beach with them that day...' She sighed and Pacey looked at her, pitting her for the lonely childhood and the parents that tried to compare everything with money. Suddenly understanding why she didn't fit in this life either. 'I don't want to wallow, Pacey. I know your childhood must have been much harder than was mine, but it was not a happy one.' She continued stir in her coffee and he just loved, that she opened up to him so easily. 'My parents adopted me from Lilian and Mike Potter because my natural mother was sick, but really, they adopted me for their prestige in the first place. I understand that now, you know? All there was missing in this perfect life was a child and my mother is not able to carry one herself. So they just adopted me in exchange of good medicine and financial aid for the Potters. They solved just another problem with money...' She swallowed and sipped on her coffee. 'So, by the time I graduated High School I got a place at Harvard. My father had bought me a flat nearby but I wanted to live at the dorms. I just wanted to be just one student amongst many students. I wanted to be one of them for the first time in my life. I wanted to attend their parties, I wanted to laugh at their jokes, I wanted to live their life's. And I made my point very clear, so my father let me. This is how I met Andie. She was my room mate And she is very dear to me by now.' Joey looked up and Pacey nodded, full well knowing the engaging charme of Andie McPhee. 'She just got me with her open smile and the way she saw the world was so totally different from my point of view... Well, by the time I finished college, my father had long found me a job, I married... You know the important rest of the story.' She looked at him and he didn't know what to respond. 'Yeah, the story of my life. Not exactly what you've expected?' He shook his head, still not knowing what to say. She drank another gulp of her coffee, crumpling her nose. 'Man, did I put sugar into this?'

Pacey grinned and nodded, thankful that the tension was gone. 'Yeah, at least three spoons.'

'Oh my...' She placed the cup back on the table and pushed it away with a disgusted look on her face. 'I hadn't sugar in my coffee, since...' She smiled. 'Well, I assume since I first got to Capeside.' Joey grabbed one of the croissants and looked at him. 'And what about you? You never once spoke about your parents.'

'Well, yeah.' He rubbed his hands together. 'And I would rather not talk about them now.'

'Okay.' She frowned. 'I get it. So – how's the Ice House coming?'

Pacey grinned back and began to tell her about the Ice House, the changes they had realized and the few things that were left to do. His enthusiasm made her smile and warmed her up inside. She just loved to see him so full of beans. Loved to see him laugh.

* * *

They spent the day walking hand holding through the streets. They had ice cream and a lunch to go. They laughed a lot. It felt amazingly carefree. Suddenly they realized that it was time for Pacey to leave and so they got back to her flat. He fetched his bike and she stood there, watching him as he sat onto it. Joey gently ran a finger over the sun warmed metal. And it made his head spin. It was such a sensual gesture, that he found his pants getting uncomfortably tight.

'Man I wanted to sit at this thing since I saw you riding it for the first time.' She said and her eyes dilated. 'I wanted to sit behind you. Your body close to mine and just let you drive me down the coast.'

'I bet you did.' He said, his voice gruff and deep. Oh, how he wished he could stay here, but he had to drive back.

'Bye, Pacey.' She kissed him and he couldn't resist deepening the kiss, his hands in her hair. God he wanted her, she drove him crazy and he didn't care to hide it anymore. As she groaned into his kiss he pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her senseless. His hands wondering under her skirt and pulling her closer.

'God, Pacey. I want you so badly.' She sighed and he chuckled.

'But I have to go, babe.'

'Yeah, I know...' She kissed him close mouthed and sighed while resting her head on his shoulder and it just felt so god damned right. 'Pacey?' She asked, still sitting on his lap.

'Hm?'

'May I call you tonight?' She asked and he loved the uncertainty in her voice, cause it meant she was as vulnerable as he was.

'I would love you to call.' He lifted her head with his hands and looked deep into her eyes. 'I miss you already.'

'Yeah, me too.' She kissed him and got up. 'But Danny does too, so off with you. It's four day's and then you will be stuck with me.'

'Looking forward to it.' He grinned and than placed the helm on his head.

'Be safe, gorgeous.'

He nodded and than he was gone. His heart bursting with love and joy and the certainty, that she loved him. That she was his. And it felt so damn good.


	19. Chapter 19

_Hey guy's,_

_so, this is the promised other half of yesterdays chapter. It's still quite long, I hope you don't mind!_

_I hadn't much reviews on the last two chapters, made me wonder. I just hope I didn't scare anybody away with the Heather-topic. If this is the case, I just want to say sorry, that wasn't my intention at all!_

_So, here comes chapter 19, with a little more closure for Pacey, please let me know what you think, good or bad, PM or open review. I just need your feedback, please leave me a short notice,_

_Enjoy, Yana_

**On different ways**

_\- Chapter 19 -_

Pacey parked his bike in front of the B&amp;B, placed his helm into it and locked it. Than he took a deep breath, loving the fresh air that filled his lungs and looking at the landscape as if seeing it for the first time. It was beautiful. And the thought of sharing it on everyday basis with Joey only made it seem even more appealing.

He put out his mobile and wrote Joey a massage:  
**Pacey:** Safely back in good old Capeside. Can't wait to share it with you.  
He grinned at the immediate response.  
**JMcC:** Give Bessie and Daniel a hug. Love you.  
**Pacey:** Yeah, me too.

He smiled widely as he stepped through the garden door, seeing Daniel playing with Amy while the twins lay fast asleep on a blanket in the shadow under a tree. And his smile grew even wider as he realized, that soon he would find Joey here as well. Man, he was a total goner for her, but he didn't mind. He loved this ridiculous feeling in his stomach at the thought of her.

Bessie sat on the outside couch with a coffee, reading the newspaper. It felt just perfect. The only thing missing was Joey but she would be here on friday, so he wanted to make the best of the time since she got here.

'May I?' Pacey asked, while taking Bessie's coffeecup and lifting it up to his mouth, still having this shit-eating-grin spread all over his face.

'Pacey!' She sounded surprised, but smiled up at him and his grin grew even wider. 'Wow! You look good! Literally foam over with joy. Had a good time?'

'Oh hell it was...' He shook his head, still grinning. '...absolutely the best time I had in a long, long time...' He sighed and drank Bessie's coffee. 'It was everything I could wish for, Bessie. It was intense and just... Perfect, Bessie. It was just perfect.'

'And Joey?' Bessie asked, while looking at the drive as if to see her car drove up there any moment.

'She comes on Friday. Has some appointment with her publisher.' He placed the empty cup back on the table and looked at her. 'She loves me, Bessie.' He said, still with the slightest hint of disbelieve, because it was so new and overwhelming – and quite frankly, it was unbelievable! Bessie laughed at that, while leaning back with crossed arms and an amused twinkle in her eyes.

'Oh, really? What a surprise...' She chuckled but he continued to look at her as if to want to make sure she got his point.

'I mean, she really, really loves me, Bessie. And she wants me. And my son. She wants to live here and... Man, I...! She loves me.'

'Yes she does.' Bessie laughed out loud, finding great pleasure in his happiness. 'And it's no big secret, Pacey. This girl is a complete goner for you and _everybody_ knows it. She is absolutely head over heels, helplessly in love with you pretty much since she first saw you. You were almost the first thing she asked me about, right after we introduced ourselves.' She chuckled and Pacey grinned. She looked at him closely. 'And you?'

'God, Bessie. ' He ran his hands trough his hair and shook his head for the loss of words. 'I... I have no words for what I'm feeling, but it is amazing! I love her, I want her, I miss her already. She makes me crazy without even being here. She makes me feel so alive I just don't know where to put all the energy thrumming through me.'

Bessie laughed and kissed his cheek. 'Welcome to the family, Witter. I'm so, so glad that you've finally move on.' She beamed at him and he hugged her tightly. 'I'm proud it's my sister you're dating, Pacey. I'm so proud it's her making you feel like this! There is no one I could think of, better fitting for you than her. Just make sure you make her happy.'

'This I will do.' He pecked her on the cheek and laughed.

'So, I go inside and grab another cup for me. Want a white chocolate cookie to go down with the coffee?'

'Yeah sure. Thanks.'

Bessie left and he stood there, watching his son and felt so content and certain of himself as he had never once felt in his whole life.

'Daddy!' Daniel let his shovel hit the ground as he suddenly saw his father standing in the garden and Pacey opened his arms as he bend down and the boy flew into them. Pacey swirled him around and placed a gentle kiss in his hair. Oh, he loved this boy. He loved to feel so alive.

'Man, I missed you, Danny.' He hugged his son as tight as he could and the boy giggled as Pacey began to tickle him.

'Stop, Daddy.' Daniel squeaked and Pacey stopped. The boy gave him a serious look. 'Did you kiss her, dad?'

'Joey?' Pacey grinned.

'Yeah, Joey. Will she come back like she promised?' The boy looked at him with wide hopeful eyes and Pacey just knew he had made the right decision.

'Would you like her to?' He asked and he knew his eyes must be sparkling.

'Yes! Very, very much, dad.'

'Well then...' He tousled his sons hair. 'I'm gladly telling you, she arrives at Friday afternoon.'

'Really?'

'Yeah really!'

'This is so great, Daddy!' He kissed his father. 'Thank you.'

'For what?' Pacey looked at his son puzzled.

'For kissing her.' He struggled free and Pacey laughed at him, as he ran towards the house, shouting: 'Bessie! Bessie! Joey's coming back!'

He slumped down on the outside sofa, with the most genuine smile spread all over his face and cherishing the evening breeze. Oh, life was so good.

* * *

As Pacey sat on his sons bedside this night Daniel looked at him with huge eyes.

'Daddy?' He asked.

'Yeah Danny?'

'Will you marry her?' Pacey coughed at that. He hadn't thought this far. And marrying wasn't a topic he took lightly. But as his son asked, he found it in his heart, that he would in fact be ready to marry that girl when time came.

'Maybe some day.' He smiled and ran a hand over Daniels face and suddenly the thought of another child came to his mind and it warmed his heart. He sighed as he realized, that he'd lost his anxiety about the future.

'I would love that very, very much, daddy.' His son stated sleepily.

'And whys that?' Pacey asked in a low voice.

'Because she would be...' He yawned. '...around everyday and she would be my mommy for real, wouldn't she?' The boy's eyes fell shout, but he wasn't asleep yet.

Pacey found tears stinging in his eyes. He hadn't realized, that Daniel missed a mother in his life almost as much as he had missed a woman. 'Yes Daniel. I'm sure she would love to be your mom.'

He bend down to kiss him good night as the boy whispered. 'Three nights left, right?'

'Yeah.' Pacey smiled and just loved that Daniel loved Joey as much as he did.

* * *

The next day was mostly filled with work at the Ice House. Pacey was good humored and checked his mobile every time he could spare, smiling to find Joey had chatted every time. Telling him what she was doing. Sending photo's of things he forgot. Even one of her in his worn out shirt.

**JMcC:** Sleeping in it. You mind?

He sipped on an iced tea while writing back.

**Pacey:** No I don't mind. It's just a total distraction from work, imagining you in bed – even in my shirt.

**JMcC:** I bet it is!

He chuckled.

**Pacey:** You bet!

**J****M****cC: **So, maybe you better imagine me in bed _without_ your shirt. (Imagine my sultry smile as well ^^)

He almost choked at this and coughed badly as he placed the glass back on the table.

**Pacey:** God woman, you'll be the end of me!

'Everything alright, Pacey?' Bodie looked at him from where he stood and Pacey felt the blush creep over his face.

'Yeah man, everything is just great!'

Bodie laughed. 'I assume it is, man. It's good to see you like this again, Pacey!' He came over and patted him on the shoulder. 'It's been far to long!'

'Yeah, it has, hasn't it?' Pacey grinned and he was just so glad, that he felt like this again. Light hearted, witty and happy. Really, truly happy. 'So, what do you think, let's call it a day? We're pretty much finished anyway.'

'Ok, fine by me.' Pacey said. 'I'll drop by at Dougy's before I pick Daniel up, ok?'

'Yeah sure. See you later.'

Pacey lifted a hand and waved. Than he grabbed his stuff and drove to his brothers house.

* * *

'Well, little brother, so you've really done it?' Doug grinned at him, as relieved as everybody else, that his little brother finally seemed to be back to his old self.

'Yeah, I did.' He took the beer Doug was offering him.

'And? Is she coming down here or are you moving to Boston?'

Pacey wagged his head. 'And be forever her appendage? No thanks.' He took a deep gulp and grinned like the cat that got the cream. 'She comes in three days. And she actually wants to stay. I can't begin to say how excited I am that she really comes back.'

'I can see that pretty clearly without you having to explain anything. I'm really really glad, Pacey. You earned it!' Doug patted his brothers shoulder.

'Did you see Andie and Dawson?' Doug narrowed his eyes and Pacey took a deep gulp of his beer.

'Yep! And I got a Scotch with Mister McCarroll himself.' He grinned and began to tell Doug the whole story, sparing the too personal things. 'And so she will be here on Friday and stay.'

Doug grinned at his beaming brother.

'You seem very happy, Pace.' And Pacey nodded while raising an eyebrow and sipping on his beer.

'I am, Doug. And I am glad I closed some doors before stepping through the next. I feel utterly free now.'

'Glad to hear it, Pace. You clearly needed the closure!' Doug placed his bottle on the table and looked at his brother thoughtful.

'What is the dark cloud suddenly hovering over _your_ head, Dougy?' Pacey asked, leaning his back on the working plate, looking at Doug.

'Well, I'd hate to dim your mood.'

'Spill it, Doug!' Pacey said and taking the seat beside Doug.

Doug sighed heavily, before looking at Pacey. 'It's our father, Pacey. He has trouble paying that social workers bill.'

'What goes around, comes around, Dougy. I can't find pity in me.' He glanced at his older brother and madness began to dim the joy that had filled him toe to fingertip only seconds ago. 'Yeah, I know you're about to say something about moral and stuff, but you know what?' Pacey stood and leaned on the table side, grabbing the edge so tight his knuckled came out white. 'No one helped me with Daniel. I begged him to help me. I stood in that house my infant boy in my arms and begged him for a roof over my head. And he denied it.' He was clearly mad by now and glaring at Doug, who just sat there, looking at the table plate rather than his brothers eyes, knowing everything he said was right. Pacey relived the moment he stood in his parents house so lively it clenched his heart. 'I asked our _father_ if he loved me. I begged him to help me, because I wasn't able to do it alone. You know what he did? The oh so decent sheriff of Capeside? Moral became flesh head chief?' He paused. 'He just threw me out. Laughing in my face and telling me if I had control over my cock I wouldn't be standing there and begging him for anything. He said he didn't wanna know me anymore. That I wasn't his son.' Pacey laughed bitterly. 'If it hadn't been for you two, Bessie and Jen I would have ended up on the streets. I could have easily lost him then. So, please excuse me, but I just can't find it in me, to go to that house and offering a helping hand, when all I got from him was rejection and derision.'

'Yeah, ok. I get your point.' Doug said, finally looking him in the eyes and clearly wanting to end this conversation at this point. 'Now calm down, Pacey.'

'You'll bet I do.' He placed the bottle down and took a deep breath. Than he turned to leave. 'Thanks for the beer anyway.' He said while leaving, wondering if he_ had to_ offer his father the help he had denied Pacey all his life.

'Pacey! Wait, Pacey, I hadn't meant it like that.' Doug stood and reached out a hand after him, but he didn't saw it, because he didn't turn. 'Pacey!' The door fell shut behind him and as he stood outside he felt cold for the first time since he set foot into Joey's place.

Pacey walked down the street and searched for his mobile in his pocket. Smiling as he saw she had chatted him about an hour and half earlier.

**J****M****cC:** I miss you like hell.

**Pacey:** Is it still three day's?

The moment he'd sent the text his phone rang and he chuckled.

'Hey beautiful' He picked up and his voice sure gave him away as he sat down on the side of the road.

'You want me to come now?' She asked and he found, that in fact he wanted nothing more than for her to be with him. To hold her and just by looking into her eyes knowing that he was in fact loved, that he was worth to be loved without having to prove himself worthy. Making him feel, as if nothing could happen to him in this safe place that were her arms.

'No, every thing's fine. I just have to drop by at my parent's house in the morrow and quite frankly it's nothing I'm looking forward to.' He sighed and run a hand through his hair. Oh, but he longed for her.

'Your choice, Pacey. I can come down and we go to your parents together.' The thought of him walking through his parents door holding her hand was appealing and it made him smile. He sure could imagine the face of his father and he knew it would made complete and total difference if she would be there, but it would also be kind of crooked. And so he shook his head.

'Thank you, Jo, but I have to go alone. This is maybe the last door I need to close and I have to do it alone. I just... I have to.'

'Yeah, ok. I understand. But if you need anything. If you need me to come or to be away for some more day's, please let me know, Pacey.' She paused. 'Just, please... Please don't ever lock me out like you did these last month.'

He smiled and so desperately wanted to hold her, to look into her eyes and assure her he loved her.

'I won't lock you out again. I promise Joey.' He said and he knew he meant it quite like that. 'Would you do me a favor?'

'Anything!' She stated without missing even a beat.

'Will you please come on friday?' He knew he begged, but he didn't care.

'Yes I come on friday! I count the hours until I finally get to see you again. I just miss you so much, Pace. I'm all packed already.'

'I miss you too, babe.'

* * *

After finishing work at the Ice House Pacey drove off towards his parents house. Standing on the front door, he took a deep breath, before he knocked.

'Come in!' He heard is fathers voice and it sent unpleasant shivers through his body.

Pacey entered and placed his shoes on the shoe board in the hall, hung his jacket on the hall stand. Slowly taking just another breath he entered the livingroom. His father was sat on the sofa with his bottle of beer, his mother sat by the window and knitted some bobble hats for Anna's children. Like always. Daniel had not once received a present, not even to his birthdays. It felt, like Pacey was just erased from his parents life.

'Good evening Papa.' He said and as his mother looked up he nodded at her. 'Mom.'

'Oh, the lost son finally has returned.' His father's voice thick with sarcasm as he turned around and Pacey felt his eyes looking at him without the slightest hint of warmth. 'What do you want now?'

He felt the nervousness hit him and he shifted from one foot to the other. God how he wished now she had come with him. He felt like the sixteen year old boy, sitting on the beach with his drunken father, crying over the lack of love he held for his son. For the lack of everything. 'Well, I wanted to...'

'You have nothing to want here, Pacey!' John Witter stood and pointed at his son, while coming closer step by step. His mother knitted on, as if nothing happened. 'You made me look really bad! You have me pay a bill that is yours to pay. Like it always had been with you.' He laughed bitterly and Pacey resisted the urge to turn his head sideways to escape his father's drunken breath. 'Andie slipped through your fingers, because you clearly aren't able to keep anything good in your life. You screwed the only opportunity to actually get your life in line, the day you put your needy cock inside this wench to breed your brat of a son.' Pacey looked at his father, completely stunned. Speechless in the face of this deep sitting hatred. Unable to understand why it was, that his father held such abhorrence and anger against him and the way he spoke about Daniel, whom he barely knew just made him so angry he wanted to punch his fathers face. 'And now you even managed to screw your sons future. I wanted him away, so he could have a better life than you could ever manage to give him.' His father laughed again and supported himself on the back of a chair. 'I bet you laid the woman so she was blind to see the reality of you fucked up house and your fucked up son and your fucked up life...' He was spitting as he spoke and he disgusted Pacey to the bone.

Pacey frowned and clenched his fists. 'Yeah, must have been that way.' He glanced at his father, filled with sadness and anger. 'I was barely able to stand these days, you know?' He said in the hopeless attempt to reason with this man who once was the proud sheriff and now had become a wretched drunkard. 'I had been seriously sick, Papa. But it's of no interest for either of you.' Pacey spat the words, realizing just now how much a difference it would have made, to see his parents on his sickbed.

'You need not standing to fuck the brain out of a woman.' His father grinned sultry and it disgusted Pacey even more. 'And that is, what you've done all your life, now isn't that the truth? You're just not able to do anything else, than that. You are the biggest mistake of my life.' Pacey stared at his father in pure disbelieve. 'You're not worthy of being my son anymore. Get out of my sight, Pacey! Just get lost and never ever set foot into my house again! We're over!'

Pacey stood there, unable to move, the urge to punch his father drowned in the sadness that took hold of him.

'You serious?' He asked with unbidden tears in his eyes and his father just pointed at the main door.

'As serious as I ever could be! Now out with you. You don't deserve to be loved by anyone, not even your parents. Nothing good will ever stick with you, Pacey. You're just not worth it. Now, get lost!'

Beaten Pacey turned and walked towards the door as he heard his mothers voice. 'John, won't you at least hear him out? I guess he wanted to say something important.'

Pacey turned to look at his mother, who looked after him with hurt in her eyes.

'Nothing he says could be of any importance.' John cut his mothers attempts off. 'Now go back to knitting. And before you do, grab me another beer from the fridge. This one is tepid.' He said while staggering back to his usual seat.

And so Pacey just left the house, leaving the money for the bill on the sideboard. Feeling, that he had closed that door too, quite literally. Only that it didn't held any comfort, just pain and endless sadness.

Pacey stood in front of his parents house for a long while. He looked at it and remembered the time he was a child. Living here was a burden most of the time even back than. But what his father did to him today was destroying to say the least. His whole being shattered with what his father said to him. He walked down the road. All his joy seemed to be suffocated with the hatred and low-thinking of his parents. And he found himself suddenly thinking about Joey. Would she really come? Would she still be his? Why the hell should she love a loser like he was? A total screw-up. A low achiever. Not good for anything but trouble.

* * *

At length he found himself on the beach and slumbered down. He let his head fall down onto drawn up knees as he wrapped his arms around his legs and just let the noise of the creek soothe his sorrow. Pacey remembered the day his father went sailing with him and Dawson. The night he tugged him drunken to the beach and talked to him, while he was sleeping. And he remembered the moment his father hugged him after Andie's call as well. This was maybe the one and only time his father had been the father Pacey needed. And he hoped with all his heart, that he would be able to be a better father for his son, than John Witter had been for him. He even blamed Pacey for Andie's cheating. He said, that Pacey just hadn't been able to hold that woman. Hadn't fucked her as good as Dawson had, obviously. And instead of fighting for her he had taken his boat and sailed off rather than punching his best friend right in the face and stand up for the woman he loved.

His cellphone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket and couldn't help the smile that flew over his face. He wiped over his face as if to wipe away the heaviness along with the tears that had run over his cheeks.

Pacey got the call. 'Hi Joey.' He said, surprised by his shaking voice.

'Hi Pacey. I just wanted to know how it went.' She said and Pacey felt her soft voice touching his wounded heart and calming the storm inside him. But at the same time her comforting voice brought the tears back again and he hated that he fell apart so easily when it comes to his parents. 'Everything alright? You sound sad.' Pacey closed his eyes, causing the tears to fall again and he just desperately wished she was here. Longed for her arms and for her to say she loved him nonetheless.

But he swallowed at the lump in his throat and shook his head. 'Yeah sure. Everything is fine.' He swallowed again, afraid his voice gave him away. 'Are you coming on friday?' _Please say you do!_

'I can come right now if you need me to, Pace. You're the single most important thing in my life.' He wasn't able to respond, due to the tears that ran down his cheeks and he put a hand on his mouth to muffle the sob that found it's way up his throat. 'Pacey? Pace, what is it?' There was a short silence and he found himself clinging to the phone, just hoping that she wouldn't hang up. 'Did anything happen to Danny?' She asked and if he had been better he would have smiled at her concern for his son.

'No...' He managed to say, finding it hard to speak through all the sadness.

'Than what is it, Pacey? Please tell me.' She sounded nervous. 'please let me in, Pace. You know I love you, so plea-'

'Can you...' He sobbed. '… please... say it again?' Pacey knew he was begging and it was so not him to beg. But than again it wasn't like him to fall apart on the beach like that. And he just needed her to say it again and again, over and over, he needed her to come down and hold him. He was so vulnerable, but with Joey it was suddenly nothing to be ashamed of anymore. And so he begged her.

'That I love you?' She asked with a soft voice, that seemed to reach his heart and sooth it.

'Yes please...' He whispered.

'I love you, Pacey. Don't doubt that I do. Nothing will change that.' She said and her words just brought more tears to his eyes. His father had said the opposite not half an hour ago. 'I love you, Pacey, I really really do.'

'God, Joey. I miss you.' He whispered.

'Is this why you're crying?' Joey asked and he could see her frowning.

'No, in fact it's not.'

'Than what is it?' She asked and the concern in her voice did him good. 'Did your father say something to upset you like this?'

He almost smiled at her insight, but decided to rather not share this and so he put himself together and took a deep breath. 'It's nothing, really. I just really, really miss you right now. I feel like I hadn't have a single second of peace all day.'

'I can come down right now if you say so.' She said in a heartbeat and he knew she meant it just like that. She would be in her car in the blink of an eye if he asked her too and somehow that was enough.

'But you have an important appointment.' He said and the tiniest smile found it's way back on his face. 'And I'm much better now I've spoken to you, Jo. Don't worry. I'm good.'

'Nothing is as important as you. I just mail my publisher and can be in Capeside in two hours.'

Pacey chuckled and wondered how he could have doubt her for only a second. 'No need to rush, Joey. It's just two more day's.'

'If you say so...' Joey said and he frowned.

'Yeah. Let's just talk tonight, okay? I will be at Bessie's for barbecue and at home around nine. I'll call you.'

'Okay, Pace. I love you.'

'And I you, Jo. More than you know.'

They threw kisses down the line and hung up.

_Reviews are love 3_


	20. Chapter 20

_Hey everybody,_

_so, this is the first day of a really crazy weekend and I have to get up tomorrow really, really early. It's nearly midnight and I should have been off to bed at least two houres ago. But I guessed you would like an update. So if there are real bad mistakes in grammar or so, please write me a PM._

_So, the end is drawing near, but I got a few chapters left of this. So keep up the amazing reviews and I'll keep on writing._

_Enjoy and let me know what you think,_

_Yana_

**On different ways**

Chapter 20

Joey held the silent earphone in her hand. A sick feeling spread throughout her whole body, she felt a heaviness in her heart and her head was spinning. This wasn't like Pacey. He sat somewhere, crying, clearly doubting her loving him. This so wasn't right. Something had gone terribly wrong there and she needed to get there as soon as possible. So she dialed a number while writing a short mail to her publisher. The earphone jammed between her ear and her shoulder, impatiently listening to the free line signal.

_Hi Jim,_

I need to leave as soon as possible. Please call me back the moment you read this. It's important.

JP

She grinned as she wrote the initials, she had chosen to use them, so her success wouldn't come because of her name. And Joey Potter's stories were really popular. She loved that this way she could be who she was and bear her birth-name without offending her foster parents, without denying or hurting them – because, really – many authors chose a pseudonym.

'Hello? Anybody there?' Joey startled.

'Sorry, Tara, I was kind of distracted. It's me, Joey.' She said, while walking through her flat and tidy up.

'Oh, wow, Joey. I heard you come back here on friday.' Her friend sing-songed through the phone and Joey smiled at her sweet accent. 'Pacey is literally bursting with joy and excitement.'

Joey sat down, a frown on her face. 'Well, Tara, this is kind of the reason I called. And I hate to ask this from you, but could you tell me about his relationship with his parents?'

'Uh... well, Joey...' Tara hesitated, she was clearly uncomfortable with this question. 'See, please don't get this wrong, but it's _really_ not my place to tell, Joey. _Really_.'

Joey ran a hand through her face and than down her hair. 'Yeah, I know and I wouldn't normally ask, but... Well, he went there today and as I got him on the phone only five minutes ago he sounded sad and totally distressed.' Joey bit her lower lip.

'Oh...'

'Yeah. He even seemed to doubt me loving him.' She let out a worried breath. 'So please, Tara, would you tell me about it?'

Joey could almost sense her friend cringe but she remained silent. 'Well, let's just say it's complicated. John Witter has a way of destroying Pacey almost every time he speaks with him. Constantly telling him he's not worth anything. O think, that he told Pacey that he saw him as a screw-up, that Pacey began to believe it at some point. He got suspended from his duty as sheriff, for being drunk at work more often than not...'

Joey breathed deeply, remembering the report John Witter made and tried hard to quench her anger. 'And his mother?'

'She's the silent kind of wife usually coming with this kind of men, I guess.'

'Well, thank you Tara. Would you do me a favor?'

'Sure.' She sounded relieved at the change of subject and Joey smiled at this.

'Would you please hug him for me if you happen to accidentally stumble across him?'

'Yeah, sure thing, Joey.' Tara laughed. 'See you on friday.'

'Yes. Bye Tara.'

'Bye.'

Joey slumped on the backrest of the sofa, grabbing Pacey's worn out shirt and inhaled deeply. His scent was almost gone and she felt the need to be back with him deep in her bones, deep in her body and soul. And so she grabbed the earphone yet again.

* * *

In Capeside

Pacey was still sitting on the beach. The emptiness in his heart was disturbing and the urge to just call her back, to hear her voice was so overwhelming it almost physically ached. He looked at his mobile to find nothing new there and slowly he got up. With uncertain steps he walked down the beach, his feet somehow moving faster with each step he took until he was running like he would die if he stopped. Away from the disturbing nearness of his parents house, away from his anxiety, away from his past and this torn apart young man that sat down on the beach-side. He didn't want to be that man anymore, he didn't want his father to get to him with every destroying word he said. He wanted to be self confident and safe.

* * *

In Boston

After Joey had tried to reach Jim for the umpteenth time she sighed deeply. She went upstairs to grab her script, laptop and the car keys. To hell with this stupid appointment, if she couldn't reach him, she would simply drive to Boston on friday morning. She had to get to Capeside and she had to do it now. Downstairs she hung her carry-all over one shoulder and took a careful look around so she didn't forget something important. She was pretty sure Pacey needed her to be there and this was the single most important thing. So she shrugged and as she was about to drag the door shut behind her, her phone rang.

She tsked and flipped her mobile open while she waited for the elevator.

* * *

In Capeside

At length Pacey found himself in front of the Ice House, totally soaked with sweat and out of breath, his side ached from the long run he was not used to and he was exhausted like hell, suddenly realizing that he had clearly pushed his body beyond it's limits. He put his hand on his legs, probed himself that way, while he took deep breathes in the attempt to still his racing heartbeat and his frantic breathing.

The Ice House was dark but Pacey put his key out and entered. He had a good look around and felt a little less disturbed. This was what he was capable of. What he was good at. He and Bodie had rebuilt this amazing place with their own hands and he sure could be proud of what he'd accomplished here. Sure, it wasn't opened yet and time had to prove, that this baby would be a success, but now he stood here he was reassured that most of the things his father had said just weren't true. And he had proved him wrong in so many ways. And Pacey wondered what his father had to say to his relationship with Joey. He chuckled. Wow, he had to be the luckiest guy in the universe to have a woman like her love someone like him.

'Thank god, Pacey! I really worried about you man!' Pacey turned with raised brows as he saw Jack standing in the doorway. 'Doug told me you had been at the Witter-hole and as you didn't show up at Bessie's, I dropped by there about two hours ago and John said you left around four.' Pacey smiled at his friend, who looked like he had been freaked out to the bone.

'Well, you found me, obviously.' Pacey responded, while walking towards him. 'Thanks for worrying, Jackers.' He pattered him on the shoulder and the other man pulled him into a bear-hug.

'Man, don't scare me like this again, okay?'

'I'll try.' Pacey grinned and Jack jabbed him in the side.

'Come on now, we're waiting only for you.'

'Yeah I guess. But Jack?'

'Hm?'

'Would you mind drop by at my place? I need to freshen up.'

Jack laughed and nodded. 'Hell yeah, you smell like skunk. And on the way you can tell me about your little encounter with the devil himself.'

Pacey chuckled at that but shook his head. 'You know Jackers, I'll rather not.'

* * *

On the road

'Well great, Jim... Yes!... Okay, thank you so much, this is absolutely dazzling... Great, I'll email it and you can reach me via mail and mobile... Bye Jim.'

Jim hung up an Joey's hands free speaking system shuts down. She smiled while she drove the familiar road towards Capeside and the joy of finally being back there almost beat the worries that had her drive this road today in the first place. She was curious about his reaction and she was excited to see him again. God, she really was head over heels in love with him. Her every fiber yearned for him, her body craved his touch and she just wanted to scream out loud, because she felt like bursting with the joy of knowing him to be hers.

* * *

In Capeside

'Got him' Jack stated loudly as he came side by side with Pacey into the Potters backyard, where Bodie was about to set up a barbecue over a bonfire.

'Thank goodness!' Doug was on his feet the moment he saw them coming and went straight towards Pacey, who looked at him quite repelled. 'Pacey...' Doug came to a halt and looked at his little brother with a mix of concern and abashment. 'Pacey, look. I am really, really sorry! You scared the holy shit out of me here, brother. Don't you ever do something like this again.' He fell silent and after a long moment he added in a low voice: 'He got you again, now didn't he? I should have never sent you there. I'm sorry, Pacey, I really am.'

'I know Doug. But what he said today was destroying to say the least and I just needed some alone time. I paid my bill nonetheless, hope tha makes at least you feel any better.' Than his face lit up as he saw his son ran towards him, leaving Doug no room for further comments. 'Hey there sunshine.' He picked him up and held him dear. 'How was your day?'

'Great dad. Doug said you were at granny's?'

'Yes I was indeed.' Pacey said with a scratchy voice.

'I don't like it there, dad.' Pacey smiled a sad smile while holding Daniel dear to him, he swallowed at the lump in his throat.

'I do neither, Dan.'

'Do we have to visit them any time soon?' Daniel asked while cuddling into Paceys shoulder who stroked his sons hair.

'No Danny, we don't.'

Daniel breathed a breath of relieve and Pacey almost chuckled at this, feeling great relieve that his son didn't feel the urge to see his grandparents more often than he had to. And frankly, it felt like this chapter had finally end itself anyway.

'Good! So, you wanna play Frisbee with me and Amy?'

'I would love to!' Pacey put his son down. 'I just go inside and say hello to Bessie, alright?'

'Okay. I love you Dad.'

'Love you too, Dannyboy.' Pacey kissed his son in the hair and entered the house. Walking through the familiar hall that has been his hiding place more times than not while he was in his teenage years. The help he put in this place was really more about him having some reason to not be at home than the urge to spent every free minute in this house. He oftentimes had slept on the couch in the hall but he hadn't mind.

Silently he entered the kitchen, smiling at the working Bessie, who stood with her back towards him on the working plate. He stepped behind her and placed his chin on her shoulder. She was like a sister to him and he was closer to her than to any of his siblings, with the exception of Doug.

'Pacey! God I'm relived.' She turned and one look in his face and she knew everything. Without another word spent she hugged him and held him close for a very long time and he held on her tightly as if drowning would he let go of her. He tried hard to not let his sadness get the best of him yet again. She silently stroked his back. Bessie was maybe the only one who really knew about the things that happened to Pacey though his fathers words and deeds, because she was the only one that had really listened to him as he needed to be heard. Aside from Jen, whom he missed on days like these more than he did anyway. And Bessie seemed to always knew when to say something and when to stay silent.

'Your father is a blind son of a bitch if you ask me, Pacey. He hadn't earned a gorgeous son like you are. You are the most decent, kind hearted soul I've ever met and I beg you to stay just like you are.'

Pacey sighed. 'I...' He began but fell silent again, just relishing to not having to explain himself.

'You...? Did you think about backing out of the relationship with Joey?' Bessie asked and as she felt Pacey cringe she sighed deeply. 'Oh hell, he really knows how to destroy you, don't he?' She waited a moment. 'Answer me just one question here Pacey: Do you miss her?'

'Like hell, Bess.' He stated without missing even a beat, his voice gruff and low.

'She loves you, Pace. Just let her in. Tell her. She'll understand and she'll love you nonetheless, because hell – why shouldn't she? You're the best guy she could possibly hope for.'

'You really mean it, don't you?' He was clearly embaressed and so she smiled at him.

'Yeah I do. And now...' She pushed him away a bit and smiled at him while tousling his short black hair. '...try this and then off with you, play with your son for god's sake and forget about this unworthy, hate-filled old drunk-head, whose only accomplishment was to bring you to the world. We're better off with you.'

'Thanks Bess.' He kissed her and took the garlic bread she offered him. 'Wow! This is awesome.' He grinned and than he was off to his kid.

* * *

Bessie stood in the kitchen for just a while longer, preparing the meat, still wondering about old Mister Witter as she suddenly heard a car stopping on the driveway. She wiped her hands dry, wondering if this would be some new guests arriving late, but as she stepped out she smiled broadly at the woman running up the stairs.

'I heard about a barbecue and wondered if you might have a piece of meat for me too?' She beamed and Bessie hugged her tightly. 'Wow Joey. For you there will always be a piece of everything. I missed you around.' She looked at her and Joey smiled back.

'I'm glad to be back. I really am. It feels like finally having a place to come home to. Like a safe haven, you know?'

'Yeah, I guess.' Bessie took her hand and led her inside. 'Hadn't you planned your return for friday?'

'I had actually.' She stated. 'But I called Pacey earlier and he sounded …. well, upset to say the least... And afterwards I couldn't reach him and I am just worried like hell. So I decided to come tonight. I hope I don't disturb anyone.' She spoke while grabbing a piece of garlic bread. 'Wow! This is awesome...' She said and Bessie laughed out loud. 'What is it?' Joey asked irritated.

'No it's just... Pacey said the exact same thing.' Bessie grinned.

'So he's here? I didn't saw his bike and so I assumed...'

'Jack picked him up at the Ice House. It's good you're here. He would have never asked, but he needs you.'

'I know, this is why I am here. He is my first priority and so he didn't have to ask.'

'You're the best!' Bessie said and she meant it from the bottom of her heart. Her sister returned because she just knew he needed her to be close was the one and only proof Bessie needed to know she was right for him. 'So don't let him wait any longer, but let me go out first, Bodie waits for the meat.'

'So, he won't mind, would he?'

Bessie shook her head. 'He won't! I promise.'

And so Joey waited a moment. She stood in the kitchen and wondered what Pacey would say if she suddenly stood in the doorway.

* * *

Pacey was outside kicking a ball around with his son and Amy. He tried to distract himself with the simplicity of this game, as all of a sudden Daniel just let the ball roll off, without even making an attempt to get it. Instead he ran past his father with a beaming smile. Pacey turned to see what had caught his sons attention so completely and what he saw almost took his breath away. His heart skipped a beat and he wasn't sure if he really could believe what he saw.

He smiled hesitantly, as if not dare to believe his very eyes. There she stood, holding his son. Daniel had wrapped his little arms tight around Joey's neck and kissed her on the cheek, while she gently held him close as he rested his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes as if this was where he wanted to be all day long. Pacey just stood there for a long while, drank in the sight of her, still not sure if this was real. She whispered something in the boys ear that made him laugh and the sight of these two people whom he loved more than life itself entangled in such a natural way was just overwhelming.

His brother and friends smiling silently at the scene. They were just so glad, Pacey had finally found someone who loved him regardless and watching him standing there, struggling to believe that she had left all her important things just to be with him, was stunning to say the least.

And than suddenly Joey looked up and straight into Pacey's eyes. It literally made his heart skip a beat and than racing, his breath came quick and a genuine smile spread all over his face as he walked towards her. In this moment he knew for sure that it had been the right decision to put his heart at risk with her.

As he finally reached her she smiled at him and he wrapped his arms around her and his son, breathing her in and he closed his eyes, feeling at peace for the first time in all day. Daniel struggled free and Joey put him down only to return to his warm embrace.

'It's not friday, now is it?' He whispered, unable to get a straight thought.

'But it's friday for us... This is if you want it to be.' She lifted her head smiling and he leaned his forehead on hers. 'Please let it be friday all week long.' He smiled ad she kissed him closemouthed on the lips. 'You get it.' The intense feeling of longing and love that spread through his was almost too much for him. And the reflection of the exact same emotions in her eyes created a warm feeling of contentedness in him.

'God I missed you Jo.' He whispered, while running his thumbs over her cheek, relishing the feel of her warms around his waist, holding him close.

'Not as much as I missed you, Pacey.' Her voice was deep and sensual and it blew his mind, but he chuckled nonetheless.

'Not possible, missy.'

'Say's you' She sighed and closed her eyes for a second.

'So why are you here?' He blinked several times. 'I thought...'

'Well, as I said, I missed you and it's friday per definition.'

'And why are you really here?' He asked quietly.

'Honestly? I worried after I couldn't reach you anymore...And well,' She smiled shyly. '...here I am...'

'And I'm glad you are.' He whispered. 'I love you, Joey.'

'And I love you, handsome. And now you are stuck with me.' Instead of answering her pulled her closer and finally let his lips touch hers and her soft moan made him smile as he muffled it while deepening the kiss. Letting the warm feeling of desire and love spread from where their tongues danced to every bit of his body. This was where he wanted to be.

They sat ridiculously close over the course of the evening. Pacey had drawn her onto his lap at some point and pulled a blanket over her. And there she had remained most of the time, cuddled into his warm embrace. Each of them relishing the closeness and especially Pacey drew security from her nearness. He sat most of the time worth his head on her shoulder and his eyes closed. Sometimes he said something to appear as if he actually was interested in anything that was said, but really? All he wanted to do, was grab that womans hand and his son and be off and on his way home. To lighten a fire in his new chimney and just be alone with her.

As if sensing what he thought she turned her head. 'Wanna go home?'

He nodded exhausted and smiled slightly embarrassed, but he knew she wouldn't mind. 'Yes please.' She kissed his nose-tip and stood, carefully holding his sleeping son in her arms. Daniel must have had climbed on her lap without Pacey even noticing it. He chuckled at this.

'You are indeed his sleeping-pill.'

She shrugged casually. 'Well, maybe. I don't mind.'

She tugged the blanket around the boy and smiled towards the others. 'We're off then. I'm glad to be back here with all of you.'

They smiled back at her.

'Yeah, good night everybody.' Pacey stated and laid his arm around Joey's shoulder as he led her towards the driveway. And he was just so unbelievable glad that she was back.

* * *

As Joey had put Daniel to bed, Pacey had lit the chimney and placed two glasses with sparkling wine onto his couch table. She took a seat beside him and instantly cuddled up against him.

'God, how comes this feels so right?' He asked, while closing his eyes, drawing her nearer still.

'Because it is, Pace.' She said and he placed a kiss into her hair, just knowing she was right.

Joey remained still for a long time, just watching the flames, relishing the nearness of Pacey. She considered asking him about his encounter with his father but than she decided to not ruin the mood. She would have plenty of time to get into it and clearly Pacey needed peace more than closure tonight and so she turned in his arms, and the deep love she found in his eyes just made her want him even more.

'Pacey?' She asked while running her fingertips along his throat. and than carefully flipping open the buttons of his shirt. Loving that his breath came quickly, his heartbeat was as frantic as hers and that she could feel his arousal.

'Yes Jo?' She continued to open the buttons one by one, kissing each bit of skin she exposed along her way, smiling as he moaned her name. 'God Joey, what are you doing to me?'

'Relaxing you a little.' She smiled a sultry smile against the waistband of his shorts, while undoing his belt and tugging it down. 'I hope you don't mind.' She said and he gasped as she took his full length into her mouth 'Fuck Jo!' He swore as he almost instantly came undone.

She licked her lips as she lay back in his arms.

'Better now?'

He smiled back at her and kissed her deeply. 'Yeah.' He smiled. 'And now we'll put out the couch and than you'll get everything you want.'

'Not possible.' She grinned while kissing his nose.

'And whys that?'

'Because I'm with you and this is all I ever wanted.' She stated with a casual shrug and he chuckled at this.

'I love you Jo.'

'Me too, Pace. Me too...'

_Please review_


	21. Chapter 21

**Hi guys,**

**so, I'm finally back. I hope you haven't forgotten about my story, though. Life has been crazy this last weeks and I really hadn't been able to write just *one word* And I'm really, really sorry for the delay! I hope you'll read this and review.**

**We're getting closer to the end and I'm hoping to get at least one, maybe two chapters up this week. My head is bursting with ideas for more storys, but I need your support now more than ever, because this break just messed with my head.**

**This chapter is a little shorter than what you're used to, but I hope you'll enjoy!**

**Yours, Yana**

On different ways

_\- Chapter 21 -_

As Joey opened her eyes Pacey looked down at her with a shy smile on his lips and eyes wide with amazement.

'Good morning gorgeous.' She smiled back and reached one hand up to caress his cheek.

Pacey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and frowned. 'You're still here.' He whispered deeply, with pure disbelieve in his voice and it made her wonder what had happened to this gorgeous man to turn him in such an uncertain person.

'Sure, babe, as I said: You're stuck with me now.' She smiled and it made him shiver deep inside. 'Anyway, where could I probably go?' She shrugged and than smirked. 'But most important, I wanted to be with you, why would I leave?'

She sneaked her hand around his neck and tried to pull him towards her for a long overdone good-morning kiss, but he pulled back and she narrowed her eyes.

'Pace?' She asked frowning and a wave of concern splashed over her head, as her heart began to beat faster. She pulled herself into a sitting position, didn't care that the duvet slid down her body, and looked him straight in the eyes. Stunned to find anxiety and fear in them.

He sucked in the inner of his upper lip and than led out a heavy breath. 'Because I'm not worth the trouble.' He whispered at length, avoiding her gaze. His heart beat fast and he felt all sick. This was the beginning of the end. Why, oh why wasn't he able to hold onto anything he loved? Why did he always seem to destroy anything good? Why the hell was he so fucked up, that he managed to screw this?

She looked at him with pure disbelieve and as he was about to get up she held tight onto his hand.

'What makes you say such things, Pace?' She tried to look into his eyes, but he had turned his face away from her, his fathers words echoing in his ears and he wanted nothing more than just flee. Just be out of here and prepare himself to not find her here in the evening. 'I love you, Pacey. I would have come here in the middle of the night had you asked me too.'

She turned so she could see his eyes, but Pacey looked down on the ground, running his hands through his hair. 'You are worth any trouble, Pace.' Her voice was soft and it seemed to reach out for him and Pacey wondered if he could dare to believe her as he felt her itching closer, running a hand over his back and he wished he could just let himself fall into her the way his heart craves for him to do. But he was suddenly so afraid. Afraid of being left behind once again and he knew, he just _knew_ he wouldn't cope if she'd left him.

'Who had destroyed this in you, Pacey? This knowledge of how utterly wonderful you are? That you are worth everything... You're just about the smartest guy I've ever met...'

Pacey looked up to meet her eyes and what he saw almost blew his mind. She looked at him with such deep love he knew he could drown in it and she would safe him anytime, she would catch him if he fell – in fact she had done so the night before – she would be there regardless, unconditionally.

'I...' He began but in this moment he heard the tipping of his sons bare feet on the floor and smiled a somewhat sad smile at him. 'Hey, good morning little man.' He scooped him up and placed him onto his lap, wrapped his arms tight around his son and Daniel placed a kiss onto his fathers cheek.

'I love you dad.'

'Love you too, Danny.' He tousled his sons hair but to Joey it seemed halfhearted.

'Can I come cuddle under you duvet dad?' Daniel asked quietly and Pacey surprised Joey as shook his head.

'No buddy, I have to get to the Ice House, but I'm sure Joey here would love to cuddle with you a bit longer.'

Joey was about to protest. She loved Daniel, but right now she wanted to be with Pacey. She wanted him to be honest with her. She wanted to drive him to work and have him tell her what was on his mind. But Pacey stood and made his way towards the bathroom and so she lifted her duvet defeated.

'Come 'ere little man.' She smiled warmly at him, because really, the kid had nothing to do with it. 'Let's cuddle a while and than leave for Bessie's.' She said but shot Pacey a look.

The kid yawned and crawled under her covers, she tugged him in and as she laid her head beside the kid, she felt herself drifting to sleep yet again. As though she tried to fight it, she fell asleep.

Pacey came out of the bathroom to find his two most favorite people in the world cuddled together on his couch and his heart ached. He wondered how long he would be able to live this dream of his. How long she would actually stay and in this moment he wished nothing more than that he hadn't given in in his desire and longing after her. He knew it would break is sons heart if she left, not to speak of his own, but it wouldn't be the first time anyone had cracked him. But Joey... Joey got under his skin like no one had before. She was on his mind first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. She touched something deep inside and woke the hope that there was the chance of a better life even for him. He wanted her so much, he was almost sure he would be ready to marry her in a heartbeat just to make sure she wouldn't leave him. He surely was ready to have a family with her and it scared the burning hell out of him. He loved everything about her and he was just so deeply afraid that she would leave and prove his father right once more.

Pacey wanted to kiss her sleeping lips and his sons hair, but instead he just got out of the house and onto his bike.

* * *

Later this morning Joey sat on the outside bench in Bessie's garden and watched the children play, much like she had all those mornings back before she had left for Boston. Her thoughts were with Pacey. She couldn't help but wonder what had been on his mind earlier.

Bessie stood in the garden, chatting with Doug, who brought Amy and as the girl was playing along with Daniel she disappeared into the house.

Doug laid a hand onto Joey's shoulder.

'Everything okay?'

Joey nodded, but continued to stare at the children without seeing them really.

'You know, he has a hard time trusting anyone. Be gentle with him.' He squeezed her shoulder. Joey's head was spinning with so much questions and she wondered if Doug would actually tell her anything if she asked him about their father, but she knew Pacey had to tell her himself. And so she simply nodded, so Doug knew she heard him.

There was a long time of silence and than he patted her shoulder.

'Okay than. I'm out of here. Bye Joey.'

'Bye Doug.' She whispered, almost the first word she'd said the whole morning and than he was gone.

Bessie settled down beside her at length and placed a mocha in front of her, along with a bowl of fruit salad and a glass of orange juice.

'So, spill it now, won't you?' Her sister's voice was soft but it failed to reach her.

Joey shrugged, because what was there to tell anyway? They hadn't had an argument, he had just not been himself this morning, all insecure and so distant the thought alone made her all cold again even now.

'Joey?'

But she shook her head dismissively. ''tis nothing, really.' She continued to stare at the children but suddenly she rose and looked down on Bessie. 'I would like to take a walk if you don't mind.'

'Sure.' Bessie shrugged. 'I'll just pack the twins in their stroller and we're off...'

'No, Bess...' Joey pursed her lips and laid a hand on her sister's. 'I meant alone...'

'Oh... Okay, sure sis. Be safe.'

'Will do.' Joey said and felt her sisters stare on her back as she left.

* * *

As Joey reached the beach she took her shoes off and let the warm sand run through her toes. She took a deep breath and than she began to run. And she ran like she never did before. Her feet trampled the warm sandy ground, splashed creek-water up to her knees, the wind caressed her face, her heart beating like crazy, her breath came erratic. Her loose hair, flattering behind her, sweat ran down her whole body. And she ran as if it was for her life, and the further she ran the faster she seemed to get. It did her good, but she couldn't find the relief she'd sought.

At length she stopped and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Her side ached and breathing seemed to burn in her lungs, her heart beat like it was about to sprung from her chest. And she wiped with the back of her hand over her face to wipe the sweat away.

* * *

'Joey?' She heard a familiar voice and as she looked up she saw Pacey standing on the porch of the Ice House. She almost laughed, because she hadn't planned to come here, but her feet had brought her here nonetheless. Joey let herself slump onto the beach, placing the shoes she held in each hand down beside her, still trying to still her beating heart.

After a short while a shadow fell on her and than she felt him standing beside her, more than actually seeing it.

He laid a hand on her back and offered her a bottle of water, which she gratefully took and than she drank in deep gulps.

'Thanks.' She gave him an uncertain look. 'I'll be better off I guess...' With this she stood but he grabbed her hand and so she turned to look at him. He stood there, with a wide stance, appearing as if nothing could get to him, but his whole expression was one of utter uncertainty. This beautiful eyes of his, silently begging her to stay and she knew she'd lost.

'Please don't, Jo.' He muttered and so she turned and sat down again, because really, her legs were just hurting like hell.

'So...' She said and tried to catch his gaze, but he avoided her eyes. 'Would you please tell me what this morning was about?' Her voice was soft and nonjudgmental, she just asked him and it soothed his soul, that she wasn't about to pick an argument but simply asking him.

'My father, I guess...' He said, surprised himself by saying it as it were an everyday phrase rather than the hardest thing he'd ever said.

'Is this about the conversation you had with him yesterday?' She asked, looking up at him, standing there, hands in his pockets, looking out to the creek. He nodded.

'So tell me..'

But he shook his head. 'I... I'm not sure you really wanna hear it.' He swallowed and his voice was broken. 'I'm not sure I actually _can_ tell you without falling apart.' He whispered. 'Sometimes it simply feels like to much to bear, really.' He continued his stare. 'Like it's crushing me inside all over every time I think about it.'

Her heart broke for him as she looked at him. This strong man and yet he seemed fragile. 'Look at me Pacey.' She begged but he shook his head.

'I can't, Jo.'

'Please.' She begged and as he turned his head, she saw tears glistening in his beautiful blue eyes and it broke her heart. She took his hand and he crouched down beside her. And she looked at him sideway, as if to look into his carefully guarded heart. Joey laid her other hand into his neck and played with his short hair. 'I love you without any conditions, Pace. I love you, because you make me laugh, because you give me a reason to drive down the road in the middle of the night.' She looked deeper into his eyes. 'I love you, because you make me feel loved and wanted and special. I love you for all the little things you do without even noticing it. For allowing me to be part of your life... And more important even, to be a part of you and Daniel, to be a family with the two of you.' She tilted her head and hoped with all her heart, that her words would somehow find their way to his heart and made him realize that she didn't played some cruel game with him, but that she actually wanted to stay. 'I love you, because you let me love you. I love you, because you're you.'

'But I'm not worth any of it, Jo.' He looked away and she felt as if he'd stabbed her. 'I'm a total looser, a screw-up, really. And if you'll just wait long enough, you will see it too.'

She frowned, feeling throughly defeated. 'I don't believe you.' She looked at him expectantly. 'Do you really believe, I came all the way down here for the guy you're talking about? Him I do not know.' She shrugged easily. 'I know the Pacey who raises his son all by his own and he does a really good job with it. The guy I'm talking about, he spent the last years fighting every day to pay his bills and somehow succeeded. He came to Boston, actually, for the girl he fell in love with and made her the happiest woman alive with giving her his heart. Recently he fulfills his life's dream and built a restaurant out of nothing and let me tell you this: It will be a great success too, because he believes in what he does and he is an awesome cook. Awesome guy if you're asking me.' She smiled at him but he avoided her gaze. 'You should meet him sometime.' She tried to lighten the mood but he wagged his head.

Pacey shrugged. 'I'm just so terrified Jo...' And she was surprised to see his eyes filled with tears yet again as he finally looked at her.

'But why are you terrified, Pace?'

He took a shivering breath and she threaded her fingers through his and he smiled a shy smile, while a tear ran over his cheek. She gently wiped it away with her other hand, silently waiting for him to open up to her.

'That you will realize what a big mistake you'd made, letting yourself get involved with somebody like me. That you realize, that I'm going to be the biggest disappointment in your life... That you will just leave me behind, like everybody else did...'

'You're afraid of me leaving you?' She asked, her voice clearly soaked with disbelieve and as he nodded she frowned. 'Pacey, I came here for you, I won't just leave you! In fact I wanted to ask you, if you would like to move in with me, but you've made it very clear this morning, that...'

She couldn't finish her sentence, because his lips crushed down on hers and she moaned into the kiss as he pulled her onto his lap and held her as tight as possible. His warms wrapped around her body.

'I'm... totally... sweat-soaked, Pace...' She muttered into the kiss but he just smiled.

He broke the kiss and rested his head on her shoulder. 'So you won't leave?'

She ran her fingers through his hair and placed a soft kiss into it. 'I have no intention to do so... Unless you behave like this morning, leaving me wonder all day what I did wrong.'

'You did nothing wrong, babe... It's just...' He took a deep breath and she shifted on his lap so she could lift his head to look into his eyes again.

'It's just _what_, Pacey?'

He swallowed hard and blinked several times. 'I've grown up hearing every day what a screw up I was. I flunked out of high school and as I finally managed to get myself an education, I became a father instead.' Pacey took a deep shivering breath and it was obvious how hard it was for him to speak about this. 'My father just said the most terrible things yesterday and well... He basically dumped me.'

'He did what?' Joey's eyes were wide with surprise and she just couldn't believe what he said. How could a father _dump_ his child?

'He said I wasn't his son anymore.' Pacey's voice cracked but he got a defiant look on his face. 'I don't care.'

'Yeah, I see that.' Joey shook her head. And kissed his forehead. 'Just know I won't leave you, if you stay right the guy you are. I love you a whole lot and I've waited so long for you to allow yourself to love me back, I'm not going anywhere despite you wanting me to.'

He held her close. 'Please don't, Joey. Please don't go.'

'I won't, I promise.' She kissed him again and than they sat there for a long time, wrapped in one anthers arms, neither of them wanting to let go just yet.

**Please review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**_So, without further ado - as promised, the next chapter._**

**_Please review_**

**_Yana_**

On different ways

_\- Ch__pter 22 -_

**3**** month later, ****late november**

Joey looked into the mirror and was pleased. She wore a very simple but elegant green dress matched up with a pantyhose of the deepest brown, her hair in an arty bun and just the slightest touch of make up on her face. She smiled while she walked down the stairs.

They finally did it. They moved to her house but kept Pacey's old flat.

They had a huge garden and a dock, even a rowboat Pacey had insisted on and it made Joey smile.

Daniel had his own room of course. But most important Joey and Pacey got a bedroom of their own and it was... Well, it was awesome really, to finally be able to close the door and have an actual bed instead of the couch everyone sat on over the day. They had a little balcony in front of it from which they had a stunning view over the creek.

Below was a huge livingroom and an equally big kitchen and a little guest restroom. They had an spare room for guests. Upstairs were the bedrooms, with two unused ones and a comfortable bathroom. The attic was Joeys home office.

It was perfect. Pacey and Doug had built a fireplace in the garden and two weeks ago they had a party to christen the house, all their friends were there, even Audrey came. Joey loved living here. Although Pacey had just agreed under his own terms, so he made her sign a contract which said, that she was to get fifteen percent of his share from the Ice House's income, so he would be able to pay back some of his debt. She agreed but insisted that it would be on limited term and so they agreed on five years.

She planned to save the money for Daniel. She knew Pacey wanted to have kids of their own at length, but she didn't want for Daniel to feel less important than any other child of theirs, so she thought, if his father felt the need to pay her back, she could as well safe it for him. She has no use for it anyway, but she knew, had she refused to sign, it would have gotten them way back to the time Pacey off league for Joey and she didn't want him to feel that way ever again and so she agreed. So Pacey would finally feel equal in this relationship and this was the most important thing. In fact everything always got back to money. And she hoped that with this contract and the expected success of the Ice House they would finally be at peace at this matter.

As for the children, Joey she wasn't even sure she would stand to be pregnant once more, the mere thought of it made her all angsty and nervous.

But today was not the time to worry over things which would or wouldn't be important in the future. Today was the Ice House's opening and so she took a deep breath, grabbed her handbag, wrapped her long black coat around her body and left the house.

* * *

Joey's eyes shone as she entered the Ice House. It was truly awesome what Pacey and Bodie had made of this place. There were lights all around. Outside the winter had made its approach, it was freezing cold and this morning the first snow had covered the trees and streets like powdered sugar. But inside it was warm and welcoming. There was a chimney actually, with a sofa and two armchairs in front of it, along with an old small wooden table, there were seat-sections with benches and some with chairs only. In a corner was a billiard-table and a dartboard. The porch was lit with colorful lampion's.

'Hey babe.' Pacey hugged her tight, beaming at her and it made her feel like the most beautiful, special woman in the world and so she beamed back. 'Hey gorgeous.'

'You look absolutely stunning.' He kissed her, grinning at her with adoration in his eyes as he kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead against his.

'You look quite delicious yourself.' She winked. And it was true, he looked adorable in his chef clothing stuff, especially the hat was very to the point and she found herself fantasize about him in his kitchen. As if he read her mind his grin became a sultry one instantly as he held her closer and kissed his way down her neck and up to her ear again. 'Not today, missy...' He claimed her mouth and it made her knees go weak. God, she was a total goner for him. 'But maybe occasionally.' His voice was deep and sexy and got under her skin like a warm summers wind. She took a deep breath and Pacey winked at her. She couldn't resist his impish yet most sultry smile and so she kissed him once more and as her lips met his they both got instantly carried away with kissing.

'Uh...uhmmm.' Bodie coughed and Joey laughed.

'Hi Bodie. This place is awesome!' Pacey turned her, so she leaned with her back on his chest, his hands crossed possessively around her waist. She smiled and was just overwhelmed with the feeling of absolute love that spread through her whole body and pure joy over this wonderful man holding her. After their conversation on the beach month ago he grew more and more sure of her and as they moved into the house, he was unrecognizable to the broken man she'd met back than. He was self-confident, light-hearted and altogether happy. And so was she. In fact she felt the happiest she'd ever been. They used to bicker about almost everything. They laughed and loved, discussed and shared comfortable silence. It was perfect and it felt more safe than anything ever had. And Daniel just made it better than perfect. And with the opening today... She was just proud as hell. Pacey had come a long way and the best of it was he allowed her to be part of all of this. Be part of him and she couldn't quite believe it. In this moment she wonderes, if Pacey had the slightest idea of how much this felt like a gift for her. That she felt like the one that got the cherry on the cake and not him.

'Like it?' Pacey asked as if he sensed her wide grin and her sparkling eyes, which he couldn't possibly see, because he stood behind her.

She laughed and turned her head so she could see Pacey's smile. His eyes sparkling with happiness and it just took her breath away. Bur she just tilted her head and pursed her lips.

'Not so much, no...' She stated and his face fell.

'You don't...?'

Joey burst into laughter as she pointed at his nose. 'I _love_ it you doofus. But not so much as I love you.' She made a full turn and cupped his face with both hands. 'You two did an adorable job here.' She kissed him softly 'I guess this will be second home from this day forward.'

'Guess so, missy... Do you mind?' He leaned his forehead against her's and she just loved the look in his eyes when he looked her over like he did in this moment.

'Well, let me think...' She laid a finger on her cheek and pursed her lips, before beaming at him. 'Not if it means I get you in this more often now.' She flipped on his hat and he laughed along with her.

'This stupid hat?'

'Well yeah. It's quite hot, you know?' She licked her lower lip and was thoroughly pleased with the sudden desire that washed across his face only long enough for her to notice.

'Okay...' He pursed his lips too and smiled sultry at her. 'If this is all it takes, I could wear it on regular basis.'

'The hat and nothing else?' She raised a brow at him and he gulped.

'Well... yeah, I guess...' His voice was deep and sensual and she knew she had put an image in his head he wouldn't get rid of the whole night. Joey grinned and kissed him on the tip of his nose.

'Okay so, now this is settled. We need to get the tables done. Joey I thought you might help me with this?' Bessie smiled from behind her husband and Joey nodded.

'I would love to help you, but it seems my man is accrued on me.' She shot Pacey an affectionate smile but he just shrugged casually.

'A woman like you in my arms... Who could possibly blame me?'

'Nobody, actually.' Bodie grinned and it earned him a thwack from his wife. 'It's true, you Potter sisters are hard to resist. But nonetheless - if this evening is to be a success you need to let her go and come with me to the kitchen, chef.'

'Okay, will do. Just... don't go anywhere, promise?' Pacey looked into Joeys eyes and she smiled warmly at him.

'Promise.' She kissed him once more, before Bessie pulled her out of his warm embrace and put napkins in her hands.

'Work to be done, sis!'

'Ay, captain.' Joey saluted with a huge grin and threw Pacey one last kiss before he disappeared behind the kitchen door.

* * *

'It's awesome to see the two of you together, you know? Like this huge bubble of love and understanding and feisty friendship. It's like you made him alive again.' Bessie paused placing the napkins and turned to face her sister. 'Sometimes I look at the two of you and I wonder if Bodie and I were ever so entwined as you two are.'

Joey blushed and smiled.

'Well, it just feels so right, you know? Like finally being at home. Like having this safe place in the world, where you belong. Where nobody will ever let you down. I love him so much, Bessie.'

Bessie just nodded and smiled while lifting a sarcastical brow.  
'No kidding.'

Joey punched her playfully on the shoulder and grinned at her. 'Back to business otherwise we'll never make it before all the people come.'

Joey beamed all night, watching Pacey whirlwind through the kitchen and through the restaurant was the best thing ever. He smiled at her whenever his eyes found hers through the crowded room. Jack was at the entrance, welcoming people and hanging up their coats. Tara was helping with serving along with two new employees. Paceys siblings were here with the exception of Gretchen, who obviously couldn't made it in time.

Joey had invited her parents, who'd come to finally see her in her new home.

'Hey dad.' She kissed him on the cheek and he patted her shoulder.

'Josephine.'

'Come here.' Her mother had opened her arms up to her and held her a while. 'You seem happy, sweetheart.'

'I am Mom. I think I've never been this happy. Like in ever.'

'Yeah, I can see this, Josephine.' Her mothers smile made Joey want to burst with joy. She laughed affectionatly as she felt a pair of arms wrapping around her leg. She bowed and picked Daniel up, who arrived along with Doug and Amy only half an hour earlier.

'Say hello, Danny. This is my mom and this is my dad.' She pointed at her parents. Her mother smiled warmly, almost wholeheartedly, something Joey had not seen in a long time.

'Does this make you my grams?' Daniel asked bluntly and Joey harrumphed slightly embarrassed, but was surprised as her mother just nodded almost naturally, without even missing one beat.

'Yeah, I think so. Look, I got you something.' She held out a nicely wrapped present and the boy beamed at her.

'Yeah, I'd love that. Wanna come play with me? We can unwrap this together if you like?' He asked and held out his hand. Joey put him down and her mother slid her hand into Daniels little one.

'Yes. I would very much love to.' She smiled and waved at Joey, turning her whole attention towards the boy. Joey's jaw dropped as she watched her mother disappear with Daniel into the crowd and than shot her father a surprised look but he just shrugged casually.

'I guess she always wanted to be a grandmother as much as she wanted to be a mother.' He laid his arm around Joey. 'Well, you look good, Josephine.'

'Thanks.' She smiled.

'And now, let's go, find the man of the night.'

'Yeah, sure.' She laughed as her father offered her his arm and she linked her's with his, not entirely sure what happened to her parents, but pleasantly surprised at their open minds and good mood.

'Hey Pace.' Joey leaned across the bar and bit her lower lip smilingly. 'My father wanted to say hello.'

'Well...' Pacey coughed nervously and wiped his already clean hands into his apron, before he came around the bar and took the hand her father was offering him. 'Mister McCarroll, it's a pleasure to have you here.'

'The pleasure is mine, Mister Witter.' He winked at Pacey and Joey almost choked at this. It was just so not like her father. '...but I thuoght we were at first name terms.' Martin smirked as he pulled a totally stunned Pacey into a fatherly embrace. 'Congratulations, Pacey! This is very promising. Nicely done!'

'Well... Thank you Mis... Martin.' Pacey chuckled nervous and blushed a delightful shade of red under her fathers approval. Joey threaded her fingers through his and shot him an affectionate look. 'And it's not me alone that deserves the praises. Bodie had a great deal done here as well. I couldn't have done it without him.' He pointed behind the bar where Bodie nodded at Joey's father who nodded back.

'And I would be doomed without you, Pace-man.' Bodie winked at him and Pacey grinned.

'Well, I guess we make a great team.'

'Fair enuogh.' Martin smiled.

'Wait until you taste his food, Dad. It will just blow your mind!' Pacey smiled and kissed Joeys hair.

'You'll excuse me, please, we were just about to open the buffet.'

'Yeah sure, go ahead.' Joey smiled.

'We'll talk more later.' Her father patted Pacey on the back. 'Great work, Pacey. Really! And I'm not one to offer praise easily.'

Pacey chuckled nervous. 'Well thanks.' Than he Pacey turned towards Bodie.

'It's amazing to watch you with him, Josephine. He really does make you happy!' Joey beamed at her father, because really, what was there to deny?

'Extremely so, Dad. It's like the greatest adventure, like every day something new and total contentment and safety, like a lover and a friend all in one go. It's amazing, really.'

'Good! Very good.' He said and laid his arm around her shoulders as Jack turned the music off so everybody's attention was with Bodie and Pacey who stood seemingly happy but nervous in the middle of the room.

Pacey looked around uncertain until his eyes found hers and he slowly began to speak. 'Dear friends, beloved family. We hereby proudly announce the Ice House open for business!' Cheering and applause raised and both guys blushed an awesome red. 'So, but before you all get to have a glimpse into futures pleasures at the Ice House, we wanted to thank all the people who helped make this a reality. Bessie Potter, who encouraged us into doing this from the beginning and whose tireless motivation and support got us here in the first place. Who took care of my son so I had time to work tandem on this with Bodie. Thanks to lots of towns businesses who'd made refurbishing, renovating and not to forget groceries availability at a very low budget, so we hadn't have to lend more money than we already did. So we are able to offer all of you and all our future guests mostly regional and seasonal food.' He grinned and took a deep breath, clearly not as comfortable with the role of the speaking guy as he wished he could be. 'We wanna thank all of those who believed in us and this dream of ours. Who helped in uncountable means to rebuilt this restaurant that once belonged to the Potter family and now once again does. We can never pay you back, what you invested in us.' His face softens as he looked into Joey's eyes. 'And last but not least I want to thank Joey, whose support made me realized that I was capable of doing this. She supported us financial a great deal but more important really, she believed in us no matter what. She believed in me straight from the start and I'm utterly grateful for this.' He paused and looked at her as she held a hand over her mouth, not ashamed of the tear that slid down her cheek. 'I love you.' He mouthed before he beamed. 'So, let's get to business people. The buffet is all yours.'

Joey watched Pacey and Bodie taking congratulations and hugs and good wished. She was hugely proud and absolutely stunned by all of this. It was just overwhelming, seeing him so very at ease with what he does, he seemed to be more himself than ever. It was like he flourished with every passing second. She saw Daniel drag her mother towards the buffet and it was only moments later that she realized that Amy held her other hand. The three of them made their way towards the buffet and her mother filled the children's plates, before they settled down on a table with Bessie and the twins, where her father sat Rebecca on his knees, making faces to the little one, causing her to squeal in delight.

'I didn't meant to make you cry...' Suddenly Pacey's arms wrapped around her from behind and he rested his chin on her shoulder. His breath on the back of her neck causing a pleasantly shiver down her spine.

'You did though – I don't mind.' She turned her head and kissed him on the mouth causing him to smile. 'I just hope you don't forget me in your success.' She stated playfully but he just held her closer.

'Never, babe. You're on my mind every second of every day.' He smirked. 'And thanks to you I'll will always remember you when I put on this stupid hat.'

'Sorry.' She grinned and she knew her eyes must be sparkeling. 'My parents have adopted your son, you see?' She motioned her head into the direction in whitch her parents sat along with her sister and the kids.

He nodded and kissed up her neck, making her shiver deep inside. 'It's hugely pleasing to...' He suddenly stopped and she felt him literally freeze.

'What's the matter?' She asked, before she turned and followed his gaze. She saw Gretchen entering the restaurant, followed by a man and a woman she hadn't met yet. Her eyes widened at the sudden realization. 'Are this...?'

'...my parents.' He stated and she could feel him tense and so she grabbed his hand.

'So, time to introduce me than.' She looked at him challenging but held his hand somewhat tighter. 'And remember, this is your place, if you want them out of here you only have to say so.'

It seemed to Joey, the noise died away as more and more people got aware of the unexpected guests. Only Rebeccas squeals were audible, before they died away, too.

Pacey flinched. 'I think, I have to go check something in the kitchen.' He whispered with a croaky voice but she shook her head.

'Nope, you have to go through with this. I'm with you.' And than she suddenly smiled as Doug and Jack settled behind Pacey. Doug leaning forward.

'This some kind of cruel joke?' He asked quietly in Pacey's ear. The words had barely left his mouth as Kerry and Anna stepped beside Pacey too, causing him to chuckle nervous, but she felt him relax a little and he took a deep breath. It felt good to know the siblings behind them quite literally. Like a lifesaving-net.

Joey could feel Pacey shaking although he seemed to be all calm and obviously Doug felt it too, because he laid a hand protectively on Pacey's shoulder.

'Hey Pace.' Gretchen cheered as she came to her brother and kissed him on the cheek. 'I brought surprise guests.' She looked over the frozen expression of her brother and her face fell. 'Not the best idea, huh?'

Pacey swallowed. 'No, not exactly. But I'm glad you came.' He gave her a small smile while waiting for his father to come up to him. Meanwhile the noise had died completely and one would be able to hear a needle hit the ground. Bessie stood at the table she recently sat on, an expression of utter horror on her face, she held the formerly crying Eliah and rocked him. Everybody staring at the family-scene. Pacey's breath came fast and he held tight onto Joey's hand.

'Pacey!' His father came up to him and stopped at arms length. 'This place is really impressive.' He nodded and Pacey got a skeptical look in his eyes, like he was expecting some back-stab. Joey felt all sick for him and her eyes flickered from him to his father and backwards to Doug, she was pleading with him but Doug just shook his head barley visible and she knew he wanted his brother and father take this one out on their own and so she nodded and faced John. 'And I assume this lady here had invested hugely in your success, now hadn't she?' He laughed the most unjoyful laugh Joey had ever heard. 'I'm sure you're fucking her quite good in return, isn't this what you do, Pacey...'

Joey heard some people suck in their breathes and she covered her mouth with one hand. Doug grabbed his brothers shoulder but neither of them were fast enough for Pacey's left hand. He punched his father hard in the face well and proper. His face a mask of utter anger and total sadness. He let go of Joey's hand and grabbed his fathers sleeve who wiped at his bleeding nose.

'I insist you leave. Now! Before I forget myself in front of all these people.' His voice dangerously low, shivering from all the anger and frustration that had been held back for far too long. 'You leave now and better don't cross my path in the close future, because I can't promise anything.' Pacey stared into his fathers eyes. 'It's over, Papa. I don't crave any longer for your approval, I don't need your pride. Even though I earned it. I just need you out of my line of sight. And fast.' He let his father go and burst through his siblings to disappear into his kitchen.

Joey was totally frozen, not able to move she stared at the man who was Pacey's father and tried to figure out what has happened between the two of them to acomplish this much of hatred.

'So, Doug, won't you at least gave him a warning? He'd broken my nose!' John looked expectantly at his eldest son but he gave him just a look.

'I can't believe you, dad! Bursting in here, accusing him of scrounging and whoring and now wanting me to give _him_ a warning?' Doug shook his head in pure disbelieve. 'Tell you what, I'll drive the two of you home. Come on, out of here.'

'But my nose..'

'It isn't broken, Mister Witter.' Jack stated with a professional doctor-look. 'Just lay some ice on it, it will be fine by the day after tomorrow.' And with a delay of two heartbeats and a thoughtful smile he added. 'And no alcohol since than, Mister Witter, it would only cause additional bleeding.'

They watched Doug lead his parents outside. His mother hesitated a moment and than, obliviously nervous, stepped up to Joey and took one of her hands into her own shaking ones. 'Tell him I'm proud of him. Of all he has achieved here and not only for finally drawing a line here with his father. Would you do this for me?'

Joey pursed her lips. 'I think it would be better, if he'd hear it from you...'

'Maybe, but I have to follow John...' She looked somewhat fearful towards the door.

'Okay, I'll tell him.' Joey tried a smile. 'I'm Joey by the way.'

'Nice to finally meeting you.'

And with this she was off.

The noise in the room had risen again as Joey turned to get into the kitchen for Pacey as she saw Jack held onto Gretchen's wrist, Kerry and Anna standing around her so she was trapped, a total defeated look on her face.

'What has gotten into you to bring _him_ here _today_? This ruins _everything_, Gretch. _Everything_!'

* * *

Joey burst into the kitchen, expecting everything but now what she saw. Pacey leaned against the counter a pack of ice on his left wrist and a glass champagne in his right one, a small content smile on his lips. Her father was standing opposite of him and they seemed to have quite some important conversation.

'Sorry, I didn't meant to interrupt. I just wanted to check if you're okay Pace.' She shifted from one foot to the other and both men looked at her.

'Come 'ere, Jo. You're never interrupting, really.' He smiled at her, placed the glass on the counter and reached out for her. So she stepped up to him and he wrapped his arms around her so her back rested against his chest.

'You're alright?' She asked quietly.

'No not really, but I'm all better now I've talked to Martin here and you being in my arms just make it better no matter what.'

'So, what were you two talking about?'

'I just gave your man here some fatherly advise and I think it was hugely needed.' He patted Pacey's shoulder. 'You're a good guy, Pacey. No matter what your father would like to make you believe. It needs more than a little financial aid to accomplish what you built here. It needs a network of friends and self-convidence and most of all a dream and someone grown-up enough to dream.' He smiled at Pacey and Pacey smirked somewhat sheepish back, while Joey shot her father the most unbelieving look ever.

'Wow, Dad! I hadn't known you had it in you.' But Martin just winked at her.

'I'm off, checking in with this adorable kid of yours. He's charming my wife, if I'm not careful she might as well lose her heart and I end up getting a divorce myself.' He tsked and Joey grinned.

'Bad enough it happened to one of us.' She smiled and her father shook his head.

'You know what, Joey? This guy holding you right now – it's the best thing that could have happened to you. This is something you would never had with Benj and with not one of those guy of the upper league. This is love at it's purest and I'm glad you've found it.' With this he was off.

'Wow.' Joey breathed as the door closed behind her father. Slowly she turned and looked into Pacey's beautiful eyes.

'Why can't my father see me like your's does?' Pacey asked and Joey wrapped her arms around his neck and wagged her head.

'Because he can't stand that his screwed-up son has grown to be a better man than he could ever hope to be... And my father just never had the desire to prove himself a better man than he is.' She pursed her lips and smiled lop sided. 'And let me tell you a secret: He was not always this great a dad than he is now.'

'God, I love you Jo.' Pacey caressed her cheek and placed the most careful kiss on her lips. And it made her shiver deep down inside, it made her stomach twist and her head spin. It made her feel like the most special thing in the whole wide world.

'Wow!' She whispered as she opened her eyes and looked into his blue depths. 'What was this for?'

'Want to know what your father said just the second before you came in here?' He asked with a deep sensual voice that got under her skin, made her heart beat fast and caused a girlish blush on her cheeks.

'Yes...?'

'He said he would most gratefully grant me your hand.' He said with the slightest bit of insecurity in his voice. She laughed quietly and looked at him with an expression that was a mixture of utter surprise and love and something like precariousness.

'Is this you asking me to become your wife?' She raised a brow at him and he chuckled and she just loved the red strain on his cheeks and the impish glistening of his eyes.

'Actually this was your father offering your hand to me.' He laughed but than his face became all serious and Joey felt like falling deeper in love with him than she already was, the ground seemed to shake and she felt all dizzy. 'But yeah... I think this was me asking you to marry me.' He paused and as she didn't responded imitatively he began to gabble. 'Not now, obviously. I have no ring and I can't offer you anything. I couldn't even afford a marriage right now. I hadn't planned to ask this now. Not so shortly in our relationship really...' He ran a hand through his hair. 'I don't know why I did.'

'Well...' She looked at him, all serious but she was sure he could tell the impish smile in her eyes. 'Considering you haven't a ring...' She crumpled up her forehead. 'And all this other stuff. Well, you know... I'm very patient and right now there are so much other important things to take care of, the Ice House for example, but... ' She considered teasing him but instead she beamed at him. 'Yes, I will marry you, though not today.' She loved watching the emotions washing over his face, as her words finally sank in.

'Did you just say yes?'

'I did.' She beamed and he chuckled.

'Really?... I mean... Really?' As she nodded again he just wrapped her in the tightest embrace ever and kissed her like he'd never kissed her before. He laid all of himself in this kiss, all his affection and love and his will to make her the happiest woman day after day. He just loved her so much and couldn't quite believe his luck. His hands messed with her artfully done hair and he wasn't ashamed of the tear that escaped his eyes.

He kissed her for how long he couldn't tell but he let go of her at his siblings cheer form the kitchen door made him realize they got audience. Gretchen, Kerry, Anna, Doug (who came back just this instant and wondered why Pacey was still in the kitchen) and Jack stood there watching them kiss and Doug raised a brow.

'So, I've expected a lot but not that obvious grope-fest. Joey, you probably would like to smooth your skirt back where it belongs.' Joey laughed and smoothed her skirt back and than ran her hands through her hair to reduce the mess a little.

'Pacey... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...' Gretchen began but Pacey just hugged her tight, surprising not only her but all his siblings.

'Don't you apologize!' He kissed her on the cheek, whirled her around and beamed at her as he placed her gently back down on the ground. 'I just got engaged.'

**Please let me know if you liked it.**


	23. Chapter 23

**So, hey there,**

**This one is a little less happy-go-lucky but I felt it needed to be written. It's more of a bonus chapter, though, for all the great reviews I got and a bit of a made up for your long waiting times. It will be the last for this week and I guess there will be two or three more chapters before this is done.**

**I posted this on the run, so if anything dosen't fit, please feel free to write me a PM.**

**Enjoy, Yana**

**Have a nice weekend!**

On different ways

_\- Chapter 23 -_

The next weeks were filled up with much work in the Ice House. Pacey was very busy, especially as the success came crushing in on them almost instantly after the opening night. They often only saw each other in the mornings and sometimes when Joey and Daniel came over to the restaurant to have lunch or dinner there.

Joey met up with Bessie a lot and spent much time with Tara, Jack and Doug. She helped in the B&amp;B over the Christmas and New Years time a lot, because Bodie was in the Ice House as well and as the sisters teamed up very nicely, Joey kept working in the B&amp;B when needed or looked after the children. She oftentimes arrived at home with a sleeping Daniel, put him in bed and disappeared into the attic and wrote until the late night hours. Most nights until she heard Pacey return, so they could have a short catch up on one another day.

Winter fades away and spring brought tourists and even more work for both the Ice House and the B&amp;B and by the time spring turned into summer, they barely saw each other anymore, despite living in the same house.

* * *

Bessie, Tara and Jack sat on a blanket in Joey's garden under a nice shadowy tree. Daniel and Amy played along under a sprinkler, squealing and laughing. Rebecca and Eliah just tried their first steps. It was really peaceful.

Joey stood in the huge kitchen and prepared some food to eat in the garden, put some fresh mint and ice into a bowl of sparkling water and sighed heavily as she looked at the scene in her garden.

'What's up, Jo?' Doug asked as he opened a ice cold beer and offered it to her. She took it and turned, leaned her back onto the counter and tried a lop sided smile.

'I don't know, Doug, I guess...' She fell silent and drank on her beer. 'I just guess, I miss him. I miss us all being together, you know? I haven't seen him in what feels like days. Every time we accidentally stumble over one another are when either I come and he goes or the other way round. I just miss talking to him, joking with him. Having him here, you know? I just don't get that anymore. It's like one minute he talked about wanting to marry me and the next he is just so engaged with his restaurant he doesn't see me anymore. And Daniel... Well he forgot they wanted to go to the zoo last Sunday and so I went with him. It was nice, really, I love spending time with Danny. I just wished, I...' She laughed at Doug's surprised face. 'Well, really, I should stop gabbling. Really, I'm sorry Doug. I'm just so frustrated you know. I love him but I don't know if he does anymore.' Her voice broke and she was surprised by the tears that suddenly blurred her vision. 'Don't get me wrong here, please. I'm so very proud of him. He has this huge success and a really, really good income. It's amazing seeing him finally all content about himself. It's really great.' She wiped at her tears, feeling stupid and selfish and awful.

'Yeah, I can see that.' He laid his arm around her shoulder and she let her head fall against his shoulder.

* * *

'Hey little brother.' Doug knocked on the wood of the bar, behind which Pacey stood, joking with some woman light-hearted and he immediately understood Joey's point. Pacey was absolutely at home with what he does but it was obviously the only really important thing in his life right now.

'Excuse me.' Pacey winked at the woman and than he came around the bar and hugged his brother. 'Well Doug, good to see you. Man, I haven't spoken to you for...' He thought about it and than chuckled as he realized that he didn't remembered when he last saw him. '...well, quite a while I guess.'

'Yeah, a month actually.' Doug said in a quiet voice.

'Oh, come on, it hadn't been this long now, has it?' Pacey ginned but Doug stayed serious.

'It has.' He locked his eyes with Pacey's. 'I need to talk to you, Pace.'

'Okay... come sit with me.' He offered his brother a table, seemingly nervous at his brother serious voice.

'In private, Pacey.'

Pacey raised a suspicious brow and than nodded. 'Well, sure, lets go to the office than.' He peeked into the kitchen. 'Bodie, I'm in the office with Doug.'

'Sure thing man.' Bodie greeted Doug through the half open door and Doug nodded in return before he followed Pacey into the office.

Pacey sat on a chair and offered Doug the other one but his brother just leaned against his desk. Pacey couldn't deny this whole situation made him uncomfortable and nervous as hell. He could almost sense the tenseness in the air. 'So, shoot Dougy, will ya?'

Doug waited a moment. 'Your girlfriend just kind of fell apart yesterday.' He stated as calmly as he could and Pacey almost instantly felt sick. He knew he'd spent a whole lot more time in the Ice House than he was supposed to. But than again he loved his job and She had encouraged him to follow his dream, had made it true really. And he wanted to repay her so badly. He wanted her to see that he worked hard to be equal, to be worth of her.

'Nothing to say about it?' Doug raised a brow, totally calm and Pacey knew in an instant why Doug was the cop and he was the chef.

'What is there to say, Doug? I own a restaurant, it is a whole lot of work.'

'This is not what I said, Pacey. I said your girlfriend fell apart yesterday.'

He stood and placed his hands on the table, looking at Doug intensively. 'What do you mean fell apart? And she's my fiancé not my girlfriend.'

'Oh, is she now?' Doug raised a brow and felt the anger slowly bubbling over. 'So, you can surely tell me where she was last Sunday?'

'Naturally I can tell you, she was at Bessie's like every Sunday.' Pacey spat out, not sure what his brother wanted from him. 'So would you please get to the point here?'

'She was at the zoo, Pacey. With Daniel.'

'So what? She wasn't as Bessie's she was in the zoo with...' He paused and than realization hit him. 'Oh crap!' He let himself slump on the armchair and ran his hands through his hair.

'Yeah!' Doug nodded and suddenly felt less angry as he watched his brother sit there struggling with what he just realized.

'She had asked me if you still love her and quite honestly I couldn't gave her an answer. And I thought she was a little overreacting in what she said, but seeing you here, I think she might be right, so...' He crouched down beside Pacey and forced him to look into his eyes. 'Tell me, Pacey, honestly: Do you still love her? Because, if you do you have to let her know and quickly.'

'Yeah I love her, Doug. Of course I love her. What's this in the first place? An investigation?'

'No, Pacey. I'm just trying to wake you up.' He sighed. 'Really man, if you're not careful this girl might one day just be gone when you come home.'

Pacey felt as if a pair of cold hands graped his throat and slowly strangled him.

'This isn't funny, Doug. You scare the crap out of me, man.' He felt as if he couldn't breath anymore. This couldn't be happening. It mustn't.

'No, you bet it isn't.'

'I can't lose her, Doug. I just... I really I just can't lose her.' Pacey felt as if someone had just ripped away the ground beneath his feet. 'God Doug, I can't lose her.'

'Than take action, brother. And make it fast.'

He patted his brothers shoulder. 'I wasn't saying she had packed. All I'm saying is, when the person you love bone deep is wondering if you still do... Well, it's time to show her once again.' He gave him an encouraging smile and placed his. 'Let me tell you a secret here, she isn't going anywhere when you give her one good reason she needs to stay.' Doug gave Pacey's shoulder an encouraging squeeze and placed his police hat back on his head. 'I'm, out of here, duty's calling. Just don't screw this, Pacey, you would never forgive yourself.'

* * *

Pacey sat for a long while, staring at the closed door, wondering how he ended up where he did. Than he slowly placed his own hat back on his head and suddenly remembered the opening night, remembered her face and her secret little smile and he felt the yearning for her deep inside.

He put out his mobile.

**Pacey:** Can Daniel stay over tonight?

**Doug:** And I thought you never ask...

Pacey chuckled and took a deep breath.

**Pacey: **Thanks man. I owe you one.

**Doug:** Not mention it again. Just go for it man!

**Pacey: **Will do.

He walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, sipping on his glass of water and staring at nothing.

'Hey man, everything alright?'

Pacey shook his head. 'Actually.. I don't know, really. But I wanted to ask you something. Tow thing actually.'

'Well shoot!' Bodie looked over his shoulder while he stirred in some pot.

'Firstly I need to leave after lunchtime, I'll cover for you another night in return.'

'Well sure thing, Pace. We have such a great team here recently, there is no need for the both of us to be here every day the whole time.'

'Exactly.' Pacey chuckled. 'Which brings me to my next question: What about we're both here on Friday to Sunday and on holidays and split the other day's, so either of us gets time at home.' Pacey watched Bodie who's turned fully so he could face him.

'Yeah, I think this is great. I actually thought about one closed day, maybe Monday? I just really need more time at home and Mondays are hardly our best days.'

Pacey laughed relieved and offered Bodie his hand. 'Deal than. Let's start with the closed Mondays by next week.'

'Great!' Bodie seemed as relieved as he felt and so he grinned at his partner. 'Yeah, great indeed.'

* * *

Pacey got back to work and as lunchtime was over he hung his apron up, placed his hat on his locker and changed into his everyday-clothes.

With a nervous grin he put out his mobile and pushed the quick dial button.

She picked up and the first thing he heard was children's squealing and than there was her voice and it gave him butterflies.

'Pacey? Are you ok?' She sounded tired and exhausted and he felt immediately guilty for not recognizing it earlier. For a moment he wondered why she asked him if he was alright but than realizing he hadn't called her from work for weeks at least. In the beginning he would have called her every chance he got or chat her a quick kiss but hadn't done so for a very long time. So suddenly he realized that Doug had been right. If he wasn't careful she would some day just be gone. 'Pacey?'

'Hey babe.' His voice gave away his nervousness and she heard her taking a shivering breath.

'You need something?' She asked, her voice suddenly distant and he wondered if she had the impression of him using an endearment to get her into doing him some favor.

'No, I just... I wanted to let you know I miss you too.' He said, leaning against the wall opposite of his locker, feeling utterly defeated.

'Oh come on, Pacey. Was Doug at yours? Had he set you up? Because really, you don't have to do this out of pity, okay? I don't need pity, I...'

'Well, firstly I know you don't need pity and secondly, yes Dougy was here, so what?'

'Nothing really, Pace. I wanted to say something more but clearly you have no time to speak, so why did you call in the first place?'

Pacey felt all sick inside, realizing that they ended up in a place he never wanted them to be.

'What was it you wanted to say, Jo? Please tell me...' His voice was soft and he so hoped he would get through to her.

'God Pace...' She took a shivering breath and he wondered if she was crying. 'I was about to say, I need you back, I need to see you and speak to you and just be sure you haven't forgotten about me...'

'How could I forget you, Jo?' He asked and heard her sniff. 'Are you... Joey, are you crying?' There was no answer and so he took a deep breath. 'I have the night off. Daniel can stay at Doug's place and I... Well I was wondering if you would meet me at my old house at seven? Maybe have some pizza?'

'Really?' She sounded so utterly surprised that it almost hurt him to listen to her.

'Well yeah, really.'

'I would love to, Pacey.'

He chuckled relieved. 'Well than, see you at seven.'

'Yeah, see you.' There was a pause. 'And Pacey?'

'Yes?'

'I still love you, you know?'

He smiled and his heart beat a little faster than it used to. 'I love you too, Jo. See you later.'

'See you.'

* * *

She was nervous as hell as she entered the house but the moment she stepped through the door all the memories came crashing back down on her and as she saw him standing outside, watching the creek she knew, why she'd fallen for him in the first place.

He had lit a fire outside and placed torches around the fireplace.

She stepped outside and her heart beat faster as he turned around. Their eyes met and it just took her breath away. She almost burst with butterflies and the desire to just let herself fall into his arms, to kiss him and let him hold her was just so overwhelming that it took all her self control to not give in.

'Hey Pacey.' She said instead and he slowly turned around. She loved the way he looked at her, made her feel loved and wanted and beautiful even if she felt abandoned the moment before.

'You look beautiful, Jo.' She shook her head. 'I don't and you know it. You just wasn't looking that much lately, so you probably forgot how I look when I look beautiful.' She was surprised at the bitterness in her voice. Joey hadn't meant to say those words, but now they had slipped off her tongue and he had to deal with them one way or another.

'Yeah, maybe you're right.' His voice was croaky and he stepped closer, carefully reaching out for her hand and she gave it to him. 'I wasn't very attentive these last moth's and I'm really, truly sorry.'

'Apology accepted.' She smiled and he smiled back.

'Wow that was easier as I expected it to be...' He let out a relieved breath but she just shrugged her shoulders casually.

'I love you Pace. I love that you love what you do, but honestly? I rather have you working at the docks and at home on regular basis than you just disappearing into this beloved restaurant.' He was shocked at the tears that built in her eyes and he furrowed his brows. 'You know, would it be a woman I would maybe stand a chance to fight for you and actually win, but this... I don't know anymore. I just don't have a chance against your dream.'

'Joey... Babe.' He wrapped her into his arms and she clung onto his shirt, apparently never wanting to let him go ever again and it made him smile. 'Look at me, please.'

She lifted her face and he cupped her cheeks with his hands, running his thumps over them to wipe away her tears. 'You are my dream! Without you there wouldn't even be an Ice House and most likely I wouldn't be here either. You saved my life, you made my dream come true, you loved me before I had the guts to love you back, you took me, even after I'd said the cruelest things to you, you moved in with me, you love my son and I... I love you from the bottom of my very soul, Jo. I promise you more time. I promise you, to never let you feel like this again.'

'But...'

'You remember what I said at opening night?' He asked and she nodded, knowing exactly what he referred to.

'Well, if your answer is still the same...' He reached into his pocked and opened the little black box he held in his hand. In it sat a silver ring, a two bands woven into one without any stones, just plain silver.

'You're serious?' She asked cautiously as she almost devotional touched the ring and it made him smile.

'Yeah, Joey. Now more than ever.' He nodded. 'And we could have the marriage next spring and be off sailing a whole month for our honeymoon.'

'I would love to, Pacey.' He beamed at her and as she offered him her left hand he slid the band over her finger and draw her into his arms for a long overdone kiss. And in this moment he knew, he just knew without any question, that he would never let her go ever again. This was his home, his safe place.

**Keep up the reviews and I'll keep on writing**


	24. The End

Hi together,

this is the last chapter and so I want to thank all of you for reviewing so contantly! Eva, for the amazing PM's I get _every_ time! They keep me motivated more than you'll know. Happiness, Anglepete and MsPurchase for reviewing each chapter as well, it's great to know you read and enjoy what I write, and that you guys stick with me even if I make you wait for quite long periods at times. But I really wanted to say thank you to all of you who has reviewed, and every one of you who reads without reviewing.

Last but not least, a thank you to Joey for proofreading every chapter.

Please let me know if you like the ending. It's motivation for more fic's :-)

Yana

*Who hopes for many many reviews*

**On different way**

\- Chapter 24 -

Spring was on it's breaking. The air smelled like flowers and sunshine. Joey and Pacey sat on deck of the boat that was about to be their home for the next weeks. They were all packed and both of them just couldn't wait to finally set sails. To sail towards sunrise and quite literally into a life together.

'Would you like to skip the wedding and just sail with me tonight, Jo?' Pacey asked in the most sensual voice while stroking her arm. She laid in his arms, both of them watching the glistening moonshine that mirrored itself on the nightblack creekwater.

'I would happily set sail anytime, Pace, if that is what you want.' Joey smiled. She knew she would sail the seven seas with him all her life if this was what made him happy. 'I can forgo the wedding and just be happy with you just so. I don't need a ceremony and congratulations and all that comes with it. It's only symbolic, not a guarantee…' She reached a hand up and stroked with her fingertips along his stubbled cheek. 'But I have to say, I would very much like to be Miss Witter. I would love to be part of you not only in my heart but for everyone to see.' And it was true.

'Yeah, I would like that too, Joey. I would like that very, very much.' He looked at her moonlit face and the deep love he felt for her just seemed to increase. 'To make you my wife, to acknowledge my love, my devotion and pledge my loyalty for you in front of everyone.' His voice was hoarse and his eyes shone with deeply felt emotion as he looked into hers. 'Make you my official better half.'

'Let's do it then my love.' She draw him in for a soft, loving kiss and this one gesture blew his mind. She loved him and it felt as if it was the first time he really felt it deep down inside his soul, right to the bottom of his being. She was his. Truly his. 'Let's get married and then be off for the next weeks. Just the three of us.'

'I love you.' Pacey whispered, clearly overwhelmed with everything he felt as his lips met hers again for the most passionate kiss. It grew more and more passionate with every second and they ended up making love under the stars. And as Pacey looked at Joey's satisfied smile as she lay half asleep in his arms afterwards, he still inside her, he knew that he had finally found his haven.

* * *

Joey wore a short white dress, with a wide swingy skirt and a neckholder neckline. It was plain simple, but enwrought with silver threads so it glittered in the sun like thousand stars. She wore a bridal wreath woven with the same flowers her bouquet was of. Pacey wore a traditional black suit matched with a white shirt and a flower.

She beamed at Pacey who was stood beside her. The sun shone warmly upon their faces, as they shook hands and embraced all of their friends that had come to share this special day with them.

They had agreed on a little party instead of the great feast her parents would have liked it to be. Pacey's siblings were here, Bessie, Bodie and Alex of course, Doug, Jack and Amy, Tara, Audrey, Joey's parents and Dawson with his pregnant Andie.

'Congrats, man!' Dawson patted Pacey on the back. 'Who had imagined that you would end up with a woman like that.' Dawson looked at Pacey's bride and his eyes shone with adoration and joy for his long time friend. 'Wow, she looks really awesome!' Pacey chuckled with a wide grin.

'Yeah man, some of us just get lucky.' He shot his wife a look of pure awe and adoration, it made her cheeks burn and filled her with utter happiness.

Andie wrapped her arms around Joey. 'Wow, you look so beautiful, Joey.'

'Right back at you, Andie.' Joey laid a careful hand on Andies stomach. 'Wow, look at you. You're literally beaming with motherhood. It suits you very well.'

Andie blushed and then she wagged her hand. 'But you're the one getting that trip to West Key.' She shot Pacey a little sad look but instantly smiled at Joey again. 'I sincerely hope it will be everything you hope it will be, Joey. I'm more than happy for the two of you.'

But Joey could tell in all the sincerity of Andies happiness for them and despite all the good wishes, there was a hint of jealousy.

'Thanks Andie.' Joey smiled as Pacey hugged Andie shortly. 'We'll sent you a postcard, I promise.' He grinned and Joey laughed, full well knowing that a postcard wouldn't ease Andie's jealousy, but she didn't said anything, because a postcard would be all Andie would get from that promised trip to Key West.

Andie winked at Joey. 'Maybe you'll come back with a special gift for your handsome husband here...' She whispered conspiratorially into Joey's ear, making her shiver at the thought of a pregnancy. Though as much as she wanted to have a child with him, the bare thought of it created a feeling of fear and it made her want to run as far as possible. She smiled at Andie nonetheless. 'Maybe.' She shrugged, grateful as she finally went off with Dawson.

'Hey babe, everything okay?' Pacey turned and Joey took a deep breath, relieved that he sensed her tension and it made her overcome the moment.

'Yeah, everything is just fine.' She looked into his eyes and the warmth and love that shone through them took her breath away. 'Everything is just perfect.' She let him draw her into a warm, soft kiss and her knees went weak under the touch of his lips. 'I love you so, so much Pace.'

'Me too, babe.' He held her close for a moment before someone's cough reminded them of the friends waiting in line to congratulate them and so they turned away from each other reluctantly and continued shaking hands.

They stood for a while after they'd shook the last hand and looked over their friends and family. As Joey felt Pacey's eyes on her and so she looked at him only to find his eyes teared up yet again as he looked her over with such deep adoration it made her blush. 'Are you okay my love?' This time it was her asking and it made him chuckle. Joey threading her fingers through his, thrilled by the feel of the newly added ring on his hand. He was her husband. Oh, but she'd never dreamed of getting married again in this life and she wondered why she had to wait so long to finally find this adorable man. 'Better than okay, darling.' He smiled while a tiny tear rolled down his cheek. 'It's like dreaming with open eyes… It's like everything I ever wanted from life suddenly happening to me and I can't believe it.' He squeezed her hand. 'In fact this is just perfect. You are just perfect. You make me complete. It's like a whole new world with you in it. And god, you look so beautiful, Jo. Did I mention?' His voice was deep and croaky and it made her insides turn somersaults. She couldn't quite believe that she was here either.

She laughed 'Only about a thousand times since I walked down the aisle.'

'And I can't stop saying it. You just blow my mind, Jo. This has to be a dream.'

She shook her head and laid her forehead against his. 'Let me assure you, it is absolutely real. Very, very real!' With this she kissed him, a kiss that grew passionate and longing instantly.

* * *

They had the party at their house, as there weren't this much people and they agreed to have it as small as possible. Joey stood with Bessie and Audrey laughing over some joke. She felt thoroughly happy.

After a while Pacey begged for silence. 'So, before I will finally open up the buffet I wanted to say some things. Not that I am great at speeches but special occasions deserves special words and so… Well I'll try to make it short.' He grinned quite nervous and so JOey stepped beside him. Pacey stood and took a deep breath as he began to speak.

'Dear friends and family.' He chuckled and looked at Joey. 'I just can't believe this is happening.' He continued to look at her, totally stunned and seemingly caught in the moment until she threaded her fingers through his. He cleared his throat. 'Well, what I wanted to say... I'm married.' His whole face lit up as he looked over all the people that had come to celebrate their love with them. 'I wanted to thank all of you who made this possible, Bodie for catering, Bessie, Kerry, Annie and Gretchen for decorating, my parents-in-law for granting me their daughters hand even before I asked for it. And my beautiful bride for having me. For encouraging me to become a better man. For supporting my every step even though it wasn't always easy.' he turned and looked at Joey. 'For loving my son as if he was your own child. For letting me in and allowing me to have the courage to let you in. For giving me the blessing of believe in love again. For never letting me down. For giving me hope as there was none. For sitting with me in my darkest hour, begging me to stay – and I did – for you. And I would do it all over again, because I know, I would end up here with you nonetheless. And it is where I want to be. Always by your side my love.' He smilingly turned to face their guest again. 'So let's raise our glasses in honor of this day, of hope and love and this amazing woman who wears my ring now. And my name. Who stole my heart the moment I laid my eyes on her, even though I was afraid to admit it. And whom I'll take to Key West. With whom I'll sail into sunset and sunrise, through sun and wind and rain, with whom I'm not afraid of storms anymore, because I know there will be a new, even more stunning sunrise in the morning. And honestly, I've waited far too long for this cruise. I love you, Miss Witter.' He draw her in the most breathtaking kiss ever and the crowd cheered. 'I love you too, Mister Witter.' She beamed at him as they finally broke the kiss. This was without question the best moment in all her life.

Later in the afternoon they danced to the soft tunes of the song, Joey's head rested on Pacey's shoulder. They whispered sweet nothings into each others ears for no one else to hear. It was like drifting on the soothing waters of the open sea on a sunny day. All this felt so peaceful and Joey felt as if they were all alone, only herself and Pacey, the whole world seemed locked out, absolutely dispensable. All that counts was herself and the man that held her. As she suddenly felt him freeze and he stopped in his movement for only an instant before he continued dancing.

'What is it, my love?' She looked at him but he just shook his head dismissively. 'It's nothing, really.'

'If you say so.' She shrugged easily and kissed him. They continued dancing for a few more songs and then Pacey kissed her hair.

'I would like to go, whats with you?' He asked and she looked up and beamed at him.

'I waited for you to ask me this since I got dressed this morning.' She kissed him and Pacey chuckled. 'Let's go get Daniel and we're off.'

'Yeah let's.' He smiled as they collected Daniel and bid their families goodbye.

* * *

Joey closed the door behind Daniel and walked around the cab, suddenly she realized that a woman she had never seen before stood opposite to Pacey in the half shadow. He was all tense and so she stepped beside him and threaded her fingers through his and it was only in this moment that he seemed to realize that she was by his side.

'Hello Pacey.' The stranger said in the most stunning voice Joey had ever heard, deep and soft and sensual.

'What are you doing here, Sarah?' Pacey asked. His voice hard and unrecognizable and Joey instantly felt all sick as he spoke her name. 'What do you want?'

The woman stepped out of the shadow and Joey cringed. She was beautiful. Tall and redheaded, with the most stunning green eyes Joey had ever seen. And the sad smile she wore made her look absolutely gorgeous. Joey knew in an instant why Pacey had taken her to bed. 'I think I better get in the car.' Joey whispered, feeling utterly defeated but Pace just let go of her hand and placed his arm possessively around her shoulder. 'You stay right here, babe. It's where you belong.' He said determined but continued his stare at Sarah. 'I'll ask you one last time before I leave with my wife: What are you doing here?'

'I heard you getting married and I...' Sarah's voice became uncertain as she looked at Joey who held her eyes on the ground. She hesitated. 'I wanted you to know, that I think about you almost every day, Pacey. And about our son...'

Joey swallowed and wanted nothing more than to hide somewhere. She felt all tense and sick and dizzy. 'I better be off, Pace. This is between the two of you...' Pacey didn't respond, only tightened his grip and so she stayed.

'It's a little late for you to tell me so, don't you think?' He almost spat into Sarah's face. 'After leaving me with an infant. We've needed you than, Sarah. We needed you badly back then. But now...' He laughed a bitter laugh. 'We don't need you anymore. Not for a long time. Even before Joey came dancing into my life we didn't need you anymore. It's been over for a long long time, Sarah and nothing you could say will change it. And it wouldn't make any difference if I had someone by my side or not.' Joey was surprised by the determination in Pacey's voice but she could hear the bitter pain in it as well. 'I gave up everything for my son and I did it without hesitation. I would do it all over without even missing a beat, because I love him more than my life, Sarah.'

'This isn't over for me, Pacey.' Sarah whispered, pleadingly 'It never was. I want to be part of your life, of the life with our son.' A tear ran down the Sarah's cheek and Joey felt sick to the bone. She felt for that woman, but it was her life now. Her husband. She shivered and Pacey just held her closer as she suddenly felt a little hand in her own and realized that Danny must have gotten out of the car by some point of the conversation. She bend down without even thinking about it and lifted the boy up into her arms. He cuddled his arms around her neck and hid his face on her shoulder. Joey laid a hand protectively on the boy's cheek and whispered soothing words into his ear. 'I just...' Sarah's eyes flickered to the boy and the way Joey held him.

'Who is this woman, mommy?' Joey swallowed and looked at Sarah before she turned her full attention to Daniel, who looked at her with wide, fearful eyes.

'It's your mother, kiddo.' She whispered and a deeply felt pity streamed through her as Pacey laid his arm back around her shoulders.

'But you are.' Daniel said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and really, she had been for the last two and a half years at least.

'Yeah Daniel, she is. She cares for you, she sings you a lullaby, she sits awake on your sickbed. She throws a party for your birthday. She's your mother in every imaginable way.' He held Joey tighter and looked at Sarah who watched them with deep hurt in her eyes. 'Sorry, Sarah. But you've forgone the right to call yourself his mother the day you left him with me and disappeared without so much as a word. We don't need you here and this is nothing to do with my stunning wife here. As I said before, we haven't felt the need for you in a very, very long time. Long before Joey here came and made us a family again. And if you'll excuse us now, we are on our way to our honeymoon.'

'Just, please...' Her voice was shaky. 'I just wanted to wish you all the best. And I wanted to let you know, that I regret leaving you like I did. I was just so terrified. I know I'm uninvited and I know I made mistakes, but please let me do this one thing right and let me wish you all the best, even though it's the hardest thing I've ever done.'

Her eyes begged with Pacey but he just furrowed his brows. 'Goodbye, Sarah.'

'Maybe I could come visit you someday?' She begged and Joey suddenly felt a deep sympathy for her and without even waiting for Pacey to say something she smiled at Sarah. 'We would love to welcome you into our house some day.' Joey's voice was warm but Sarah didn't look at her, her eyes were fixated on Pacey. 'I'm sorry, Pace.'

Pacey looked at her for a long moment, and Joey watched uncounted emotions wash over his face as he responded in a hoarse voice: 'Yeah, me too, Sarah.' He said and then he took Joey's hand. 'Come on, babe. Let's get going. There's a ship waiting for us.' He smiled at her and Joey smiled back, knowing she would never have to share this mans heart. Not ever. And it made her feel even more content.

Sarah watched them disappear into the night in silence and Joey thought that this was maybe the first moment she really realized what she gave up the day she left them alone.

* * *

The two of them had been awake the whole night. Joey had lain Daniel to bed, the boy fast asleep as they arrived at the dock and Pacey had wasted no more time and set the motor going.

As she reappeared on deck she'd watched Pacey set sail and the adoration she felt for him increased with every second they spend on the boat. Surely she had spent many a time on board, even with Benj, but as she watched Pacey it felt as if he was so at home on the sea, that if felt quite strange that he had been on land for so long.

He had get rid of his shirt the moment they had been far enough off shore for them to set sail and had done so, barefooted, in his wedding dresses trousers, bare chest and the play of his muscles had her watching him rather bluntly. He chuckled under her face. 'Never seen a man working, my dear?' She laughed and shook her head. 'Not one as handsome as you are. Really Pacey, you just take my breath away every time I look at you and what you're doing there… God, it is the sexiest I've ever seen.' He had laughed and blushed an awesome red.

'Well missy.' He said, while bringing her into his arms, smiling wildly at her. 'You better get used to it, because you're stuck with me on that boat for quite some time...' He kissed her deep and needy, but oh it made her want him all the more.

'Pacey?'

'Yes my love?' He asked while kissing his way down her neck and wiping the strap down her shoulder.

'Would you mind making love to me out here?'

He gasped and draw her closer and she smiled as she felt his arousal very clearly between her legs. 'I would love to.'

And they did. In the slowest way possible. As if they saw each other for the first time, touching, kissing, smelling. And oh, but it was divine.

And as they sat afterwards, cuddled together under a warm blanket, watching the sun rise Pacey gave a sigh of deep contentment as he pressed a soft kiss into her hair.

'I wish this cruise would last forever. I just want to keep floating with you through the sea. This is the most perfect moment in all my life.'

'Yeah...' She smiled and held his arms a little closer to her body. 'I know what you're saying but it has just begun and I promise you something...'

'I'm all ears.' He looked at her and she laid her forehead against his, their lips only a breath away from each others. 'This is only the first time we'll sail into sunrise together. Because you're stuck with me now, Mister Witter.' She kissed him deeply and both of them knew it was true. This was only just the beginning.

**The End**

_...and now, click the review button, even if this is the first time you do so, and let me know if this suits you. and make this 100 reviews for a DC fanfic and make my day by doing so :-)_

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